I’m a non-American myself but our wedding customs are pretty similar with the exception of “regional” differences, and of course things do change over time. In my day (25 years ago) it was standard to pay for the bridal party’s attire and not to have all kinds of crazy expectations about what they would do for you. You were sharing your day with your dearest people, not recruiting unpaid staff.
Of all the wedding issues we’ve discussed here on the CB the one that perplexed me most is the rehearsal dinner - the party before the party that apparently takes a ton of planning and expense and is a mine-field of potential etiquette faux pas.
Second would be “cover your plate” and third would be people complaining about being invited to weddings they don't want to go to.
The nightmare stories regarding bridal party issues are rampant. I was happy DD kept her party tiny, costs bare minimum and paid for more than most brides do. She didn't want to stress anyone in her party and they got to enjoy the day with no work put on them.
Rehearsal Dinner is one that grates me. It has gotten out of control. It is called rehearsal dinner so if you weren't at the rehearsal you don't go to the dinner. There may be some siblings not actively in rehearsal but do go to dinner. So happy DD's MIL was on same page.
Cover your "plate" ... we didn't expect anyone to cover their plate costs which is actually much more than their plate, it's the bar, it's the venue because you book based on numbers etc. We invited all these people to come celebrate our daughter's wedding. If they gave her a gift that is wonderful and I have no idea what people gave her or what they spent. If I am being invited by someone so that I would cover the cost of the wedding or more .... don't invite me. We attended a nephew's wedding which was out of state ... 5 of us took off work, traveled, paid for hotels, paid for food out, gave what I thought was a generous gift ..... and no thank you note for anything. Maybe we didn't cover our plate
we def did and we spent a good deal of money just to attend on top of it.
Not sure why anyone complains about going to a wedding they don't want to go to .... just RSVP no. It's not hard. Maybe realize you were invited because they felt they had to and would be perfectly happy if you don't come. I don't enjoy weddings for the most part and have had no issues with responding no to some, even relatives. Just like you are not obligated to invite anyone and no one should expect an invite except maybe their own kids ............. you are also not obligated to attend. Pretty simple, nothing to get upset about.
bridal showers. i worked in an office that had a work unit of largely first generation immigrants from cultures where to this day the engagement process entails a bridal dowry being offered up by the bridal candidate's parents to the groom candidate's parents prior to agreeing to the formal engagement. these co-workers were aghast when they first encountered the concept of bridal showers let alone ones being held in a workplace. their mindset was that it was mortifying that any parent would be publicly announcing their personal inability to financially provide for their daughters. they were appalled that there were posters in the break rooms announcing these events. some wondered what was so horrific about a co-worker that shameful public appeals had to be made to garner a large enough dowry to secure an engagement.
Very interesting.
I personally don't believe in bridal showers, didn't have any 40 years ago and only have attended 2. One for my sister (I was Maid of Honor) and one for my daughter (hosted by my sister). The point of showers was to fill your house with all those little items that you don't get as wedding gifts because most went from parent's house to their own. Spatula, Dish Towels, Spices etc. That need no longer exists and now folks expect expensive gifts at showers. I just RSVP no.
Easy. Cover your plate and add $500.
Know the plate cost there, glad we left, but then we would just RSVP no.
