Parenting Question

[declansdad]

I think the OP said he was 4. If that's his age, it should be more about free play and structured t-ball. Maybe that's what the coach is going for.

 

[tvguy]

Yelling at your kid in T ball is not something you should do imo.

It sounds as if your child is either not interested or ready for T Ball. That is OK. I would pull him since it is a matter of safety.

Yeah, in most programs if you continue doing it, you'll be escorted off the property.

 

[holden]

I haven't read all of the responses, but when my daughter isn't focusing I let her trainer handle it.

 

[DISNEY1975]

I only read the first post from the OP. You have every right to parent as you choose. My only advise would be that in this case, you should have let the coach handle it. If fooling around with a cone, or losing focus was an issue, the coach would let him know. You should not be talking to your child while he is at practice, unless you see some kind of danger and nobody else it noticing.

Baseball is quite boring! All kids will lose focus, especially in the outfield of a very young team! When he is in high school, he'll have to pay more attention!

Not sure how I would handle the other parent. Talking is better than ignoring the issue, which would lead you both to ignoring each other for years.

 

[Jaime4004]

My daughter is the dancer on the field. Last year it was t-ball, this year it is soccer.

Mine was the gymnast, flipping on the field, and professional grasspicker. After trying soccer and basketball, she discovered that she really should stick with gymnastics.

Parents yelling does drive me nuts. Especially the sideline coaching. The only thing I want to hear from them is "good job" and positive things. IMO, leave the rest to the coach. But I would never say anything to anyone, because it's not my business, my eyes just involuntarily roll up into my head when it starts.

 

[Disneylovingmomof2]

You should fill your coffee cup with some wine and just enjoy the spring weather next time

 

[JB097]

So I am looking for your thoughts on an issue I had with a mom at my son's t-ball practice tonight.

My son loses focus easily and was goofing off with an orange cone while in the outfield. I sternly hollared at him to stop playing with the cone at one point. A few minutes later, I yelled at him again to pay attention. (My son is used to my stern voice and knows that mommy means business when he hears it and I typically only use it to get his attention.) After that, another player's mom snidely told me it was annoying her and she doesn't want her son to hear me yelling at my own kid. (One of her non-playing kids (18 months old) was wondering the playing field while the practice was going on and she just walked behind him.)

At that point, I just shook my head and walked off without saying a word to her. Had I responded to her, it would have not been pleasant, nor fit for small ears.

What should I have done or do in the future with regards to this mom? And please don't say to not yell at my kids, my children all know I love them and that if I am break out the stern voice, it is time to act better.

Yikes! She didn’t want her son to hear you yelling at your kid??? I don’t understand. Does she not yell at her kids...? (Granted I don’t have kids of my own but I did work as a nanny for 3+ years for several families. Always needed a louder voice to get their attention quick, especially if there was a safety concern!)

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Yikes! She didn’t want her son to hear you yelling at your kid??? I don’t understand. Does she not yell at her kids...? (Granted I don’t have kids of my own but I did work as a nanny for 3+ years for several families. Always needed a louder voice to get their attention quick, especially if there was a safety concern!)

LOL, I have read and re-read, and commented, on this thread about 20 times now, and JUST caught that the lady threw her own 18-month old under the bus on that that one lol. Telling OP that she didn't want the little kid to hear yelling instead of just owning it.

 

[DisneyOma]

I haven't had time to read all the responses, but if it were me, I would have had some not so PG words for the mother. Sorry, I know some may not agree, but that's just me. Just wouldn't tolerate that.

We're a year round sports family too. All 3 of our kids play, lacrosse and football (DD10 doesn't do football obviously, but does year round lacrosse). We've been doing it for years. I do leave the coaching to the coaches, but have I yelled something like what OP did during practice? Absolutely. Especially when they were younger. I don't do it as much now that they're older, because the coaches have much higher expectations of the kids...heck, my boys football coaches don't put up with any nonsense. If you're not paying attention, you're running laps, or the entire team will run laps and the coach will make it known which player was the one causing it. But I'd have no problem with a parent yelling an instruction to their kid once in a while during practice. I see it every day.

Why is it "obvious" that your daughter doesn't play football?

You are right to each their own, I would yell something to my kid- get your head in the game, glove down, things like that (and not at the t-ball level, I'm talking older kids).
However I would not choose to sternly hollar at him to discipline his behavior on the field, that would come after the practice/game.
I wouldn't embarrass him in front of everyone, and I wouldn't subject the other parents around me to my hollaring at him like that.
This was a t ball game of 3 and 4 year olds, nothing is going to that outfield, plus if it was a true t-ball then it wasn't a real baseball anyway, so it wasn't like his behavior put him in imminent danger.
Part of learning how to be safe, is playing and letting the coach do his job and teach about safety on the field at that age. It isnt about mom screaming at you from the stands.

I think telling your kid to "get your head in the game" from the stands is pretty demeaning. I don't get the reasoning behind demeaning a kid playing a game. Why do parents have to yell anything at them? It's just a game, folks! Play it yourself if you don't like how the kid does it, IMO.

I am nine years past your stage, my 14 yr old son is starting his current baseball season. There are always parents that yell at their kids, and the coaches will do it too. The other mom should have just kept her thoughts to herself. If every parent said what they really think to each other during the games it would not be pretty. If the coaches want you to shut up during the game, they will tell you. In t-ball you have a bunch of little kids running around, trying to learn the game, while they pick grass, spin around and act like they don't really care (a lot of them, anyway!). So don't take it too seriously, and the other parents really shouldn't either.

So the parents can say the 'not so pretty' to the kids though? That's an ugly double standard.

 

[Klayfish]

Why is it "obvious" that your daughter doesn't play football?

Because unless it's different where you live, there are no tackle football leagues here for girls. Please don't start in on the gender thing. If there were a tackle league here and DD10 really wanted to play, I'd be all in favor of it. I'd also say she's subject to the same rules as the boys, but that would be her choice. In fact, I kind of dislike the rules for girls lacrosse. They don't wear helmets (even in college), which utterly blows my mind, and they're not really allowed to touch each other. I think that's silly. I'm not suggesting it should be some MMA brawl, but put helmets and pads on them and let them play physical, just like the boys do.

 

[Klayfish]

Exactly.

I took "good thought" to mean something like this:

Let's say Mom A's DS7 is lacrosse goalie. The ball comes into the crease, he scoops it up and goes to launch the ball halfway down the field, but oops...the ball drops out 3 feet in front of him. Play continues, which at that level means there are about 47 little kids whacking at the ball with their stick in front of the goal. Mom yells "OK, nice thought, dude! Come on...let's stop 'em again!" and on the game goes....

I take it as a little self-depreciating humor. I am like that with my kids All The Time lol

Yeah, I get it. And sure, I've said something like that to myself, or DW sitting next to me, kind of tongue-in-cheek joking. But it's not something I'd say to my kids. I don't think it's wrong, I'm just more direct I guess.

Do you have a lacrosse goalie in the family? DS10 is a goalie and has been since he started lacrosse at the age of 7. DS14 is defense and DD10 plays attack and defense (though girls set up differently). Goalie is quite the position to play. He loves it.

 

[mummabear]

I kinda think most kids in tball lose focus. We called my daughter the flower picker when she played

At 8 we still have kids doing cartwheels in the outfield....

Isn't it a really soft ball for t-ball?

No, and even being thrown can hurt a lot if it hits you in the head.

I think people are expecting too much from coaches here. DH is a Tball coach for 4 years now (and 1 season of soccer).
Here anyway for youth teams coaches are volunteers, just someone’s parent from the team who may or may not have much experience in the sport and would at best have attended a couple of hour coaching training, that’s it.
DH has always said that he is there to teach them skills not parent them and expects parents to deal with their kids misbehaving.
At dance it’s the opposite, the teacher doesn’t want parents interrupting so you would talk to your child after class and she would deal with it in the moment.

As far as parents yelling out from the sidelines. Very common in our league for parenting to be calling out to their kids to focus on the game, or calls “get the call home guys” in both tball and soccer.

 

[brockash]

He is 4, almost 5, but tends to behave like a 3 year old. He is a good kid and I always make sure to give him positive reinforcement when he is doing the right thing. I only hollered to redirect his attention back to the game after he was acting up for a while.

Oh, then at that age; definitely normal and I think needed if there's only 1 coach. Like I said, def. not something I'd do every 5 mins., but they're 4....they constantly need reminded of what they're supposed to be doing. I'm a counselor and the teachers in pre-k - 2ndish grade literally sound like broken records just repeating directions every few mins lol. I'd try to make sure you were as close to your kid as possible when you're telling him something, but a few reminders throughout the practice/game is helpful. These I'm sure are volunteer coaches (1 coach in your case) - I've been there and help of directions to your own kid from a parent is helpful and needed to help lessen the chaos.

 

[brockash]

You're not always going to be there to direct him (nor should you). He will need to learn to listen to other adults in his life... Teachers, other coaches etc... You can't always be there or be called to step in. That can be more of a distraction itself. So maybe just stepping back and letting him find his way with T-ball, while you ARE there, is a good stepping stone.

He's 4, with a group of other 4 year olds and 1 volunteer ( who knows how much, if any, experience they have with managing a group of preschoolers) coach trying to teach something. If the coach spent all their time managing the group of kids, they'd never learn anything about tball. Sports, especially at that level is not a babysitter for the kids, it's supposed to be about them learning something, so the parents should still be parenting,

 

[Southernmiss]

He's 4, with a group of other 4 year olds and 1 volunteer ( who knows how much, if any, experience they have with managing a group of preschoolers) coach trying to teach something. If the coach spent all their time managing the group of kids, they'd never learn anything about tball. Sports, especially at that level is not a babysitter for the kids, it's supposed to be about them learning something, so the parents should still be parenting,

Op has said that there is one coach and that there are other parents there. She has not said if any of the other parents are actually on the field or not. At that age, I would hope there are another couple of parents on the field with the kids. Usually, leagues have it structured that there are multiple adult helpers to avoid liability issues at that age. I would be very curious to know if there are parents who are authorized to actively help the coach.

In my experience at that age, there were at least 2 other coaches on the field and often someone or 2 in the dugout.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

He's 4, with a group of other 4 year olds and 1 volunteer ( who knows how much, if any, experience they have with managing a group of preschoolers) coach trying to teach something. If the coach spent all their time managing the group of kids, they'd never learn anything about tball. Sports, especially at that level is not a babysitter for the kids, it's supposed to be about them learning something, so the parents should still be parenting,

I didn't see all of that information, I assumed there were other adults assisting. I've never seen any sports team, especially not one full of pre-k kids, without at least parent volunteers so I assumed OP's son's team has them as well.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think telling your kid to "get your head in the game" from the stands is pretty demeaning. I don't get the reasoning behind demeaning a kid playing a game. Why do parents have to yell anything at them? It's just a game, folks! Play it yourself if you don't like how the kid does it, IMO.

There comes a point where playing a team sports becomes more than "just a game" for a kid.
If my child is on a team, he made a commitment to be there, he took the spot of another kid, and he owes it to his team to do his best, so if he's on that field, or in that court it is time to get his head in the game. Nothing wrong with a parent reinforcing that.
It's clear you don't put much value in playing a competitive team sport so there really isn't any point in explaining things further, you can think what you want.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

https://mikematheny.com/mikes-blog/are-you-really-helping-them-yelling

https://www.understood.org/en/commu...from-the-sidelines-it-can-distract-your-child

http://momastery.com/blog/2014/03/10/how-to-watch-your-kids-game-without-being-a-jerk/

 

[maxiesmom]

Op has said that there is one coach and that there are other parents there. She has not said if any of the other parents are actually on the field or not. At that age, I would hope there are another couple of parents on the field with the kids. Usually, leagues have it structured that there are multiple adult helpers to avoid liability issues at that age. I would be very curious to know if there are parents who are authorized to actively help the coach.

In my experience at that age, there were at least 2 other coaches on the field and often someone or 2 in the dugout.

Is the OP a parent/coach? If not, then yelling instructions to their child during a game is out of line. If parent wants to use their 'stern" voice during the game, then coach.

 

[Wishing on a star]

"Get your head in the game"....
First, we are talking about FOUR year olds here, right.
Second, at any age, I also would find that to be a very negative, demeaning, judgmental comment.
Third, if the age and level is such that play is competitive, it should be even more up to the coach to 'coach', discipline, and either play or demote the players on the team.

Whatever conversations happen between a parent and a child about the kids participation in the sport, the parents expenditure of time, energy, gasoline,etc... Hey, that is between them.
But, I can just not seem to find any way that yelling 'Get your head in the game' in public, while the kid is out on the field, and the coach is present, is a good thing.