Spinoff- when you want a boy or girl and don’t get your wish

[scrapquitler]

First off, one drink during the pregnancy isn't going to hurt anything or anyone.

Yep, some women are initially disappointed with the sex and after a while, almost every single one gets over themselves and realizes what a blessing the other sex is or can be to their family.

How long has she known?

^^^^ this!!

Even my doctor said that having "A" drink now and then was okay.

And yes, I was very disappointed when I found out that my second child was going to be a boy. I already had a daughter and wanted another girl. I never had a sister and always longed for one, and I wanted my daughter to have a sister. And I had no interest in boy stuff. I remember leaving the ultrasound and being in tears over having a boy. I was very sad about it until he was born. I will admit that I still feel bad that my daughter never got her sister. That doesn't mean that I don't adore my son, I do.

 

[scrapquitler]

I know that some people like to be surprised, but the nice thing today is that you can be surprised if you wish, or that you can find out in advance if you wish. There is a choice that didn't used to exist, and I think it's a good thing.

True, but there's no guarantees. My OB practice was a 'one ultrasound only' type place, unless there was a significant reason for needing another. I went for my one ultrasound during my first pregnancy and wanted to find out the sex, but the baby was totally uncooperative that day, so I went home without knowing. That meant I was just going to have to wait until the birth to find out. I ended up with contractions right around my due date, and went to the hospital thinking it was the real thing, and when I was there they did another ultrasound which showed that the baby was a girl. It did work out that I found out only two days ahead of time, but I didn't get to plan the way most people do. Just because you can find out, doesn't mean you necessarily will.

Of course that was more than 20 years ago, and based on what I hear now, most pregnant women have a lot more ultrasounds these days.

 

[Colleen27]

True, but there's no guarantees. My OB practice was a 'one ultrasound only' type place, unless there was a significant reason for needing another. I went for my one ultrasound during my first pregnancy and wanted to find out the sex, but the baby was totally uncooperative that day, so I went home without knowing. That meant I was just going to have to wait until the birth to find out. I ended up with contractions right around my due date, and went to the hospital thinking it was the real thing, and when I was there they did another ultrasound which showed that the baby was a girl. It did work out that I found out only two days ahead of time, but I didn't get to plan the way most people do. Just because you can find out, doesn't mean you necessarily will.

And vice-versa. We didn't plan on finding out with younger DD, since we already had one of each and thought it might be nice to let it be a surprise. The u/s tech didn't tell us the gender... but it was pretty clear on the screen and in one of the print-outs. I did end up asking for confirmation at my second/final u/s just to be sure, and what I saw on the first one was absolutely right.

 

[msjprincess]

I can assure you that those feelings are still there when you know the sex of your babies.

I agree. I found out beforehand with 2 and didn't with one. I was still excited and surprised, just at different times.

 

[Ariel484]

I agree. I found out beforehand with 2 and didn't with one. I was still excited and surprised, just at different times.

This. Husband and I just found out the sex of our baby on Friday...it was nice to have that surprise just between the two of us for awhile, to soak it in now. I've gotten a bit of judgement for finding out ahead of time, and I can't say I understand why.

As for hoping for boy or girl...we didn't tell anyone in our families the date of our scan because I wanted time for the two of us (mostly me) to process it. I was hoping for a boy and wasn't sure how I'd react either way, so I wanted to give myself a buffer for that. We also asked the tech to write the result on an envelope and hand it to us later so we could 1.) have that moment, just the two of us (not in a room of docs/nurses), and 2.) so we wouldn't get any judgement if there was any kind of disappointment.

A few weeks back, I had a feeling kiddo was a girl - I mentioned that to husband and he latched onto that. We were both sure it would be a girl. By the day of the scan, the sex didn't matter to me as much as finding out that kiddo was healthy. Turns out that we are indeed having a (healthy so far) boy! Husband was shocked - happy, but this wasn't what he had expected, so he's had to sort of let go of a vision he had of us running around with a little girl. And that should be okay, to sort of let yourself have time to let go of (maybe even mourn?) those expectations you had. And for me, I feel SO much more connected to our baby now and a lot more excited, so I'm really glad that we found out. I'm not very patient, so as soon as I got into the car I ripped open the envelope the tech had given us...seeing my husband's reaction (very happy and very shocked) was something I will never, ever forget. I will cherish that memory.

Also...giving up booze hasn't been hard for me (I wasn't a big drinker to begin with). Cutting back on caffeine, however...that's been a different story!

 

[Hikergirl]

I agree. I found out beforehand with 2 and didn't with one. I was still excited and surprised, just at different times.

Exactly, I found out the sex of all mine (3). The ultrasound was the surprise moment for dh and me. For the next 20 weeks I got to anticipate meeting them for the first time. The days they were born were still filled with that anticipation, and amazement for seeing and holding them for the first time just as it would be if I didn't know who they were.
I would just say to that poster, don't feel sorry for anyone that chooses to know the sex of their baby beforehand, we are definitely not missing out on any of the emotions that come the day they are born.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree. I found out beforehand with 2 and didn't with one. I was still excited and surprised, just at different times.

I didn’t find out with my first 3, and found out with my twins, and it really was more exciting finding out at birth. I guessed wrong for all 5 kids.

 

[undertheradar]

10 fingers, 10 toes, healthy = Happy Parents

 

[Christine]

I already had one child (girl) and I wanted another. Boys were unfamiliar to me and most "boy children" I grew up with were behavior problems!!! I just never wanted one.

Found out my second was a boy and, honestly, I was bummed out for awhile. I got over it and he is fabulous (now 23 years old).

OP, don't feel sorry for this unborn baby. The mother was just expressing her feelings and the drink is no big deal. It's a shame a new mother can't express those feelings with a relative and not be judged for it.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

There was a time when families were much larger and having boys and girls was more likely. Now so many families are with 1, 2, or 3 children and those odds aren't the same.

 

[MrsDuck]

I was hoping for a girl but got a perfect, wonderful baby boy. Now, I want another boy. At the end of the day, I'd love whatever gender just the same - even if I didn't get my wish.

I'm surprised at those who say the drinking is no big deal... maybe not but why risk it?

 

[runwad]

I already had one child (girl) and I wanted another. Boys were unfamiliar to me and most "boy children" I grew up with were behavior problems!!! I just never wanted one.
.

^ This was me!! Never a boy person. All the ones I knew were silly and rambunctious, I just don't have the patience for them.

We always said we wanted 3 or 4 kids. Never found out the sex of any of them. The first 2 were girls, I was overjoyed!! Especially for girl #2 who I was SURE was a boy because the pregnancy was so different from girl #1. I had so much fun with my 2 girls, I loved dressing them alike...then came along #3. The white tornado, baby boy! Yes I got a little misty eyed. I was already imagining dressing up 3 girls. And he was such a handful! That was it for even thinking about having a 4th. Not that I don't love him to death, I do, and he's a great kid, has never given us any problems and has a heart of gold, but he was always so active. If you turned your back he was into something; wore me out!

But now that he is 17, I love the relationship he has with my DH. I'm so glad we have him. He's been a complete joy now that we're done with those little boy years.ha

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Our first one was a boy. We found out at 15 weeks. We were happy, started preparing for a boy. It was all good. With the second one, I was told it was a girl at 18 weeks. We didn't buy a lot of new things, since the little newborn clothes could be used for either. But I had a weird feeling in the back of my mind, like it wasn't really a girl. People would ask and I would say, "Well, supposedly it's a girl, but we'll see." I had another ultrasound at 37 weeks to check the size the position of the baby. I had the same technician as before. Wouldn't you know it! She started showing me the anatomy of a very healthy baby...boy. She was horrified that she got it wrong the first time. I was just stunned.

The doctor decided to induce labor the next week. I basically had a week to get used to the idea that I wasn't having a girl. Even though I had that little bit of doubt, I still felt like I lost the girl that I had been imagining. I had embroidered her name on a picture for her room, which I had to pull out. DH and I had to come up with another boy name. But the moment I saw him, all thoughts of a girl went out the window. He was the sweetest, most perfect little creature ever to exist (besides our first DS, of course!). And as DS#1 got older and eventually had an autism diagnosis, I felt like a brother was better for him. Since socializing has always been difficult, having someone at home who shared his interests and wanted to play with him was very beneficial. Now that DS#2 is away at college, I still love the relationship I have with him. We have always been close, and I enjoy when he calls to tell me about something funny that happened in his dorm, in a class, or some weird song or video he discovered. I love my boys. And the best thing is, we've never had a battle over clothes, hair, or make-up!

 

[tazdev3225]

I had my kids before you could find out although my youngest we did have an ultrasound. Number 1, I didn't care although secretly I hoped for a girl. I had nothing but brothers. Number 1 was a boy. When I had #2 I was convinced I would never have a girl. I was shocked and even "checked" when I saw her. She was an emergency C-section and I was knocked out. My final baby I didn't care just wanted healthy. My husband and son were convinced it was a boy. My son took it harder than my husband for not getting a brother.

My son became a father young, it is what it is. When we were driving to the ultrasound appointment we had an interesting conversation.

"Mom what if the baby has 2 heads?" Of course I reassured him that was not likely to happen.

"Mom what if the baby has no brain?" I reassured him again that it was unlikely but his cousin had been born with anencephaly so he knew it could happen.

"Mom, worst case ever, what if the baby is a GIRL???" I just laughed and told him she would wrap him around her little finger.

I still laugh that no brain and 2 heads weren't as bad as a girl. He has 2 boys now and even his autistic son is better in his mind than a girl. He tolerates his nieces but they are to girly for him.

 

[DISNEY1975]

I had 2 boys and when they were 6 and 3, my sister had a boy. When my boys were 9 and 6, and my nephew 3, my sister had a girl. When my boys were 11 and 8, my sister had another girl.

I was clearly jealous! My boys were 13 and 10 when I had my daughter

 

[jdb in AZ]

Back in the days before ultrasounds, I knew a doctor with three daughters who wanted a son so badly that when his wife delivered daughter #4 he stormed out of the delivery room. The nurses gossiped about that for years. He did adjust -- DD #4 wrapped him around her little finger. He never did get his son, but DD #2 was a tomboy, so it could have been worse.

 

[christineann]

A co-worker of mine is pregnant with her first child and from the day she found out she is pregnant has been very vocal that she "would die" if she finds out it's a girl and has had nightmares that it's a girl. She says her husband said "that better be just a bad dream," etc. One particular day when she went on and on, I was on the verge of tears thinking about a missing little girl and my son and his fellow officers who had been working over 20 hours without a break desperately searching for her.

Co-worker found out she is having a boy and says she is going to be so you-know-what if the ultrasound was wrong. Sounds like they will be great parents and role models....not.

 

[BLAZEY]

I found out DD was going to be a girl 3 days after my younger sisters birthday. She said all she wanted was for my baby to be a girls. My sister called while we were at the ultra sound and my husband answered " We want you birthday present back." I had given her cash for her birthday and we were going to have a girl.

 

[dyna]

Had my 1st 2 before the days of ultrasound. #3 DH did not want to know the sex because that way he could have a boy for 9 months,YEP she was another girl. We loved her all the same tho.

As far as the alcohol my dr told me to drink vodka an OJ when I was bleeding a bit with my 1st 1 this was over 40 yrs ago but I do laugh about it now.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I had a girl first, then boy, then a girl, then twins

Mom? Is that you?