WWYD - Boyfriend's separated wife is being creepy

If she didn't want opinions then she shouldn't have went into detail about what was going on. I feel if you're going to be very open with an issue, then you should be prepared for the responses to that issue.
I think she gave detail of what was important to give an opinion/advice on the situation.

From just the thread title - my initial response was "Don't date a married man." But after reading what was going on my opinion changed to the wife/ex being spiteful and not wanting the husband to move on.
 
That is none of your business. You also have it wrong. There are states that recognize legal separation. Also, if both parties are waiting on divorce for a certain reason, but both agree to see other people, there is nothing wrong with that. I will be getting a divorce in 9 months when our only daughter turns 18. We chose to stay together until she turns 18 for several reasons I don't want to mention here. Getting a divorce is only about the legality of the marriage. Former couples can and do decide to live separate lives without letting a piece of paper come between them.

The original poster made it our business when she posted it. And um by the way states that recognize legal separation still consider you married. It's not the same as being divorced.
 
I agree with all of that, my question is why are people jumping to the conclusion that he spent Thanksgiving with the wife he is separated from. Why isn't the assumption that he spent the day with his kids?

Did the OP say they weren't together? I read through the thread and didn't see that but could have missed it.



And my inquiring mind wants to know why ;)


In response to your Why, I was just being a smarty pants. By the way wasn't the slogan enquiring minds because it was the slogan of the National Enquirerer? I guess if I'm wrong that tells you how much I actually read it.
 
In response to your Why, I was just being a smarty pants. By the way wasn't the slogan enquiring minds because it was the slogan of the National Enquirerer? I guess if I'm wrong that tells you how much I actually read it.

me too :thumbsup2

I think you are right about enquiring minds, I do remember that from long long ago

:laughing:
 


When I was in high school, the calculus teacher and economics teacher were married to each other. The math teacher cheated on his 1st wife with the econ teacher. He left wife #1 and later married the econ teacher. Anyway, they went on to have 2 kids together. Econ teacher was overheard one day crying to the home ec/art/ceramics teacher about the calculus teacher husband had gone and cheated on her with somebody else.

Buyer beware!

Something tells me that this is not the same as the OP's situation, though.
If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.
 
He IS married.
It is what it is. “Fair” is a useless concept here.
If somebody is happy with being with a married man. Hey, live and let live.
I am not going to judge.
But when somebody dates a married man, for an extended time frame, and thinks they can complain about the wife.
This isn’t judging.
This is simply stating the obvious.
And I can think of no helpful or positive advice that can begin to justify the situation.
 
I think she gave detail of what was important to give an opinion/advice on the situation.

From just the thread title - my initial response was "Don't date a married man." But after reading what was going on my opinion changed to the wife/ex being spiteful and not wanting the husband to move on.
That's just one side of the issue.
 


If she didn't want opinions then she shouldn't have went into detail about what was going on. I feel if you're going to be very open with an issue, then you should be prepared for the responses to that issue.
Those details were necessary to explain the situation.
 
The original poster made it our business when she posted it. And um by the way states that recognize legal separation still consider you married. It's not the same as being divorced.
Really, I had no idea:rolleyes1 Your view of marriage is just that-your view. As someone who is separated, I think I understand the issue this woman has. Obviously, you do not.
 
He IS married.
It is what it is. “Fair” is a useless concept here.
If somebody is happy with being with a married man. Hey, live and let live.
I am not going to judge.
But when somebody dates a married man, for an extended time frame, and thinks they can complain about the wife.
This isn’t judging.
This is simply stating the obvious.
And I can think of no helpful or positive advice that can begin to justify the situation.
No, it is not. you have no idea what kind of marriage the two had. Being a wife does not mean that you are entitled to control your husband if the two are separated.
 
Really, I had no idea:rolleyes1 Your view of marriage is just that-your view. As someone who is separated, I think I understand the issue this woman has. Obviously, you do not.
The poster was making reference to legalities. Your viewpoint is about morality. Legally I would bet that most states consider you legally married until the divorce is signed off by the judge and filed. Though I'm not going to go through 50 states to figure out if all of them do.
 
I am really surprised at the number of people who think that when you decide to get a divorce, that it happens immediately. For many reasons, divorce can take a while. If both parties decide to separate, how if that any different than being divorced except for the piece of paper, particularly if the children are grown?
 
I am really surprised at the number of people who think that when you decide to get a divorce, that it happens immediately. For many reasons, divorce can take a while. If both parties decide to separate, how if that any different than being divorced except for the piece of paper, particularly if the children are grown?
BTW, I am in this very situation. My former husband and I are separated. We both feel like we are divorced. We are only waiting for our daughter to turn 18 in 9 months. There are legal reasons for that. I do not consider myself to be married and neither does my daughter's father.
 
My divorce took over 2 years and there wasn't anything to contest. No kids. No house. Just cash in the bank (which we split 50/50) and the "stuff" in our apartment (which I gave entirely to him except for the TV and the bed frame). He literally dragged his feet on signing the paperwork for TWO FREAKING YEARS. Just to be a pill.

Even "simple" divorces are not simple or quick.
 
I think one difference here is that your husband and yourself both feel like you are divorced, and awaiting some legal details. I am not so sure that this is the case for the OP's boyfriend and his wife.
Maybe it is not, but how would that make it ok for the wife to draw out the divorce if he is clearly done with the marriage and has moved on?
 
I am really surprised at the number of people who think that when you decide to get a divorce, that it happens immediately. For many reasons, divorce can take a while. If both parties decide to separate, how if that any different than being divorced except for the piece of paper, particularly if the children are grown?
On basic terms division of assests, things you can and can't do on a variety of things.

Heck even as simple as car insurance. When I used to work for the insurance company we couldn't remove a spouse from a policy unless they were considered legally divorced (separation did not count). For the purposes of auto insurance spouses were considered one and thus covered. Living in separate residences didn't mean that legally the husband couldn't drive the wife's car or the wife couldn't drive the husband's car, at least in respects to the car insurance especially if they were on the title to the vehicle (which is the case no matter the relationship between two people).

Medical insurance is another thing.

Divorce itself can be done quickly depending on the state. The consequences of said divorce often take time depending on the individual couple.

Reconciliation, while it may not be entirely common, is something I think people often thing of when they hear about people getting involved with those still considered married. Agreeing to separate and the actual finalization of a divorce is not the same thing and in the simplist ways it's quite easy to say "let's separate" than it is to agree to go through the entire process of divorce. Even my own parents separated, got back together, did counciling for over a year after having already done conciling prior to the separation and finally said nope and went through the process of divorce.

Don't assume that your situation applies to the majority. It's really not just a piece of paper anymore than marriage is just a piece of paper and continuing to say it's just a piece of paper misses the mark. Even in my state common law marriage, which has no paper attached to it, comes with it's own special issues. If you are in a common law marriage you still go through the same legal divorce process even though a piece of paper wasn't there to begin with to state you are married.
 

GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE

Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.

Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!





Latest posts


Top