Do you have *that* one relative that gets on your every last nerve? Holiday...

[TipsyTraveler]

Moving the conversation in a different direction, has anyone noticed that the people who are most hardcore about preaching the importance of family are often the ones creating the dysfunction in their families? My dad is like this. It's like they have to create a sense of familial obligation in people, because that's the only reason people would ever choose to be around them.

 

[QueenIsabella]

That's a sad comment about your mum.

I know this is going to sound weird, but here goes: I'm not happy she's dead or anything, but she was bi-polar and unmedicated my entire life. She had 4 psychotic breaks, 5 psych admissions, electro-shock therapy, and eventually died of dementia. I believe in heaven, and I believe she's there--and whole. I have to believe that she's in a place where she can be whole and happy, because she never could be, here on earth. And while logical, adult me can understand that she didn't choose to be the way she was, it's hard to reconcile with (a) the fact that she chose to go off her meds, every single time, and (b) the way she treated us as children. It's an on-going struggle. But on her best day, she wasn't easy to deal with.

 

[wenrob]

Moving the conversation in a different direction, has anyone noticed that the people who are most hardcore about preaching the importance of family are often the ones creating the dysfunction in their families? My dad is like this. It's like they have to create a sense of familial obligation in people, because that's the only reason people would ever choose to be around them.

My youngest brother. Oy, that kid. Always preaching family and then poking the bear every chance he gets.

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

As a survivor of child abuse and as someone who lost a sibling because of child abuse, I am absolutely appalled at some of what I am reading in this thread. Blanket statements about family - blood family - being all that we have left in the end are not at all helpful or compassionate to those who have suffered at the literal hands of family members. If they are all I have left at the end, I pray I decay unfound where I take my last breath. I don't ever again want them anywhere near me, whether I am dead or alive. If that makes me a person worthy of being judged negatively, so be it. My choice in cutting ties with my abusers has allowed me to have a beautiful, peaceful family of my own making.

 

[kimblebee]

Does the dis count as family? If so, I have a new entry.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

As a survivor of child abuse and as someone who lost a sibling because of child abuse, I am absolutely appalled at some of what I am reading in this thread. Blanket statements about family - blood family - being all that we have left in the end are not at all helpful or compassionate to those who have suffered at the literal hands of family members. If they are all I have left at the end, I pray I decay unfound where I take my last breath. I don't ever again want them anywhere near me, whether I am dead or alive. If that makes me a person worthy of being judged negatively, so be it. My choice in cutting ties with my abusers has allowed me to have a beautiful, peaceful family of my own making.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

The closest I can come to having a relative that does this sort of thing is DH's brother and sister in law. They're really nice people...have extremely good jobs, give their time and money to the community, have raised kids anyone could be proud of. The problem? A party in full swing with everyone laughing and having a great time comes to a screeching halt when they enter. They can't stop talking about their religion and people tense up around them. Even Christmas dinner becomes a stiff affair when they're included. JUST NOT FUN!

Eww

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Movingrel the conversation in a different direction, has anyone noticed that the people who are most hardcore about preaching the importance of family are often the ones creating the dysfunction in their families? My dad is like this. It's like they have to create a sense of familial obligation in people, because that's the only reason people would ever choose to be around them.

I think that would be a case by case basis. That's not my experience, but it obviously is yours. When it comes to families in general, there are not absolutes. The only person in my extended family that I would really consider dysfunctional as far as families are concerned (not dysfunctional in life in general) is the only one who never really had much of a family. She'll readily admit that she doesn't understand close families, but she's glad her child now has one.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I know this is going to sound weird, but here goes: I'm not happy she's dead or anything, but she was bi-polar and unmedicated my entire life. She had 4 psychotic breaks, 5 psych admissions, electro-shock therapy, and eventually died of dementia. I believe in heaven, and I believe she's there--and whole. I have to believe that she's in a place where she can be whole and happy, because she never could be, here on earth. And while logical, adult me can understand that she didn't choose to be the way she was, it's hard to reconcile with (a) the fact that she chose to go off her meds, every single time, and (b) the way she treated us as children. It's an on-going struggle. But on her best day, she wasn't easy to deal with.

After adding the additional info, your other post makes perfect sense. It's hard to relay your thoughts with few words, which is the nature of message boards. I'm sorry you had to live in that situation.

 

[luvsJack]

I am fortunate that neither my family nor dh's has any that would truly ruin a gathering.

The closest would be my brother and dh's sister in law.

With my brother, we just avoid the topic of politics and if he starts, we smile, nod and eventually walk away. Somehow even though all of our views are all over the map, he manages to disagree with everyone. Lol

With Dh's sister in law, the family is large enough that she is easily ignored. She is forever mad at the family about some thing or other. Mostly she sits on the porch and pouts.

 

[hereyago]

@QueenIsabella, your post isn't weird at all. I could have written a similar post about my mom who had a personality disorder as well as other issues. Holidays sucked most of the time because of her antics.
The last 2 years of her life (after she was given 6 months to live)/she had vascular dementia, it was a 180 to how she used to be and that came with a price of her hardly knew who I was (24 hour caregiver).

On the subject of family: my only blood relatives that are alive and I have anything to do with is my dd and dgd. Either others have passed on, or distance themselves long ago after my grandfather passed.I disowned 1relative almost 3/years ago and no regrets.

My Family consists of close friends, my exdh, his wife, her adult kids and wife's brother and parents. I am blessed that they have always made my dd and now dgd and myself to feel like we are part of their family even when exdh and wife had issues, that never made the others waiver. I will moving close to them next week.

 

[RedAngie]

One cousin whom I haven't seen in about 25 years. She would often mar family gatherings because someone said the "wrong" thing, either to her or in general. She fake suffered from every trendy disease or ailment du jour. Even her sister pretty much gave up on her. Eventually she stopped attending family get togethers of her own accord, for which everyone else was grateful.
Apparently WE were the toxic people.

 

[Kitty 34]

Let me get thru Halloween and then I'll get back with ya. Just remember most of my family live on my street so we will see how Trick-or-Treating goes!!!

 

[marcyleecorgan]

Can someone please post funny stories about their drunk uncles now?

Here's a Reality Check from my Step-BIL: once he had to call his Dad (my StepFIL) at like 10am on a Sunday morning because he had gone out drinking with friends the night before. And that was all he remembered. But he was stark nekkid in a field, in the middle of nowhere. No wallet, no underwear, no pants, no money... only thing his "friends" had left next to his body was a cell phone... and he had no idea where he was.

I get stony glares everytime I ask anyone to elaborate, ".... but HOW did you find him?!"

What I do know is that SBIL ain't partying at my house!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

I am fortunate that neither my family nor dh's has any that would truly ruin a gathering.

If you are feeling left out, I would be happy to share........just let me know.

 

[hereyago]

Here's a Reality Check from my Step-BIL: once he had to call his Dad (my StepFIL) at like 10am on a Sunday morning because he had gone out drinking with friends the night before. And that was all he remembered. But he was stark nekkid in a field, in the middle of nowhere. No wallet, no underwear, no pants, no money... only thing his "friends" had left next to his body was a cell phone... and he had no idea where he was.

I get stony glares everytime I ask anyone to elaborate, ".... but HOW did you find him?!"

I am feeling extra sassy tonight, but can you ask next time if he could have been abducted by aliens where they did scientific tests on him?

Or you can ask if he ever found his clothes, or have they called off that search, lol.

 

[Mirielle]

Eww

Hey...you're going with me next time! Hehehehehe....

 

[NFLDERS]

THIS! I get so annoyed when my in laws announce they want just " blood relative" pictures. Which leaves out all daughter- in- laws and all son- in- laws but of course, includes our children! The next time this happens, I'm going to ask for a picture of " NON blood relatives" and see how that goes.

I want to point out that without daughter- in- laws, you wouldn't have grandchildren!!!!!

"WE" were "Affectionately" known as outlaws, and actually do have a picture of the six of us together! Yup, one of "THEM" had us stand alone spouseless!!

 

[ronandannette]

Hey...you're going with me next time! Hehehehehe....

Curious as to how oppressive these "nice" people actually are. Do they arrive and immediately disrupt the revelry by insisting that the music, dancing, joking, games or whatever stop so they can preach? Or do they work the room, trying to evangelize all the other guests? Or interject their worldview into every conversation and start arguments? Or answer every question in context of "what God is doing" in their lives and want to say grace before dinner, or what exactly? Or is it just that most of your family members don't agree with their beliefs and although it doesn't really affect you, just knowing what they think makes it uncomfortable?

 

[VandVsmama]

Yep. 1 relative who drunk dials people and screams and shouts obscenities at them through the drunken haze. Another relative who also loves alcoholic beverages and after a few drinks, gets pretty loud and passionate about his views on religion and politics. That never ends well. It usually results in extended family members yelling at each other. I just get up and walk out of the room. I don't engage. As a result, that relative doesn't pick on me any more about religion and politics. It's been pretty nice and we get along a lot better now.

That relative also admitted a couple of times that when he's had a few drinks in the evening, he goes on Facebook rages and posts purposely inflammatory stuff on his FB page and on others' FB pages. He said that even his wife tells him to knock it off. But he blows it off and laughs about it. Quite awhile ago now, I'd gotten tired of the cyberbullying and I unfriended him and blocked both him and his wife on social media. With some people, I just get along with them a lot better when we're not on social media together. It keeps things more simple and then I don't have to see their drunken late night social media rages on a regular basis.