I feel like a fraud using accomodations

[SonyaX]

I'm headed to Universal next week. I'm quite nervous about how I will be received.

I have an arthritic ankle that sometimes just gives out on me. I also have trouble getting up and down from chairs or sitting positions, even when my ankle is totally functional. On some days I use a cane. This means on days when I look like a completely able-bodied person with no cane, I still need to use the handicapped restroom. Sometimes I get glares when I come out of them. If I have my cane with me, oddly enough, I don't have to use the handicapped restroom (because the cane is my support for getting up and down), but nobody ever glares at me for using a regular restroom with a cane.

I have never needed a wheelchair for everyday stuff. I know there's a lot of walking involved at theme parks. So I tried to get ready for the parks and start a walking regimen a few months ago. I pushed myself hard and my asthma worsened and I got pneumonia, which I am still recovering from. The exercise seems to have also made my ankle worse not better.

In panic mode, I bought a nice (but previously used) wheelchair for $50 locally. I am now concerned about how people are going to treat me. Who tend to be the gatekeepers of disabilities? My plan is to walk as much as I can and only use the wheelchair as needed. I'm full of excuses and explanations and feel like a fraud. I am not doing this because I'm lazy (does anyone think that?), I'm doing this because I want to be able to enjoy the parks with my kids and simply can't do as much walking as would be needed. I am obese. Not morbidly obese, but just under 200 lbs on a 5'4" frame.

Are other people with disabilities judging me and thinking "She doesn't need that! Get up and walk you lazy woman!"? Should I just avoid theme parks if I can't walk that much? Is it OK if I use a wheelchair even though I'm not doctor-certified disabled? Am I a self-hating ableist or a an attention-seeking melodramatic loser? Are people with real and serious disabilities going to be angry with me?

 

[musicmom3331]

I have rheumatoid arthritis with good and bad days. I use the handicap bathrooms because the toilets are higher up off the ground, and easier to get up from. The only way I can do the parks now is to rent an ECV. It has really been a game changer. I haven't seen anyone give me looks for using it. I only heard one person be a bit snarky when waiting for a bus. ECVs go on first. It was later in the day and everyone was tired. I gave that a pass. Do what you need to do for you.

 

[lorenae]

NO!
I can promise you that no one at all will look at you or judge you, especially others with disabilities.

My disabilities are often not apparent to others, unless I have a flare up, but they are very real. Some days I look like a fit middle aged person, other days I can barely get out of bed.

Honestly, most people are so self- centered that they won’t even notice you. I don’t mean self-centered in a bad way- but they are worried about their own kids/hunger/money/whatever- that they you don’t even register with them at all.

ANY one can use a wheelchair, for any reason. Don’t even give that a second thought- do what is best for you and your comfort and ability. Don’t push yourself to look “normal”, as seriously no one will care a bit. Use whatever you want and need to make yourself as comfortable as you can.

 

[HarleenQ]

STOP.

People aren't looking at you and thinking anything. They're enjoying their day in the parks with their families. If, by some chance, someone is judging you - screw em'! Mind your business, have fun, and enjoy your time. You won't even notice the people around you.

Your post reads like my thoughts when my anxiety is running rampant. Truly - this is something you're creating. Use what helps!

 

[cobright]

Let's punch this out as a list...

1. I am not doing this because I'm lazy (does anyone think that?),
2. Are other people with disabilities judging me and thinking "She doesn't need that! Get up and walk you lazy woman!"?
3. Should I just avoid theme parks if I can't walk that much?
4. Is it OK if I use a wheelchair even though I'm not doctor-certified disabled?
5. Am I a self-hating ableist or a an attention-seeking melodramatic loser?
6. Are people with real and serious disabilities going to be angry with me?

So, real quick through this...

1. A very few people will think this.*
2. Somewhere between zero and almost zero people who see you, disabled or not, will think this about you.*
3. Not at all.
4. Doctors don't certify disability. They may acknowledge a handicap as it relates to awarding a handicap parking placard, but that's no at issue. You know the extent of your ability and what you need in order to be able to enjoy the parks.
5. I don't know. Probably not. I develop mobility solutions and help people get used to using mobility tech and ... it's often a crazy emotional experience for them (and me). Feeling guilty or shame at needing to use a wheelchair is (in my admittedly limited experience) not uncommon.
6. I can't speak for everyone, but if I had to guess, I would say no.*

*- here's the magic footnote. Unless you are directly in front of someone and slowing them down, no one in that theme park is going to think about you at all. I don't know about Universal but I absolutely know this about Disney. These people are on an expensive vacation and they are so self absorbed any spare brain cycles they may come up with is going to be spent on getting them to their next fun-time moment. They are not looking at you, not judging you, not thinking about you at all because all of that would take away from them enjoying their vacation.

I know it feels like you are under the lens. I needed to use the companion restroom for the first time last trip, my artificial knee has a mechanism that should be self serviceable but it seized a bit. Not bad, but I required the help of my wife to use the bathroom... that's a weird day the first time that happens. Other than a cane, my impediment was not at all obvious. My face was beet red walking in because if felt like the world was watching me and I dreaded leaving the bathroom, afraid that someone with a 'real' handicap would be outside and call me out on using such a scarce resource.

It's hard sometimes, but it get's easier.

Good luck. I'm sure it will be fine.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I'm headed to Universal next week. I'm quite nervous about how I will be received.

I have an arthritic ankle that sometimes just gives out on me. I also have trouble getting up and down from chairs or sitting positions, even when my ankle is totally functional. On some days I use a cane. This means on days when I look like a completely able-bodied person with no cane, I still need to use the handicapped restroom. Sometimes I get glares when I come out of them. If I have my cane with me, oddly enough, I don't have to use the handicapped restroom (because the cane is my support for getting up and down), but nobody ever glares at me for using a regular restroom with a cane.

I have never needed a wheelchair for everyday stuff. I know there's a lot of walking involved at theme parks. So I tried to get ready for the parks and start a walking regimen a few months ago. I pushed myself hard and my asthma worsened and I got pneumonia, which I am still recovering from. The exercise seems to have also made my ankle worse not better.

In panic mode, I bought a nice (but previously used) wheelchair for $50 locally. I am now concerned about how people are going to treat me. Who tend to be the gatekeepers of disabilities? My plan is to walk as much as I can and only use the wheelchair as needed. I'm full of excuses and explanations and feel like a fraud. I am not doing this because I'm lazy (does anyone think that?), I'm doing this because I want to be able to enjoy the parks with my kids and simply can't do as much walking as would be needed. I am obese. Not morbidly obese, but just under 200 lbs on a 5'4" frame.

Are other people with disabilities judging me and thinking "She doesn't need that! Get up and walk you lazy woman!"? Should I just avoid theme parks if I can't walk that much? Is it OK if I use a wheelchair even though I'm not doctor-certified disabled? Am I a self-hating ableist or a an attention-seeking melodramatic loser? Are people with real and serious disabilities going to be angry with me?

I will use an old time reason but would you tell someone who needs glasses but doesn't want to use them to not use them? I would guess you would tell them it would be better to use their glasses. you need a cane/wheelchair to enjoy the parks with your family end of story. I need my cane plus a bar to get up in bathroom. when someone complains at me I usually just look at them pull out my phone say okay I will do that next time and call my husband to come help me next time. that ends it very quickly. it is usually a mother who is not happy her child had to wait. yes I have been there and done it. only thing I would tell you go and enjoy the parks as you want and need to. also take it easy on rest of your party who are walking as they are going to need it

 

[SonyaX]

Thank you every single one of you.
I have been feeling so guilty and bad about using accommodations. I really appreciate the support and comforting words. I get very anxious and uncomfortable about asking for or needing help.

Cobright - I admit when you describe your experience about worrying about what people will say about the companion bathroom, I feel like "Now why would I care about that?" (if i were a parkgoer seeing you go in or out of a bathroom), Yet I somehow imagine myself to be "under the lens". I"m glad you were able to get the help you needed.
Though I actually have seen posts by people who say that people who need to use ECVs or wheelchiars in parks just shouldn't go. But when they were talking about people who *weren't* me, I discredited them and called them *expletives* (jerks). I need to stop listening to them about me too.

Dr.HarleenQ - My anxiety is indeed rampant. You called it on the nose. How very Dr Quinzell of you. I've got GAD, PTSD (and other letters too) and it tends to somewhat reduce my judgement at times.

Lorenae - "ANY one can use a wheelchair, for any reason. Don’t even give that a second thought- do what is best for you and your comfort and ability. Don’t push yourself to look “normal”, as seriously no one will care a bit. Use whatever you want and need to make yourself as comfortable as you can. "
I love this quote. I have t in my head that only "real disabled people" can use them, and I'm not one of them. But why? Why can't people who need them, use them. You make sense.

MusicMom - I like hearing from another person with arthritis who has both good days and bad days. The variation sometimes makes me think it's all in my head and my bad days are just the days I'm lazier. I know it's not true, I think I do, I just need to get my mom out of my head. I find you quite brave for using the ECV. I think it takes more bravery to get help, then pretend you're fine. I want to learn from your example.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

Thank you every single one of you.
I have been feeling so guilty and bad about using accommodations. I really appreciate the support and comforting words. I get very anxious and uncomfortable about asking for or needing help.

Cobright - I admit when you describe your experience about worrying about what people will say about the companion bathroom, I feel like "Now why would I care about that?" (if i were a parkgoer seeing you go in or out of a bathroom), Yet I somehow imagine myself to be "under the lens". I"m glad you were able to get the help you needed.
Though I actually have seen posts by people who say that people who need to use ECVs or wheelchiars in parks just shouldn't go. But when they were talking about people who *weren't* me, I discredited them and called them *expletives* (jerks). I need to stop listening to them about me too.

Dr.HarleenQ - My anxiety is indeed rampant. You called it on the nose. How very Dr Quinzell of you. I've got GAD, PTSD (and other letters too) and it tends to somewhat reduce my judgement at times.

Lorenae - "ANY one can use a wheelchair, for any reason. Don’t even give that a second thought- do what is best for you and your comfort and ability. Don’t push yourself to look “normal”, as seriously no one will care a bit. Use whatever you want and need to make yourself as comfortable as you can. "
I love this quote. I have t in my head that only "real disabled people" can use them, and I'm not one of them. But why? Why can't people who need them, use them. You make sense.

MusicMom - I like hearing from another person with arthritis who has both good days and bad days. The variation sometimes makes me think it's all in my head and my bad days are just the days I'm lazier. I know it's not true, I think I do, I just need to get my mom out of my head. I find you quite brave for using the ECV. I think it takes more bravery to get help, then pretend you're fine. I want to learn from your example.

you are beginning to sound like one of use who has/had to use a tool to make our visit happen. if you were lazy you would not even think about making the trip with your family

 

[mamabunny]

... I have t in my head that only "real disabled people" can use them, and I'm not one of them. But why? Why can't people who need them, use them. You make sense. ...

Just remember that everyone you see - at Universal, and Disney World, and *everywhere* in the world who uses some form of mobility device or some accomodation - is first, foremost and always a person. A human, who just happens to use tools (like a wheelchair) to get.stuff.done. That's it, that's all.

I applaud you - you are planning ahead, making use of all available tools that are appropriate for you, and your situation, and that's going to make your vacation better, not worse.

Have an amazing trip!

 

[gap2368]

I'm headed to Universal next week. I'm quite nervous about how I will be received.

I have an arthritic ankle that sometimes just gives out on me. I also have trouble getting up and down from chairs or sitting positions, even when my ankle is totally functional. On some days I use a cane. This means on days when I look like a completely able-bodied person with no cane, I still need to use the handicapped restroom. Sometimes I get glares when I come out of them. If I have my cane with me, oddly enough, I don't have to use the handicapped restroom (because the cane is my support for getting up and down), but nobody ever glares at me for using a regular restroom with a cane.

I have never needed a wheelchair for everyday stuff. I know there's a lot of walking involved at theme parks. So I tried to get ready for the parks and start a walking regimen a few months ago. I pushed myself hard and my asthma worsened and I got pneumonia, which I am still recovering from. The exercise seems to have also made my ankle worse not better.

In panic mode, I bought a nice (but previously used) wheelchair for $50 locally. I am now concerned about how people are going to treat me. Who tend to be the gatekeepers of disabilities? My plan is to walk as much as I can and only use the wheelchair as needed. I'm full of excuses and explanations and feel like a fraud. I am not doing this because I'm lazy (does anyone think that?), I'm doing this because I want to be able to enjoy the parks with my kids and simply can't do as much walking as would be needed. I am obese. Not morbidly obese, but just under 200 lbs on a 5'4" frame.

Are other people with disabilities judging me and thinking "She doesn't need that! Get up and walk you lazy woman!"? Should I just avoid theme parks if I can't walk that much? Is it OK if I use a wheelchair even though I'm not doctor-certified disabled? Am I a self-hating ableist or a an attention-seeking melodramatic loser? Are people with real and serious disabilities going to be angry with me?

oh, you are not a fraud you are using a tool that will help you make the most out of your trip.

I think you will find very few people have a bad word or look for you.
1 they are way too much into there trip to worry about you and if you are sitting or standing.
2 I think most lines are wheelchair accessible so there is no more front of the lines and no big benefits to using a wheelchair if you do not need one.

if you find someone looking a little longer ( people look at me sometimes when I have my over the ear protectors on) I simply give then a smile and they most of the time look away a little embarrassed


I did have a friend that had someone make a rude comment about her being in a wheelchair she just looked at them and smiled and with the sweetest southern accent said well you did not look stupid until you opened your mouth so I guess we both hide our disability quite well ( she has been in a wheelchair all her life and when people make a rude commit to her so always has some type of snappy comeback but if you ask her a question she is really nice at answering them.


one more thing for you to remember you are paying for your vacation do you need help with walking yes who cares what others think if someone is bothering my you using a wheelchair let them know that when they pay for your trip you will go without a mobility device ( and they must pay for lost time at work you getting there and home everything) change are they will not have a problem with you. if someone make a rude commit to you that is n them change are you will never see then again so just do not let it ruin your trip have fun and enjoy

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I am overweight and have to use an ECV at Disney due to an injury from a fall that caused some permanent damage. I had all of these worries leading up to my first trip on the ECV. The whole "look at the fat lazy lady on a scooter" thing really worried me. I have GAD so that added to the whole thing. I had to decide that I didn't care what anyone else thought, and I was going to do what was best for myself and my family. The ECV let me be with my family rather than sitting somewhere. I was so thankful for it. Bottom line, do what is best for you are yours. Anyone who has a problem with is IS the problem, NOT YOU. They are not worth your time and worry.

 

[Lilsia]

As for the handicapped stalls, they are not just for wheelchairs users. Accessible does not mean only. I look normal and I walk in the parks but my knee cap likes to randomly pop out. It will actually slide to the side so having the handle to help me get up and put less strain on the knee helps me. If someone has a problem with that then they can go pound sand. IDC because I will use what I need. Heaven forbid someone has to wait the 45 seconds that it takes me to use the stall. Go and do what you need to do and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

 

[Selket]

I'm headed to Universal next week. I'm quite nervous about how I will be received.

Are other people with disabilities judging me and thinking "She doesn't need that! Get up and walk you lazy woman!"? Should I just avoid theme parks if I can't walk that much? Is it OK if I use a wheelchair even though I'm not doctor-certified disabled? Am I a self-hating ableist or a an attention-seeking melodramatic loser? Are people with real and serious disabilities going to be angry with me?

I have two badly arthritic knees and have used an ECV to get around the Disney Parks for a few years now. I also have children to keep up with and this really lets me keep up with them or gives me the freedom to go off on my own. I also don't use a wheelchair or ECV at home but I'm fairly limited in what I can do - a trip to the grocery is about it - after that it's just so painful to walk. I often have to sit in my car with my leg sticking out cause I cannot bend it - waiting until I can bend it enough to get it inside so I can shut the door!

My last experience at US/IOA was a few years ago and I rented a park ECV - and had a terrible experience because their attraction lines are not mainstreamed for the most part. Unlike WDW where having an ECV is SO much easier. Normally I'd suggest using an ECV over a wheelchair just so you can have that freedom and independence but I think at US/IOA you'd do better with a wheelchair there.

I've not had any issues with people being rude to me. For restrooms, I leave the ECV outside. At Disney they have the large restrooms that can fit a wheelchair and restrooms that are more regular size but have elevated toilets and handbars. I wait for one of those to come open (the 2nd one) usually. People tend to go in whatever restroom is open. I understand because I sometimes cannot stand up from a regular toilet.

I don't know US/IOA as well but I think most lines are mainstreamed for wheelchairs so you wouldn't be put ahead in the line, etc. I hope you have a great trip!

 

[cobright]

Though I actually have seen posts by people who say that people who need to use ECVs or wheelchiars in parks just shouldn't go. But when they were talking about people who *weren't* me, I discredited them and called them *expletives* (jerks). I need to stop listening to them about me too.

Besides a trip to WDW with my wife and kids, and a trip or two with just the wife, I try to spend a long weekend once a month or so inside the bubble with a wheel-bound friend. I don't think she could imagine not going just because she relies on her chair to get around.

I had all of these worries leading up to my first trip on the ECV. The whole "look at the fat lazy lady on a scooter" thing really worried me. I have GAD so that added to the whole thing.

My anxiety disorder turns real life into one of those old time cartoon nightmares where everyone is pointing at me and laughing in slow motion. Oddly enough, in WDW I breath easy again and my pulse slows down to something under 100bpm. I think it really just is different enough from real life that even my anxiety brain stops expecting real life stress.

And I will repeat myself this one thing ... because it's kind of a fun thought to think. It's the kind of thought that sounds like it should make you feel bad but really doesn't. Statistically speaking and excluding CMs, nobody in WDW is thinking about you at all. The human herd in this park is so incredibly self absorbed, it's a wonder they see other people at all to avoid running into them. Actually, just try stopping without warning. Even if no one is particularly close behind you, give it a minute and someone will walk into the back of you. It's actually a not uncommon topic brought up by people in wheelchairs and ECVs that people legit don't see them at all and walk right into/in front of/over top of them.

My current occupation is developing self-driving elements for a power-wheelchair platform. I have thousands of hours of video taken from the perspective of my friends powerchair that get analyzed and used to develop AI models for things like obstacle avoidance. One cool thing I started playing with lets the computer identify when someone is making eye-contact with the wheelchair (essentially, whenever someone is looking right at the chair for more than a fleeting moment, including tracking the chair if it is in motion) and it's not just a perception thing, people just do not look at wheelchairs. I can object detect and motion track over 200 moving people in a crowd and if I feed 10 minutes of that video and motion data into my computer at home and give it a couple hours I can show what every person on that crowded sidewalk is looking at at any moment. People very predictably look at other walking people, but they, just as predictably, do not look at wheelchairs and ECVs.

An exception really is Disney Cast Members. In the evening after my friend and I had a particularly fun MnG with Pocahontas I pulled the data for that time and her chair was getting eye-contact like crazy while in line. It was Pocahontas' 2 handlers during a 15 minute break surreptitiously scouting the line then ducking backstage. When they returned with the princess, Pocahontas stopped right at us in line and gave her a compliment. It was a great meet n greet, but it was even cooler in retrospect to discover how little some of those moments are left to chance.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

As for the handicapped stalls, they are not just for wheelchairs users. Accessible does not mean only. I look normal and I walk in the parks but my knee cap likes to randomly pop out. It will actually slide to the side so having the handle to help me get up and put less strain on the knee helps me. If someone has a problem with that then they can go pound sand. IDC because I will use what I need. Heaven forbid someone has to wait the 45 seconds that it takes me to use the stall. Go and do what you need to do and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

i have same problem cant count the times I have looked at the complainer and said I guess next time I will use a regular stall and call my husband to come help me up. the person then usually says sorry and lets it go. have never had someone say to take me up on idea

 

[akayek31]

I have so many disabilities that you can't see. I have diabetes, anxiety, depression, epilepsy, bad knees, plantar fasciitis, lower back issues, a plate and 6 screws in my wrist that I shattered, and chronic stomach problems. I lost 60 pds before I went to Disney in 2016 and after shattering my wrist in 2017, I gained 100 pds. So I am morbidly obese according to my doctor. I am not lazy but I would not make it in the parks without a scooter. I don't care what people think of me! I use accessible stalls because they are larger and I don't want to be uncomfortable. You go and be you and have fun with your kids.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Besides a trip to WDW with my wife and kids, and a trip or two with just the wife, I try to spend a long weekend once a month or so inside the bubble with a wheel-bound friend. I don't think she could imagine not going just because she relies on her chair to get around.


My anxiety disorder turns real life into one of those old time cartoon nightmares where everyone is pointing at me and laughing in slow motion. Oddly enough, in WDW I breath easy again and my pulse slows down to something under 100bpm. I think it really just is different enough from real life that even my anxiety brain stops expecting real life stress.

And I will repeat myself this one thing ... because it's kind of a fun thought to think. It's the kind of thought that sounds like it should make you feel bad but really doesn't. Statistically speaking and excluding CMs, nobody in WDW is thinking about you at all. The human herd in this park is so incredibly self absorbed, it's a wonder they see other people at all to avoid running into them. Actually, just try stopping without warning. Even if no one is particularly close behind you, give it a minute and someone will walk into the back of you. It's actually a not uncommon topic brought up by people in wheelchairs and ECVs that people legit don't see them at all and walk right into/in front of/over top of them.

My current occupation is developing self-driving elements for a power-wheelchair platform. I have thousands of hours of video taken from the perspective of my friends powerchair that get analyzed and used to develop AI models for things like obstacle avoidance. One cool thing I started playing with lets the computer identify when someone is making eye-contact with the wheelchair (essentially, whenever someone is looking right at the chair for more than a fleeting moment, including tracking the chair if it is in motion) and it's not just a perception thing, people just do not look at wheelchairs. I can object detect and motion track over 200 moving people in a crowd and if I feed 10 minutes of that video and motion data into my computer at home and give it a couple hours I can show what every person on that crowded sidewalk is looking at at any moment. People very predictably look at other walking people, but they, just as predictably, do not look at wheelchairs and ECVs.

An exception really is Disney Cast Members. In the evening after my friend and I had a particularly fun MnG with Pocahontas I pulled the data for that time and her chair was getting eye-contact like crazy while in line. It was Pocahontas' 2 handlers during a 15 minute break surreptitiously scouting the line then ducking backstage. When they returned with the princess, Pocahontas stopped right at us in line and gave her a compliment. It was a great meet n greet, but it was even cooler in retrospect to discover how little some of those moments are left to chance.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Living with anxiety is hard for sure. I have good days and bad days with it. Some days I am fine, and some days I find myself apologizing for everything.

Your job is really cool. I am a science person, and my DD16 is currently taking college level computer science courses so hearing about this stuff is always neat!

 

[Lilsia]

i have same problem cant count the times I have looked at the complainer and said I guess next time I will use a regular stall and call my husband to come help me up. the person then usually says sorry and lets it go. have never had someone say to take me up on idea

Oh wow, I have never had anyone say a word to me about using that stall. Disney restrooms usually have several of them in the bathrooms that I don't consider it a big deal. Plus an empty stall should be used, especially with line out the door. The place that I work only has 2 stalls, 1 of them wheelchair accessible, as required by law. If non handicapped people never used it, then it would go years waiting for someone in a wheelchair to use it. We just don't get many people in wheelchairs come in. It is silly to not use an empty stall "just in case" someone comes up in a chair that needs it. Most people are in and out in under a minute.

 

[Lilsia]

I have so many disabilities that you can't see. I have diabetes, anxiety, depression, epilepsy, bad knees, plantar fasciitis, lower back issues, a plate and 6 screws in my wrist that I shattered, and chronic stomach problems. I lost 60 pds before I went to Disney in 2016 and after shattering my wrist in 2017, I gained 100 pds. So I am morbidly obese according to my doctor. I am not lazy but I would not make it in the parks without a scooter. I don't care what people think of me! I use accessible stalls because they are larger and I don't want to be uncomfortable. You go and be you and have fun with your kids.

I am overweight but not obese, but I find the regular stalls to be way too small. It gets hard to get in and close the door in some of them. No one wants their legs to touch the toilet while trying to maneuver around to get in and out. I think a lot of problems could be solved with either bigger stalls, or doors that open out.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I am overweight but not obese, but I find the regular stalls to be way too small. It gets hard to get in and close the door in some of them. No one wants their legs to touch the toilet while trying to maneuver around to get in and out. I think a lot of problems could be solved with either bigger stalls, or doors that open out.

Same. On most days I can use a regular stall, but boy are some of them a tight fit!