Punishing my family by making them go

[mom2rtk]

Like you, I am also not a fan of long road trips...at all. However, I have several friends & relatives that swear by them. According to them they play games, have lots of time to bond, talk, & just spend time together. Me? I prefer jumping on a plane, but each to their own!

Oh, don't get me wrong. I have driven this country coast to coast a number of times. I love long road trips. But I don't like like road trips with a huge number of people squeezed into a small space and driving straight through for 2 days.

 

[TwoMisfits]

I want to echo the Disneyland idea...even if tickets for WDW are bought, I'd seek a refund. Every college spring break, I had to spend working or doing military commitment stuff, so I never had to ability to go away for 9 days (if it's 4 driving and 5 playing).

If you want a spring break trip that makes everyone happy, less driving and less requirements would probably go a long way...2 days in CA (with the shorter drive) might make everyone happy and still hit that "we've been to Disney" itch...you could probably take 4 days there (and a day for driving and back) and save a few days of your kids' spring breaks for them to get work done and not freak out about being overwhelmed or getting bad grades...

 

[tjmw2727]

I'm just going to add in something here based on my experience as a college student, and as the parent of a college student: When it comes to spring break week, I only wanted to do two things, and my daughter has been the same way every year. She comes home for spring break and says 1. Let me sleep and 2. I need to catch up on my classwork and studying. Your kids who are in college might think the same thing, and not want to go on an exhausting vacation for those two reasons.

I have been following this thread but unsure how to best express my feelings but the above is what my 2 college age DD's would say. We visit WDW often but Spring Break is tough for both of them. We have the opportunity to join extended family for a reunion on my in laws dime and as much as my kids LOVE their cousins, aunts and uncles and Disney they are only joining for a weekend. (Flights on my dime!) The trip coincides with their spring break but they have so much they really can't miss even though it is technically break. They are doing a long weekend in between the two weeks of everyone else's breaks to make sure they can see everyone.

OP please re-read your OP and decide if this is the really the best vacation choice for everyone - look at this from others point of view and if you really need ideas that will appeal to your older kids then hit the websites and find things they will like.

To be honest only you and them will know what will make this a vacation for you all.

 

[roseaster]

Paqratkitty, I just had to jump in here & state that the amount of abuse some of these posters are dishing out is unbelievable! Although the dynamics of the family I grew up in are different than your family, when I was in college if my parents had stated that I was going to go on a family vacation....I would have been going! Everyone keeps harping on how can you make "adults" go on vacation. Yeah, they may legally be adults, but they are still a part of your family, and are students, that changes things. I feel bad that you have had to defend yourself so many times & have had to state (over & over) that while the older kids might not be thrilled, they are willing to go, they are looking forward to things like riding with the little ones, etc. Do yourself a favor and ignore the judge-mental people on this board, some seem to think it's okay to attack others. But getting back to your actual question, my bet is that your oldest son will LOVE Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Ft Wilderness itself. He may also enjoy going over to Wilderness Lodge and learning about Walt's love of trains and the displays that they have there. Best wishes for a terrific family vacation, I think when all is said & done, everyone will be happy that they went!

Please explain to me precisely HOW you force an adult to take a vacation that they don't want. Bear in mind, I am in the OP's situation. I have adult children down to toddlers.

To you tie them up and throw them in the trunk? Or by saying "they are students" do you manipulate them by refusing to pay for their tuition or whatever it is you may be helping them with?

Either solution is equally as bad and shows that you do not respect them at all. (and people wonder why young adults have a high rate of "failure to launch." They are still being treated like children, even after they are adults) I doubt the OP had the discussion with her adult children that she would pay for their college and let them drive her car if they went to Disney on family vacations.

If the OP really does need the adult children's help, then, as a PP said, she should own that and tell the children that she needs them to go because she needs help with the kids.

Otherwise, she should respect their wishes and treat them as adults and let them stay home. Not even mentioning the fact that there is no way I would waste that type of money paying to "force" an adult to go on a vacation that they have said they will not enjoy.

 

[Soarin4us]

OP, on page 1 you stated that you want this to be "about them." If that's true, they do NOT want to go. That fact won't change. If it's about them, you'll ask them what they'd like to do with their precious vacation and family time. I bet you'd get a list of a dozen things! But, if it's about you and whatever reasons you want to make them go, get a good guidebook, like Unofficial Guide, let them read it and choose. But yes, they'll probably come home wishing they'd done something other than Disney World, and dreading where you'll drag them next.

 

[siestakeys04]

I have to young adults my dd 22 loves disney my 18 ds sometimes. I have begged him to go for about 4 years and was not interested he enjoyed going on cruises. This year since Pandora opened he wants to visit. Until he spoke about going what we be the point to force him to go and force him to enjoy it. You may want to let them stay home or ask them what they would like to do. To force them could make for a miserable trip.

After going back and reading through more post you stated op that you would rather go to the beach, I say go to the beach.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Please explain to me precisely HOW you force an adult to take a vacation that they don't want. Bear in mind, I am in the OP's situation. I have adult children down to toddlers.

To you tie them up and throw them in the trunk? Or by saying "they are students" do you manipulate them by refusing to pay for their tuition or whatever it is you may be helping them with?

Depending on how you raised them, simply not wanting to, wouldn't be enough for them to refuse to go.

My son, as I have said, will do things that he doesn't want to. So does my husband. Heck, so do I. Why? Because we love each other. We do it because the other person wants to do it.

For example, I might go for a walk with my husband, when I don't want to. Why? Because generally we both like to walk and I know he gets enjoyment out of it. I went to Maine on vacation with my husband, and went hiking. Not my idea of a wonderful vacation. Now, some of it was fun. And the parts that weren't, were okay. And even after over 20 years, my husband still talks about it.

So, maybe force isn't the right word. I can't be forced to do something that I don't want to do. And my husband wouldn't try. But to be encouraged enough to have to them go? Sure.

 

[Nancyg56]

Depending on how you raised them, simply not wanting to, wouldn't be enough for them to refuse to go.

My son, as I have said, will do things that he doesn't want to. So does my husband. Heck, so do I. Why? Because we love each other. We do it because the other person wants to do it.

For example, I might go for a walk with my husband, when I don't want to. Why? Because generally we both like to walk and I know he gets enjoyment out of it. I went to Maine on vacation with my husband, and went hiking. Not my idea of a wonderful vacation. Now, some of it was fun. And the parts that weren't, were okay. And even after over 20 years, my husband still talks about it.

So, maybe force isn't the right word. I can't be forced to do something that I don't want to do. And my husband wouldn't try. But to be encouraged enough to have to them go? Sure.

But do you not think that your examples, when compared to the OP situation, are apples vs oranges?

My adult children, even though they are all married, will often acquiesce to our requests even if they do not really want to, but the requests are never vacations. I might ask them to attend a party, or to make a call. Kind of like your garbage or walk requests.
Respect is a two way street, and if I know one of my children really does not want to do something, I will not ask. My DD and her family have zero desire to cruise, but my other two and their families love them. My DD made it clear that if my husband really wanted all of us to take a cruise, they would join us. No. We would never ask.

I admit that I cannot understand the OP investment in this WDW trip, but understand that she is invested in it. I cannot say that I would pressure adult children to vacation with us if they were not interested and had made their feelings known.

I also believe strongly that there is a vast difference between a couple compromising in regards to vacation destinations and the circumstances the OP s describing.

While I understand that there will always be times when family agrees to do things they do not want to do, I think that we all need to be realistic about what is reasonable and what is not.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

But do you not think that your examples, when compared to the OP situation, are apples vs oranges?

Definitely.

I couldn't imagine forcing my son to go on vacation with us, if he didn't want to go.

We, in fact, went on vacation in May without him. It was a road trip from Alabama to New York, and back. We took 11 days. He was out of school, and didn't have to work. But his response? Yea, um, no. And he stayed home. He was 21 at the time.

But I probably could have made him go. I didn't because I understand his feelings and respect his time.

 

[Nancyg56]

Definitely.

I couldn't imagine forcing my son to go on vacation with us, if he didn't want to go.

We, in fact, went on vacation in May without him. It was a road trip from Alabama to New York, and back. We took 11 days. He was out of school, and didn't have to work. But his response? Yea, um, no. And he stayed home. He was 21 at the time.

But I probably could have made him go. I didn't because I understand his feelings and respect his time.

I totally agree! My oldest has only joined me on vacation one time sice he graduated from HS and finished his college classes. He is 42 and has finally agreed to a trip was a family. Vacations stress hi out he says! LOL! Okay.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Definitely.

I couldn't imagine forcing my son to go on vacation with us, if he didn't want to go.

We, in fact, went on vacation in May without him. It was a road trip from Alabama to New York, and back. We took 11 days. He was out of school, and didn't have to work. But his response? Yea, um, no. And he stayed home. He was 21 at the time.

But I probably could have made him go. I didn't because I understand his feelings and respect his time.

This. We're doing a family trip to Europe next summer. DS20 doesn't want to go. I really would love for him to come--it's likely he'd never go on his own, the rest of us are all going (family of 6, so 5 going). I feel like he's missing out on such a fabulous trip, which of course, we'd pay for him. But, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to go in the heat, with all those tourists, and he can hear his siblings bicker at home for free (he does make a good point, there!). So--he's staying home. I feel badly, but I respect his decision.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I totally agree! My oldest has only joined me on vacation one time sice he graduated from HS and finished his college classes. He is 42 and has finally agreed to a trip was a family. Vacations stress hi out he says! LOL! Okay.

Our son quite regularly joins us on vacation. In fact, he isn't real happy that we are taking a trip to Disney without him. But he understands that he has to stay for class. And we are planning another trip a few months after he gets out of school. DVC lets us do that.

Like your son, he doesn't like the stress of vacation. For him, no school, no work, means - sleep in and don't get dressed until noon.

 

[Hannahinwonderland]

Ok I know this is a bit of an old thread but I have to admit curiosity as this trip either happened or will be happening soon. OP, I'd love an update about how things went!

Edit: Just scrolled to the OPs' first post and I see that the trip is the 18-23. Hope it goes well.

 

[Tksolomom]

I just can't seem to find anything outside of epcot/food I think they will like. The few things I have, I got the "why would I want to do that"

What about the VR Star Wars the Void experience ar Disney Springs?

 

[Tksolomom]

Sorry, not scared off, slightly offended by some.. but whatever been super busy! Hi guy who says I don't have 9 kids! So, in trying to read and respond to all the comments...
My older children don't mind helping with the younger...in fact the oldest boy LOVES spending time with my 2 year old. My oldest daughter going says shes excited to go on rides with my 9 year old..etc..they are a great help and realize we will appreciate their help..and not free child care. Wow.
I thought about just taking the little ones but decided to turn it into a family vacation. I am completely expecting the older boys and possibly girl to hate it, but if they end up wanting to go back all the better, I would love to go again! (To take my daughters family....I think, considering we haven't gone yet, we might all decide we hate it. Hehe)
We have asked them if there's anything they would like to do, shown them videos, websites, anything I can think of..
As far as the drive, we went on a road trip to Indiana a few years ago(sadly because my older kids grandmother was not doing well) with babies and did fine. Granted we werent going through exhausting days at parks but the drive itself is no biggie. We have camped a week at a time, taking hours to get there..I'm not jumping -completely- blind into this.
Also, again, this summers trips were based around my oldest son and older kids(camping/hiking/state and national parks/cultural) so I dont think "forcing" him/them to go on our family vacation based on the younger kids is unfair(wink people who say I am being unfair and controlling LOL)..oh yes, and actually we hadn't expected the older kids to drive but thank you for trying to make it sound like I am using my children instead of trying to take my family somewhere ..awesome.
Yes the older kids have their own tent.
Anyways..I'm actually not that into going to Disney, in fact I have been anxious about the whole trip. So not really a dream trip for me, living in a land locked state, I would rather go to the beach lol!
So yes, the trip is more for my younger children, I tried to give some details on my older kids to give an idea of their mindset, didn't realize I would get trashed for it. I was thinking the seasoned Disneyers might have some great suggestions to make it more fun for my older kids..thats all I was looking for! Thank you for the people who gave actual suggestions!! =)

There are quite a few cheaper and fun things to do like the hayride at FWL. You can also rent canoes. I do think the older ones would enjoy some time in Epcot and AK. I found the little kids didn’t love the World Showcase, but did as they got older. You get to meet people from the countries. There are also movies in China, Canada and France about the countries. Not for the babies, but a mix for the older and middle kids might be to do Agent P in Epcot, Pirates Adventure or Sorcerers of the MK. The Star Wars, Indiana Jones and Fantasmic shows would be fun at HS.

 

[Paqratkitty]

Well, didn't know I was still getting responses to this. We are setting up our tents now but I will check over all the replies in a bit. I'm sure they're more telling me I'm terrible. lol

 

[Paqratkitty]

OP is driving from CO for a week with 9 kids, including an 11 month old?

Hey, hey, we made it and it wasn't too bad! =)

 

[Paqratkitty]

I know we all have different family dynamics, so I am not getting how you make an adult go?

I tell them we were going and they ask when like i said in earlier posts I guess I should have worded my whole thing differently. I was trying to be kinda funny and trying to get a good "picture" of how they are so people might be able to think of things they would like more...but failed, obviously. Whole point was to get a list of things they might enjoy. My kids have made some snarky remarks but aren't angry. We are here and they are setting up camp now.

 

[Paqratkitty]

Because the young adults are expected to help drive and care for the younger children.

Lol. You caught me! ....anyways.

 

[Paqratkitty]

I think the honest answer is that she needs their help. She can't handle the rest of the trip without her adult children's back up. So she is trying to force them to go.

Smile. Didnt force them to come and they are willing to help. And yes, I can take care of my children alone. Thank you.