Ms, Mrs or Miss?

[ozliz]

I hope to get some insight into American culture. I have never been married, no children, etc. During my last trip I was called Mrs on multiple occasions. Sometimes this was by cast members that would not necessarily have known that I was travelling solo but even had I not been alone I think they may have called me Mrs out of habit.

While I understand that using someone’s name is often considered good service I was quite taken aback to be called Mrs. I’m Australian and when dealing with the public in my job we are always instructed to use Ms for women unless we have information that they have a different title (Mrs, Dr, etc.). My parents got divorced when I was young and my mother does not like being called Mrs. My friends are a mixture with some married some not and not all that are married have taken their husband’s name. Similarly, some do and some don’t have kids and therefore don’t always share a last name with their children. The reality is that the portion of them that go by Mrs is less than half (and we’re well into our 30’s).

I know the Australian culture is much more casual and therefore many services simply use first names. What’s the norm in the USA? Does it vary with regions and it was just because Florida is in the south that people called me Mrs?

 

[Carol_]

My son calls his married daycare provider Miss Jane. We live south of the Mason Dixon line. In the south, customs vary from other areas. In Orlando, as the population is a mix of old Floridian and literally everyone else in the country and on the planet, there is no uniform answer. Regularly, I’m just happy when someone bothered to learn some English.

 

[Christine]

In general, a woman should be called Ms. or Miss (not much difference in the sound of it when speaking) if the person does not know the marital status of a woman he/she is addressing.

I don't think this is an American thing and, strangely enough, you seemed to encounter a few people who didn't know. I would agree with you that it would be odd.

 

[L&Lfan]

When I say Ms it comes out more like Miss.
And it’s funny but when many people with Southern accents say Mrs it actually comes out as “Miz”.

Personally I’m not hung up on titles , but maybe it I were a woman I would feel differently. In either case, I would gently inform someone how I wish to be addressed if I’m not satisfied with how they’re doing it. The last thing I would do is assume malicious intent on their part, no matter how they addressed me, especially if they’re in the service industry.

 

[AgentMama]

The norm here should be Ms when someone is unsure if you are Mrs or Ms. I'm surprised you were called Mrs so many times.

 

[luvsJack]

All three can sound like either of the other two with certain accents.

I don’t ever really pay close attention to which one someone uses, so maybe that’s why I haven’t heard anyone saying the “wrong” title in any great numbers.

 

[jo-jo]

My son calls his married daycare provider Miss Jane. We live south of the Mason Dixon line. In the south, customs vary from other areas. In Orlando, as the population is a mix of old Floridian and literally everyone else in the country and on the planet, there is no uniform answer. Regularly, I’m just happy when someone bothered to learn some English.

I'm in PA, been married for decades and the kids in sunday school class called me MISS .

 

[easyas123]

I'm in Maryland and I often get Miss and my first name....I HATE it. I have actually asked people not to call me that, it just gets on my last nerve although I can't pinpoint why!
I've been married for about 26 years, and I have no issue with Mrs. or Miss and my last name....until just now I've never really thought about it to be honest. One thing I wish I had never done was hyphenate my last name, maiden name-husbands last name. What a PITA.
If someone called me Miss/Ms or Mrs, none would offend me or make me think twice, I may not even notice it, and would probably just assume they were just being polite in addressing me.

 

[tzolkin]

I’m starting to wonder if the whole Ms./Mrs./Miss thing is falling out of fashion. I think in the past people were much more strict on the rules and how you should properly address someone, but I have noticed people putting less emphasis on that and some who don’t even really understand the difference between them.

I’m not sure if I have ever been called Ms.— always either Miss or Mrs. (assuming they’re basing the choice on how old they think I am because it’s not like you can just tell if someone is married or not).

There’s also the use of Miss & ma’am which is pretty common in the US. I’m curious if the people using Mrs. are using it as a substitute for ma’am (since there are only two options there). Perhaps they are just assuming it’s more respectful and for adult women (vs Miss) and not understanding that it’s really just for married women and that there’s a third option for when you’re unsure.

I'm in PA, been married for decades and the kids in sunday school class called me MISS .

Miss Firstname? Or Miss Lastname? Miss First name regardless of marital status is very common. It’s being more familiar, but showing more respect than just using an adult’s first name. I’m some cultures kids will call adults they are close to “aunt/uncle” even if they’re not related.

 

[ronandannette]

I hope to get some insight into American culture. I have never been married, no children, etc. During my last trip I was called Mrs on multiple occasions. Sometimes this was by cast members that would not necessarily have known that I was travelling solo but even had I not been alone I think they may have called me Mrs out of habit.

While I understand that using someone’s name is often considered good service I was quite taken aback to be called Mrs. I’m Australian and when dealing with the public in my job we are always instructed to use Ms for women unless we have information that they have a different title (Mrs, Dr, etc.). My parents got divorced when I was young and my mother does not like being called Mrs. My friends are a mixture with some married some not and not all that are married have taken their husband’s name. Similarly, some do and some don’t have kids and therefore don’t always share a last name with their children. The reality is that the portion of them that go by Mrs is less than half (and we’re well into our 30’s).

I know the Australian culture is much more casual and therefore many services simply use first names. What’s the norm in the USA? Does it vary with regions and it was just because Florida is in the south that people called me Mrs?

Just reading through your post with all the different situations you describe gives us a major clue to what went on. It’s simply impossible for a stranger to know what someone should (based solely on etiquette) be called or what they prefer. My guess is the people addressing you defaulted to Mrs. rather than Miss based on your age. No offence intended - nobody calls me Miss anymore either. FWIW, I’d rather be addressed incorrectly with a formal term than with my first name by a stranger in a business setting. That just feels weird to me.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I'm in Maryland and I often get Miss and my first name....I HATE it. I have actually asked people not to call me that, it just gets on my last nerve although I can't pinpoint why!
I've been married for about 26 years, and I have no issue with Mrs. or Miss and my last name....until just now I've never really thought about it to be honest. One thing I wish I had never done was hyphenate my last name, maiden name-husbands last name. What a PITA.
If someone called me Miss/Ms or Mrs, none would offend me or make me think twice, I may not even notice it, and would probably just assume they were just being polite in addressing me.

I am glad I am not the only one who hates that so much! (being called Miss First Name) It almost seems condescending and rude. Maybe it is not meant to be that way, but it just seems that way to me. I have never gone so far as to ask people not to say it though. But, it IS like nails on a chalkboard for me. I have always lived in the midwest and never experienced it at home. However, for work I often have to talk with people from all over the country. It does seem that people from certain regions tend to say it.

 

[Hikergirl]

As a woman I can say I honestly don't care how I am addressed. Strangers can't possibly know anything about me so unless it is clear they are being condescending then I don't give two bits whether they call me Miss, Ms, Mrs. or even Mam.

 

[loves to dive]

Doesn't bother me either way, I'm divorced so technically a Mrs. I guess but I don't really pay any attention to it. As far as Miss and first name, here in the south that is a must. I would never have allowed my son to call an adult by just their first name and I still call some older adults Miss or Mr first name when addressing them (and I'm 62). I also say mam and sir to people, even if they are younger than me but are in service situations. I always say yes mam or yes sir to salespeople, wait staff, etc.

 

[seashoreCM]

This is the way I think of it when meeting someone for the first time:
A girl is a Miss.
A boy is a Mstr.
A woman is a Ms.
A man is a Mr.
I will leave it up to the beholder as to determining whether a person being addressed is in one of the first two or in one of the second two.
Any person can request to be addressed by any title, not necessarily one of the four mentioned here.

 

[Deb & Bill]

Just tell them to call you "Hun". Short for Honey if you aren't aware of US slang. Darlin' is another suggestion.

 

[L&Lfan]

“Hun” or “Hon” is the standard form of address at Waffle House. I love it. “Would ya like cheese on them grits, hon?” When I hear that, I know I’m back home!

 

[scrump]

I am married and my preference is Ms. in a both a personal and work environment.

I have always understood "Ms" to be the female equivalent of "Mr" - we don't care if the man is married when we address him, why should we care if the woman is?

It irks me to be called Miss or Mrs but it won't ruin my day. I have gently corrected people in the past and have never had a bad experience from it. I know lots of women who prefer to be called "Miss" or "Mrs" and I have no problem addressing them according to their wishes. I do notice perhaps generational/regional leanings towards the Miss/Ms/Mrs usage.

 

[scrump]

This is the way I think of it when meeting someone for the first time:
A girl is a Miss.
A boy is a Mstr.
A woman is a Ms.
A man is a Mr.
I will leave it up to the beholder as to determining whether a person being addressed is in one of the first two or in one of the second two.
Any person can request to be addressed by any title, not necessarily one of the four mentioned here.

This is good guidance.

 

[bethbuchall]

I'm in Maryland and I often get Miss and my first name....I HATE it. I have actually asked people not to call me that, it just gets on my last nerve although I can't pinpoint why!
I've been married for about 26 years, and I have no issue with Mrs. or Miss and my last name....until just now I've never really thought about it to be honest. One thing I wish I had never done was hyphenate my last name, maiden name-husbands last name. What a PITA.
If someone called me Miss/Ms or Mrs, none would offend me or make me think twice, I may not even notice it, and would probably just assume they were just being polite in addressing me.

I know that in other parts of the country, Miss <First name> is considered polite, but it completely drives me nuts. I'm either Mrs. <Last name> (or Ms. or Miss wouldn't bother me) or just use my first name. I don't know why, but it just makes me cringe. Fortunately, Miss <First Name> is uncommon in most cases here. I teach preschool, and all the children handle Mrs. <Last Name> just fine.

 

[luvsJack]

When I worked in child care, we were all Miss first name by the kids. And the parents just followed suit.

Around here, it’s just a way of showing respect but more causal than Ms, Miss or Mrs Last name.