What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[LSUmiss]

I didn't suggest that doing it another way meant someone else valued their children or their family time less. I didn't (repeatedly) suggest OP's husband was selfish -- something she has confirmed he is not BTW.

Defensive? Merely see it differently without need to call others values into question.

After OP clarified I didn’t call him selfish. I explained that ppl like some of what has been described in MY experience ARE selfish parents. Stating what I value & do does not automatically call someone else’s values into question. I honestly just don’t care that that much what internet strangers do or believe. I don’t agree with a lot of what had been posted, but that’s my opinion & I’m thankful that in my circle it doesn’t cause conflict.

 

[sam_gordon]

My father did an excellent job of making my sister & I understand that we were the most important thing in the world to him while somehow instilling in us that the outside world did/does not revolves around us. That is the goal I strive to achieve with my own child.

And that's just fine. That doesn't mean it SHOULD be that way.

 

[LSUmiss]

And that's just fine. That doesn't mean it SHOULD be that way.

Just have to agree to disagree. Really too exhausted to go down this rabbit hole in this thread. But I have seen many cases of things not turning out so great when kids know/feel that they’re the not the most important thing to their parents.

 

[Wubar]

Good lord. This is like one of those meetings where people just can't agree to disagree and realize that their opinion is only opinion and not gospel. Talking the loudest (or posting the most) doesn't decide a winner.

OP, I hope you found some information in this thread that was helpful, and that you come to the best decision that works for your family.

 

[morgan98]

My father did an excellent job of making my sister & I understand that we were the most important thing in the world to him while somehow instilling in us that the outside world did/does not revolves around us. That is the goal I strive to achieve with my own child.

I am going to first off say I am not a parent, but I am a child. I have an idea *most* parents (at least good parents) feel that their kids are the most important thing in the world to them. However, I do not think that necessarily means that the parents should have to give in to the demands of the children about where to vacation and I think that children can see that the family can do certain activities without a 100% participation rate. The parents should not have to forgo every comfort and interest they have in order to put the child first in all cases, especially in the case of things that are wants, not needs.

People are saying that if you let a child determine your vacation destinations, that you need to be at 100% of all their events, etc. it is going to be hard for them when people first expect them to compromise.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

It sounds as if you're suggesting that people who don't do things the way you do are somehow doing things wrong, don't love their children as much, don't value family as much. I have to say I do find it odd that a woman of age to be married and raising a child would be so "shocked" that many people do things differently -- let alone leap to the assumption that doing things another way is somehow less than or to be viewed in a negative light.

That was also how I interpreted that poster’s replies.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That was also how I interpreted that poster’s replies.

that is how it read to me as well

 

[Dentam]

I have to wonder though if the posts would be this forgiving if it were mom who didn’t want to go. I feel they wouldn’t be. Like a pp said, as a mom, we often sacrifice & do things we don’t want to do for our kids. To me, it seems like dads get a pass b/c they “don’t like to do these things”. It’s even often the themes in sit-coms & entertainment. I don’t love to do some of that stuff either, but oh well, it’s no longer about me once I have a child. After reading so many posts, I’m definitely extra thankful for my own dad & my DH.

Eh, I feel like this is a stereotype. My parents are the opposite.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My father did an excellent job of making my sister & I understand that we were the most important thing in the world to him while somehow instilling in us that the outside world did/does not revolves around us. That is the goal I strive to achieve with my own child.

My father as well... So much so that at 20 years old he adopted me when he married my biological mother. And kept full custody of me at 24 years old as a single father to a little girl when they divorced. That’s virtually unheard of for a nonbiological parent to get custody of a child over a biological one... And a father at that. Being with me 24/7 for every vacation or every activity that *I* wanted to do isn’t what made me feel like the center of his universe.

He enjoyed his own time as well as time with me. It taught me that self-care(relaxing/kid-free downtime etc...) is a very important part of parenting and I feel like it actually makes me a more relaxed, and patient parent.

I’m not saying you’re wrong in your approach. Do you... But others aren’t wrong or “less than” for how they live their lives either. You haven’t straight out said that, but I, and others here did kind of take your posts to mean that. If you didn’t mean to imply that then I apologize, but that’s how it reads to me.

 

[NotUrsula]

I haven't read all of this exhaustively long thread, but in case no one has suggested it, how about splitting the trip into Disney/Florida? He goes to Florida with you and does his own thing while you visit Disney (there is EXCELLENT hunting in Florida. One of the most popular is tracking wild hog.
They are a nuisance, and thus no special permits are needed. Here is the list of game regs: http://myfwc.com/hunting/by-species/) Then after you and the kids get your Disney fix and he's had his hunting fix, spend some time as a family doing something else, like hanging out together at the beach.

If the kids just want to spend vacation time with their Dad, it shouldn't matter where they do it; just as long as they are together and having fun.

 

[Sanchez]

After OP clarified I didn’t call him selfish. I explained that ppl like some of what has been described in MY experience ARE selfish parents. Stating what I value & do does not automatically call someone else’s values into question. I honestly just don’t care that that much what internet strangers do or believe. I don’t agree with a lot of what had been posted, but that’s my opinion & I’m thankful that in my circle it doesn’t cause conflict.

And in my experience hovering and over-involved parents can be selfish as well. Selfish because their entire self-worth is tied to being needed by children. Selfish because they are willing to risk their child's long-term growth and well being in order to be the focal point and to prove their own worth in their "circle."

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, you have really been through alot and I am sorry for that.
With the added info you have shared I think your dh has really put forth an effort to appease you and the kids love of WDW. I can understand you wanting him with you but I agree with NH, to guilt him into going while knowing he hates it is a little manipulative.
Who knows, maybe a change of scenery would make a difference for you.
If he does decide to go, look into taking an airboat ride. We did that once an it was pretty cool, saw gators up lose and personal.

 

[cabanafrau]

Just have to agree to disagree. Really too exhausted to go down this rabbit hole in this thread. But I have seen many cases of things not turning out so great when kids know/feel that they’re the not the most important thing to their parents.

I'm going to guess that you, me and probably every other parent in this thread would crawl through glass if their child needed them -- and their children know it. It's one thing for kids to know mom and dad are absolutely there for them when the chips are down and mom and dad will do all they can to support their success in life. IMO that doesn't correlate to parents having to attend every child function and making vacation plans solely around kids in order to meet the mark of proper parenting.

What happens to good parents raised in good families who face a dilemma of deciding between grandma and grandpa's 50th wedding anniversary party and Susie or Billy's marching band performing at WDW?

 

[LSUmiss]

My father as well... So much so that at 20 years old he adopted me when he married my biological mother. And kept full custody of me at 24 years old as a single father to a little girl when they divorced. That’s virtually unheard of for a nonbiological parent to get custody of a child over a biological one... And a father at that. Being with me 24/7 for every vacation or every activity that *I* wanted to do isn’t what made me feel like the center of his universe.

He enjoyed his own time as well as time with me. It taught me that self-care(relaxing/kid-free downtime etc...) is a very important part of parenting and I feel like it actually makes me a more relaxed, and patient parent.

I’m not saying you’re wrong in your approach. Do you... But others aren’t wrong or “less than” for how they live their lives either. You haven’t straight out said that, but I, and others here did kind of take your posts to mean that. If you didn’t mean to imply that then I apologize, but that’s how it reads to me.

My recent responses have no longer been related to the original vacation question. I responded to the OP after she clarified. My recent posts are related to the discussion of kids being the most important thing to their parents. I don’t feel like that includes vacation necessarily. I meant in general.

 

[LSUmiss]

I'm going to guess that you, me and probably every other parent in this thread would crawl through glass if their child needed them -- and their children know it. It's one thing for kids to know mom and dad are absolutely there for them when the chips are down and mom and dad will do all they can to support their success in life. IMO that doesn't correlate to parents having to attend every child function and making vacation plans solely around kids in order to meet the mark of proper parenting.

What happens to good parents raised in good families who face a dilemma of deciding between grandma and grandpa's 50th wedding anniversary party and Susie or Billy's marching band performing at WDW?

I agree with this. That’s my recent point. Like I just posted I feel like I’ve moved on from the vacation discussion after Op clarified. My recent posts are related to kids being the most important thing to their parents. I don’t think that necessarily is judged by attending activities or vacation or any one thing. I felt like we have been talking in general more recently. So, in general, imo, children should be the most important things to their parents & for most ppl that is the case. A pp said that he didn’t agree with that. I just can’t understand that. To me, children being the most important thing doesn’t mean catering to them or giving them what they want, but that their welfare is always the most important thing to the parent. What is best for their welfare can be subjective for the parent to decide within reason. But I just can’t understand the concept that there are ppl who are saying that their children aren’t the most important thing in their lives.

 

[sam_gordon]

So, in general, imo, children should be the most important things to their parents & for most ppl that is the case. A pp said that he didn’t agree with that. I just can’t understand that. To me, children being the most important thing doesn’t mean catering to them or giving them what they want, but that their welfare is always the most important thing to the parent.

Except you didn't say that kids should be the most important. You said the adult's lives should REVOLVE around the kids...

But, then, you & others listed all the things you do for your kids so it sounds like most of our lives revolve around our kids as it should be.

To me, that means EVERYTHING gets put aside for kids. "Sorry boss, I can't go to that convention because Billy has a band recital." "Sorry, Bob, I can't go out for drinks because I need to tuck Sally in at night." Don't get me wrong, DW and I try to be at all the kids' events, we do what we can to give them opportunities to succeed or just experience different parts of life. We do sacrifice our "lives" sometimes to accomplish this. I'm not going to fault parents who don't do this though or say they should do so.

DW and the kids (I'd hate to have to pick which is more important) ARE the most important things to me. But I'm still able to do things on my own (at least with enough planning).

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I agree with this. That’s my recent point. Like I just posted I feel like I’ve moved on from the vacation discussion after Op clarified. My recent posts are related to kids being the most important thing to their parents. I don’t think that necessarily is judged by attending activities or vacation or any one thing. I felt like we have been talking in general more recently. So, in general, imo, children should be the most important things to their parents & for most ppl that is the case. A pp said that he didn’t agree with that. I just can’t understand that. To me, children being the most important thing doesn’t mean catering to them or giving them what they want, but that their welfare is always the most important thing to the parent. What is best for their welfare can be subjective for the parent to decide within reason. But I just can’t understand the concept that there are ppl who are saying that their children aren’t the most important thing in their lives.

The most important person to me is my wife. My kids come next. My kids will eventually leave. The person who is still there shouldn’t be 2nd fiddle to anyone.

 

[morgan98]

I agree with this. That’s my recent point. Like I just posted I feel like I’ve moved on from the vacation discussion after Op clarified. My recent posts are related to kids being the most important thing to their parents. I don’t think that necessarily is judged by attending activities or vacation or any one thing. I felt like we have been talking in general more recently. So, in general, imo, children should be the most important things to their parents & for most ppl that is the case. A pp said that he didn’t agree with that. I just can’t understand that. To me, children being the most important thing doesn’t mean catering to them or giving them what they want, but that their welfare is always the most important thing to the parent. What is best for their welfare can be subjective for the parent to decide within reason. But I just can’t understand the concept that there are ppl who are saying that their children aren’t the most important thing in their lives.

Have people directly said that their children are not the most important thing in their lives? People have said that they decide where they are vacationing and the kids may not get much say, or that they go out for date nights without their children, etc. Or that sometimes they drop their kids off at events and do not attend. Or that one parent goes on trips with kids while the other stays home. That does not equal kids not being the most important thing in their lives.

ETA: I see Gumbo's response before mine. I do not see his response being in terms of love necessarily, but rather in terms of expecting the spouses' needs to give way to the needs of the children all the time. I am probably not explaining myself well.

 

[LSUmiss]

Except you didn't say that kids should be the most important. You said the adult's lives should REVOLVE around the kids...

To me, that means EVERYTHING gets put aside for kids. "Sorry boss, I can't go to that convention because Billy has a band recital." "Sorry, Bob, I can't go out for drinks because I need to tuck Sally in at night." Don't get me wrong, DW and I try to be at all the kids' events, we do what we can to give them opportunities to succeed or just experience different parts of life. We do sacrifice our "lives" sometimes to accomplish this. I'm not going to fault parents who don't do this though or say they should do so.

DW and the kids (I'd hate to have to pick which is more important) ARE the most important things to me. But I'm still able to do things on my own (at least with enough planning).

I think it’s just semantics then. I meant revolve around being that everything you do in life when they’re still in your care revolves around providing for their welfare. Waking up earlier to get them ready, feeding them, going to their events, helping with homework, working so you can adequately provide for them, etc.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

The most important person to me is my wife. My kids come next. My kids will eventually leave. The person who is still there shouldn’t be 2nd fiddle to anyone.

Thank you. My husband feels the same way. As do I.

Yes, we take care of our son's needs and most of his wants. But we went on a 9 day Disney trip without our son, for our 25th wedding anniversary.

Our relationship is top priority.