First off, please move this thread if there is a better place for it. The help gained from information in this thread will (hopefully) save my father, and perhaps others, from losing their hard-earned money.
My father is in his upper 80's and has worked hard all of his life to earn a comfortable retirement. He is in relatively excellent physical shape for a person his age, still working out daily, golfing several times a week, and playing bocce weekly. He is still "with it" cognitively, but he is starting to forget some small things. He also tends to forget unpleasant, yet important things, seemingly as a coping mechanism. He developed a fear of becoming lost while driving last year, but I’m not aware of any instances when he became lost. He studies maps of routes and becomes very nervous when he has to go somewhere that is not part of his normal routine. He is still social and confident in his ability to do other things. His vision is good, but he is becoming an increasingly aggressive and dangerous driver, speeding and tailgating constantly. Fortunately, he still has good reflexes. He is in danger of losing what he has spent his life earning to one of his children, my brother.
My father took in my now middle-aged brother about 10 years ago. My brother is an alcoholic who lost everything in the tech crash years back, (job, fortune, wife, children), and went from becoming a functional alcoholic to a nonfunctional alcoholic. HE HAS THE SAME FIRST AND LAST NAME AS MY FATHER!! He is also wickedly bright and manipulative. My brother has been completely supported by my father for the past 10 years. He lives in my father’s condo up north, which is where my father spends his summers. He has stolen cash from my father. He has used my father’s credit cards without permission, or even knowledge of, to purchase cash cards. He started driving my mother’s car without a license or insurance when she passed, only to get caught driving the wrong way, under the influence, and having her car impounded. After being bailed out by my father, my brother tried to steal the rights to all of my father’s assets. Instead of sending papers for my father to give my brother the rights to my mom’s car, which I suggested in fear that my brother would hurt/kill someone driving a car registered in my father’s name, my brother sent paperwork that would give my brother ALL of my father’s assets. Luckily, my aunt saw the paperwork and urged my father to not sign. My brother has also been caught creating fraudulent bills to be paid by his ex-wife and our father. He threatens suicide when he is caught doing illegal activities. My brother has a lengthy criminal record. My father complains constantly about my brother and says that he can’t sleep because of worries about him. My father wants desperately to sell his place up north, but he is worried about my brother “living under a bridge.” He does not allow my brother access to his main residence in Florida, and says that he will “put up a restraining order” if my brother ever comes down to his home down south.
I am frightened because I see my father’s life skills starting to diminish. At the same time, my brother is increasing his efforts to steal from my father. The checks to my father’s trust and his latest statements just went missing. Although my father has not shared financial or legal information with my brother in more than a decade, I’m pretty sure my brother has accessed his files and reads my father’s mail. I have been with my father at his meetings with his attorney and financial advisors for the last year, at his request. He has voiced his concerns about my brother to them and made them aware of some of my brother’s actions. He has shared with them that he wants me to help him and have access to everything. I have POA for my father and take legal responsibility for the family trust if/when my father becomes unable to take care of things. Last month, during one of our few conversations, my brother told me that our father was “losing it”, and that he (my brother), had a friend who could do something about it.
I am frightened. Do I contact an estate attorney? I spoke with the post office, and they suggested creating a separate PO box for all of my father’s sensitive material. Where can I turn to for assistance? Are there government agencies that can help? I would greatly appreciate and help/guidance that you can provide. Thanks in advance!
My father is in his upper 80's and has worked hard all of his life to earn a comfortable retirement. He is in relatively excellent physical shape for a person his age, still working out daily, golfing several times a week, and playing bocce weekly. He is still "with it" cognitively, but he is starting to forget some small things. He also tends to forget unpleasant, yet important things, seemingly as a coping mechanism. He developed a fear of becoming lost while driving last year, but I’m not aware of any instances when he became lost. He studies maps of routes and becomes very nervous when he has to go somewhere that is not part of his normal routine. He is still social and confident in his ability to do other things. His vision is good, but he is becoming an increasingly aggressive and dangerous driver, speeding and tailgating constantly. Fortunately, he still has good reflexes. He is in danger of losing what he has spent his life earning to one of his children, my brother.
My father took in my now middle-aged brother about 10 years ago. My brother is an alcoholic who lost everything in the tech crash years back, (job, fortune, wife, children), and went from becoming a functional alcoholic to a nonfunctional alcoholic. HE HAS THE SAME FIRST AND LAST NAME AS MY FATHER!! He is also wickedly bright and manipulative. My brother has been completely supported by my father for the past 10 years. He lives in my father’s condo up north, which is where my father spends his summers. He has stolen cash from my father. He has used my father’s credit cards without permission, or even knowledge of, to purchase cash cards. He started driving my mother’s car without a license or insurance when she passed, only to get caught driving the wrong way, under the influence, and having her car impounded. After being bailed out by my father, my brother tried to steal the rights to all of my father’s assets. Instead of sending papers for my father to give my brother the rights to my mom’s car, which I suggested in fear that my brother would hurt/kill someone driving a car registered in my father’s name, my brother sent paperwork that would give my brother ALL of my father’s assets. Luckily, my aunt saw the paperwork and urged my father to not sign. My brother has also been caught creating fraudulent bills to be paid by his ex-wife and our father. He threatens suicide when he is caught doing illegal activities. My brother has a lengthy criminal record. My father complains constantly about my brother and says that he can’t sleep because of worries about him. My father wants desperately to sell his place up north, but he is worried about my brother “living under a bridge.” He does not allow my brother access to his main residence in Florida, and says that he will “put up a restraining order” if my brother ever comes down to his home down south.
I am frightened because I see my father’s life skills starting to diminish. At the same time, my brother is increasing his efforts to steal from my father. The checks to my father’s trust and his latest statements just went missing. Although my father has not shared financial or legal information with my brother in more than a decade, I’m pretty sure my brother has accessed his files and reads my father’s mail. I have been with my father at his meetings with his attorney and financial advisors for the last year, at his request. He has voiced his concerns about my brother to them and made them aware of some of my brother’s actions. He has shared with them that he wants me to help him and have access to everything. I have POA for my father and take legal responsibility for the family trust if/when my father becomes unable to take care of things. Last month, during one of our few conversations, my brother told me that our father was “losing it”, and that he (my brother), had a friend who could do something about it.
I am frightened. Do I contact an estate attorney? I spoke with the post office, and they suggested creating a separate PO box for all of my father’s sensitive material. Where can I turn to for assistance? Are there government agencies that can help? I would greatly appreciate and help/guidance that you can provide. Thanks in advance!
Last edited:
