Parenting Question

[jevs]

Standing near a yeller is annoying. I wouldn’t say anything but I’d move and avoid for the rest of the season.

 

[mjkacmom]

Who cares? The parents who appreciate that the coach saw the hard work their child put in to the sport and felt they would worth being on the team. Maybe that isn't important for you and yours, but it is to me, I want my kids to realize they didn't have to be the one chosen, that there are other kids just as good, but since they were they need to put in 100% effort. I don't think you get that that isn't input into the game or trying to be a coach, it is encouragement for my child.
You are free to think it is just a game, (again why the need to bring up the MIT thing then, no need to do that in every thread-we get it) that is great and if that attitude works for you and your kids. That is not my attitude and I assure it works just fine for my kids.

Do you really think there was a tball tryout? A draft? Even with a draft, some kids end up on a team because they were a last pick. We are not discussing travel/club/high school sports here.

 

[brockash]

Op has said that there is one coach and that there are other parents there. She has not said if any of the other parents are actually on the field or not. At that age, I would hope there are another couple of parents on the field with the kids. Usually, leagues have it structured that there are multiple adult helpers to avoid liability issues at that age. I would be very curious to know if there are parents who are authorized to actively help the coach.

In my experience at that age, there were at least 2 other coaches on the field and often someone or 2 in the dugout.

I guess it just depends on location. For the most part everywhere we've been (we're military and move often), they're generally scrambling just to get 1 coach to volunteer and go through all the necessary background stuff to coach, so we've experienced many times where there's only 1 coach etc.

 

[mummabear]

Oh , you are right! She did. I saw “only one coach” and guess quit reading.



In thinking back to the days of t ball (and that was a long, long, long time ago), it seems like I remember the practices being set up so the kids were split into groups. So one adult would have kids catching and one would have some batting and one would have some running the bases or something. They would all be engaged in some type of practicing. Practice was usually more fun for them than the games lol. Games meant a lot of standing around hoping someone hit the ball. And at the Op’s child’s age, seems like I remember when the ball WAS hit, the entire team chased it!!!

Has t ball changed a lot?

In an ideal world, mostly though they are scrambling to get a single coach

 

[luvsJack]

In an ideal world, mostly though they are scrambling to get a single coach

Well back then, the dads and moms helped out.

IMO, if you are going to sign your kid up for anything you should be willing to help out.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Yeah, in most programs if you continue doing it, you'll be escorted off the property.

When our kids were in soccer (around 4-5), we were told the only thing we could do on the sidelines is clap. No yelling, no screaming, no coaching. Coaches were the only ones who were supposed to coach, for any reason.

When they came to the sidelines for breaks or not playing at that time, the kids all stayed together and the parents sat separately. If the sidelines broke the rules, the refs (often an older teen, as the leagues the kids played for offered breaks on fees for those older kids who would ref) could stop the game and go speak to the coaches or parents who were breaking the rules.

I was called over from the sidelines twice. Once when DD#2 was in a collision with another girl, that ended with a trip to the ER for DD (the girl was much bigger, I swear she was more like 10 than 6) for a severely twisted ankle; and then once with DS (5) when he was beaned in the back of the head with a soccer ball kicked from the next field over, by a very enthusiastic 12-13 year old trying to pass to a teammate, he didn't black out but he would not get up.

 

[tvguy]

When our kids were in soccer (around 4-5), we were told the only thing we could do on the sidelines is clap. No yelling, no screaming, no coaching. Coaches were the only ones who were supposed to coach, for any reason.

When they came to the sidelines for breaks or not playing at that time, the kids all stayed together and the parents sat separately. If the sidelines broke the rules, the refs (often an older teen, as the leagues the kids played for offered breaks on fees for those older kids who would ref) could stop the game and go speak to the coaches or parents who were breaking the rules.

I was called over from the sidelines twice. Once when DD#2 was in a collision with another girl, that ended with a trip to the ER for DD (the girl was much bigger, I swear she was more like 10 than 6) for a severely twisted ankle; and then once with DS (5) when he was beaned in the back of the head with a soccer ball kicked from the next field over, by a very enthusiastic 12-13 year old trying to pass to a teammate, he didn't black out but he would not get up.

Yeah, we frequently had teens call our games. I always felt sorry for teens having to deal with unreasonable adults. Only issue with soccer I recall was a game fortunately where we had adult, experienced officials. And the head official and league President were on the sidelines. It got handled quickly, and with the parent involving fully understanding that behavior would never ever be tolerated again.

 

[rwdavis2]

Apologize to her for being "that" parent.

I agree. Leave the kid alone. In the scheme of things t-ball is not very important.

 

[mummabear]

Well back then, the dads and moms helped out.

IMO, if you are going to sign your kid up for anything you should be willing to help out.

Yeah you should, but it’s not the case with most.
I have volunteered as a girl Guide leader for over 3 years, we struggle to get parents to do 1-2 parent help nights every 3 months. Every season at both soccer and softball they struggle to get enough coaches to run the teams.
Sadly, it is always the same people again and again who are helping with things.

 

[Southernmiss]

Yeah you should, but it’s not the case with most.
I have volunteered as a girl Guide leader for over 3 years, we struggle to get parents to do 1-2 parent help nights every 3 months. Every season at both soccer and softball they struggle to get enough coaches to run the teams.
Sadly, it is always the same people again and again who are helping with things.

Unfortunately, it happens anywhere volunteers are needed. Very much the case at church, too.

 

[DisneyOma]

(again why the need to bring up the MIT thing then, no need to do that in every thread-we get it)

Sorry, to be honest I don't notice who has posted in which thread enough to remember if I've said that in one thread that someone has posted in as well or not. I just respond to content, not online names.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Yeah, I get it. And sure, I've said something like that to myself, or DW sitting next to me, kind of tongue-in-cheek joking. But it's not something I'd say to my kids. I don't think it's wrong, I'm just more direct I guess.

Do you have a lacrosse goalie in the family? DS10 is a goalie and has been since he started lacrosse at the age of 7. DS14 is defense and DD10 plays attack and defense (though girls set up differently). Goalie is quite the position to play. He loves it.

Yes, DS12 is goalie for his team. He has a love/hate relationship with it lol He, and we, love how lax goalies are treated so well by their teammates - especially their defense - and he has a pretty decent save percentage, so he likes that. He hates getting whacked with line drive lax balls about a hundred times a week lol (lax is still up and coming here, so his team isn't exactly elite, but they try!) He is U12, so it is 5th/6th graders, and he also stays 30 min after his practice to join the 7/8th graders to make up a 6-8th team. When he plays with them, he gets goalie help, so he can play defense or middie and yesterday played attack. He likes the change of scenery, but I think that despite his occasional griping about it, he is truly a goalie at heart.

DS17 plays defense - he and the other two starting defense guys on his HS lax team are also all-conference football defensive tackles/offensive guards, so it makes for interesting games lol they do not shy away from contact, let's put it that way

DD13 plays, too (defense) and I agree that the girls game and boys games are very different! I remember when DS17 first started playing, even though DD had played, I felt like it was a different sport altogether! DD grabs a case that has her stick and goggles and weighs about 2 lbs, and off she goes. The boys have these HUGE bags full of pads, helmets, gloves, etc, that they have to keep track of and schelpp around. And yes....I was talking to a mom of all girls who had never watched a boys lax game, and she was horrified lol, listening to me describe what DS17's high school games are like. Haha

I love it, though. I am thoroughly sad that DS17 has finished his football years (I'm sure you've read before about his shoulder surgeries/problems), but I love watching him play lax almost just as much. Same with the other two kids - It's a fun sport to play and to watch.

 

[luvsJack]

Yeah you should, but it’s not the case with most.
I have volunteered as a girl Guide leader for over 3 years, we struggle to get parents to do 1-2 parent help nights every 3 months. Every season at both soccer and softball they struggle to get enough coaches to run the teams.
Sadly, it is always the same people again and again who are helping with things.

Frustrating to say the least. We started experiencing that later but not as young as the OP’s kids. Seemed like at that age everyone wanted to be involved.

By junior high it started dropping off and high school was like pulling teeth to get help. All parental involvement seemed to be like 4 parents. I know I told a parent once if I heard “I work” one more time I was going to scream. Like what exactly did they think the rest of us did? Lol. Dh drives a truck and is gone 5-6 days a week and still managed to help.

I don’t understand parents sometimes. I mean I don’t always know enough about a sport to help coach but I can sell a mean hot dog or coke and make some great team snacks.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

http://changingthegameproject.com/the-ride-home-after-the-game/

Talking after the game also has its downsides.

I agree, and was going to bring that up, too, along with chiding on the way to a game, but I figured three links were enough. But it's true - too much stress from parents surrounding a sport can help ruin it for a kid. My son's college coach tells players to not listen to talk of stats or strikeouts or any of that because the pressure from that can do funny things to players' minds. Athletes have to work on keeping their minds strong as it's half the battle of any sport. There's lots of information about this out there.

My older daughter got a lot out of playing national level competitive sports, so I don't know where your last statement is coming from. One sport helped her get into MIT, the other got her married and a national title.

Fwiw, that's the first time I've heard that about your daughter! Congratulations to her, that is quite an accomplishment! I've seen MIT play and at first was a little surprised at how good they were (from what I saw) - until I understood that MIT can pretty much take their pick of athletes, many of whom would've easily qualified for other, more prestigious athletic programs.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I agree, and was going to bring that up, too, along with chiding on the way to a game, but I figured three links were enough. But it's true - too much stress from parents surrounding a sport can help ruin it for a kid. My son's college coach tells players to not listen to talk of stats or strikeouts or any of that because the pressure from that can do funny things to players' minds. Athletes have to work on keeping their minds strong as it's half the battle of any sport. There's lots of information about this out there.


Fwiw, that's the first time I've heard that about your daughter! Congratulations to her, that is quite an accomplishment! I've seen MIT play and at first was a little surprised at how good they were (from what I saw) - until I understood that MIT can pretty much take their pick of athletes, many of whom would've easily qualified for other, more prestigious athletic programs.

Same here....first time! I love hearing that kids made it to the "next level" and get to continue playing in college. What a great accomplishment - congrats to your daughter for getting that far!

 

[Klayfish]

Yes, DS12 is goalie for his team. He has a love/hate relationship with it lol He, and we, love how lax goalies are treated so well by their teammates - especially their defense - and he has a pretty decent save percentage, so he likes that. He hates getting whacked with line drive lax balls about a hundred times a week lol (lax is still up and coming here, so his team isn't exactly elite, but they try!) He is U12, so it is 5th/6th graders, and he also stays 30 min after his practice to join the 7/8th graders to make up a 6-8th team. When he plays with them, he gets goalie help, so he can play defense or middie and yesterday played attack. He likes the change of scenery, but I think that despite his occasional griping about it, he is truly a goalie at heart.

DS17 plays defense - he and the other two starting defense guys on his HS lax team are also all-conference football defensive tackles/offensive guards, so it makes for interesting games lol they do not shy away from contact, let's put it that way

DD13 plays, too (defense) and I agree that the girls game and boys games are very different! I remember when DS17 first started playing, even though DD had played, I felt like it was a different sport altogether! DD grabs a case that has her stick and goggles and weighs about 2 lbs, and off she goes. The boys have these HUGE bags full of pads, helmets, gloves, etc, that they have to keep track of and schelpp around. And yes....I was talking to a mom of all girls who had never watched a boys lax game, and she was horrified lol, listening to me describe what DS17's high school games are like. Haha

I love it, though. I am thoroughly sad that DS17 has finished his football years (I'm sure you've read before about his shoulder surgeries/problems), but I love watching him play lax almost just as much. Same with the other two kids - It's a fun sport to play and to watch.

Wow, your family sounds a lot like ours.

DS10 is in his 4th year of lacrosse. He's been a goalie since year one. He loves it and is quite talented. His biggest challenge is himself. He expects perfection, not only in sports, but in life. He also has anxiety, and all of this is a life issue, just not sports. If he lets a goal in, he gets very upset and has had to be taken off the field at times. We're working hard with him (not just in sports) and hope to help him channel his passion, focus and desires into positives instead of negatives. When not in goal, he also plays attack. Last year, at the age of 9, he played goalie for his older brothers' U13 team. He's been playing football as long as he's been playing lacrosse, and he relishes the physical contact. He loves to hit, and hit hard. In fact, if he had to choose just one sport, it would be football.

DD10 is year round lacrosse. I totally agree it's a different game, you're so right about her having a <2lb bag and the boys having a huge bag. I wish they'd change that. Put helmets on them, at the very least. She was so tentative when she first started to play, but has blossomed into a competitive player.

DS14 is also spring lacrosse, fall football kid, like his younger brother. Defense in lacrosse and football. He lacks the raw athletic talent of his younger brother, but has all the heart and the right mindset. He's about to become a freshmen, so it will change everything for him in sports. He's been working hard to make a good impression when spring football starts next week.

The boys got invited to play a "elite" summer lacrosse program this year. We're debating now if we want to do it. We hadn't planned on it, and it's incredibly expensive. Plus, we'll miss 1/3 of it because of our summer WDW trip.

 

[Park Pirate]

Yes, DS12 is goalie for his team. He has a love/hate relationship with it lol He, and we, love how lax goalies are treated so well by their teammates - especially their defense - and he has a pretty decent save percentage, so he likes that.

Father of a lacrosse 12U defenseman/Long Stick Middie here and center back in soccer. I know this is off-topic, but I do love to see players treat the goalie well and my son takes it personally (as in upset that he/the defense let it happen) when the goalie has to make a difficult save. I was a soccer goalie and I have so much appreciation for how mentally tough a goalie must be. Someone out in the field makes a mistake and people forget, but a goalie....

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Wow, your family sounds a lot like ours.

DS10 is in his 4th year of lacrosse. He's been a goalie since year one. He loves it and is quite talented. His biggest challenge is himself. He expects perfection, not only in sports, but in life. He also has anxiety, and all of this is a life issue, just not sports. If he lets a goal in, he gets very upset and has had to be taken off the field at times. We're working hard with him (not just in sports) and hope to help him channel his passion, focus and desires into positives instead of negatives. When not in goal, he also plays attack. Last year, at the age of 9, he played goalie for his older brothers' U13 team. He's been playing football as long as he's been playing lacrosse, and he relishes the physical contact. He loves to hit, and hit hard. In fact, if he had to choose just one sport, it would be football.

DD10 is year round lacrosse. I totally agree it's a different game, you're so right about her having a <2lb bag and the boys having a huge bag. I wish they'd change that. Put helmets on them, at the very least. She was so tentative when she first started to play, but has blossomed into a competitive player.

DS14 is also spring lacrosse, fall football kid, like his younger brother. Defense in lacrosse and football. He lacks the raw athletic talent of his younger brother, but has all the heart and the right mindset. He's about to become a freshmen, so it will change everything for him in sports. He's been working hard to make a good impression when spring football starts next week.

The boys got invited to play a "elite" summer lacrosse program this year. We're debating now if we want to do it. We hadn't planned on it, and it's incredibly expensive. Plus, we'll miss 1/3 of it because of our summer WDW trip.

Very similar! The next few years are going to be very fun for your family - don't blink! I swear it was just yesterday I was sitting at DS's very first football game when he was 7, and the next thing I knew, I was crying my eyes out all through his last. And exactly 5 weeks from today, he will wake up on a school day as a former HS student.

As a general rule, our kids do not do travel sports (football, as you know, is inherently "travel"), but DS12 was invited to play on a travel lacrosse team this winter for a 6-week session. He really liked it because his team actually knew what they were doing and the other team's offense wasn't all over him the whole game unlike his regular team lol. But indoor lax is much faster paced (no out of bounds breaks) so he had to adjust to the quick rebounding. He was free as a goalie - I would never pay travel-level fees for him to play. To each their own, though....

 

[soccerdad72]

Father of a lacrosse 12U defenseman/Long Stick Middie here and center back in soccer. I know this is off-topic, but I do love to see players treat the goalie well and my son takes it personally (as in upset that he/the defense let it happen) when the goalie has to make a difficult save. I was a soccer goalie and I have so much appreciation for how mentally tough a goalie must be. Someone out in the field makes a mistake and people forget, but a goalie....

As a parent of two soccer defenders (one center back, the other a defensive midfielder who also plays backup goalie), it's important to instill in kids to always take care of your goalie. They've got your back if you screw up and let someone get free.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Father of a lacrosse 12U defenseman/Long Stick Middie here and center back in soccer. I know this is off-topic, but I do love to see players treat the goalie well and my son takes it personally (as in upset that he/the defense let it happen) when the goalie has to make a difficult save. I was a soccer goalie and I have so much appreciation for how mentally tough a goalie must be. Someone out in the field makes a mistake and people forget, but a goalie....

My oldest is a defenseman as well, and he tells DS12 ALL the time - it's the defenses job to keep the ball away from the goalie and to block the shots before they get to the net, so DS12 should not feel bad if he lets a shot in. Even he says that by the time someone shoots, it's almost impossible to get in front of it. When we tell him he does a good job blocking shots, he shrugs and says he doesn't understand why everyone always says that because it's just luck that he blocked it.

Really, it's intuition, but at his age, he doesn't understand that concept. He does get really mad at himself when he lets a shot in. And I love that his defensivemen come over and pat his shoulder and tell him it's OK. It's so sweet.

Funny story - and I am not bragging here. DS's team is not very good. They are a relatively new Rec Dept program and the sport is still up and coming here, so there are a lot of new kids that have never played before. Last year was DS12's first year and he did pretty good at blocking a good percentage of shots (like in the 13 out of 20 per game range). You already know how good Lax kids treat their goalies, so some of the kids started calling DS "MVP" (honestly it was only because his saves were often the only highlight of pretty bad gameplay with bad losses lol). DS12 is an extremely humble kid and really hard on himself. He hates attention, good or bad. Friday, we took him and one of his friends swimming at a hotel, and on the way he was talking to DS12 about lax, and asked DS if he was good at it. DS12 shrugs and says "ehh, not really that good, but the kids on my team nicknamed me "MVP", so I don't know....") lol He was so chill about it....not even realizing that he totally just bragged on himself. He just doesn't think that way about himself at ALL!

Sorry OP, for going off topic Back to your thread now!