Declining a holiday party invite... Do you feel you need to give a reason...

[skittles67]

You do not owe her any more explanation than what has already been said. I think it is very rude of her to ask you what other obligations you have.

 

[Squirlz]

If you do reply simply say "Again, I am sorry but we can not make it".

 

[Klayfish]

Frankly I think you need to bring a doctors' note excusing your absence.

 

[tzolkin]

You have to realize that if you turn down invites eventually you won’t get any.

Sounds like the OP would be very happy to never be invited to their filthy house again

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

So we have been invited to a holiday open house party at some friends house... We declined, I rsvp'ed and just said sorry we can't make it... hope you have a great time... we are just very casual friends with... they are friend of some other friends sorta thing....

I got a text, asking why we weren't coming?

I rsvp'ed and think that should be enough... most people don't even rsvp...

I responded with "we have other obligations, sorry we can't make it and again have a wonderful time"...

She texted back... " What other OBLIGATIONS ???"

Which I did not respond back to...

DH is just tell her, its because her house is filthy and disgusting.... and there is cat hair everywhere, so bad you can't sit down... without getting up and looking like you are part Yeti, and we don't want to hear about her political views that she will be spewing the whole time... and there was some other comments that aren't Disney friendly.... so the truth basically...

We do have another function earlier in the day, so not really a out and out lie... but a stretch... for sure...

So should I once again respond "Sorry we can't make it"... and leave it at that... or just not respond back at all...

How rude of them. You don’t need to account for your movements. A polite RSVP is quite sufficient . Ignore the latest question.

 

[morgan98]

This is one thing that as I have gotten older, I care less and less about. An invitation is just that. If I am available and WANT to go to something, I do. If not, I decline.

I realize that declining may have other ramifications (like not getting invited again, etc.) but honestly I don't need that additional tension in my life. I have very little downtime and I need to be extroverted during the many hours a week I work. Therefore, I only attend things that I really want to attend.

My mother, who is much less assertive than I am, gets herself pressured into doing things all.the.time and then complains to me about how they turn out. I always say to her, "I told you to just say no, or I can't or I am busy." But she will never learn.

OP, just do not respond. Or lie.

 

[RamblingMad]

Sounds like the OP would be very happy to never be invited to their filthy house again

Then why are they even friends? I don’t get it.

 

[morgan98]

Then why are they even friends? I don’t get it.

The OP considered these people "casual friends." I think it is fairly easy to understand. These are probably people that the OP does not consider to be best friends or that they have a very close relationship with.

 

[KMarston]

How rude! The correct response is, we will miss you! I think by not responding she’ll get the message! If in fact she responded like that because no one else is coming, then it’s possible she’ll try and reschedule it! I know people just like her though.

 

[disneychrista]

You have to realize that if you turn down invites eventually you won’t get any.

You say that like it is a bad thing.

 

[TeresaBelle]

I'd respond to the last text with an all caps NUNYA!

 

[blackpearl77]

Personally I would not be rude (even though it may feel good LOL). I would reply with, "it's such a busy time of year and we have another party we already committed to." and leave it at that. If she continues to persist, I would probably ignore it.

THIS!!!

 

[MikeNamez]

You have to realize that if you turn down invites eventually you won’t get any.

Oh man, do I wish.

 

[tzolkin]

Then why are they even friends? I don’t get it.

You can like someone enough to want to spend time with them, but not want to go to their home if it is filthy.

My sister's house is absolutely disgusting. I will go there, but I don't feel comfortable eating and would not want to spend the night. I love my sister and don't want to hurt her feelings so, like for the OP, it would be preferable if she would just stop inviting us rather than me having to make excuses.

 

[CoffeeKitten]

This is one thing that as I have gotten older, I care less and less about. An invitation is just that. If I am available and WANT to go to something, I do. If not, I decline.

I realize that declining may have other ramifications (like not getting invited again, etc.) but honestly I don't need that additional tension in my life. I have very little downtime and I need to be extroverted during the many hours a week I work. Therefore, I only attend things that I really want to attend.

My mother, who is much less assertive than I am, gets herself pressured into doing things all.the.time and then complains to me about how they turn out. I always say to her, "I told you to just say no, or I can't or I am busy." But she will never learn.

OP, just do not respond. Or lie.

I agree completely.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Just text back "Prior engagement" and include an emoticon that fits your relationship. No further reason/explanation needed. And a prior engagement could be at the supermarket shopping, or in front of your couch- you get it but don't need to say.

 

[DisTXMom]

Agree with above. No further response needed. I’d ignore the most recent message.

 

[Lynne M]

Every etiquette column I've read says that it's very rude to push for a reason when someone declines your invitation. All that's required is "sorry, we won't be able to make it." You were kind to reply to the first demand for a reason, I wouldn't respond to the second.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You can like someone enough to want to spend time with them, but not want to go to their home if it is filthy.

My sister's house is absolutely disgusting. I will go there, but I don't feel comfortable eating and would not want to spend the night. I love my sister and don't want to hurt her feelings so, like for the OP, it would be preferable if she would just stop inviting us rather than me having to make excuses.

That was how I felt about my best friend's place before they had their new one made for them. The old place lacked hot water (lukewarm at best), had unfinished bathrooms and floors, the carpets were very gross, etc. How she lived there as long as she did I have no idea lol. My other best friend lived there for a while too and really disliked it (but she needed a place to stay and they didn't charge much rent so she went with it but when she left she was so happy).

Her new place (manufactured home placed right next to the old one) is leagues above the old place. The only issue is they don't really have safe stairs to get up to the front door but as long as you're careful you're fine. The inside however is quite nice.

 

[DisLiss]

I wouldn't keep going back and forth with it. To what end? Even if you had 3 other things available to you at the exact same time, do you really want to put it all out there so that they can come back and try to tell you why their event is the one you should choose to attend? Because it sounds like they are the type of person who would go down that road.

You RSVPed, which these days is something of a miracle, and you were kind in your wording when you did so. You can be done now.