Parenting Question

[Wishing on a star]

It comes to mind that it is not okay to sit in the classroom and help 'teach' when class is in session.
We all hate back-seat, or passenger seat, drivers, when operating a vehicle on the road.
You don't interfere with your supervisor at work in the ongoing work day.

I am just not seeing how yelling at kids and coaching from the sidelines is any different.

Wouldn't all of the above be taken as disrespect?

 

[Southernmiss]

https://mikematheny.com/mikes-blog/are-you-really-helping-them-yelling

https://www.understood.org/en/commu...from-the-sidelines-it-can-distract-your-child

http://momastery.com/blog/2014/03/10/how-to-watch-your-kids-game-without-being-a-jerk/

Yep. Now that DD16 is on a travel soccer team, it is rare that we even hear the COACH say anything to the kids from the sidelines during games. The parents laugh when we do hear him, because we know he truly needs to say something to them.

He will also substitute players so that he can call them off the field and give instruction and then send them back onto the playing field. Or he will switch player positions and call players to his side so that he can give them directions. Or he will say something at half-time. Or give the team one of his looks and simply say-You know what you need to work on. In our most recent tournament, he took the whole team in the middle of the field during halftime and reviewed a few key strategies with them that he could see would improve their play in the game for the second half. The won the game and were first place in the tournament.

The best part, he is a boy's JUCO soccer coach! So he is not a volunteer dad--this is his profession. He gets it and understands how to reach the kids.

 

[soccerdad72]

But, I can just not seem to find any way that yelling 'Get your head in the game' in public, while the kid is out on the field, and the coach is present, is a good thing.

With a 4-year old, I might not say those exact words, but I do know I've said "pay attention" from time to time to my kids when they were at that age.

Simply put, if my 4-year old is standing at 3rd base when kids are hitting and he's facing the outfield or staring over to one side or the other, I absolutely would call out, "Hey, pay attention", so he doesn't get drilled with a line drive in the head.

 

[Southernmiss]

Is the OP a parent/coach? If not, then yelling instructions to their child during a game is out of line. If parent wants to use their 'stern" voice during the game, then coach.

I completely agree and stated she was out of line in 2 posts upthread.

I just wonder if there are other more "authorized" parents on the field with the kids who are also redirecting distracted kids. If so, she is even more out of line.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Southernmiss,
THAT sounds like a good coach!!!!

I am originally from Tennessee...
Many hear may be familiar with Pat Head Summit, the women's basketkball coach.
Many National Championships under her tenure.
Known to be an amazing woman.

She has now passed away, her close associate and former head coach has been coaching the team since.
She is one to 'yell' and show negativity and frustration. It seems fairly obvious.

I don't think TN has won a championship since.
I do know it has been a while.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I also wonder about the coaching and assistant(s).
However, this is two very different issues.
If one feels like they HAVE to be right there coaching and controlling their child because of absent or inadequate leadership...
That is a whole different thing, and would take an entirely different approach.

 

[DisneyOma]

There comes a point where playing a team sports becomes more than "just a game" for a kid.
If my child is on a team, he made a commitment to be there, he took the spot of another kid, and he owes it to his team to do his best, so if he's on that field, or in that court it is time to get his head in the game. Nothing wrong with a parent reinforcing that.
It's clear you don't put much value in playing a competitive team sport so there really isn't any point in explaining things further, you can think what you want.

My older daughter got a lot out of playing national level competitive sports, so I don't know where your last statement is coming from. One sport helped her get into MIT, the other got her married and a national title.

I disagree about the parent reinforcing during a practice or game. Nope, yell encouragement, and that's it. The kid is playing, the parent is not. If the parent feel like he or she needs to have some kind of input into the game, the parent should coach or play the sport. Who cares if the kid 'has taken the spot' of someone else. Obviously that someone else didn't make the team. Oh well. It's not the end of the world. It's a freaking game.

 

[runwad]

Ha! When my son was playing ball in 8th grade he was out in the outfield throwing up dirt! We were cracking up, he was so bored out there. He was the pitcher but had to rest sometimes and take a turn in the outfield.

Needless to say that was his last year playing ball, he just doesn't enjoy it if he's not pitching or playing the infield. Baseball is a tough sport, not a lot of action until they get older. Most little boys don't have the attention span for it either. I'd just let him carry on doing whatever he's doing out there and not worry about it.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

It does not make one a better parent disciplining a child in a public place, loudly, and interfering with the enjoyment of peace of the general public. It's completely obnoxious.

 

[LSUmiss]

I’m always amazed at the responses when people ask parenting questions. It gives such good insight into why kids are the way they are these days.

OP, it’s your kid. If you want to yell things at him from the sidelines, go right ahead. I’m assuming you yelled something to the effect of “pay attention” and not something “I can’t believe what a stupid loser jerk you are! Can you please pay attention!”.

I can recall my own sports days. My parents didn’t sit quietly on the sidelines while I was playing. They yelled things. Sometimes they yelled “good job!”. Sometimes they yelled “good try”. Sometimes they yelled “pay attention”. Amazingly enough, I grew up to be a productive member of society even without continuous constant positive reinforcement for everything I did including the screw-ups.

As far as what to do about the other parent and their commentary? I’d have probably either shot her “the look”, or said “well the good news is there’s plenty of field space for you to move where you can’t hear me” or, as a PP said, given her the syrupy sarcastic “well bless your heart”.

I don’t understand the first part of your post. Are you saying that kids are “like they are these days” b/c not enough of us are screaming at our 3 year olds? I wouldn’t have said anything to the OP like she said that mom did, but I probably would have still been annoyed.

 

[Kitty 34]

My little brother was the entomologist. He was always catching bugs and putting them in his pockets

My Dad is 86 and an entomologist and still puts bugs in his pockets.

 

[luvsJack]

The op said there are no assistants only the one coach. That may be a big problem with a bunch of kids this age. Someone needs to be keeping them engaged. Sounds like some parents need to step up.

A lot is being said about games, wasn’t this at practice?

All in all I don’t think the op telling her kid something during practice is going to hurt anything. As long as he doesn’t feel constantly being yelled at to the point he starts hating the game.

My kids played every sport available to them. I didn’t sit quietly in the stands, none of the parents did. Now I didn’t coach and neither did they but a “head’s up” or “hustle out there” was pretty normal as was “good hit”, “good play” and “way to go guys”. There was a bit of “come ON guys” and “get your heads in the game” too.

Ods played outfield from about 9years on. And even at 9, if he had been out there goofing off, he could have gotten his head taken off by a ball or by the coach. He had to have complete focus. He played center so don’t know if that made a difference. Can’t imagine finding it boring, they had a lot of intense games. They played because they loved it.

But t ball? Yeah, lots of down time. And usually lots of kids playing with bugs or throwing dirt or whatever.

 

[Southernmiss]

The op said there are no assistants only the one coach. That may be a big problem with a bunch of kids this age. Someone needs to be keeping them engaged. Sounds like some parents need to step up.

A lot is being said about games, wasn’t this at practice?

All in all I don’t think the op telling her kid something during practice is going to hurt anything. As long as he doesn’t feel constantly being yelled at to the point he starts hating the game.

My kids played every sport available to them. I didn’t sit quietly in the stands, none of the parents did. Now I didn’t coach and neither did they but a “head’s up” or “hustle out there” was pretty normal as was “good hit”, “good play” and “way to go guys”. There was a bit of “come ON guys” and “get your heads in the game” too.

Ods played outfield from about 9years on. And even at 9, if he had been out there goofing off, he could have gotten his head taken off by a ball or by the coach. He had to have complete focus. He played center so don’t know if that made a difference. Can’t imagine finding it boring, they had a lot of intense games. They played because they loved it.

But t ball? Yeah, lots of down time. And usually lots of kids playing with bugs or throwing dirt or whatever.

In her reply to your question about helpers, she said parents do help out. Sounds like parents are already actively involved.

 

[Kellydelly]

Why is it "obvious" that your daughter doesn't play football?



I think telling your kid to "get your head in the game" from the stands is pretty demeaning. I don't get the reasoning behind demeaning a kid playing a game. Why do parents have to yell anything at them? It's just a game, folks! Play it yourself if you don't like how the kid does it, IMO.



So the parents can say the 'not so pretty' to the kids though? That's an ugly double standard.

The parents are yelling at the kids to move their position, to keep their eye on the ball, or whatever. Some parents just keep yapping their mouths the whole game. It can be quite annoying! But I just keep my mouth shut and keep watching the game and hope they win. I don't know what kind of double standard you are referring to? Nobody at our games is talking trash to the players, and I never said they did. I said that parents are always yelling at the kids, giving them direction, not calling them out for stupid stuff they do or miss.

 

[Hikergirl]

My older daughter got a lot out of playing national level competitive sports, so I don't know where your last statement is coming from. One sport helped her get into MIT, the other got her married and a national title.

I disagree about the parent reinforcing during a practice or game. Nope, yell encouragement, and that's it. The kid is playing, the parent is not. If the parent feel like he or she needs to have some kind of input into the game, the parent should coach or play the sport. Who cares if the kid 'has taken the spot' of someone else. Obviously that someone else didn't make the team. Oh well. It's not the end of the world. It's a freaking game.

Who cares? The parents who appreciate that the coach saw the hard work their child put in to the sport and felt they would worth being on the team. Maybe that isn't important for you and yours, but it is to me, I want my kids to realize they didn't have to be the one chosen, that there are other kids just as good, but since they were they need to put in 100% effort. I don't think you get that that isn't input into the game or trying to be a coach, it is encouragement for my child.
You are free to think it is just a game, (again why the need to bring up the MIT thing then, no need to do that in every thread-we get it) that is great and if that attitude works for you and your kids. That is not my attitude and I assure it works just fine for my kids.

 

[kuhltiffany]

You know what works best to help your child. You are helping him learn responsibility and self-control, which are vital life skills. My only suggestion would be to be closer to him so that you can remind him more easily and don't have to risk yelling...

 

[gotomu212]

Yikes! She didn’t want her son to hear you yelling at your kid??? I don’t understand. Does she not yell at her kids...? (Granted I don’t have kids of my own but I did work as a nanny for 3+ years for several families. Always needed a louder voice to get their attention quick, especially if there was a safety concern!)

This actually makes the most sense to me. There was a parent on one of my son’s teams that felt the need to “sternly” yell at their kid- honestly hearing a strange adult yell at a kid can be scary for other kids.

 

[luvsJack]

In her reply to your question about helpers, she said parents do help out. Sounds like parents are already actively involved.

Oh , you are right! She did. I saw “only one coach” and guess quit reading.



In thinking back to the days of t ball (and that was a long, long, long time ago), it seems like I remember the practices being set up so the kids were split into groups. So one adult would have kids catching and one would have some batting and one would have some running the bases or something. They would all be engaged in some type of practicing. Practice was usually more fun for them than the games lol. Games meant a lot of standing around hoping someone hit the ball. And at the Op’s child’s age, seems like I remember when the ball WAS hit, the entire team chased it!!!

Has t ball changed a lot?

 

[Kae]

Put him in a faster paced sport like soccer. Maybe he is bored standing out there.

Kae

 

[mummabear]

https://mikematheny.com/mikes-blog/are-you-really-helping-them-yelling

https://www.understood.org/en/commu...from-the-sidelines-it-can-distract-your-child

http://momastery.com/blog/2014/03/10/how-to-watch-your-kids-game-without-being-a-jerk/

http://changingthegameproject.com/the-ride-home-after-the-game/

Talking after the game also has its downsides.

Get your head in the game"....
First, we are talking about FOUR year olds here, right.
Second, at any age, I also would find that to be a

I think if you are talking about kids trying their best and being told “get your head on the game” as in “you are playing poorly” then yes it is an insult. But when you are talking about kids who are literally doing cartwheels and chasing butterflies then yes stop daydreaming and focus.
And yes we are talking about FOUR year olds, who are learning what it means to play a sport and be on a team.