It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times -- A 2018 Training Journal* Updated 9/27

I LOVE all of this. Especially the recap of Mom and her post race new Love of beer!! Gah, now I wanna go back to marathon weekend...

It brings the BIGGEST smile to my face every time I think about it!!

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Brokenhearted: A Life Update

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So, here we go.

I mentioned it on The Running Thread back when it happened, but now a couple of weeks have passed and it's finally time to put it all out there so I can truly move on.

On Saturday, Feb. 10, in Cusco, Peru, my father passed away. He was 64.
My Dad was the best of everything on offer - an amazingly loving and devoted husband, a proud (and beloved) father, and an instant friend to all those he encountered.
He is survived by my Mom - his wife of 40 years, myself and Mr. Keels, my two younger brothers, and his most favorite child - his dog, Buddy.
A memorial celebrating his life will be held at a later date, in Fort Worth, Texas.

++++++++

Losing a parent is hard.

Losing a parent in a foreign country, where you don't speak the language? And are left to handle everything? Well, it's just brutal.

My father was cremated at a funeral home in Lima on Tuesday, February 20. I'm still sitting here waiting for the Embassy to get a Health Document that will finally allow his remains to be released, so I can pay for them to fly cargo (which is as much as a first-class ticket, but with far less fun and comfort) back to me here in Orlando. When all this BS is finished, what I will have paid for him to be cremated and transported in a small cardboard box would finance at least three one-week deluxe vacations to Disney for a family of 4. I'm just hoping that I can keep all of it under $10k, because travel insurance doesn't cover any of this.

Meanwhile, our daily discussions start with when we think his ashes might get here, and I go through the latest translated communications I have (which are meager, at best) and then the day happens. I go run or ride my bike, or "run errands". My Mom cries, and then goes out to "piddle around". Or I come back from an unnecessary run and she's just crying in the living room.

The waiting is killing me. I keep trying to go on with my life, but at certain parts of the day ... there is just this big, huge hole and just an emptiness that I'm not sure will ever be filled or made whole. I don't really WANT to do anything, but I just don't want to be in this house. And my desire to deal with any petty BS is pretty much non-existent. I have no F's to give, about anything. I bother my friends via text, because I JUST need to talk about something else. But really, I want to go home, to my house, to my backyard, to my bed. For the first time in my life, I'm by Disney and I don't even want to go. I force myself, hoping that it will help - and I feel ... nothing.

Between having the flu the week before my Dad died and now, I'm down 18 pounds and down almost 2 minutes on my average time. I don't really eat much. I don't sleep more than 2-3 hours in a stretch, though that's been a little better after I had the same alarm and camera system installed here at the Orlando house (like my Dad would've been able to fend off an intruder, but whatever ...). I have a really big approval hearing coming up about a platform I built and am trying to get non-profit approval on, but I've fallen so behind because of this that I'm sure I'm going to lose.

On top of that, every day I'm left to make decisions - or I'm asked what to do, and it's just so hard. I feel bad for my Mom, who is a widow at 62. But, because I'm selfish, I never thought I'd be having to deal with this crap at 36 either. So now, I'm just mad about that too.

I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in the Anger portion of the Grief "Cycle", though I don't really believe that's how feelings progress - at least for me. There was never any Denial or Bargaining - I'm a pragmatist, so I wasn't completely surprised by the news. Acceptance came pretty easily. Depression? Well, that's a given. But I'm mostly still just Angry.

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I know it doesn't come across, but I've always been painfully shy. I have terrible anxiety and worry extensively about what people think of me. All I've ever wanted in my life was to be a nice person, a good friend, and just someone that people could generally count on. I want to be the rock for the people in my life, just in sheer hope that someone will do the same for me in return.

Maybe some of that anxiety and a need to do things for myself has pushed me to do so much in the running realm - or maybe I just needed to prove to myself that I could channel all the worry and fear I have in my head into something motivating, something that pushes me and challenges me and drives me. Whatever it is, I learned through all of the training and the races that the only person that would never count me out was me - and I know that's a lesson I needed to learn. I needed to find that faith and trust and ultimate belief in myself to break me out of my shell.

@OldSlowGoofyGuy put it best when he told me to think of it like the Marathon ... there are some miles that you feel great, and some miles where you just need to find one singular reason to get your feet to keep moving forward to get down the block, around the corner and on to the next mile marker. Grief and sadness truly feels like a marathon - the highs, the lows, the distance ... they're all there. I hope that the finish to my grief is soon. Some days, I feel like I'm at Mile 24, but then the next day I'm back in Cone Alley.

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I won't tag everyone - since you know who you are - but real thanks to everyone that has reached out. It sounds silly, but so many people from here have become such close friends, and even the people I don't know as closely still feel like family.

As a personal request - tell everyone in your life how much you love and appreciate them today. Live your life to the fullest and never stop - life is just too short.

I love each and every one of you, and I'm proud to share this space with you. Keep chasing your dreams, your goals and never give up.

If you can dream it, you can do it.

I'm late to this, but I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

I've learned a little bit about you over the last 18 months or so on these boards and I've come to admire your strength and determination. I'm sure you'll get through this, but I hope you rely on your friends here during the difficult times.
 


Totally missed out on this training journal. Loving the recap so far!

I hope you're doing okay since your loss. It isn't easy I know.
 
Hey-o! Look who's back ... back again?!

Let's see if I can remember enough details to finish out this Dopey Weekend recap!

2018 Dopey Challenge: The Half

It was going to be another cold one, so I'd laid my layers upon layers of clothes out the night before in the bathroom. My alarm went off, and I was up to get ready for the day. I decided to save my cupcake for post-race and instead opted for a Kind Bar - Cherry Chocolate, AKA the best Kind Bar.

It was about 15 minutes before I needed to leave to go grab the crew over at Boardwalk ... and DISASTER struck. I felt a slight flutter of nerves in my stomach, and I coughed three times ... and next thing I knew, I was hurling. It had been a WHILE since I'd had pre-race nerves, and this felt the same as that last time. But this was Dopey. This was the Half, and I still had the Full in front of me.

Did I mention One and Two are moms? So, yeah - they couldn't wake up to hand out booze during the 10K, but man ... they can be dead asleep and hear the sound of puking no problem. I promised them I was OK, I didn't feel bad (I didn't feel sick or anything), and they plied me with Powerade and another water, offered a million other Mom kinda things and then let me go on my way.

As I made my way out of the Villas - about 15 minutes later than I wanted to - @croach sent me a message asking for a "sock check":

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Socks were accounted for! (And, also two pairs of fleece-lined leggings, running leggings, two long-sleeved compression tops, a funnel-neck top, a down running vest and a windbreaker, trail ears, gloves and hand warmers).

The drive to the race was uneventful, as was the trek to the corrals. I did not check a bag for this race as I didn't think I'd be hanging out in the parking lot long - why? The crew and I had a fun brunch reservation at Disney Springs to get to! So, my plan was to finish the race, go straight to my truck and then head back to the resort to get ready for brunch.

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And we're off!

Before this race weekend, I was actually kind of excited to run this half course again - I'd run it twice previously (Dopey 2016 and Princess 2016), so when it was canceled during Dopey 2017 I was a little disappointed and was looking forward to experiencing it again.

About three miles in, I remembered that this was my least favorite Disney course of all time. So, I just set out to get it finished - but thanks to the Official Character Text Group (TM), I knew how to plan my time to stop for characters!

I was really disappointed that the Big Hands "motivational speaker" DJ wasn't atop the water bridge outside of the Contemporary ... and because I stopped for multiple characters, it felt REALLY tight going through that area this year - and I also got pretty nervous because there were so many cops every where and cars passing through were being escorted and followed by Orange County Cops. I guess that's just the things we have to deal with now ...

Really liked running straight through the front entrance of the Magic Kingdom, and of course everyone likes running down Main Street.

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Look how bundled up everyone was! This cold was ridiculous.

Anyway, the rest of the race was uneventful. Run some, stop for characters, rinse and repeat.

I did say that by the time I got to the sharp switchback right before you get into Epcot - the last mile clock I said showed race time at 3:30, but I was SHOCKED at how many people were packed in SO tightly still behind me:

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Remember this - it will become important shortly.

I made it into Epcot and it always makes me SO happy to see finishers out there cheering for incoming runners. This guy was easily my favorite:

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And while I didn't know these gals, I feel like they made this finish line sign for me:

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Right at that point, "Despacito" came on over my headphones - so I went Rapid-ito to the finish line and the half was over!

Three races down, one big race left to go!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Because I'm a #NewMillennial, I HAVE TO BE IN CONTACT WITH PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. So, during the race - and more specifically, the last couple of miles - I was in heavy contact with #TeamWhitti and @croach ... mostly because we were supposed to all be meeting for brunch at STK at Disney Springs. I want to say it took the Whitti's 50 minutes to get through bag check just to get on the Epcot monorail, and Cliff had been sitting on a bus trying to get back to Poly for at least that long.

I came through the finishers chute and sent a quick message to a friend who I knew would be coming in right before the balloons. At this point, she was JUST passing the 10 Mile mark. WHAT?!? I asked if she saw balloons and she said all she saw were just a massive pack of people.

So, I decided to grab a beer and make a call to STK while I walked back to my truck to drive back to the hotel. As I made the turn to head towards the parking lot - remember that photo of a mass of people? Yeah, it was still massive groups of people coming up the ramp heading in to the Epcot bus area. I stood at the sign that said "No Alcohol Past This Point" and finished my beer while I just watched the masses continuing on in the race. I'd been cocky thinking that I was all good because I was driving, but based on my late arrival, I wasn't in the good side of the parking lot ... I was about four cars away from the ramp the runners were on - the ramp that happened to be what I needed to use to get back to Beach Club.

I was stuck.

I got to my truck, and finally got someone on STK on the phone - 15 minutes before we were supposed to arrive for our 11 a.m. reservation. Luckily, they were VERY accommodating. But I feel REALLY bad for those with ADRs at places that weren't as busy as STK.

As I sat in my Tahoe on the phone, I saw the last "safe" runners coming down the ramp - and then finally the bike monitors. The cones were moved and the ramp was open to outbound traffic. I was back at Beach Club Villas by 11:20, grabbed a quick shower and then One, Two and myself were off to Disney Springs! We arrived at STK around 12:15 (Mr. Keels came from offsite and got there right at Noon, with #TeamWhitti right behind him).

My post-half marathon treat:

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STK brunch was ... just a'ight. I'm a big brunch person, but they'd changed the menu the week before we went - and it was MUCH smaller, and not at all appealing. So, I just ended up ordered the tomato & burrata and Brussels sprouts from the dinner menu.

Brunch over, we all headed our merry ways - which included me with a long nap in my future.

Up Next: One Last Time Down This Marathon Road
 
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I am glad to read you realized you didn’t like this course after all cause I hated it! And due to poor timing on my part getting to my ridiculously huge corral, I am pretty sure I was stuck in that mass of people right behind you.

Cracking up about the mom comments. We lost power the other night and I was sound asleep despite the deafening silence until one of my littles called out from her room. I had no idea why, then immediately thought she had thrown up, until my husband told me the power was out and she was just freaked out.
 


Was it only part of the parking lot that was stuck? I don't feel like we had to wait to be let out, and we waited for some friends who took awhile longer than us (we ran like a 2:58 half starting in D).
 
So knowing that One and Two were not out providing mimosas during the 10k makes me feel better somehow. I think I felt I had somehow missed them handing out mimosas and I was disappointed because how could I have gone so wrong in my life that I missed a mimosa? Knowing I was not responsible made me feel a little better.

Glad you made it to brunch even if it just was okay. Missing brunch would have been a tragedy.
 
2018 -- A Commitment!

Hi! I don't know if y'all remember me, but I'm Keels ... you know, the person who NEVER FINISHES ONE OF THESE THINGS.

Anyway, I'm back! And this time - this time it will work!*

I'm not going to lie, the first four months of this year have been a dumpster fire. But, like Fawkes, I think I'm ready to pull myself out of the ashes and actually focus on the months ahead of me and get set on a training plan and set some goals.

HERE GOES. (This feels like a terrible idea ...)

The Rest of 2018

July 7 - Hell's Half Acre 25K
This is a local race that I wanted to do last year (the inaugural year) but was talked out of it because it was the night before a sprint tri I was doing with my girlfriends. In retrospect, I wish I'd done the 5K just to do it.

Anyway. It's a 5-25-50K night race that starts at 10 p.m. - you start in a parking lot downtown and then complete multiple 5K loops down the hill to the river trail and then back up.

Did I mention it's still in the high 90s in Fort Worth at 10 p.m.? Whatever. There's NO WAY this will be worse than my 10-mile overnight Ragnar run last year.

October 28 - Marine Corps Marathon
I KNOW. I said I'd never run a non-Disney marathon and that I'd never run a marathon again after January, but grief and booze makes you do dumb things and apparently I put my name in for the lottery for this one ... and got in. So, my summer will be spent training for a marathon - which I swore I'd never do again. I would like to finish sub-4:45, but that's my public goal. I have a private goal that I will keep to myself.

But here's the deal.

I've been training for almost six months to do a 70.3 in 2018. I WANT to do a 70.3.

And if it's going to happen in 2018, it's gonna have to be:

October 28 - IronMan 70.3 Waco

Yup. Conundrum.

I'm registered for MCM, but I can sell my spot to someone else. I have not registered for Waco ... but it's already at Tier 3, but will not likely sell out. My local Tri group can always get me a spot in their group too, if I decide to go that way.

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I've told myself that I have to make a decision after I finish the 25K. I think that's fair? I mean, I can't be two places at once.

Both October pursuits have added value to them - MCM means I get to run a marathon, see some family that lives up there and then I don't feel like a terrible person when I spectate Whitti running the NYC Marathon the next weekend. Waco? It's basically a 70.3 on my home turf. River swim. Flat bike. Easy run. An hour from my house and all my local friends could come support me. October in Texas isn't a bad time of year, weather-wise either.

Tell me what to do?
 
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My two cents: do the Ironman. That's what you want to do. You can sell your MCM spot and always do it another year. Not to mention, you've put in six months of training.
 
My two cents: do the Ironman. That's what you want to do. You can sell your MCM spot and always do it another year. Not to mention, you've put in six months of training.

It's mostly base training - I haven't done any build weeks and definitely nothing close to a peak week.

Ironman 70.3. Do it.

I knew you were going to say that. :rolleyes:

Is the 70.3 your first? I say always go for new experiences.

Yeah, it would be my first 70.3 I've done two sprints and one Olympic - and the Olympic was also in Waco.
 

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