10 year forced to wear thrift stoores clothes as punishment

[Mizzoufan]

I don't think this was the right way to deal with this. The girl should have been taught there is nothing wrong with buying clothes at a thrift store instead of parents backing up her belief that thrift store clothes are horrible

A Utah woman forced her fiance's 10-year-old daughter to wear an unflattering wardrobe to school after a teacher said the girl was bullying another classmate over the way she dresses.

A teacher at the Viewmont Elementary school in Murray last week emailed Mark, the father of Kaylee, and his fianceé Ally, explaining that she was harassing another student for three weeks, Fox13 reports. The last names of the family were not revealed to protect their privacy.

“She would take her out on the playground and call her names, and tell her she was a slob and tell her she dressed like a sleaze,” Allly told the station.

As punishment, Ally went to a local thrift shop and purchased around $50 worth of clothing that she thought her daughter wouldn’t want to wear. Kaylee said she cried when she first saw the clothes, Fox13 reports.

Kaylee added that students talked behind her back about the clothes when she wore them to school last week. Her teacher was notified beforehand and the punishment lasted two days.

“We did it because we wanted our daughter to learn something very valuable that touched home and touched her heart,” Ally said.
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[DisneylandDarling]

Sounds like a spoiled little brat...

If I found out my daughter was ever making another student feel bad because of what they wore, she would be one very unhappy girl. But I agree that the parents should not have reinforced the idea that thrift store clothes are in some way inferior or bad. Heck, I've got a lot of my clothes (decent brands like American Eagle, Buckle, Maurices, Silver jeans, etc) from our local thrift store/resale stores. My thinking is, why buy a $40 shirt when you can get similar plus 10 others for the same price?

There's a few relatives' who have taught their kids that they will only have the greatest and best and latest, which was certainly not how their parents were raised. Ex.) 11 year old with the new Iphone 6+ when it came out, another 10 year old who will only purchase clothes from expensive outlet stores, another who laughs when someone mentions garage sales/thrift stores, etc. Same 11 year old who shops at Sephora for her makeup.... etc. etc. etc. Sad to see kids raised spoiled, because it will only hurt them when they grow up and realize you can't get everything you want all the time. /rant over

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Why did this make the news?

 

[jo-jo]

Well then, I was punished most of my childhood.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I think it was a great way to handle it. I mean, I probably would have confiscated the kids wardrobe and made the kid shop for herself at the thrift store- that would have made a more lasting impression.

But I think a lot of kids really do bully others over stuff that has nothing to do with the kids choices and more to do with the fact the victim's parents can't afford new brand name clothes or the latest hot toys. Some kids really do have a crazy amount of accessories and electronics these days.

 

[wenrob]

Hm. Essentially the stepmother-to-be re enforced the idea that non designer clothes are bad and that bullying works. Now, don't get me wrong I'm pretty old school and tend to be a hard--- when warranted but there was no life lesson here. I can bet this kid learned nothing except humiliation is apparently the right thing to do. After all it's what the adult in her life did. And where did she get the idea you need designer clothes? Honestly not sure what I'd do in this instance because I've raised my kids that they don't need fancy clothes. I'm thinking volunteering at a homeless shelter and/or donating her favorite outfit. Dunno. I'd talk though, lots of talking. Then I'd talk to her some more.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I proudly shop at thrift stores for family..

 

[sam_gordon]

Hm. Essentially the stepmother-to-be re enforced the idea that non designer clothes are bad and that bullying works. Now, don't get me wrong I'm pretty old school and tend to be a hard--- when warranted but there was no life lesson here. I can bet this kid learned nothing except humiliation is apparently the right thing to do. After all it's what the adult in her life did. And where did she get the idea you need designer clothes? Honestly not sure what I'd do in this instance because I've raised my kids that they don't need fancy clothes. I'm thinking volunteering at a homeless shelter and/or donating her favorite outfit. Dunno. I'd talk though, lots of talking. Then I'd talk to her some more.

I think the lesson is "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" or "walk a mile in their shoes". I don't see a problem with the punishment. The step mom to be was trying to be "different" and make a lasting impression. Something tells me this girl won't make fun of how others dress. Isn't that the point? I don't think it matters how much you talk to them, that will go in one ear and out the other.

 

[Klayfish]

Why did this make the news?

Seriously....

 

[wenrob]

I proudly shop at thrift stores for family..

I grew up wearing pretty much rags. Not even second hand stuff. Because of that I'm crazy anal about my kids looking neat and tidy when they walk out the door. I've taught them that looking presentable is what matters not what they're wearing. They've worn hand me downs, second hand and Old Navy is about as fancy as we get around here.

 

[wenrob]

I think the lesson is "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" or "walk a mile in their shoes". I don't see a problem with the punishment. The step mom to be was trying to be "different" and make a lasting impression. Something tells me this girl won't make fun of how others dress. Isn't that the point? I don't think it matters how much you talk to them, that will go in one ear and out the other.

You don't think putting her in thrift store clothes to shame her drives home that thrift store clothes are bad? Not a snarky question just curious. The attitude that people who wear non designer clothes are "less then" had to come from somewhere. My guess is she got that attitude from home. Like I said, not entirely sure exactly what I would do.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Hm. Essentially the stepmother-to-be re enforced the idea that non designer clothes are bad and that bullying works. Now, don't get me wrong I'm pretty old school and tend to be a hard--- when warranted but there was no life lesson here. I can bet this kid learned nothing except humiliation is apparently the right thing to do. After all it's what the adult in her life did. And where did she get the idea you need designer clothes? Honestly not sure what I'd do in this instance because I've raised my kids that they don't need fancy clothes. I'm thinking volunteering at a homeless shelter and/or donating her favorite outfit. Dunno. I'd talk though, lots of talking. Then I'd talk to her some more.

Agree. Humiliating your child is never the answer to a problem. Two wrongs don't make a right and the child has learned that humiliation is actually ok if it's coming from a person in authority. What they haven't learned is compassion and understanding.

 

[sam_gordon]

You don't think putting her in thrift store clothes to shame her drives home that thrift store clothes are bad? Not a snarky question just curious. The attitude that people who wear non designer clothes are "less then" had to come from somewhere. My guess is she got that attitude from home. Like I said, not entirely sure exactly what I would do.

She already HAS that thought. Will telling her "thrift store clothes are fine" change her mind? I'm guessing no. Will saying "don't make fun of people/be a bully" have an impact? Again, guessing that's already been tried. But now she knows what it's like to be humiliated and will hopefully keep that in mind.

I wonder if everyone criticizing the step mom would survive having all of their parenting decisions exposed to the world? I wouldn't. My only question is whether the future step mom talked to the dad before doing this.

 

[wishes-fireworks]

I have to agree that this only makes it seem like thrift store clothes are inherently bad--a ridiculous attitude to have, especially now that people often go to thrift stores simply because they want to, not because they have to
And if they do have to, who cares? No one can look at a piece of clothing and immediately tell it came from a thrift store

 

[sam_gordon]

Agree. Humiliating your child is never the answer to a problem. Two wrongs don't make a right and the child has learned that humiliation is actually ok if it's coming from a person in authority. What they haven't learned is compassion and understanding.

So you feel it's humiliating for a child to wear thrift store clothes? If it is, then you're no worse than the girl. If it isn't, then there's no problem having the girl wear thrift store clothes. You can't have it both ways.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

So you feel it's humiliating for a child to wear thrift store clothes? If it is, then you're no worse than the girl. If it isn't, then there's no problem having the girl wear thrift store clothes. You can't have it both ways.

Oh please.

 

[wenrob]

She already HAS that thought. Will telling her "thrift store clothes are fine" change her mind? I'm guessing no. Will saying "don't make fun of people/be a bully" have an impact? Again, guessing that's already been tried. But now she knows what it's like to be humiliated and will hopefully keep that in mind.

I wonder if everyone criticizing the step mom would survive having all of their parenting decisions exposed to the world? I wouldn't. My only question is whether the future step mom talked to the dad before doing this.

I didn't say I wouldn't punish her I'm just saying doing to her what she did to another kid kind of re enforces the behavior. At least to my way of thinking. Kind of like spanking a child for hitting you.

As to having her parenting decisions exposed to the world. How did this make the news? My money is on future step mom.

I did wonder if dad was informed of this before it happened. My hackles kind of went up reading she's the fiancé and not the step parent yet.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Stupid that it made the news, stupid punishment. First off, the would-be stepmother shouldn't be in charge of disciplining this child, her father should be. Secondly, there's nothing wrong with thrift-store clothing--I have gotten some amazing finds for myself and my children, as recently as last month. My kids think nothing of wearing secondhand clothes, they'd rather get 10 items from the thrift store than 1 from a department store. On one recent trip, I got DD14 a hot pink, leather cross-body bag for $2. Good luck finding anything even close to that at retail!

There is much more going on here that 2 days in thrift store clothing isn't going to fix. And the fact that it made the news is very suspect--who really cares?

 

[Westcoastwild]

You don't think putting her in thrift store clothes to shame her drives home that thrift store clothes are bad? Not a snarky question just curious. The attitude that people who wear non designer clothes are "less then" had to come from somewhere. My guess is she got that attitude from home. Like I said, not entirely sure exactly what I would do.

Believe it or not, kids do attach value assessments to clothing all by themselves. My mother is pretty much the opposite of a clothing snob. My older sister and I grew up with presentable stuff but it was never stylish. Because mom bought practical basics that would last. Then mom worked a lot when my younger siblings were little and let them shop more for themselves as teens. The youngest is this kid. I mean, my sibling is not a bully, she's actually a sweet kid, but she has unintentionally offended peers by assuming they "choose" to dress that way or they "choose" to have an old phone. She just doesn't see clothing as money. Or maybe that's not the way to put that, but she doesn't really see the price tag because she doesn't see shopping money as finite. She sees it as an assumed right.

Sometimes humiliation is a powerful tool. I'm not advocating it's use, but there are some kids who would literally never learn that lesson until they walk a mile in their victims shoes. Basically, this was about a loss of privileges.

It's really kind of weird that the father's fiancée did this though. I feel like that would cause some pretty hard feelings all around.

 

[wishes-fireworks]

So you feel it's humiliating for a child to wear thrift store clothes? If it is, then you're no worse than the girl. If it isn't, then there's no problem having the girl wear thrift store clothes. You can't have it both ways.

No, but the mother went and bought the clothes with the intention of getting things the girl would hate to wear, in other words intentionally humiliating the child. I shop at thrift stores all the time, and I obviously don't think it's humiliating to wear clothes from them. Are there still specific items there that I wouldn't wear/would be humiliated to wear? Of course! If I looked, I could find those items. But I could also find those items at the mall, so. The point is that the clothes which the girl was given to wear were intentionally picked to make her feel bad about what she was wearing. At least, that's the idea I got