Teacher needs help re: the word "GAY"

[LuluLovesDisney]

I decided to post this here, because it was inspired by another thread I read on this board- "I need to stay away from Gay Day threads". I teach in a very urban high school. I teach very low level students, including some Inclusion (main streamed Special Ed kids). I constantly struggle with their language. I'm not talking about proper verb tense, but profanity and offensive remarks. I've gotten them to stop with the F word, and most others, but the two that they cling to are "Gay" and the N word. They say it, and when I reprimand them, they tell me "Sorry, I forgot" and "Chill" and "No one else cares". I don't know how to get them to realize that I'm not being uncool, that it is offensive and ridiculous.

I'll write the homework on the board and they'll say "That's gay",meaning that it's silly or corny, or whatever. This makes no sense to me, and I find it offensive. A character will do something overly emotional and they'll call him gay. They call each other "gay" as a joke. I have made every attempt to correct them, from detention, to yelling, to trying to reason with them. When one student called a book "gay", I tried to explain that inanimate objects cannot be gay because they cannot feel love. They look at me like I'm insane.

Do you have any advice for me as to what I could tell them to get them not only to stop saying the words, but to get them to stop thinking that those two words are cool?

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I sure don't know what to suggest, but I do appreciate that you are trying. My daughter (15 years old) is a lesbian and she frequently hears the term "gay" being used as you have described. Even though no teacher is going to completely get the misuse of that word to stop, my daughter tells me that it sure makes her feel good when a teacher cares enough to try! So just know that even if you don't think you are making a difference, you definitely are. You can be sure there are at least two or three gay or lesbian kids in each class and when they hear a teacher defending them it goes a long way in increasing their self-esteem!

 

[ScottieDog]

I too am not sure how to advise you. Gosh kids are wierd huh....especially boys!

Without getting too too into the subject I've always been facinated by the way boys like to tear into each other's sence of self, and, arggg.... that they associate being gay with reducing someone's stature just eats at me!!!

But, anyway...I think it's just great that you're asking. Unfortunatly I think you're fighting an up-hill battle.

I fear that until it's just not ok to discriminate against gay people you're gonna be hard pressed to get some children (and adults) to stop ridiculing gays. Consider for instance that our own president is seeking to amend the constitution to strip rights from gas..... really, given that very fact, how can we even hope that a group of children might feel motivated to change


Cathryn~

 

[OrlandoMike]

My nieces and all of their friends use the word Gay to mean stupid all the time. I dont find it offensive. I guess in a way it is, but it's just teenagers being teenagers.....

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I teach much younger kids but when this comes up I usually have a pretty long conversation with my children in which I tell them that using a word that describes a whole group of people (gay, the N word, "retard" etc . . . ) as an insult demeans a whole group of people. I tell them that even if both the person being spoken to and the person speaking thinks it's OK (this is a defense I hear a lot -- "we're just joking" or "it didn't bother him") other people are hurt by this kind of language, and it is not acceptable in my classroom.

Generally I might get pushback when I initially talk to them, but they then respect my rules and don't use those words in front of me, or if they do they're apologizing before I can even open my mouth.

 

[Mickeygotmymoney]

Thank you for taking the time to care about this subject. There are a number of terms that kids use and assume that it is okay or appropriate (one of the problems with peer pressure I assume)
Have you thought about having a discussion and setting forth ground rules for your classroom (it may be too late in the year for this now) where you make a list of things that are and are not acceptable. We did this in a few of my classes (although the students were a bit younger) as well as in some graduate classes. It is like a list of expectations.

Other thought: class assignment to come up with as many possible other words to use, and when they do not use them simply point it out and ask them to choose a different word.

 

[TuppenceABag]

Edit...

 

[my4kids]

BTW I have been guilty of using the word gay to describe something ignorant or silly.

Funny you bring up the word "ignorant". It drives me nuts how many people misuse that word. I hear teenagers (and others) using it instead of the word "rude" and sometimes in the place of "silly". As in "I think what he did is so igorant" (Although they are pronouncing it "IG-NERT" (Which in itself is ignorant) It means uneducated or illiterate. I get annoyed when that is misused as well as when gay is misused.

 

[rigs32]

I also think it's important to not tolerate the language in school because it is typically not tolerated in the work place. It's one thing to use bad language - in whatever form - in private with family and friends. It's another to use it in public or in a formal setting like school or work. A lot of people are not offended by "traditional" swear words. That doesn't mean their use is appropriate if some people are fine with them.

The argument that it's just teenagers being teenagers holds no water. If they wanted to get drunk at a keg party, would you be as dismissive of the behavior. While I realize the comparison is not exactly fair, in both cases you're dismissing inappropriate behavior that teens need to have corrected.

 

[smoof]

Keep up what you are doing. I fight the same battle everyday. Think about the quiet kid who will appreciate it. I think by enforcing this rule, you are also helping cut bullying. I know it doesn't seem like it, but any step helps.

 

[Nancyg56]

I also think it's important to not tolerate the language in school because it is typically not tolerated in the work place. It's one thing to use bad language - in whatever form - in private with family and friends. It's another to use it in public or in a formal setting like school or work. A lot of people are not offended by "traditional" swear words. That doesn't mean their use is appropriate if some people are fine with them.

The argument that it's just teenagers being teenagers holds no water. If they wanted to get drunk at a keg party, would you be as dismissive of the behavior. While I realize the comparison is not exactly fair, in both cases you're dismissing inappropriate behavior that teens need to have corrected.

This is one very good reason to keep trying to correct inappropriate language and behavior. Most work environments have a zero tolerance policy and I cnnot tell you how many times young people enter the workforce with the assumption that what was tolerated at home and in school will be tolerated at wok.

School and work should be a "safe" place to be for everybody. No one should need to feel belittled because some words are not considered hurtful.It is never to young to start setting an example to follow.

 

[dwheatl]

I teach third grade now, so this rarely comes up, and when it does, I just say, "We don't use that word that way at school." However, when I taught high school English and this came up I took it as a teachable moment. I told the kids that many people I had known in high school had turned out to be gay, and I was so glad that I had never said anything to inadvertantly hurt their feelings on that front while we were in high school. Then I brought up the high suicide statistics for gay teens, and asked students how they would feel if a classmate committed suicide, and they had to ask themselves if they had contributed to the death by alienating that person with their name-calling. It worked, at least within my hearing.

 

[taximomfor4]

DH is a high school teacher. He says you can't just let it go (a general you, not you specifically, lol). He makes the analogy to his students that you are not going to say "Oh, I saw that movie, hated it, it was Italian." Or "Yeah, that book is so Chinese."

He says that it is not as prevalent in his classroom later in the year, but still happens ... and he doesn't just let it go.

 

[Improv_Scarf]

I've heard it used like that MANY times from my fellow teens... (I'm 15) Even though I'm straight, I still find it offensive. Even my best friend uses it! I should bring it up with him then next time he uses it...Though it'll lead to big argument as he's slightly homophobic. I wish there was teachers at my school like you guys. My teachers don't care. I've had bi friends and I know it hurts them too. When school starts again, I'll have to stand up and demand a change. But knowing my schoolmates, they'll just end up bullying me even more. I hate it when they come up to you and just say, 'ha ha you're gay!' I just look at them, shake my head, and move on. I don't see how people can use it as an insult! Gay and Bis are the same you and me and should be treated with the same respect! (I hope that didn't come across as mean ) So thank yall for the inspiration to stand up! I'll have to bring this up with the teachers next school term!

 

[lyeag]

I just always turned it on them by going back to another defintion. Like for a comment about someone (character in a movie, another student)... I would say something like, Wow, you think he is happy and carefree? Or an assignment I would ask how could homework be happy??? Usually they got my point. ( I taught 7th graders a few years back)

 

[nordkin]

We have this discussion with our two teenage boys every time they say something is gay. Now mind you, they were raised by two lesbians and know full well we and others find the word offensive when used to describe anything but a gay person. Every time we hear them say it we correct them. Their stock answer is 'it doesn't mean what you think it does'. We tell them it is no different than using the N word or any other offensive word. Been working on it for a couple of years and are slowly making progress. They do tell us their teachers never say anything to them so I am happy you are trying to figure out a way to address the issue.