Spinoff- when you want a boy or girl and don’t get your wish

wishesuponastar

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 25, 2011
My 29ish cousin is pregnant with her 2nd baby, first just turned 2. She was telling me that it’s another boy and she is not happy, she wanted a girl and then no more. But then she said I’m not sure I want to try again then to which I said you might get another boy. She said yeah.

Then she told me, I hope no one judges me that I am having a drink (alcoholic) we were at a party. I feel sad for this unborn baby.
 
Wow. I was BLESSED with 2 boys and I wouldn't change it for the world. People often asked if I would "try" for a girl... my response was that I would "try" for a baby and be happy with whatever I got (we ultimately decided we were happy with 2).

And seriously she was drinking??? I have no words.
 
I mentioned on the other thread, but my wife was not initially happy when we found out that our 2nd was going to be another boy. Pregnancy hormones are not something I was going to mess with, so I gave her some space for a few days and she gradually got over the initial feelings (and was obviously happy that the baby was healthy, etc.).

As far as having a third to try for a girl, families have to decide whether or not they would like 3 (or more) children in general first. In our case, we only wanted 2 kids and thus didn't try for a girl. The fact that twins runs in my family made our decision easier ;) Three kids, I think we could handle - but 4? Nah.

The alcohol comment, however? Huh?
 
Yeah, I was pregnant with my second, when my 3 year old boy wanted a brother. Oh well. I was just happy to have another. Yeah, and drinking. Well, there are all kinds. I hope she is happy when that second little boy's face is seen for the first time.
 


My 29ish cousin is pregnant with her 2nd baby, first just turned 2. She was telling me that it’s another boy and she is not happy, she wanted a girl and then no more. But then she said I’m not sure I want to try again then to which I said you might get another boy. She said yeah.

Then she told me, I hope no one judges me that I am having a drink (alcoholic) we were at a party. I feel sad for this unborn baby.
First off, one drink during the pregnancy isn't going to hurt anything or anyone.

Yep, some women are initially disappointed with the sex and after a while, almost every single one gets over themselves and realizes what a blessing the other sex is or can be to their family.

How long has she known?
 
I don't see anything wrong with someone "wanting" or "hoping" for a boy or a girl, but at the end of the day you love whatever it turns out to be just the same.

We had a boy first, then when we were going for a second, our "hope" was for a girl. Well, we got one of each, so we were winners no matter what we wished for! :D
 


almost everyone I know had "hoped" for a sex one way or another. NBD My aunt cried for a few days when she found out her third and final baby was ANOTHER boy :rotfl: she loved them all just the same in the end.

There are millions of unborn babies to feel sad for, I wouldn't let this be one of them based on these two reasons alone
 
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I had a gender I was hoping for as did my wife and while we discussed it with each other we never really verbalized it outside ourselves. In the end I just wanted a healthy happy baby and if I managed to get the gender I wanted and they had health problems I would always feel like my wishing for that gender baby as opposed to just a healthy one would haunt me. It is not a very logical thought but one I had.

I suspect everyone has a preference but it should be one of those things you don't share in my opinion.
 
There is nothing wrong with wanting or hoping for a girl, or a boy and being disappointed that you aren't going to have the one you prefer, especially if you are done having kids after that one.
What matters is what mom does after the baby is born. If she resents it and neglects it, sure there is a problem but I'm betting that she will love her baby as much as she would have loved a baby girl/boy.
I also don't have any issue with a woman having a drink when she is pregnant.
I know a few women whose OB/GYN told them that an occasional beer or glass of wine wasn't going to do any damage.
 
I mentioned on the other thread, but my wife was not initially happy when we found out that our 2nd was going to be another boy. Pregnancy hormones are not something I was going to mess with, so I gave her some space for a few days and she gradually got over the initial feelings (and was obviously happy that the baby was healthy, etc.).

As far as having a third to try for a girl, families have to decide whether or not they would like 3 (or more) children in general first. In our case, we only wanted 2 kids and thus didn't try for a girl. The fact that twins runs in my family made our decision easier ;) Three kids, I think we could handle - but 4? Nah.

The alcohol comment, however? Huh?
Fathers have nothing to do with twins, fraternal twins are caused by double ovulation, identical isn’t genetic.

I had a girl first, then boy, then a girl, then twins, I really wanted at least one more boy for my son to have a brother. As for alcohol, I had a small glass of wine to get rid of nightly contractions during my last few weeks of pregnancy with my twins, with my OB’s blessing.
 
Add me to the list of not thinking this is a big deal. Being a bit disappointed in the sex of your child is a valid emotion. With everynpregnancy you have hopes and dreams of the child you’ll have and finding out that it won’t be what you were hoping for can be sad. An aunt once told me it was so nice we have sonograms now so you can adjust to the idea and not have the disappointment hit on the same day you give birth. Pregnancy really ups the hormones and emotions of everything too. I never like to tell people that their feelings are shameful and they shouldn’t talk about them- especially if they are as benign as disappointment.

As for drinking- my OB was fine with a single drink, especially in the third trimester. She even suggested half a glass of wine at night to help with some sleep/stress issues I had the last month.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with a little passing disappointment when something doesn't work out exactly as you hoped, and I'd bet far more women felt this way in passing than would ever admit it out loud. It is only natural... if part of your vision of parenting was girls nights out and prom dress shopping and wedding planning, only having boys means letting go of a lot of what you imagined for yourself. And the vast, overwhelming majority get over it and are happy with the baby they get by the time that child arrives. Only in the here and now would we shame women for having any preferences at all when they conceive.

As far as alcohol, there's a range of thinking on that and the ethical difficulties of studying it make conclusive answers unlikely. My OB said an occasional glass of wine wasn't going to do any harm, especially late in the pregnancy, and actually suggested I try it to help with sleeping when I was two weeks overdue with DD16.
 
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Not a big deal to me. I admit I was disappointed that my 3rd wasn't a boy. I already had a boy and a girl. the third was a surprise and only 18months younger than my daughter. I felt guilty about having another baby so close and felt like I wouldn't be able to give her enough attention. In my mind a girl would be even worse because I felt like I was replacing her. We didn't find out the sex of the third and were convinced it was a boy. I was disappointed at first when she was born. Like somone else said pregnancy hormones can make you crazy. I did have PPD after she was born. I got over my disappointment pretty quickly.

As for drinking I had a sip here or there.
 
Fathers have nothing to do with twins, fraternal twins are caused by double ovulation, identical isn’t genetic.

I had a girl first, then boy, then a girl, then twins, I really wanted at least one more boy for my son to have a brother. As for alcohol, I had a small glass of wine to get rid of nightly contractions during my last few weeks of pregnancy with my twins, with my OB’s blessing.

Did you have one glass for each twin?? :D I know DW would have liked to...and 10 years later I feel like I need one for each twin, each day. :crazy:
 
When I was pregnant, I decided not to find out the sex of my baby. I wanted to be surprised. At one of my OB appts, my dr. told me I was having a boy because of the way I was carrying and some other issues I was having. I was fine with that, I just wanted a happy, healthy baby. My aunt had lost her full-term baby a few months before I got pregnant and I was nervous the entire time, but certainly didn't care if it was a boy or a girl.
When I had my final ultrasound, the technician asked me multiple times if I wanted to know what I was having. I told him, multiple times, I want to be surprised and please don't tell me. He actually followed me out to the parking lot asking me! I was livid!
FF and pardon the TMI - as soon as the head was out my OB said "It's a girl!" I asked "How do you know?!" He said "She's pretty!" I'm sure it was in my paperwork that the ultrasound showed it was a girl, but it made for an even more memorable experience. When the doctor had her all the way out, he said "7 and a half pounds". They put her on the scale and sure enough, she was 7 pounds 8 ounces. I know that wasn't in the file lol!
 
I have to admit I have a hard time understanding how you're lucky enough to have a baby and aren't completely thrilled with whoever shows up when you finally get to look into their eyes. We have two girls. Had no set idea what I wanted with number one. Felt terribly guilty during pregnancy for number two because I was hoping for a sister for our oldest. By the time the doctor was bringing baby around to meet me in the OR I would probably have melted if he had presented me with a giraffe.
 

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