If you care for someone romantically

[dish rag]

Jealousy is a normal human emotion that all people possess. Too much of it can cause people to commit horrible acts. My wife doesn't possess much jealousy, she says women flirt with me often, I don't see it. It doesn't bother her at all. I think she likes it. She knows how much I love her. I on the other hand can get jealous, my wife doesn't like it at all, says it's a reflection on her character when I do. Ok. There was a family friend flirting with her Christmas Eve, his wife was present. My wife didn't care, or even notice. And she isn't a flirt at all. She's a serious woman. I didn't bring it up as I know she doesn't like that side of me. I'm flattered though. My wife is extremely attractive and fit, for any age. And very kind. I'm extremely lucky.

 

[morgan98]

Jealousy is one of those things that can eat away at a relationship and that you can spend way too much time on.

Being too jealous comes across as not trusting your partner. It gets old after awhile and is not healthy for the relationship. Luckily this is not an issue for us. I wouldn't have the time or patience for it, either.

 

[HappyMomma]

My husband gets jealous. I don't think it has anything to do with love or insecurities. I think it's a territory thing with you men. LOL! It's YOUR ball. Ha ha ha. People flirt with my hubby all the time and I think it's hilarious. He's a handsome, charming man. I see why people do it. It's okay to get a little miffed I suppose. But don't go full ape. That would make you look unbalanced.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

double post

 

[rodeo65]

I'd say it's normal for someone to feel a twinge of jealousy if they see their partner fending off blatant interest, but making an issue of it or behaving badly over it shows insecurity in my eyes. Insecurity is not an attractive trait. When I was younger I used to feel flattered if someone I was dating showed jealousy. It reaffirmed their interest, which tells me I wasn't secure about it in the first place.

DH and I both will joke if we notice anyone flirting with each other, but we both know the stability of our relationship so it never becomes more than that.

 

[tzolkin]

so if men were flirting all over you ladies, and your husband, cause he trust you, didn't care. that's good but I don't think everyone thinks like that, but maybe everyone does

I would say there’s a difference between other people flirting with your partner and your partner flirting with other people (which we would probably be jealous/upset about if it ever happened, but it never has).

We are not really ever in situations to have a bunch of people “flirting all over” one of us, but when we do encounter flirting, it’s quickly shut down and we both find it funny. No jealousy.

Ex. We (mid-30s) were out at a bar with live music with some older friends (50) last week. We were sitting at a high top table near the stage and lots of drunk ladies kept coming up front and dancing. One girl tried dancing all up on DH, he shook his head “no”, she moved on and we all started laughing and teasing him about it.

He gets flirted with almost everywhere he goes. (Even all the ladies that work at the gas station down the road are in love with him.) I don’t even have a fleeting moment of concern. Honestly, I take it as a compliment that I have an attractive spouse.


That said, I think that’s based on the strength of our relationship and our emotional maturity. I’m fairly certain there were some brief moments of jealousy in our early relationship. But, we were teenagers living apart at college. So, there was probably a fear in both of our minds that someone could potentially “steal” our partner away. It seemed rational to view other interested people as potential threats. We never acted jealous, but I know the feelings were there on occasion. Now, nearly 20 years later that fear has long since been replaced with trust and stability.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I'm not a jealous person 99.9% of the time. Like @dish rag said jealousy is normal human emotion. Women flirt with my SO. It doesn't really bother me. I laugh it off. He usually doesn't even notice. I trust him but every .1% of the time there may be a twinge of "he's mine, back off lady" but it's all done in my head. lol

My XH used to call me jealous all the time but the truth was I didn't trust him at all for obvious reasons. BIG difference. I wasn't jealous...I just knew he was up to no good.

My SO says he can get jealous but that he trusts me. We've been out a few times where a guy has hit on me with him right there. He usually lets me handle it, except once, when the guy would not let up. That one time he told him to back the heck up and beat it. The guy did leave. Other than that we don't have jealousy issues.

I couldn't handle being with a guy who is so jealous I can't live freely. I have friends who deal with this and say they hate it. I secretly think they enjoy it and feel like their DH "loves them more" because they get jealous. I mean why else would they stay?

 

[tzolkin]

I secretly think they enjoy it and feel like their DH "loves them more" because they get jealous.

This is definitely a real issue. Many people equate jealousy with love. (Including keeping track of and having a say in their partner’s every move)

We have ensured that our kids know that is not part of a healthy relationship. Both my girls (teenagers, one in college) have absolutely no tolerance for it and are vocal about it in their own and their friends’ relationships.

 

[Pugsly]

My DH doesn’t get jealous. He’s confident in himself (knows he treats me well), confident in our marriage and trusts me. When someone does flirt with me, his attitude is “that’s right, boys, she’s mine”. LOL.

 

[Mizzoufan]

To me jealous is bad not a good trait.

 

[loves to dive]

I don't get jealous at all, I figure honey either loves me enough to not cheat on me or if he does, he isn't worth my time. We are both horrible flirts, I mean it's in my genes so I really am not even aware I do it. He gets more jealous than I do, which is kind of funny since I'm 13 years older than him. It's all about trust to me, if you can't trust someone, why be with them?

 

[Hikergirl]

We were at dinner one night and ran into someone we knew who was with a very inebriated person. That person introduced himself to me in a way that was not OK with dh, although I saw nothing wrong with it and brushed it off as the guy just being drunk. I don't think dh was jealous but he sure wasn't happy.

 

[MamaBelle4]

We were at dinner one night and ran into someone we knew who was with a very inebriated person. That person introduced himself to me in a way that was not OK with dh, although I saw nothing wrong with it and brushed it off as the guy just being drunk. I don't think dh was jealous but he sure wasn't happy.

Yeah, to me there's a difference between being jealous and not liking how someone approaches or treats your spouse. When DH and I first started dating, we worked together at a state park. One of our coworkers had a thing for me. I wasn't remotely interested. He would go back and forth between fawning over me and calling me inappropriate names to other coworkers. I told him to cut it out. DH was upset about it BECAUSE I was and asked me if I wanted him to say anything to the coworker or our bosses (he had worked there for several years and was pals with them). I said no and he didn't. But he sure didn't like how I was being treated.

 

[wenrob]

We were at dinner one night and ran into someone we knew who was with a very inebriated person. That person introduced himself to me in a way that was not OK with dh, although I saw nothing wrong with it and brushed it off as the guy just being drunk. I don't think dh was jealous but he sure wasn't happy.

I had something similar happen at the open bar of DH’s company Christmas party. *I* thought this very, very drunk dude was one of the higher ups so I was fending him off in the politest way I possibly could. DH didn’t get upset but he finally did come up and put his arm around me. Turns out this was just a drunk patron. DH thought is was comical but finally stepped in when it was clear the guy wasn’t going to let up.

Yeah, to me there's a difference between being jealous and not liking how someone approaches or treats your spouse. When DH and I first started dating, we worked together at a state park. One of our coworkers had a thing for me. I wasn't remotely interested. He would go back and forth between fawning over me and calling me inappropriate names to other coworkers. I told him to cut it out. DH was upset about it BECAUSE I was and asked me if I wanted him to say anything to the coworker or our bosses (he had worked there for several years and was pals with them). I said no and he didn't. But he sure didn't like how I was being treated.

Had this happen once too. I could tell DH was mad but was letting me handle it until I gave him the look that said, “Okay, I need you to step in.”

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I always see on these shows where they go after the one cheating with their spouse. Why? They never took any oath. Why be jealous of them? It's the spouse that messed up and didn't live up to their commitment.

 

[cabanafrau]

My husband knows I'm capable of handling myself, and vice versa.

 

[amberpi]

I always see on these shows where they go after the one cheating with their spouse. Why? They never took any oath. Why be jealous of them? It's the spouse that messed up and didn't live up to their commitment.

I've always wondered about this. Also, what if the non-committed person doesn't even KNOW that the other is involved with someone else? I went out on a some dates with guys I'm pretty sure were married and stopped dating them when the pieces of the puzzle started coming together. In each instance I'm not *positive* but if they weren't married, they were still both shady. I don't need drama like that though so I was OUT.

ETA: I can imagine myself at a nice restaurant and the wife busting in and throwing a drink on the guy and then I'd get to throw my drink at the guy...but that's far too much work and I don't have the flare for it.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Of course as far as jealousy (and a ton of other emotions go)

I know this and I'm not even married ( or plan to be) .

 

[Kitty 34]

At my stage of life, not getting jealous is a strong bond of trusting.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think it's totally normal to experience jealousy early on in a relationship. DH & I have been together 27 years & married for 25. I wouldn't call it jealousy at this point, but he is still protective over me. Case in point, a couple weeks ago I was getting us fountain drinks at a gas station, while DH pumped gas. A guy walked up beside me to get a drink or at least that was what I assumed he was doing. I paid no intention to him at all. The next thing I know my DH is swooping in & standing sideways between us. I had no idea what was going on & gave DH a WTH look. Needless to say, that's not a common occurrence. After we left the store, he said that guy must have forgotten he was there to get a drink. Apparently, he was just standing there staring at my chest. So, I guess after all these years he still doesn't want men blantantly staring at my chest. His arm gets a little tighter around me or he makes his presence known whenever he sees someone obviously checking me out or hitting on me. He knows he can trust me. That's not an issue. He definitely doesn't like men trying to invade his territory though.