Do you send sympathy cards? Texts? Emails? Calls?

[Grumpy's Gal]

just curious what other people do.
Do you send sympathy cards?
Or do you text or email condolences? Make a phone call? Deliver food? Flowers?

Do you have any guidelines you follow as to what you do for friends vs family?

And if you send condolences, when is appropriate?

And if you lost someone, what was your preference on how you received condolences?

 

[kimblebee]

I’d prefer a personal reach out..phone call. Even though I’m not a phone person I’d prefer that to a card.

 

[dotfurio]

Probably a card. I think in the grand scheme of things a phone call would be nicer but personally I just wouldn't know what to say. If I were the recipient I think I'd prefer cards as well.

 

[Disney Doll]

I’ve done all of the above based on the relationship with the person/family. Or sometimes just based on how the spirit moves me.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I deliver food & send flowers to the funeral home. I prefer talking to someone in person, if possible.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I send prayer cards if I know that's something they'd appreciate, otherwise a sympathy card. I don't call unless it's someone I'm very close to, figuring they don't want to keep talking on the phone at that time to people more than they have to.

 

[Aliceacc]

I'm Catholic. We bring a mass card to the wake.

 

[jerseygal]

Depending upon the relationship, phone calls, cards, no emails, no texts, sending plants, mass cards, bringing food to family.

 

[BadPinkTink]

I'm Catholic. We bring a mass card to the wake.

same. Here in Ireland Mass Cards are the normal thing for anyone who goes to the viewing and or burial Mass.

When my dad died, it was great in the days and weeks afterwards to go through the cards and condolence book and read all the messages and see who came. On the viewing day and burial day, I was so spaced out, I helped my mom host so there were lots of jobs and things to be done , as well as being in shock from losing my dad. Being able to read the cards and condolence book in my own time I could see how much my dad meant to other people which helped with the grief process. We also saw that there were people who came to viewing and burial from so many different parts of my dads life. Some people who turned up we had not seen for 20 years or more, from clubs and associations my dad had been part of when he was younger.

In Ireland, we give Memorial Cards of the deceased person to close family and friends. When we were making the list for the printers a few weeks after the burial, it was really handy to go through the Mass Cards and condolence book and make sure we didnt miss anyone. At times like that your brain does not function properly and having the cards meant we just didnt have to rely on memory for who was there and who we should give a Memorial card to.

 

[Disneylover99]

As others have said, it depends on the relationship. I don’t have set rules between family and friends.

I have no preference on how somebody contacts me to express their condolences, but I’m probably only going to pick up the phone to talk to a select few.

 

[Meriweather]

Always a card.
If it is someone we know well or family, call and/or text also

 

[dish rag]

The usual way is to send a card.

 

[antmaril]

It depends on my relationship with the bereaved. However, I would never send an email or a text. Ever. I have called, sent a card, sent flowers, attended a wake and/or funeral, etc. It just depends.

 

[Poohforyou]

just curious what other people do.
Do you send sympathy cards?
Or do you text or email condolences? Make a phone call? Deliver food? Flowers?

Do you have any guidelines you follow as to what you do for friends vs family?

And if you send condolences, when is appropriate?

And if you lost someone, what was your preference on how you received condolences?

I don't have a set policy. It really depends on who died and my relationship with the family. I try to think about what the family would like. I think a card, text or email is best initially as they're the least intrusive.

If I feel like a call or visit would be helpful I text or email to see and take my cue from the family.

Personally, I don't want visitors at my house or phone calls from anyone except very close family or friends.

 

[gotomu212]

I have done each of the four (card, call, text, and email) in the past 2 months for 4 different deaths. Each depended on my relationship with the person and their age.

Everyone is different and I think age of receipt has some to do with it but when my dad died I felt like
-cards were wonderful but they were more “long term” or formal and were kind words but not immediate. Good for ANY level of acquaintances

-calls I did not want to talk to anyone except immediate family. When I got caught on the phone by a good friend I spent more time trying to hold it together than anything and I was in no mood to discuss how I was doing. A call a few weeks after the fact to check in can be nice.

-text I know I know it seems so tacky BUT texts were the perfect way for close friends and clos acquaintances to say “so sorry we just heard, please let us know if we can do anything/can we drop off dinner/Pick up kids/etc) and those were the easiest for me to respond to when we generally did need help (can you come babysit while we run to the funeral planning, would you mind handling carpool for kids sports tonight, we could use some snacks for all the people dropping in, etc). Those texters also followed up with cards or came to the funeral too so it wasn’t the only communication just the most immediate and most helpful. I think this CAN be a god option for closer people and people that already text back and forth

-email was just as good as cards for those that didn’t have my address (work colleagues mainly)

Visitors and deliveries were a hard no unless we had texted about dropping something (or a kid) off. The house was borderline chaos, we were in and out all day and night, and sometimes when we were in we were curled up on a couch crying together.

 

[mumto3girls]

Depends on the relationship. For a co-worker who wasn’t a friend I would probably just send a card. For friends/neighbors/non-immediate Family who live in the area I would generally take food and attend the viewing. If no viewing I would do the food and then a card. Farther away Family at least a card, maybe go to the viewing depending on how far away and how close the relationship. On my dad’s side he will often arrange for flowers to be sent from him and my mom and my sisters and I and our families. I rarely do flowers on my own unless very close family.

I do text, but never just a text. Texting might be the initial contact, but is just a way to communicate info. Lots of our friends and neighbors have lost parents in the last few years. We almost always find out about the death, arrangements etc via text. I would never tell people close to the deceased of a death via text.

 

[lilia78]

My mom just paased away June 1st and I received a combination of text, cards and Facebook messages. I didn’t care how I received the sympathies just that people cared enough to reach out.

I’ve personally only sent cards.

 

[Kitty 34]

My mom just paased away June 1st and I received a combination of text, cards and Facebook messages. I didn’t care how I received the sympathies just that people cared enough to reach out.

I’ve personally only sent cards.

Sorry for your loss.

I have sent different sympathies (cards, phone calls or writing on the online funeral home "obit" page) depending on my relationship to the family that has experienced a loss.

 

[verleniahall]

It’s proper to send a card and also to make a visit to the family, and u never make a visit empty-handed

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

My dad died two weeks ago. I’ve only ever sent cards and delivered food. I was surprised at how many texts I received that said “sorry to hear about your loss. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” And have not heard from them again.

Maybe it’s because this is so recent and it’s the first major loss in my immediate family but this experience is really making me think I will never say “ let me know if there’s anything I can do” again. It’s not a question “ is there something I can do to help you?” I’m not sure if it’s something people just say or if you are really suppose to respond.

One of my friends texted “ oh I am so so sorry! Do you need me to come water your flowers while you’re gone?” There! That is a specific offer I so appreciated. I have tons of flowers and it’s a hot summer. I wouldn’t have thought of it with all that was going on.

I did appreciate all acts of condolences. I loved receiving cards because I can re read them. I loved when people shared their favorite memory.