WWYD - Boyfriend's separated wife is being creepy

[NewGoal]

I'm a long time poster but decided to get a new account because my ex knows my identity on here. Although we are on good terms but it's been 4 years since divorce so it's time for me to get a new account.

I have a bit of a dilemma but I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it:

I've been dating a separated guy for 1.5 years. We met 6 months after he moved out of the family home so I don't feel like I broke up his marriage. He has moved out once before but went back because of kids and now kids are adults. They are working on divorce and although she agrees to it, she is very slow with her process. I totally stay out of it but I know that it wears on him so I do wish that it is done and over with for his sake.

So boyfriend told me that his kids told him that their mother hired a private detective and has video of my boyfriend and I answering my door at my home. She showed the video to the kids trying to implicate his infidelity. The kids know their dad and how abusive the marriage was so were not buying the story. I don't get involve with his kids and divorce at all, but the thought of this woman having a video of me totally creeps me out. I'm not worried about what she may find as I have nothing to hide, but the thought of her digging into my privacy is really bothering me. Should I seek legal counsel? go to Police? Do I have any grounds to do anything?

Thanks for any advice.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Private investigators are sort of creepy, but they are not illegal. If the PI was outside your home taking the pictures, I don't think there is anything that can be done.

 

[EMom]

You’re dating a married man. “Separated” is still married. Usually wives aren’t happy about that, so her hiring a PI shouldn’t come as a shock. In your shoes, I’d tell him to come see me after the ink was dry on his divorce papers.

 

[Hikergirl]

She hired someone to follow him 2 years after they separated to prove his infidelity?
Technically they are still married however if he's been out of the home for that long, can she really use that against him?
I'm not sure what she is doing is illegal, but it wouldn't hurt to consult with someone. Check your state harassment laws.
Harassment Law and Legal Definition. Harassment is governed by state laws, which vary by state, but is generally defined as a course of conduct which annoys, threatens, intimidates, alarms, or puts a person in fear of their safety.

 

[Disneylover99]

I'm a long time poster but decided to get a new account because my ex knows my identity on here. Although we are on good terms but it's been 4 years since divorce so it's time for me to get a new account.

I have a bit of a dilemma but I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about it:

I've been dating a separated guy for 1.5 years. We met 6 months after he moved out of the family home so I don't feel like I broke up his marriage. He has moved out once before but went back because of kids and now kids are adults. They are working on divorce and although she agrees to it, she is very slow with her process. I totally stay out of it but I know that it wears on him so I do wish that it is done and over with for his sake.

So boyfriend told me that his kids told him that their mother hired a private detective and has video of my boyfriend and I answering my door at my home. She showed the video to the kids trying to implicate his infidelity. The kids know their dad and how abusive the marriage was so were not buying the story. I don't get involve with his kids and divorce at all, but the thought of this woman having a video of me totally creeps me out. I'm not worried about what she may find as I have nothing to hide, but the thought of her digging into my privacy is really bothering me. Should I seek legal counsel? go to Police? Do I have any grounds to do anything?

Thanks for any advice.

I would try not to worry too much about it at the moment. But if the spying continues or seems to escalate or she approaches you, I would definitely speak to someone regarding your safety and rights.

 

[LSUmiss]

She hired someone to follow him 2 years after they separated to prove his infidelity?
Technically they are still married however if he's been out of the home for that long, can she really use that against him?
I'm not sure what she is doing is illegal, but it wouldn't hurt to consult with someone. Check your state harassment laws.
Harassment Law and Legal Definition. Harassment is governed by state laws, which vary by state, but is generally defined as a course of conduct which annoys, threatens, intimidates, alarms, or puts a person in fear of their safety.

But OP said he has gone back home before in those 2 years. Maybe wife thinks they’re still working on the marriage.

 

[Disneylover99]

But OP said he has gone back home before in those 2 years. Maybe wife thinks they’re still working on the marriage.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I read it as he separated once before prior to the two years they’ve now been apart.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Don’t you think that the recording is more likely to relate to a dispute over financial assets, standard of living etc and to the financial settlement?

 

[Hikergirl]

But OP said he has gone back home before in those 2 years. Maybe wife thinks they’re still working on the marriage.

I don't see where she said that, she said he had moved out once before and went back for the kids, but they are adults now.

 

[smokeyblue]

Do not date married men. I'm not being a prude, I'm just speaking from experience here. I've dated two men who were separated, and they could never truly detach from their marriage. I've learned my lesson.

 

[LSUmiss]

Do not date married men. I'm not being a prude, I'm just speaking from experience here. I've dated two men who were separated, and they could never truly detach from their marriage. I've learned my lesson.

I guess that’s what I meant. I suspect that’s what going on that the husband is playing both sides of it.

 

[sam_gordon]

the thought of her digging into my privacy is really bothering me. Should I seek legal counsel? go to Police? Do I have any grounds to do anything?

Assuming the pictures were taken from public land (street, sidewalk) and wherever you were you wouldn't have a reasonable expectation of privacy (taking a picture of you in your bedroom/bathroom through an open window would be different than a picture taken at your doorway), you don't have grounds to do anything.

 

[NewGoal]

clarifying some points:
I live in an apartment building, so the PI was in a private building. He knocked on my door pretending to be a delivery man and was probably wearing a hidden camera and captured me answering the door with my boyfriend standing behind me.

He moved out once 15 years ago but moved back because of the kids. 2 years ago, after the youngest turned 19 he moved out for good. He's been very transparent with me from the beginning so I totally trust him.

Please don't turn this into "dating a married man" debate.

Thanks

 

[LSUmiss]

clarifying some points:
I live in an apartment building, so the PI was in a private building. He knocked on my door pretending to be a delivery man and was probably wearing a hidden camera and captured me answering the door with my boyfriend standing behind me.

He moved out once 15 years ago but moved back because of the kids. 2 years ago, after the youngest turned 19 he moved out for good. He's been very transparent with me from the beginning so I totally trust him.

Please don't turn this into "dating a married man" debate.

Thanks

Sorry, but I think that’s part of the conversation. He IS married & the wife hired a PI probably to benefit her in some way in the divorce so it comes with the territory imo.

 

[Hikergirl]

Sorry, but I think that’s part of the conversation. He IS married & the wife hired a PI probably to benefit her in some way in the divorce so it comes with the territory imo.

While that may be true, telling the OP not to get involved with married men is pointless. She is involved and doesn't want to debate it.
We also have no idea about the details of the separation, it may be a legal separation and not just him moving out and "being" separated.

 

[Carol_]

I guess that’s what I meant. I suspect that’s what going on that the husband is playing both sides of it.

He is. He tells each woman she’s the only one. Clearly a charming liar. The wife knows this and needs proof for legal reasons... therefore, PI.

You know deep down he’s full of it. Cut him loose, move, and change your number. Find a nice guy who’s less charm and more loyalty.

 

[gwynne]

While that may be true, telling the OP not to get involved with married men is pointless. She is involved and doesn't want to debate it.
We also have no idea about the details of the separation, it may be a legal separation and not just him moving out and "being" separated.

And when her "boyfriend" is divorced, OP certainly has every reason to be upset. Until then, she's just being used by a guy who's married.

 

[Hikergirl]

And when her "boyfriend" is divorced, OP certainly has every reason to be upset. Until then, she's just being used by a guy who's married.

It's clear some of you have your own biases towards "married" men, but not every single person going through a divorce or separation is "using" the person they are in a current relationship.
I can think of a few I personally know that met their current wives during their separation, or before their divorces were finalized. I guess their plan was to use the girlfriends in order to marry them and live happily ever after.
We don't know anything about the OP and her relationship, you can assume things all you want though.

 

[gwynne]

It's clear some of you have your own biases towards "married" men, but not every single person going through a divorce or separation is "using" the person they are in a current relationship.
I can think of a few I personally know that met their current wives during their separation, or before their divorces were finalized. I guess their plan was to use the girlfriends in order to marry them and live happily ever after.
We don't know anything about the OP and her relationship, you can assume things all you want though.

Nope. No "biases". If all goes well, great for the couple. If it doesn't go so well, then everyone knew the risks going in. No real basis to complain.

 

[NewGoal]

So I've been doing some googling about divorces in my state and I think a previous poster is on point that she maybe trying to find financial stuff to show that he is spending money on me with living arrangement or lavish gifts. Because along with the video she also showed the kids HIS credit card statement showing various spending, fortunately what she pointed out were items that kids knew about that were related to them and not me. I have a good job, live in my own place and not looking for any financial support or lavish gifts. So she may've struck a dead end there.