Dear Missy..
Thank you for your note, suggestions and kind words. I've called her and listened....she is just so quiet and sad. She said it was so hard at the airport because his commander and first shirt were there and she didn't have the the time with her hubby that they wanted. They're all exhausted...she's hoping he'll call her tonight from Chicago...(first stop). Seems like she thinks he forgot his helmet...(I told her to call the first shirt and let him expedite it to him).
I'm going to pass along your ideas to her in a day or two. And I plan on calling her nightly until I hear her sound some better.
I've also signed up to receive those Military Kits that the post office offers. I read about it on here. Her hubby said not to send him anything until he's sure of the address, but I do have the address that he sent his box ahead to, so I may just send a note or two to that. If he receives them fine...if not...nothing really lost.
I've read other posts that you posted...you are so very caring and so full of courage. I hope that when your hubby gets back...all your fondest dreams come true!
You seem well connected in the circle....I wish my daughter was...she doesn't really make alot of friends....and right now I think she especially needs that support. Have a good night....and bless you!
barb
That's great that you are there for her. Does she live in a military community? It's different everywhere, but my specific base offers free childcare the first Sat. of each month if your spouse is deployed and other free activities around base.
This was my experience: The first day that my DH was gone was very hard for me, I really didn't want to talk to anyone and my kids were very weepy (we knew he was leaving for a long time and the anticipation had taken its toll on our whole family). I also didn't want to touch any of Dh's things, like cleaning up his dirty clothes or putting away any of his things, it took a few days before I could start doing that.
Now that he has been gone for a little over a month I'm starting to feel a little forgotten. It seems like now that my family knows DH is settled in and I seem okay they don't need to check in or anything. I even had to email Dh's MOM a very straightforward email reminding her to send her SON a care package (she told me she didn't have time) because I was feeling very pressured to keep his morale up on my own. I also don't know many people in my area.
So some things that would be helpful would be phone calls, especially in the evening after the kids are in bed, time that would normally be spent with Dh and gets lonely. Visits, especially with babysitting offers, would be great. As a mom of 5 I would LOVE the chance to go to the commissary, Target, dentist, or to get my hair done by myself! If she mentions a family readiness group meeting (I'm not sure what they're called in the AF, DH is Army) you should encourage her to go. It's a great way to meet other spouses and to get information about what is going on with your spouse and in the community.
As far as the address to send packages to, my DH didn't go straight to Iraq, he went somewhere else first to get "acclimated" for a few weeks. I did send him packages to that first address, but he didn't get them until about a week after he arrived in Iraq because that's where they went and they needed to get someone in their unit authorized to pick up mail. Also, in case you haven't looked into it, it costs the same to mail flat rate boxes and to an APO there as it does in the states, same with letters, just a stamp.
From what I've read, I think most wives get into a "groove" after their Dh's have been gone awhile. They get their routines down, figure out what works for them and find ways to keep busy and combat loneliness. We still have our moments, I remember an awful weekend when DH was in Bosnia, I was pregnant. Two of my kids and I all had the stomach flu
, I actually had to keep my 4 year old home from pre-k to help out (she was healthy). When Dh called I actually yelled at him for not being there, of course he understood my frustration and insanity and forgave me. But if you DD doesn't find her groove over time, doesn't seem like herself at all or is overly depressed you may want to encourage her to seek counseling. It can be hard because often the morale of the soldiers is stressed so much that the morale of the family left behind gets forgotten.
I don't think there are any "right" words to say, it sounds like you're doing a great job just listening, sometimes it's best just to have someone to vent to. I think it will be helpful to her that you are feeling some of the same feelings that she is so she can share her ups and downs with you. Sorry for the long post, I hope there's something helpful in there
.I desparately want to say the right things...but when I think of her and how much she is hurting...I just fall apart. I've read through all your posts...and you all seem so strong and capable.....right now we don't feel that way....does it come? I'm so very worried about them all. Thanks for listening....Barb
and prayers go out to your family
