The Trip That Finally Made My Wife Haul Off And Slug Me In The Face (COMPLETED 10/2)

[SoccerDogWithEars]

I've tried both styles. And I'll eat both, because it's BBQ. But I will probably never be a true Carolinean, because I prefer the western tomato-based style.

I, actually, have never had western. My family is very against it. And as I was discussing with my friend, there just aren't as many bbq places in western NC. Any small town on the east side will have at least 5 places. Not so much when you go west.

This sign always makes me happy

Just like ironclad gunboats, old forts are always awesome.

Ehhhh.......debatable. I have been to some pretty disappointing forts. Fort Fisher is too much battlefield and too little fort for my tastes. And Smith's Fort, well.....it's gone down in Snodgrass family lore it was such a disaster.

But as we walked the grounds of the fort, we found that when we stopped, our feet were getting completely swarmed with ants.

Yikes I can definitely see why you elected to move to the beach.

I mean, who cares if you ruin a rental v—oh, right.

I vowed immediately to never make fun of anyone ever again and to always eat my vegetables.

And how long did that last?

We continued on, and began to notice that the numbers on the GPS and the van’s mileage calculator were starting to look very similar.

We've done that before! In a rental in Florida that we'd driven across Alligator Alley four separate times. We'd prepaid for the tank of gas, so on the final trip we were comparing mileages and figured to risk it. I'm not entirely sure they could get it started once we'd dropped it off.

I beg to differ.....I constantly drive my husband nuts by testing just how low I can let my tank get.

Same here! My old SUV I could get the needle to drop below the line and almost touch the E. He was not impressed

 

[cj9200]

Along the way, as we drove through Mobile, Alabama, we spotted the USS Alabama, a U.S. Navy battleship which had originally been commissioned in 1942 and served in World War II in both the Atlantic and Pacific. I’m sure that would have been a neat tour, too.

Impressive boat. We missed touring the Big Mo when we were in Hawaii. Stupid planning on my part.

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Technically he is not "on the cannon" and there is no sign that says, "Do not go into the cannon."

But the beach is absolutely gorgeous. Pristine white sand, dunes, and warm, clear green-blue water in the Gulf. And, since it’s National Park land, no houses or development other than a couple of restrooms and lifeguard huts.

Panhandle beaches are universally acclaimed as one of the best beaches in the world. Well, when there is not a major oil spill in the Gulf.

Oh, and the Blue Angels just happened to be practicing while we were there. So that was awesome.

That is too cool. Too bad they didn't buzz the beach.

The Florida humidity was bringing about the usual pop-up thunderstorms that afternoon, and we ran into several downpours along the way. Most of the afternoon was spent getting up to cruising speed for a few minutes only to hit a torrential wall of water and be forced to slow to a crawl in order to have any chance of seeing what was ahead. Sadly, we were never able to reach ludicrous speed.

That is why we call ourselves the Sunshine State. A lie, but good PR.

In the corner of my eye, I saw the zap of a bolt of lightning. I turned my head quickly, and just on the other side of the highway I could see a pine tree smoldering, with smoke wafting out of the top. It had been less than a hundred feet away from us.

Seen that a few times. Once it I was looking at a palm just as it got hit. The green, red and white sparks that came off were Impressive. Decided to go inside after that.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

That beach looks amazing! And I would have loved a picture of your Cracker Barrel meal, I have only been there once... My husband keeps promising to take me for a meal there, but then never does. But goes with all kind of other people.

It's good, solid comfort food. We like it because you can order from the breakfast menu all day. Tell your husband to quit slacking!

I totally get your feeling about New Orleans. It is amazing how much a difference it can make whether you feel safe in a place or not. And the strange thing is that sometimes it all just depends on your mind and not real danger. I notice this myself that when I am in a good mood, little strupid things like a dirty street, panhandlers and so don't bother me. But if something makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, I can easily feel very uncomfortable. I guess with kids my threshold would be far lower.

Yeah, perception most often becomes reality. Your expectations can inform your judgment. Having the kids with us definitely makes us more wary, so things like aggressive panhandlers really make us put up a guard.

Gorgeous pictures of the beach even the ones with the ominous clouds. My niece got married near Fort Pickens but we weren't able to go....boo! I know the portion of I-10 that you traveled very well. It's boring as heck and seems to stretch on forever. God musta known that you weren't eating enough vegetables and sent that bolt to scare you into eating them.

Either that, or He reads these TR's and knows about all the stupid stuff I say in them.

I like vinegar and like it in a lot of things.(mmmm, German style potato salad), but not in BBQ

I'm with you. Vinegar works great with potatoes. Love it on french fries.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I wish we had paid the extra and taken the tour here, but Fran didn't want to do the "bus tour", she said we'd go back on our own and see it.

So, big plans to go back to Vicksburg, then?

Cool. I remember hearing about that on some history channel program.

Pretty incredible how much information is available to us on almost any subject, isn't it?

I've actually been on the Yazoo River!

Nice! I hope your boat didn't sink, too!

Yeah and not to mention that Bourbon Street reeked of urine.....

I think we actively avoided Bourbon St.

I know who he is and even have some of his recordings. It helps that I am married to a clarinet player.

Well, that makes one of us! I had no clue.

Yup! Sure Did.

Haven't heard of them.

Wanted to, but we didn't have the time...

Best 25 cent Martinis ever!

Had a reservation, but had to cancel it since Fran was sick.

I needed Google just to learn about these places. Not that I had any intention of visiting them.

Well that's OK. Gulf oysters are disgusting.

Mmmmm...snot on a rock...

Even better picture

You might see that one again.

We wanted to do that too, but not enough time.

I bet it's fun.

Maybe they switched the numbers so tourists would be fooled into buying the more expensive gas.

Scams everywhere, I tell ya!

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

At least that can only happen once you know.
Lightning never strikes the same place twice.

Seven! That poor guy. Amazing that he survived them all.

What????

I am both disgusted and disappointed.

I will now hang my head in shame.

Well... okay. I'll give you a pass.

Great! Can you hand over a few more for future use?

Wait... he was just ensuring you saw everything. Without him, you probably wouldn't have ventured very far afield.

So kind and thoughtful of him.

I presume you use padlocks on his seatbelt?

And duct tape. And crazy glue.

Now that's cool.

I'd love to tour that sometime.

Nope. Been too long. Don't remember it at all.

You should really try and get to Florida sometime.

That too has been a long time. 1978.

Most of my trips to Florida stop at Disney. I never seem to make it to the Gulf side.

Oh, of course. If there's one thing you can count on, it's a three year old's aversion to getting wet.

It's really amazing. They'll do anything to avoid making a mess, too.

Old.
Ever tell you I used to live across a river from a fort that was built in 1717?

I don't believe you did. That's cool!

Um.... RUN!!!!!

Yay! You did it!
Now leave.

Sometimes it feels like we go at that pace. "Hey, time for another 4-hour drive so we can spend 30 seconds someplace cool!"

Great shot!

Thanks!

No way!!! Lucky!

That was pretty awesome. Even if they weren't doing any stunts.

I see what you did there.

I always wonder if anyone actually clicks on the links.

You know what I'm wondering? If an auto-piloted vehicle would be slowed down by low visibility as much as a human. Do the sensors work better, or worse than eyesight? No clue.
(Not withstanding the recent issue with Uber's cars.)

I think generally they are better. They would depend on signal strength, and I don't think fog would disrupt that much. We're playing around with the technology some at work.

My understanding with the recent Uber tragedy is that the pedestrian may have jumped out in front of the car. Doesn't matter who's driving--cars can't stop on a dime.

Although now it can also refer to:

I don't know how you achieve that, but it looks cool.

Whoa! A bit too close for comfort. Mind you, you're perfectly safe in the van. You happen to be connected (or not, conductively speaking) to the road by four rubber tires.

I've always heard that a car is one of the safest places to be. Still, it was unnerving. That thunderclap was so loud, and the flash was so bright!

Oh. Well in that case... no worries!

Everything was totally under control.

Can you imagine if Lewis and Clark worried about their gas mileage? Sheesh!

They'd never have gotten started! You can play the "what if" game forever. What if it snows? What if the natives attack? What if I don't wear a coat? Pshaw.

This is not up to my normal Oblivious family dining expectations.

Sorry. I think at that point it was 4 days of long drives, and it was starting to get to us. I will hang my head in shame again.

Um.... well...

You can order breakfast all day!

I see proof that you ordered it... but nothing else.

Well, you've only seen proof that I ordered burgers, fried chicken, and pizza at most of my other meals. But you guys have no problem believing that I was stuffing my face with all that.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

It is a good tour, so maybe the next time you're back in the area, Drew will be old enough to both behave and enjoy it.
If you ever make it to Patriot's point, the Yorktown is cool too. We actually camped out on it for 2 nights when my son was in cub scouts. Even though they're not as big as the new carriers, it's still huge!

We did Patriot's Point several years ago and got to tour the Yorktown. It was pretty cool!

DW and I got married in Pensacola, but we've never been there.

The beach was nice and quiet enough that we'd definitely consider going back.

Of course you'd have nothing else to worry about and don't call me Shirley!

Good job catching that one.

I think he's at least cognizant enough to move when someone yells fire in the hole, though. Not so sure about you!

Hey, it's hard to inspect these things properly.

Cool pictures! Keepers!

Thanks!

That's cool too! I was stationed at Nellis (home of the thunderbirds), so while I still find it fascinating how close they fly to each other, it's not quite as thrilling as it once was. I used to get a kick out of people who were new to the base would leave their car alarms on. When the thunderbirds took off, the alarms would go off. You could always tell who the new people were from their car alarms.

That's funny. I'm always amazed at the tight formations they keep while screaming through the air. Cool to see them in action.

I think I'm going to have to make a point to head down there sometime.

I've had lightning hit that close once before, although it was at night so I couldn't see exactly what it hit, but it's scary when you see the flash and hear the boom at the same time. Kinda cool (and also disconcerting) you were able to see it.

Yeah, it's unnerving and really awesome at the same time.

Wives just have no sense of adventure.
Hmmm, no where have I heard that before? Oh wait, about 6 lines above this.

[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

Another great trip report. I've said it before...I think it is so cool that you take your kids on these road trips. Great memories forever....PB&J's and all...even the not so great experiences will be fondly talked about years from now.

That's the idea! We've had a lot of great experiences together.

I see proof that someone may have ordered it (no proof Mark did).

You guys have no problem taking me at my word when I order mozzarella sticks.

I beg to differ.....I constantly drive my husband nuts by testing just how low I can let my tank get.

Nice! Keep it up! I always say the "E" stand for "Enough".

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I, actually, have never had western. My family is very against it. And as I was discussing with my friend, there just aren't as many bbq places in western NC. Any small town on the east side will have at least 5 places. Not so much when you go west.

Just go a little further west, to Memphis. Then you'll find some more bbq places.

This sign always makes me happy

Of course!

Ehhhh.......debatable. I have been to some pretty disappointing forts. Fort Fisher is too much battlefield and too little fort for my tastes. And Smith's Fort, well.....it's gone down in Snodgrass family lore it was such a disaster.

Sounds like we're expanding the definition of a "fort" here. We need to be able to climb around ruins and old cannons and stuff.

Yikes I can definitely see why you elected to move to the beach.

Reminded me of that one Indiana Jones movie.

And how long did that last?

Well, I made it through dinner.

We've done that before! In a rental in Florida that we'd driven across Alligator Alley four separate times. We'd prepaid for the tank of gas, so on the final trip we were comparing mileages and figured to risk it. I'm not entirely sure they could get it started once we'd dropped it off.

Impressive.

Same here! My old SUV I could get the needle to drop below the line and almost touch the E. He was not impressed

Like I keep saying, the "E" stand for "Enough"!

Impressive boat. We missed touring the Big Mo when we were in Hawaii. Stupid planning on my part.

I missed that one, too. It was more of a time/budget thing. I wanted to make sure we did the USS Arizona memorial, so that won out.

Technically he is not "on the cannon" and there is no sign that says, "Do not go into the cannon."

I'm good with it.

Panhandle beaches are universally acclaimed as one of the best beaches in the world. Well, when there is not a major oil spill in the Gulf.

They sure are gorgeous. I imagine swimming in oil would make it less fun.

That is too cool. Too bad they didn't buzz the beach.

Next time, we need flips or something!

That is why we call ourselves the Sunshine State. A lie, but good PR.

Should be sunshine plus the 4:00 p.m. thunderstorm.

Seen that a few times. Once it I was looking at a palm just as it got hit. The green, red and white sparks that came off were Impressive. Decided to go inside after that.

Sparks! Cool. Hope you weren't standing under it.

 

[cj9200]

I missed that one, too. It was more of a time/budget thing. I wanted to make sure we did the USS Arizona memorial, so that won out.

Same here. The Arizona is such a moving memorial.

Sparks! Cool. Hope you weren't standing under it.

No but closer than I wanted to be.

 

[franandaj]

So we made the difficult decision not to spend the money on the WWII Museum. It would have been over his head and he would have made it miserable for the rest of us.

I can see that. A three year-old has no idea why you want to stop and read all the signs, and history is lost on them.

Along the way, as we drove through Mobile, Alabama, we spotted the USS Alabama, a U.S. Navy battleship which had originally been commissioned in 1942 and served in World War II in both the Atlantic and Pacific. I’m sure that would have been a neat tour, too. Oh well, at least we can now say we saw something in Alabama.

Well you have that going for you....

With a 3-year-old along for the ride, surely the toes would be the only part we’d have to worry about getting wet.

Yeah right, I don't believe that even without the three year old!

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

But as we walked the grounds of the fort, we found that when we stopped, our feet were getting completely swarmed with ants. Which was…uncomfortable.

That word is a little mild for what i think I would be feeling.

But the beach is absolutely gorgeous. Pristine white sand, dunes, and warm, clear green-blue water in the Gulf. And, since it’s National Park land, no houses or development other than a couple of restrooms and lifeguard huts.

Where is bar? I prefer not to get my feet dirty.

It was obvious the storm would be around for a little while, so we drove away from the beach/park and back towards town, where we stopped for a bathroom break at a crappy tourist t-shirt shop.

I don't click on all the links, but this one got me curious as to what crappy tourist t-shirt shop you would find in the Gulf. Looks pretty fancy pants to me!

I saw the zap of a bolt of lightning. I turned my head quickly, and just on the other side of the highway I could see a pine tree smoldering, with smoke wafting out of the top. It had been less than a hundred feet away from us. I vowed immediately to never make fun of anyone ever again and to always eat my vegetables.

How long did that last?

Julie thought this would be a wonderful idea, and readily agreed, by which I mean she immediately freaked out and started loudly threatening me with bodily harm if we ran out of gas on the side of I-10. Some people have no sense of adventure.

Is this where Julie Hauls off and slugs you in the face?

Anyway, being the loving and considerate husband that I am, especially one who just narrowly escaped being struck by lightning, I immediately pulled over for gas. By which I mean I kept on driving, being sure to announce the countdown of exactly how much fuel we had left frequently as we drove.

I don't know hot she puts up with you!

Anyway, I didn’t worry too much about food photos since most of you have probably been to a Cracker Barrel before.

Nope. Never been. Don't have them in this neck o' the woods.

I upheld my recent vows as a changed man and ordered broccoli with my meal. And I ate it, too. So there.

I see broccoli on the plate, that's not proof you ate it, merely that you ordered it.

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

OK, I’ve caught up enough to consider proper amounts of actual commentary.

Hummm…
That’s the second time today I’ve made a rather vicious threat.
Someone probably should report me to the proper authorities.
(or at least to the improper ones).


Yes, I know… total uncalled for…
(and if no one calls for it in the next two week, then it’s all yours!)


Now, good manners and protocol in this situation would dictate that I pick up with the most recent chapter and then try to keep up from here on. But I’m not proper, so I’ll be starting with the second most recent chapter.

Why?
‘Cause I enjoy confusing folks, testing memories and I’m ornery that way, but more importantly…
I’m selfish (and that point will be making its self quite clear momentarily).

Chapter 8: The One With All That Jazz

Preceded by some suffering and a bit of deprivation.

But then again, that’s the kind of thing that led to the creation of Jazz, so it’s totally appropriate.

No rest for the weary! Our third day in a row featuring at least 5 hours of driving.

I’ll be doing several of those over the next few days (and for similar reasons).
We’ll see how I hold up.

This one would be broken up in the middle—two hours east to Vicksburg, Mississippi, and then another 3.5 hours south to New Orleans, Louisiana.

One place on my “List”….

And one that’s just about to get checked off.
(Although I s’pect that I’ll just become more enticed to return, so it’ll probably stay on the “List”

We tried one last time to get together with Lisa, but her court case was early in the morning and she just couldn’t squeeze any time in.

Sorry to hear that.

So we settled for a hearty wave as we drove by her hometown.

I can think of an instance later on in this narrative where you likely should have done something rather similar. It would likely have made a marked improvement on your experiences.
(or at least have saved you from encountering “Something Green” )

We crossed the Mississippi River once more and entered the city of Vicksburg, MS. It was here that I invoked Dad Privilege and forced convinced the kids to visit a U.S. Civil War battlefield: Vicksburg National Military Park.

And I am guilty of similar but far worse atrocities.
I’ve been known to “inflict” ships, forts and battlefields on my family on many occasions.

“Forced” my young’en to spend an overnight on an Aircraft Carrier, once.

Driven out of the way for boring fortifications, and inserted rides on ferries several times when the Interstate was clearly the better route.

Heck, I fully intend to force my bride to traps all over a naval behemoth as part of our upcoming Anniversary Road Trip (but I will make it up to her for the most part beforehand).

I had my reasons, though.

‘Cause it had to be done!

President Lincoln himself spoke of Vicksburg being the “key” to winning the war.

And was quite relieved to “have that key in his pocket” afterward.

The city was so well defended, it was tough sledding for the army of the North to make any progress in capturing it. After two failed assaults, Grant decided to dig in and lay siege to the city.

Supposedly, Grant’s contention was that if he couldn’t break them directly, then he’d “resolve to out-camp them” (apocryphal or not, I always like that bit of paraphrase).

Rumor had it he would be replaced if he failed to take Vicksburg.

Wouldn’t be the first time that was done either…

After 47 days, with all supplies cut off, General Pemberton of the South surrendered the city. Along with the Battle of Gettysburg, this marked the beginning of the end for the Confederate Army.

And to add insult to injury, both events officially concluded on the same day: July 4th.

The city of Vicksburg would bluntly refuse to allow any celebration of Independence Day for 81 years afterward (and is still grumbling under their breath about it to this day).

However, there was one stop we were definitely going to see: the wreck of the U.S.S. Cairo.

Again…
Not this time (unfortunately); it’s on the “List” though (but I’m particularly weird that way)

We were stopping to see it because—well, it’s a restored gunboat. It’s the definition of awesome.

Yep…
That’s how it’s written up in my dictionary.

No one else in my family seems to be able read it that same way, but knowing that I am mentally deficient, they do choose to simply humor me on the point.



Odd that the Board’s editor program wouldn’t let me quote your definition directly.
Go figure…

You can even board the ship and walk around a bit. Or re-start the siege of Vicksburg, if you’d like. Cannonballs are 2 for $20 in the gift shop.

Scotty happens.
Drew chooses to fly “once more into the breach…”


Surprised that no one stuck their head into the barrel of one of those beasts, though…

Then we set out on the drive south to New Orleans.

And now we get to the part of the story where I need to pay a bit more attention.

Not much to tell you about on the drive. Don’t tell them I said this, but Mississippi isn’t the most exciting state to drive through.

Well, neither are the Carolinas or Georgia, depending on where you’re driving.
There lots of trees to look at along our interstates, but not much else unless you get on the “B-Roads”

I found a pay lot downtown near the waterfront, and we walked from there to the French Quarter along the Riverwalk, which borders the Mississippi.

Good first stop.
I’ll probably use the streetcar that runs the length of the river front in the Quarter some of the time (but I’m lazy and don’t have to come up with the fair for six people).

True confession time…

I get this.
Actually, it’s the one thing I’m not looking forward to on this trip….
dealing with the extremes.

And some of the general architecture we saw walking around:

Purty…

Enticing too.

I’ll let you what we think of the grub on offer in that particular spot when we get back home.

But, as we walked around, we also saw less appealing sights. A shirtless guy wearing a loin cloth, leg bare up to his hip. Another shirtless guy, in dress pants and suspenders with a porkpie hat, screaming obscenities into his cell phone. A panhandler begging for money, and then cursing out a lady who said no, following her down the street as she did so.

The dingy underbelly…


I’ll be carrying a camera, so there’s no way I won’t look like an ugly tourist and easy target. I’ll just have to keep an eye on things and be prepared to be at least verbally assaulted here and there.

Could I see things like this in any city? Probably. This is purely subjective. It just felt like a higher concentration of these guys here.

A bit like my experiences with New York City.
I survived those, so I’ll risk it here.

We made our way to the Old U.S. Mint building, which was the temporary home of the New Orleans Jazz National Historical Park. And I do think it’s pretty cool that there’s actually a National Park dedicated to the history of jazz music.

Another potential destination for us, but only if they’re done with the renovations so thanks for the warning. If they are finished, I’ll let you know what changes they’ve made.

This stop was mostly for Julie, who is a pretty big jazz and big band fan. In fact, she's played both concert and jazz bass for years. Because she's awesome.

I’d say so…

Bass, huh?
So, does she prefer grovin’ the Dog-House or is she more of a ‘Lectric Lady?

(I was going to say there wasn’t much to get jazzed about, but then I decided that was terrible.

Well that was a close one!
Good thing that you didn’t actually say it, then.

This fills my #Dadjoke quota for the chapter.

+1

I admit that I have no idea who Pete Fountain is. But apparently he played clarinet.

Yes, yes he did.

I remember watching him sit in fairly regular back when Jonny Carson ran “The Tonight Show”
(but that sentence right there also reveals just how antiquated I truly am, now don’t it?)

The other big draw of New Orleans is, of course, the food. This is a premier destination for seafood, Creole dishes (mostly involving seafood), Po’Boy sandwiches (mostly involving seafood), and high-end gourmet cuisine.

I foresee a bit of a problem arising here…

You can visit Antoine’s, Austin’s, Arnaud’s, Galatoire’s, Commander’s Palace, Brennan’s, Meril, and so many more high-end restaurants in town—far too many to list.

The other side of that coin is that given that the bar is set that high, you can also drop into the 81st or even the 127th rated venue in town, and still be in a 4.5 star or better restaurant.

And of course, we are uncultured swine with an aversion to seafood, so we skipped all of those places and went to a pizza joint.

And I’d have been stunned otherwise.
But we still love y’all…


Oh, by the way…
Nearly all of these more “cultured” local spots, also serve burgers, barbeque and various other land critters as well. Just something to keep in mind if’n you ever go back

The sense of disappointment I feel coming through the computer screen from all of you is palpable, to say the least.

Can’t be any worse than the sense I get from nearly everyone just as a result of my existence.

Welcome to the Louisiana Pizza Kitchen.

Yep…
Ranked 100th in town and still rated at 4.5 stars.
That’s what I’m on ‘bout, here.

Can you believe my son would be a picky eater?

Nooooo…
Do tell…

Bet my son isn’t as pic…
Ummmmm…
Never mind.

We made our way back towards the riverfront and stopped to grab a table at the world-famous Café Du Monde.

When I asked Tam to list the most important things I needed to make sure she gets to see in Nola, this held the number one spot, and after that, I was free to pick absolutely anything else.
(probably not a wise admission on her part)

That said, her second most important request isn’t possible anymore. Yes, there are still streetcars in Nola, but there is no longer one named “Desire”, so I can’t pull that one off precisely.

They seemed to be a big hit with the crowd. I mean, it’s fried dough and sugar. What’s not to like?

Hummm…
Let me see...

Nope, got nothing on that one.
Just don’t see the down side.

You could always add more stuff to ‘em the “Bad them up” a bit, but the foundation is pretty solid.

I was worried Sarah would try and hog them all to herself, so I subtly worked to move them out of her range.

Excellent Dading skills, there.
You’re only saving her from herself.

But it was more fun watching the effect of all that sugar on Drew.

Goes without saying

Or watching Julie pretend to smile at the effects of all that sugar on Drew.

Which is why it goes without saying.
No sense in giving her reason to haul off and slug you one (at least not just yet).

Don’t look now, but I see future memes with that photo.

And you say that they have these and Dole Whips at Disney World…
BOTH??!!!

With that, we took a leisurely evening stroll along the Riverwalk back towards the van. Along the way, we passed one of the famous riverboats—the Natchez, ready to take tourists for a ride down the river.

And sadly, yes…
I’m going to force my Missus to climb aboard that contraption as well.
(I anticipate I’ll have to suffer quite the beating for that atrocity, but it has to be done).

As we were walking back, we passed Jackson Square again, where a few locals were trying to hustle money from the tourists. One guy was hassling people to pay him after taking their photo for them. Another guy picked me out and told me he could tell me exactly where I bought my shoes from.

Yeah…
Like I said, that’s the bit I’m not looking forward to.

Scotty wanted no part of this conversation, so he hit the turbo boost and speed-walked ahead of me far down the path. If you’re taking notes, remember in the future that Scotty is not going to have your back in a fight.

Likely a good choice on his part…
And a handy bit of information to have for the next time Scotty and I find ourselves in a knife fight.

Well, that might not be true. But I know he won’t have MY back in a fight.

What son would…
Likely not mine ether, I’ll tell you that much.

And I think I got ripped off at the pump, but I can’t prove it. I was sure I pushed the button for the regular 87 octane gas, because that’s what I always do. But somehow I got charged for the premium. It’s possible I pushed the wrong button, but…

I’ve known places (some convenience stores in particular) to reverse or even randomize the order of the octane select buttons specifically trying to catch folks in this manner.

True story.
I got caught by that ploy once


Once.

Coming Up Next: Our kids’ first taste of the Gulf of Mexico.

A taste devoid of sea food, I’d wager…

And for any of you who have ever wondered how I’ve never been struck down by a lightning bolt after some of my comments, well…stay tuned.

Lightning?

You?

Thought never crossed my mind…
(but that’s mostly because I expect it to strike me before anyone else I could name.)

(well, nearly anyone else I could name).

**** Warning ****

Commentary about ships follows this marker.
Please save yourselves and stop reading immediately!!!​

Huh! Not at all what i was expecting.
Was thinking more Monitor. Although it is closer to the Merrimack.

Actually…
It’s closer to the “Virginia” because there wasn’t a “Merrimack” in that fight.


OK, let me explain.
There was a “USS Merrimack”. It was a US Steam Frigate that was burned down to the waterline when the Federals abandoned the Norfolk Navy Yard at the start of the war. The CSN raised and used the remaining part of the hull as a base and built the iron covered casement on top of it, added a Ram Bow, and renamed it “CSS Virginia.”

But to your actual point, the casement type of iron clad was more common than the turreted verity (especially on the rivers) and the CSN only built that type.


(I know no one asked, but y’all hit one of my “subjects” so you’s gets unwanted commentary.)

(Oh, and I did warn you not to read any farther so, it’s all your own fault)


(So, stop reading already!)

Yeah, I'm not sure what made them vary the designs on these, but they all look a little different. The Monitor really is a weird-looking boat, but I can see the strategic value. It's almost like a submarine.

One sailor upon seeing “Monitor” for the first time said that it looked like a cheese box on a shingle.

The extreme differences had a bit to do with having to work with what knowledge, materials, experiences, and expertise just happened to be readily on hand when one was building the ship in question.

Actually it was the construction of the “Virginia” that prompted the building of the “Monitor” in the first place.

“Iron Clad” ships were not a new concept at the time and the notion of having numerous stationary guns in casements aimed by turning the ship itself was the standard for centuries. But when the USN got wind that the Confederates were building an iron clad ram from the remains of one their wrecks with very little freeboard and designed specifically to control the harbors and rivers, that’s when they decided to try something very radical. The “Monitor” took only 101 days to design and build. And more importantly (though we didn’t know it at the time or take advantage of it quite near soon enough) it’s one of three times in modern history when a single new naval ship made every other vessel afloat instantly obsolete at a single stroke. The reason had to do with that “cheese box”. Being able to train the weapons in any direction regardless of the orientation of the ship (and therefore also needing considerably fewer individual guns per ship) was revolutionary.

Yes! I always thought with that low profile it would have an advantage.
Except... easy to flood?

And that’s precisely what happened to the “Monitor” shortly after that faithful battle.
The low freeboard wasn’t the true advantage of the design in the first place, nor even was it as necessary as first thought. But again the USN would be a while before figuring that out and find themselves behind the curve for quite some time even on their own invention.

One of two of those three revolutions where we’d think of something “first” and get beat in its proper application (and we almost got beat the third time as well, but luckily, just not quite).

(And... just out of curiosity, are you surprised or not that a foreigner would know that?)

Not me…
Pretty sure that a great many “foreigners” know far more about American History, then the “typical” ‘Merican.





Oh and here’s some really old commentary that I thought I add to…
(like I said, just cause I’m ornery)

They did, but I believe he was eventually found innocent and cleared. I don't think they ever found the perpetrator.

Correct in that Jewell was ultimately cleared (and save for expediency, probably should never have been considered in the first place), but they actually did convict someone for the Olympic Park bombing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Rudolph







Now let’s see how long it takes me to actually comment on the current chapter. :

 

[GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes]

Look at that. Rob's classing up the joint already.

Now there’s a collection of words that I’m pretty sure have never been strung together in that particular order before…

I've tried both styles. And I'll eat both, because it's BBQ. But I will probably never be a true Carolinean, because I prefer the western tomato-based style.

Me neither…
I refuse to choose one style, but truth be told, if you’re arguing about which sauce you should be using, then it doesn’t very speak well of the barbeque itself…

Sauce is just window dressing.


Good Que don’t need no sauce.



O look!
Another chapter to comment on.
That means more time to simultaneously torment and bore complete strangers!
How wonderful…

Chapter 9: The One Where We Almost Get Struck By Lightning and Run Out of Gas

Who needs amusement parks or thrill rides?
We’ve got the Interstate!

If we had one regret about New Orleans, it’s that we didn’t get to visit the National World War II Museum.

I may try to get into that Friday but the plans for that day are kind’a fluid, so we’ll see.

Unfortunately, we’d had a trial run at the National Air & Space Museum in Washington, D.C. a couple of months prior to this trip, and at that time, Drew had been terrible. He constantly ran off, forcing us to chase him all over the place, worry about losing him in the crowds, and generally keeping us from being able to see any exhibits or enjoy the museum. So we made the difficult decision not to spend the money on the WWII Museum. It would have been over his head and he would have made it miserable for the rest of us.

Hate to say it, but you made the right call here.
The up side is that now you need to find a way to go back.

Instead, we set out east from New Orleans on another lengthy drive.

Better choice anyway…
so much more entertaining and educational.

Along the way, as we drove through Mobile, Alabama, we spotted the USS Alabama, a U.S. Navy battleship which had originally been commissioned in 1942 and served in World War II in both the Atlantic and Pacific. I’m sure that would have been a neat tour, too. Oh well, at least we can now say we saw something in Alabama.

Yeah…
That the behemoth that I intend to “force” my bride to clamber all over.
I’ll pay dearly for it later on, but it has to be done.

A short while later, we found a familiar sight for many of you:

Ooooooo, Purty….


But still a long way away from this group’s normal destination of choice.

We got off the interstate at the city of Pensacola, in the Florida panhandle. We made our way through the city and across a couple of bridges to the outlying Gulf Islands National Seashore.

Also on the list. Along with several other spots in that area.
But sadly…
Not this time.

My kids had never before laid eyes on the Gulf of Mexico, so I would have been remiss if I hadn’t made it to the shore at some point on this trip.

And I will have to be making a similar stop somewhere down that way for precisely that same reasoning. Not certain precisely where, but we’re not headed into Fla this trip so it’ll likely be near either Gulfport or Gulf Shores.

Again, we shall see.

I had two basic goals in stopping here: 1) get another National Park passport stamp (obviously)

Huh…
That thought would never have occurred to me.

and 2) let the kids dip their toes in the Gulf of Mexico. With a 3-year-old along for the ride, surely the toes would be the only part we’d have to worry about getting wet.

My bookie is offering negative odds on that one.

Just like ironclad gunboats, old forts are always awesome.

Unless you’re anyone in my family other than myself…
But they still consent to suffer my failings from time to time.

Have any of y’all (other than me), taken time to check out “Fort Clinch” while toddling along I-95 on the way to down to The World?

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

There it is!!!
I knew that y’all couldn’t disappoint us on that one.

But as we walked the grounds of the fort, we found that when we stopped, our feet were getting completely swarmed with ants. Which was…uncomfortable. If not a little Moses-and-the-Ten-Plagues scary.

Makes me think of a couple Indiana Jones scenes…
[shudder]

Something else I’ll have to make note of when determining future destinations.

It was nice just to take a break and enjoy wandering the beach and getting our feet wet. Julie fell in love with the area and immediately started trying to make plans to go back.

For the love of all that is holey in this world…
Do not talk her out of this!



(and this may offer the way of getting back over to that museum you had to skip this time around.)

Well, that’s no big deal. I mean, who cares if you ruin a rental v—oh, right.

Whoops…

Save a penny here, lose a pound somewhere else.

Good image…
Nice timing on that one.

Oh, and the Blue Angels just happened to be practicing while we were there. So that was awesome.

Not a totally uncommon site down that way.
Very cool added bonus.

we stopped for a bathroom break at a crappy tourist t-shirt shop.

The Mouse’s newly opened annex, I take it…

Sadly, we were never able to reach ludicrous speed.

Too bad…
I was hoping for an image of the moment where the Van went to Plaid.

Somewhere along the way, just as I was starting to accelerate, we heard an incredibly loud crack, and our entire view outside the van flashed white. In the corner of my eye, I saw the zap of a bolt of lightning. I turned my head quickly, and just on the other side of the highway I could see a pine tree smoldering, with smoke wafting out of the top.

And you didn’t stop to cut the glowing heart out of the stump to have carved down into a bat?

It had been less than a hundred feet away from us.

Closest I’ve come to being struck by a bolt was about 50 feet.

I was about twelve or so at the time and happened to be walking across an empty stretch of a large mall parking lot when a bolt struck the light poll nearest me. One moment I was walking, the next moment everything around me turned the same shade of blinding white. When the outside colors came back to me eyes a moment later, all I really saw was that light smoldering and fading out to make everything around me turn black. Needless to say, I did not stay put, and I was no longer walking.

I vowed immediately to never make fun of anyone
ever again and to always eat my vegetables.

Vowed?
Or was it more like a suggestion?

Little white lie, perhaps?


Possibly, a pants on fire moment?

I pointed this out to Julie and told her how I thought this would be a fun experiment.

Especially in the midst of a thunderstorm.
Pretty sure I’ve never once seen a horror movie (or cult classic comedy) that started out with that scenario.

Julie thought this would be a wonderful idea, and readily agreed, by which I mean she immediately freaked out and started loudly threatening me with bodily harm if we ran out of gas on the side of I-10.

I’m shocked, shocked I tell you…

Some people have no sense of adventure.

And others who just have an irrational aversion to encountering machete wielding mask wearing Good Samaritans

I kept on driving, being sure to announce the countdown of exactly how much fuel we had left frequently as we drove.

I’ve already survived a lightning strike today…
I’m invincible!!!!
[maniacal laugh]

we were all hungry, and somebody was worried about our fuel consumption. So we opted for a Cracker Barrel next to the highway.

Not necessarily the most exciting choice, but a solid one for when you just don’t want to pick some place in particular.

They’re the Howard Johnson’s of the modern road trip.
When I was a young’en, HoJo’s was pretty much a road trip requirement. At the time, it was also the only place you could be fairly sure would be consistently clean and offer somewhat edible food out in the middle of God’s nowhere. No internet; certainly no Trip-Adviser or Road-Food guide, so everything else was a crap shoot.

and the kid’s menus actually offered viable entertainment (long before Gameboys and DVDs).

I upheld my recent vows as a changed man and ordered broccoli with my meal. And I ate it, too. So there.

So…
One and done, then?

Coming Up Next: We subject the kids to cruel and unusual punishment.

That’s nothing more than acceptable parenting.

Move along folks, nothing to see here…

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

I can see that. A three year-old has no idea why you want to stop and read all the signs, and history is lost on them.

Pretty much. Although I admit that I don't want to stop and read every single sign, either. My mom does that, and it drives me crazy.

Well you have that going for you....

...which is nice.

Yeah right, I don't believe that even without the three year old!

It's inevitable.

That word is a little mild for what i think I would be feeling.

Yeah, I saw that once in an Indiana Jones movie, and it didn't end well for the guy.

Where is bar? I prefer not to get my feet dirty.

Good luck finding that on National Park land! Not that it's impossible, just rare.

I don't click on all the links, but this one got me curious as to what crappy tourist t-shirt shop you would find in the Gulf. Looks pretty fancy pants to me!

Sometimes I like to hide jokes, just as a reward for those willing to look for them.

How long did that last?

Well, at least through the evening.

Is this where Julie Hauls off and slugs you in the face?

We're getting close...

I don't know hot she puts up with you!

Me neither.

Nope. Never been. Don't have them in this neck o' the woods.

Wow, I really overestimated Cracker Barrel's reach here.

I see broccoli on the plate, that's not proof you ate it, merely that you ordered it.

You guys and your double standards. I show a photo of a giant burger, and everyone just assumes I ate it, no questions asked.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Now, good manners and protocol in this situation would dictate that I pick up with the most recent chapter and then try to keep up from here on. But I’m not proper, so I’ll be starting with the second most recent chapter.

Why?
‘Cause I enjoy confusing folks, testing memories and I’m ornery that way, but more importantly…
I’m selfish (and that point will be making its self quite clear momentarily).

Or, there's something about boats in there.

Preceded by some suffering and a bit of deprivation.

But then again, that’s the kind of thing that led to the creation of Jazz, so it’s totally appropriate.

Ever hear Homer Simpson's casual dismissal of jazz?

I’ll be doing several of those over the next few days (and for similar reasons).
We’ll see how I hold up.

Good luck! We're all counting on you.

One place on my “List”….

And one that’s just about to get checked off.
(Although I s’pect that I’ll just become more enticed to return, so it’ll probably stay on the “List”

Always a possibility. That's a danger of the "List".

I can think of an instance later on in this narrative where you likely should have done something rather similar. It would likely have made a marked improvement on your experiences.
(or at least have saved you from encountering “Something Green” )

Ah, I just push that stuff to the side of the plate, anyway.

And I am guilty of similar but far worse atrocities.
I’ve been known to “inflict” ships, forts and battlefields on my family on many occasions.

“Forced” my young’en to spend an overnight on an Aircraft Carrier, once.

Driven out of the way for boring fortifications, and inserted rides on ferries several times when the Interstate was clearly the better route.

Heck, I fully intend to force my bride to traps all over a naval behemoth as part of our upcoming Anniversary Road Trip (but I will make it up to her for the most part beforehand).

As I always say, this family is not a democracy. It's a dictatorship. It can be benevolent or tyrannical, but those are the only options.

And was quite relieved to “have that key in his pocket” afterward.

Supposedly, Grant’s contention was that if he couldn’t break them directly, then he’d “resolve to out-camp them” (apocryphal or not, I always like that bit of paraphrase).

More than one way to skin a cat, for sure.

And to add insult to injury, both events officially concluded on the same day: July 4th.

The city of Vicksburg would bluntly refuse to allow any celebration of Independence Day for 81 years afterward (and is still grumbling under their breath about it to this day).

Not that they're bitter or anything.

Again…
Not this time (unfortunately); it’s on the “List” though (but I’m particularly weird that way)

I'm genuinely shocked that this one didn't wind up on the itinerary somehow.

Yep…
That’s how it’s written up in my dictionary.

No one else in my family seems to be able read it that same way, but knowing that I am mentally deficient, they do choose to simply humor me on the point.



Odd that the Board’s editor program wouldn’t let me quote your definition directly.
Go figure…

Maybe it's because I put it in a quote. I don't think you can quote a quote.

Scotty happens.
Drew chooses to fly “once more into the breach…”


Surprised that no one stuck their head into the barrel of one of those beasts, though…

Patience, grasshopper.

And now we get to the part of the story where I need to pay a bit more attention.

Now, no one is asking you to do that.

Well, neither are the Carolinas or Georgia, depending on where you’re driving.
There lots of trees to look at along our interstates, but not much else unless you get on the “B-Roads”

As I keep generalizing, the west has the scenery, and the east has the history.

Good first stop.
I’ll probably use the streetcar that runs the length of the river front in the Quarter some of the time (but I’m lazy and don’t have to come up with the fair for six people).

Plus, we're cruel.

I get this.
Actually, it’s the one thing I’m not looking forward to on this trip….
dealing with the extremes.

It had me on edge, just anticipating it.

I’ll let you what we think of the grub on offer in that particular spot when we get back home.

Sounds like a plan.

The dingy underbelly…


I’ll be carrying a camera, so there’s no way I won’t look like an ugly tourist and easy target. I’ll just have to keep an eye on things and be prepared to be at least verbally assaulted here and there.

That certainly wasn't pretty. I don't like feeling like I have a target on my back.

A bit like my experiences with New York City.
I survived those, so I’ll risk it here.

I've actually done fairly well in NYC. It's just the sheer crowds that are tough to handle there.

Another potential destination for us, but only if they’re done with the renovations so thanks for the warning. If they are finished, I’ll let you know what changes they’ve made.

Sounds good to me!

I’d say so…

Bass, huh?
So, does she prefer grovin’ the Dog-House or is she more of a ‘Lectric Lady?

I won't even pretend to understand that, but she has played both upright and electric.

Well that was a close one!
Good thing that you didn’t actually say it, then.

I wouldn't want to subject you guys to terrible jokes in these TR's.

Yes, yes he did.

I remember watching him sit in fairly regular back when Jonny Carson ran “The Tonight Show”
(but that sentence right there also reveals just how antiquated I truly am, now don’t it?)

I foresee a bit of a problem arising here…

This place just wasn't made for us.

The other side of that coin is that given that the bar is set that high, you can also drop into the 81st or even the 127th rated venue in town, and still be in a 4.5 star or better restaurant.

That's a good way to look at it.

And I’d have been stunned otherwise.
But we still love y’all…


Oh, by the way…
Nearly all of these more “cultured” local spots, also serve burgers, barbeque and various other land critters as well. Just something to keep in mind if’n you ever go back

True, although they may be more expensive than the typical burger joint. I was also trying to get a little variety. We'd done the burger and BBQ thing over the last few days so I thought pizza would be welcome for the kids. Also, it's generally a cheaper dinner for us, and we need to sprinkle those into the trip, too.

Can’t be any worse than the sense I get from nearly everyone just as a result of my existence.

Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch.

Yep…
Ranked 100th in town and still rated at 4.5 stars.
That’s what I’m on ‘bout, here.

I did see that it was fairly highly ranked on trip advisor. So that was a selling point.

Nooooo…
Do tell…

Bet my son isn’t as pic…
Ummmmm…
Never mind.

It's our punishment for having been kids once.

When I asked Tam to list the most important things I needed to make sure she gets to see in Nola, this held the number one spot, and after that, I was free to pick absolutely anything else.
(probably not a wise admission on her part)

That said, her second most important request isn’t possible anymore. Yes, there are still streetcars in Nola, but there is no longer one named “Desire”, so I can’t pull that one off precisely.

But as long as she gets her sugar.

Hummm…
Let me see...

Nope, got nothing on that one.
Just don’t see the down side.

You could always add more stuff to ‘em the “Bad them up” a bit, but the foundation is pretty solid.

I figure if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Excellent Dading skills, there.
You’re only saving her from herself.

She wasn't buying it for some reason.

No sense in giving her reason to haul off and slug you one (at least not just yet).

You guys are getting anxious for that, I can tell.

And you say that they have these and Dole Whips at Disney World…
BOTH??!!!

And sadly, yes…
I’m going to force my Missus to climb aboard that contraption as well.
(I anticipate I’ll have to suffer quite the beating for that atrocity, but it has to be done).

I can't say I'm shocked here.

Yeah…
Like I said, that’s the bit I’m not looking forward to.

We can call it "running the gauntlet".

Likely a good choice on his part…
And a handy bit of information to have for the next time Scotty and I find ourselves in a knife fight.

I don't want to do the mental gymnastics of figuring out how that could happen.

What son would…
Likely not mine ether, I’ll tell you that much.

I’ve known places (some convenience stores in particular) to reverse or even randomize the order of the octane select buttons specifically trying to catch folks in this manner.

True story.
I got caught by that ploy once


Once.

It's a lesson. Always pay attention to the screen!

A taste devoid of sea food, I’d wager…

Always a high priority.

Actually…
It’s closer to the “Virginia” because there wasn’t a “Merrimack” in that fight.


OK, let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

There was a “USS Merrimack”. It was a US Steam Frigate that was burned down to the waterline when the Federals abandoned the Norfolk Navy Yard at the start of the war. The CSN raised and used the remaining part of the hull as a base and built the iron covered casement on top of it, added a Ram Bow, and renamed it “CSS Virginia.”

But to your actual point, the casement type of iron clad was more common than the turreted verity (especially on the rivers) and the CSN only built that type.


(I know no one asked, but y’all hit one of my “subjects” so you’s gets unwanted commentary.)

(Oh, and I did warn you not to read any farther so, it’s all your own fault)

One sailor upon seeing “Monitor” for the first time said that it looked like a cheese box on a shingle.

The extreme differences had a bit to do with having to work with what knowledge, materials, experiences, and expertise just happened to be readily on hand when one was building the ship in question.

Actually it was the construction of the “Virginia” that prompted the building of the “Monitor” in the first place.

“Iron Clad” ships were not a new concept at the time and the notion of having numerous stationary guns in casements aimed by turning the ship itself was the standard for centuries. But when the USN got wind that the Confederates were building an iron clad ram from the remains of one their wrecks with very little freeboard and designed specifically to control the harbors and rivers, that’s when they decided to try something very radical. The “Monitor” took only 101 days to design and build. And more importantly (though we didn’t know it at the time or take advantage of it quite near soon enough) it’s one of three times in modern history when a single new naval ship made every other vessel afloat instantly obsolete at a single stroke. The reason had to do with that “cheese box”. Being able to train the weapons in any direction regardless of the orientation of the ship (and therefore also needing considerably fewer individual guns per ship) was revolutionary.

And that’s precisely what happened to the “Monitor” shortly after that faithful battle.
The low freeboard wasn’t the true advantage of the design in the first place, nor even was it as necessary as first thought. But again the USN would be a while before figuring that out and find themselves behind the curve for quite some time even on their own invention.

One of two of those three revolutions where we’d think of something “first” and get beat in its proper application (and we almost got beat the third time as well, but luckily, just not quite).

That's cool. I didn't know that the Monitor was such a big advancement in naval warfare. But now I do. Thanks!

Correct in that Jewell was ultimately cleared (and save for expediency, probably should never have been considered in the first place), but they actually did convict someone for the Olympic Park bombing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Rudolph

Ah. Thanks for finishing the story there.

Now let’s see how long it takes me to actually comment on the current chapter. :

Not too shabby. Now I need to work on the next one.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Now there’s a collection of words that I’m pretty sure have never been strung together in that particular order before…

Will wonders never cease!

Me neither…
I refuse to choose one style, but truth be told, if you’re arguing about which sauce you should be using, then it doesn’t very speak well of the barbeque itself…

Sauce is just window dressing.


Good Que don’t need no sauce.

True. But good sauce is another instrument in the orchestra.

Who needs amusement parks or thrill rides?
We’ve got the Interstate!

Woohoo!

Said no one ever.

I may try to get into that Friday but the plans for that day are kind’a fluid, so we’ll see.

You'll have to let me know what you think if you make it.

Hate to say it, but you made the right call here.
The up side is that now you need to find a way to go back.

This would be a priority if we go back.

Better choice anyway…
so much more entertaining and educational.

Yay.

Yeah…
That the behemoth that I intend to “force” my bride to clamber all over.
I’ll pay dearly for it later on, but it has to be done.

I would have loved to have had the time to tour this.

But still a long way away from this group’s normal destination of choice.

True. More ground to cover.

Also on the list. Along with several other spots in that area.
But sadly…
Not this time.

I'd go back here over New Orleans!

And I will have to be making a similar stop somewhere down that way for precisely that same reasoning. Not certain precisely where, but we’re not headed into Fla this trip so it’ll likely be near either Gulfport or Gulf Shores.

Again, we shall see.

Hope you can make it all work!

Huh…
That thought would never have occurred to me.

I should have told you to sit down.

My bookie is offering negative odds on that one.

Little kids and water? What could go wrong?

Unless you’re anyone in my family other than myself…
But they still consent to suffer my failings from time to time.

Have any of y’all (other than me), taken time to check out “Fort Clinch” while toddling along I-95 on the way to down to The World?

Can't say as I have. We're usually in "MUST GET TO DISNEY" mode.

There it is!!!
I knew that y’all couldn’t disappoint us on that one.

Death, taxes, and Oblivious cannon photos.

Makes me think of a couple Indiana Jones scenes…
[shudder]

Something else I’ll have to make note of when determining future destinations.

Yeah, it never works out well for those guys in the movies.

For the love of all that is holey in this world…
Do not talk her out of this!



(and this may offer the way of getting back over to that museum you had to skip this time around.)

I love it when a plan comes together.

Whoops…

Save a penny here, lose a pound somewhere else.

Story of my life.

Good image…
Nice timing on that one.

Thank you, sir!

Not a totally uncommon site down that way.
Very cool added bonus.

We thought it was pretty awesome!

The Mouse’s newly opened annex, I take it…

Well, it IS a shop designed to get tourists to buy t-shirts.

Too bad…
I was hoping for an image of the moment where the Van went to Plaid.

I believe you're confusing us with @FreezinRafiki 's van.

And you didn’t stop to cut the glowing heart out of the stump to have carved down into a bat?

That was it! Our one chance at reclaiming glory, and we lost it! Naturally.

Closest I’ve come to being struck by a bolt was about 50 feet.

I was about twelve or so at the time and happened to be walking across an empty stretch of a large mall parking lot when a bolt struck the light poll nearest me. One moment I was walking, the next moment everything around me turned the same shade of blinding white. When the outside colors came back to me eyes a moment later, all I really saw was that light smoldering and fading out to make everything around me turn black. Needless to say, I did not stay put, and I was no longer walking.

Whoa. Now that is a close call!

Vowed?
Or was it more like a suggestion?

Little white lie, perhaps?


Possibly, a pants on fire moment?

Did it even happen! I mean, I don't have it recorded and etched in stone or recorded at the National Archives, which is apparently what is needed to prove that I ate some broccoli that night.

Especially in the midst of a thunderstorm.
Pretty sure I’ve never once seen a horror movie (or cult classic comedy) that started out with that scenario.

Well, I know in that case to make sure everybody splits up and always runs up the stairs in an enclosed space with danger down below.

I’m shocked, shocked I tell you…

This is who we are.

And others who just have an irrational aversion to encountering machete wielding mask wearing Good Samaritans

BART DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY NEW CHAINSAW AND HOCKEY MASK???!!!!!!!

I’ve already survived a lightning strike today…
I’m invincible!!!!
[maniacal laugh]

It's like you were there with us!

Not necessarily the most exciting choice, but a solid one for when you just don’t want to pick some place in particular.

They’re the Howard Johnson’s of the modern road trip.
When I was a young’en, HoJo’s was pretty much a road trip requirement. At the time, it was also the only place you could be fairly sure would be consistently clean and offer somewhat edible food out in the middle of God’s nowhere. No internet; certainly no Trip-Adviser or Road-Food guide, so everything else was a crap shoot.

and the kid’s menus actually offered viable entertainment (long before Gameboys and DVDs).

I do remember quite a few meals in Howard Johnson's. Another solid choice. I think it was another one where you could get breakfast all day, which is always a plus.

So…
One and done, then?

Sounds about right.

That’s nothing more than acceptable parenting.

Move along folks, nothing to see here…

This is who we are.

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Chapter 10: The One Where We Get a Taste of the Dark Side


Another day, another six hours of driving in a cramped minivan with six people and no real scenery to look at. We were going from Tallahassee to West Palm Beach, Florida. 418 miles.


Thankfully, this would be the last “big” drive for a couple of days. We were all feeling the mileage at that point. In my trip planning, I knew that at that point, we’d checked off the majority of the obligatory state-hunting destinations and needed some more stops that would perk everybody’s interest. So I decided to break up the drive right in the middle this time.


I’ve mentioned before that my daughter is the World’s Biggest Harry Potter Fan©. At this point, she’s memorized all of the books, word-for-word. You think I’m exaggerating, but it’s only slightly, I assure you. She also routinely hosts her friends over the summer for all-night Potter movie marathons (although they skip Deathly Hallows Part One, because nothing happens in that movie despite the 2.5-hour running time—it’s like the family movie version of The English Patient). Sarah (and to a lesser extent, Dave and Scotty) has been begging for years for us to go to Universal Studios, just to see all of the Harry Potter stuff. In fact, not one of us even cares about seeing the rest of the parks there. A Universal trip for us would be Harry Potter or bust.


Unfortunately, a full-blown Universal trip was not in the cards for us at this time. It was just too much expense to take on. But I thought the least (no, the very least) we could do was to stop at Universal for lunch, wander the CityWalk, scout out the layout of the place for a future trip, and of course, take out a second mortgage on Harry Potter crap in the gift shop.


Let’s fast-forward past the trip down I-75 and the Florida Turnpike to the part where we arrive at Universal Studios Florida.

Boy, this road trip thing is much easier when you can just travel by map.


There was a huge line of cars—more than I was hoping to encounter in mid-August. But then again, it was a Saturday, so there were probably a lot of locals getting in their last hurrah before school started. We eventually made it to the parking garage, declined the generous offer of a closer space with valet parking, used up my second mortgage on the regular parking fee, and then walked our kids several miles to the main entrance to the parks.


This was particularly torturous for the kids—from the parking garage, we could see Hogwarts! It was right there!

And we couldn’t get any closer. But it sure is fun to dream, isn’t it, kids?


Hello?


Bueller?


Once again, have those Parents of the Year nomination forms handy.


We went through the main hub and security lines. Here, Universal has one leg up on Disney—one trip through the security line and then you can access both theme parks and CityWalk. Wouldn’t that be nice?


We took a ride on the moving walkways over the road and made it to CityWalk. As you can see, Sarah was prepared for some serious Harry Potter shopping with her attire. Scotty chose to express his thoughts on being so close and yet not being able to enter the park. I was subtly trolling Universal by wearing a shirt from a Disney resort (Aulani), while Dave went for the role of full-on villain. Drew wasn’t going to look at the camera anyway, so why bother?

We took a break from PB&J and went for a big meal at lunchtime instead. If you’re going to be a jerk to your kids, you can at least feed them a decent meal. We had a reservation at the Toothsome Chocolate Emporium & Savory Feast Kitchen.

I believe it was @Flossbolna who first tipped me to this place in one of her Trip Reports. It was formerly the NBA Experience or something like that and had been re-built and re-themed into a steampunk restaurant within the last couple of years. When we’d looked at the various menus of CityWalk restaurants, the word “Chocolate” in the title had proven to be a powerful motivator to visit.


We gave our names at the reservation desk and hung out in the gift shop for a few minutes where, inevitably, Scotty happened.

We were eventually called to our table and seated up on the second floor.


The whole steampunk theme is really well-done. Definitely on par with Disney theming. There’s even a convoluted backstory for this place, where Dr. Emily Gadgetface traveled the world in search of her long-lost parents and never found them, but did find chocolate and decided to share it with the world in a restaurant that also showed off her gadgets and inventions for…reasons. I confess, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the details.

Oh, wait—here’s the backstory. It’s Professor-Doctor Penelope Tibeaux-Tinker Toothsome, if you please. To my knowledge, the title of “Professor-Doctor” is awarded only after years of study and strict academic work at the Department of Redundancy Department.


Anyway, the hook of the menu is that there are many items infused with chocolate. So you could do worse.


We went for the giant burgers. Sarah and Julie opted to split the Pub It Up burger: half-pound of beef, queso and cheese, mustard and kettle chips on a pretzel roll.

Remembering my newfound vow to stick with vegetables and healthy eating, I ordered the May Contain Bacon burger: half-pound of beef, thick-cut bacon, pork belly, pineapple chutney, jack cheese and a pretzel roll.

And Scotty and Dave ordered off the brunch menu and went for berries & cream French toast: challah bread, lemon curd filling, fresh berries and whipped cream. Only they didn’t quite get what they expected.

This was supposed to be a similar idea to the Tonga Toast at Kona Café, but for whatever reason, the filling inside was off. As in, there was no filling. It was just a lump of toast.


The burgers, however—oh, man. Just phenomenal.


Professor-Doctor Penelope is actually there at the restaurant in character, along with her sidekick, Not Wall-E, Not R2-D2, Not Affiliated With Any Other Robots You May Have Heard Of Before. She spent most of her time downstairs, then came up and visited precisely one table in our room before heading out again. We didn’t feel the same attachment to her as we do to Disney characters, so we weren’t upset that they skipped our table.


Heeding @Flossbolna ’s advice to stay away from the milkshakes, we ended up ordering a giant brownies-and-cookie sundae instead. We chose…wisely.

This and the burgers were enough to put us back into Drooling Homer Award status once more.

We rolled out of the restaurant and decided to walk all around the lake in order to try and burn off a few calories.

And we continued torturing our kids by getting as close to the actual gates to the park as we possibly could.

With a sigh, the kids kept moving behind us as we completed the circle. Luckily for them, the next stop was the gift shop, and we had some work to do to buy back their affections.

I don’t know how much time we ultimately spent in there, but I was now up to a third mortgage and our Christmas shopping was mostly done. I think the coolest gifts we bought for the kids ended up being Christmas gifts—they were varsity-type sweatshirts each bearing a Hogwarts house name. Sarah considers herself a Gryffindor, Dave a Ravenclaw, and Scotty is a Hufflepuff. Three guesses where Drew fits in. Anyway, they were great sweatshirts, but of course ridiculously expensive, and we were about to put them back on the rack in search of something cheaper. Then Julie and I overheard the kids talking about them by themselves, and Dave made a comment like, “If we each got one, we could wear them together and be Squad.” And that by itself was enough to make us buy the stupid sweatshirts even though they cost more than the GDP of Guam, because Julie and I are big softies and thus perfect targets for the theme park marketing machines.


This seemed appropriate on the way out:

There wasn’t much to tell for the rest of the day. We finished the drive to West Palm Beach and got a room at the Embassy Suites there. We’d be staying in the same room for back-to-back nights (heavenly!) and would be able to have some extra room and everyone in a bed (also heavenly!). After all of that driving, this was the perfect time for a Pizza and Pool Party, so we ordered in and swam under the stars. Julie put Drew down to bed first, and this was too cute not to share:

We all went to bed content with the fact that we wouldn’t be driving 6 hours the next day. It would only be about 4 hours.


There was one other Harry Potter gift we bought and saved for later. The shop had replica train tickets for a round-trip ticket to Hogwarts. We bought those and stored them away. On the morning of Sarah’s scoliosis surgery, there was a stuffed white owl waiting on the kitchen table with an envelope holding the tickets. They were marked with a future date: February 2020. Something to look forward to.


Speaking of things to look forward to:


Coming Up Next: We explore the far reaches of the Everglades. And my wife punches me in the face.

 

[deserrai]

Chapter 10: The One Where We Get a Taste of the Dark Side





There was one other Harry Potter gift we bought and saved for later. The shop had replica train tickets for a round-trip ticket to Hogwarts. We bought those and stored them away. On the morning of Sarah’s scoliosis surgery, there was a stuffed white owl waiting on the kitchen table with an envelope holding the tickets. They were marked with a future date: February 2020. Something to look forward to.


Speaking of things to look forward to:


Coming Up Next: We explore the far reaches of the Everglades. And my wife punches me in the face.

Ok, I usually just lurk, but this made me have to comment and say that was such a sweet idea!

 

[cj9200]

Coming Up Next: We explore the far reaches of the Everglades. And my wife punches me in the face.

I saw no punching in the face when you were at Biscayne. I say fake news.

 

[Allison Joy]

Oh, you do love to taunt your kids, don't you? I think that would be too much for me as an adult to be that close and not go in. I'm impressed you didn't have any meltdowns and that you and your kids are still on speaking terms.

Julie put Drew down to bed first, and this was too cute not to share:

Okay. I recognize that book/those illustrations, but can't quite tell. Which story is that?

 

[SoccerDogWithEars]

A Universal trip for us would be Harry Potter or bust.

I'm pretty sure that's about 75% of their visitors these days. They definitely scored when they got that contract.

Unfortunately, a full-blown Universal trip was not in the cards for us at this time. It was just too much expense to take on.

People gripe all the time about how expensive Disney is, but Universal isn't really much better. We looked at adding on a day to one of our trip and it was going to be close to a grand for the 4 of us. Meanwhile, it was like $8 to add an extra day to our park hoppers.

Disney knows what they're doing

Anyway, the hook of the menu is that there are many items infused with chocolate. So you could do worse.

Reason enough for me.

Sarah and Julie opted to split the Pub It Up burger: half-pound of beef, queso and cheese, mustard and kettle chips on a pretzel roll.

This sounds AMAZING.

As in, there was no filling. It was just a lump of toast.

Well, bummer. Did you let the server know?

Note to self: Don't read Captain Oblivious reports while hungry. Man oh man that looks delicious

Sarah considers herself a Gryffindor, Dave a Ravenclaw, and Scotty is a Hufflepuff.

They haven't taken the quiz on Pottermore to be officially sorted?
Though I'll be honest, I did and had always considered myself a Gryffindor, and got sorted into Hufflepuff. It's taken adjustment.

On the morning of Sarah’s scoliosis surgery, there was a stuffed white owl waiting on the kitchen table with an envelope holding the tickets. They were marked with a future date: February 2020. Something to look forward to.

Awwwwww how sweet. And I am definitely not crying. That's just allergies.

Coming Up Next: We explore the far reaches of the Everglades. And my wife punches me in the face.

FINALLY!!!!!!

 

[Captain_Oblivious]

Ok, I usually just lurk, but this made me have to comment and say that was such a sweet idea!

Thank you! And thanks for commenting! Don't be shy, there are lots of Canadians here and they're really polite.

I saw no punching in the face when you were at Biscayne. I say fake news.

You didn't see the bruise?

Oh, you do love to taunt your kids, don't you? I think that would be too much for me as an adult to be that close and not go in. I'm impressed you didn't have any meltdowns and that you and your kids are still on speaking terms.

If I'd had the budget for it, I would have gone for it. But we rewarded the kids later on in the trip. If we're going to do Harry Potter, we'll make sure we have enough time to do it right.

Okay. I recognize that book/those illustrations, but can't quite tell. Which story is that?

I think that's actually a little children's Bible story book.

I'm pretty sure that's about 75% of their visitors these days. They definitely scored when they got that contract.

Yeah, but from what I can tell you have to give them credit for really doing it right, and making it a worthy place to visit.

People gripe all the time about how expensive Disney is, but Universal isn't really much better. We looked at adding on a day to one of our trip and it was going to be close to a grand for the 4 of us. Meanwhile, it was like $8 to add an extra day to our park hoppers.

Disney knows what they're doing

From time to time, I will gripe about the cost for a large family like mine to visit theme parks. It feels like we get gouged no matter what. But, this is pure capitalism. If people refused to pay the cost, the prices would come down. That hasn't happened yet. So I just save up for special occasions rather than attempting to go every year.

Reason enough for me.

Chocolate knocks down many walls.

This sounds AMAZING.

Tasted great, too.

Well, bummer. Did you let the server know?

Yes. They brought out another one, but something still wasn't quite right. I think they were just disappointed.

Note to self: Don't read Captain Oblivious reports while hungry. Man oh man that looks delicious

Well, we can't go to a Chocolate Factory and not have something chocolate.

They haven't taken the quiz on Pottermore to be officially sorted?
Though I'll be honest, I did and had always considered myself a Gryffindor, and got sorted into Hufflepuff. It's taken adjustment.

Oh, rest assured, these are all official Pottermore results. By the way, I'm a Gryffindor. Of course.

Awwwwww how sweet. And I am definitely not crying. That's just allergies.

You should dust the place more often.

FINALLY!!!!!!

Why is everyone so excited about this?