Do you move, or stay?

[samshane]

When Dh and I first married - we were a year out of college. He was an ensign in the Navy, and we moved to CT (we're both New Englanders). Then we went to NY, then FL, and now WA state. In the grand scheme of Navy life, we haven't moved a whole bunch.

But, at this point, we have made the decision for the kids and I to stay here while he finishes out his career. We have been here 4yrs - his first tour was with the sub base, and now he is in Iraq (returning in June after a year), and then he got his #1 choice - the carrier in the area we live in so we still don't have to move. After this - he'll have 3yrs til he hits 20 and this is all over.

I have met a couple other women in the area doing the same thing - staying and not moving with their DH.

So - did you always move with your DH or DW when they were transferred or did you decided to stay where you were?

Personally - I love WA state and my kids do too... so we're staying.

 

[jsmith]

Having done "voluntary" geographical seperation-my husband was activated with his guard unit in Wyoming and i have a very good Contractor job at ft Carson-my advise is think about it real hard-be sure you have a good enough job to handle the expense-because he can not draw BAH and live in barracks you will have to maintain two households-you will not get BAH for where you are but rather for his duty station-and WA is a high cost of living area-if his duty station is somewhere less expensive so will BAH be less adn you will have two households-because he will want cable tv and internet and all that jazz-and you will have two sets of bills too.
That much seperation can put a huge strain on even the healthiest of marriages-if his last duty station is-say hawaii or florida you will do a limited amout of visits-and 3 years is a long time.
No one can see inside a relationship or a situation and know whats going on. I know a ton of girls who have stayed here while hubby went to his "last" duty station-only sometimes it wasnt. In my specific situation-because my husband is a reservist and there was a set time frame on his active duty orders i would still make the same choice-however in other circumstances there is no way i would stay behind-kids are resiliant and surivive changing schools and homes can be rented so you can return to them later- and the goverment will move you back if thats where you choose to go-you cant regain the time you and your spouse-or your children and thier father spent appart.
Just my opinion-like i said-everyone has to do whats best for them-but i know now-after the fact-that its not something i would do except in a case like mine where it was for a known-very short-time.

 

[Longsx3]

We are AF so our situation is not the exact same but in 2008 we chose for DD(now 13) and I to ERd from Okinawa to Tampa, our choice was so we could help his Mom. She had just lost her Husband and her mother, 6 months prior, she was unable to provide her own housing and needed a place to live. There was no way she could have adapted to Okinawa with what she had just been through.

The plan was for us to come home, DH was volunteering for a 365 to Iraq so that we could be stationed at Mac Dill post Deployment. Here it is 2yrs later and Dh has just finished his 365 and will report to Mac Dill next month, he will be assigned to Mac Dill for 4yrs so DD can graduate here. For us it was not too hard because we have family in the area, plus DH was home almost every 3months the first year plus his Mid tour the second year.

However I can honestly say I would never voluntarily be separated from DH again for an extended period of time, anything more than a year is not an option. It is not about me but about DD, the past 2yrs DH missed can never be replaced! DD has changed so much the past 2yrs, daily phone calls, pictures and video chats can not substitute for the missed time together.

 

[Goofyzgurl]

Only you can know what's right for your family. For dh and I, we would never be voluntarily be separated. The past 36 mos he's only been home for 12 mos, he's done 2 365 tours in his career. I wouldn't volunteer being separated. He's getting ready to leave shortly again. It takes a toll on the children and sometimes on a marriage. I love where we are now, great schools, great area, and I have a wonderful job, but if we get orders, I'm out of here. While the girls have friends here, they'll come too. I was an AF brat, we moved lots, and I wouldn't trade the experience of moving and meeting new people and seeing a new area..

 

[Mom2apirate&princess]

My dh is AF and has done 2 one year tours in Korea without us plus time in Iraq. I would never be voluntarily separated from him. We just moved from Italy to Texas and he has just under 5 years left. We turned down our dream assignment in Vegas to come to a tiny little town here because we are hoping he can extend his last ten months and then retire. The Vegas assignment was only 3 years.


I certainly understand the kid thing. My son, who is in 6th grade, is having a rough time adjusting to the move. I hate the thought of having to move him while he is in high school, but I hate the thought of us not all being together more.

 

[tessa67]

Always moved. To me the best thing about the military is looking forward to what is around the next corner.

I have always managed to find something I love about every assignment, whether it be the people, the housing, the restaurants, etc.

And assignments I dreaded have turned out to be blessings. For example, I cried when I found out we were being stationed in Jacksonville, Fl (Mayport NS) after we left Sicily. However, Jacksonville has an incredible infertility clinic and we had a wonderful doctor. And now there is DD!

 

[Duckyiam71]

We are dealing with this right now. He is deployed for about 10 more months after that he is going to school for 9 months at another post. Do we move with him for the 9 months to a post that we will most likey NOT be staying at after school or do we stay put for another 9 months then move to a permanent duty station? It is hard to think about not moving right now as we are already separated but it makes no sense to move for only 9 months. And it would be Ft Sill OK. who knows? lots of prayer is being done!

 

[jsmith]

I would not want to move to Ft Sill for 9 months-and those schools are kind of a different case-its a set amount of time-and they get quarters and meals so your not out for maintaining two households-the only school i know of in the army that is a PCS is Resident Sergeant Majors Academy-and in that case i might go-even tho im not overly fond of El Paso-my husband did SMA non resident so i didnt have to decide. The OP is talking about staying at the current duty station til hubby is ready to retire-three or more years-and unlike schools you have to keep up two house holds because if they are getting BAH and BAS there are only limited circumstances where they can also live in barracks.

 

[nfowife]

Generally we always try to stay together as a family. It is so hard for DH to be apart from the kids and I for too long. That said, you gotta do what's best for your family. For example we are overseas right now and DH can't leave until early September. But school starts in August at our next duty station and I want DD to be there for the first day of kindergarten so the kids and I are heading back early (about a month ahead of DH). Since we already have a house and know where we are going it won't be too hard, and I have family to help me with the move and getting settled there. In your case, however, if he could get a 3 year assignment that could take him to retirement I would without a doubt go. Much less stress for the family to stay together.

 

[rparmfamily]

We always go together, he's gone enough as it is.

Tessa--we've done Sicily and NAS jax too!

 

[MPwifey]

The Army chooses to take away my husband, we chose this life. But, we would never voluntarily be seperated for anything longer than a month or so if we had any power in the situation at all. Our shortest duty station was 12 months and 2 weeks, or longest was 25 months. Our average is 16-18 months. There are many military families that do not move as often as us, and there are some that only get 1 duty station their whole term. I loved living in Florida near relatives while he was reserves, I hated Fort Irwin in the beginning, I loved Fort Riley, I loved Fort Irwin ( the second time), and I am not too keen on Fort Bragg so far, but it could also be because I live no where near base and DH is gone. Every move we make interrupts our lives for about 4/5 months at a time. Especially if we have been given short notice, which has happened for 4 out of 5 moves. At this point though, we have 1 child who is almost 3, she loves being able to see different places and if we did not move as often she would nto be able to see all the country. Every family is different, and I think ours is so used to moving that when I hear someone talk about being frustrated at moving every 5 years I just laugh and give them the best advice I know about moving.

I also think that even with technology today kids change so much over the course of a month, a year, that is time you cannot get back. DH has been gone for about 2 months and he has already seen a change in our daughter.