What would you do... cruise without oldest child

I kind of am seeing this from a different perspective: You'll have two more graduating, and they are going to expect the same! (An expensive graduation gift/ trip AND a car!) Also, I don't see why this is to be looked at as "the last family vacation." I traveled with my parents after I graduated but it worked out bc it was during the summer and I didn't have a "real job" til after my junior year. Also, not the same thing at all, but next year I am only taking my twin daughters on a DCL cruise without my oldest or my husband! (ack!). Not sure any of us are happy about that, but my oldest WILL NOT miss any more school for vacations, and she's fine that we're going without her. It won't be the same, for sure, but just bc she can't go, doesn't mean her sisters shouldn't. So not exactly the same, but just something to think about.
 
IMHO: He gets to choose. He can go to Hawaii with his friends. Or he can go on the cruise w/ the family.

Our family finances are so that we could not afford both. He would have to choose one over the other.

Life is hard and choices have to made. We all can't have everything.
 
My first thought when I read your original post - smart kid! Of course he wants two vacations paid for by someone else! Who wouldn't? That doesn't mean he gets them, though. He's already getting a really cool trip to Hawaii. And now it's making you feel guilty that he doesn't get to come on the second trip.

Just because he's going to college does not mean you can't take any more family trips. There will be plenty of chances - and I did internships after every summer in college, including freshman year.
 
As the Mom of two adult children - wait. You won't get this time back and there will come a day when he doesn't want to vacation with you. Enjoy it. Appreciate it every moment he wants to be with you and the entire family. It will end before you are ready and want it to.
 


Personally, I would wait. My oldest is a Sophomore this year. It makes me crazy how fast time has gone. I hope we'll be able to organize family vacations long after he graduates, but I still wouldn't miss the opportunity for one.
 
Here is my 2cents from the kids point of view. I am the youngest of two (brother is 2 years older than me) and my parents where in a similar situation when years ago (when I graduated high school and brother finished his 2nd year at college). When my brother graduated high school my parents gave him a party and they asked him what he wanted for a gift; he said money for a car (as his was really bad). They asked him if he wanted a trip or anything - he said no; they gave him money for a car. Fast forward to when I graduated high school. They asked me the same question, I said I would like to spend the summer with my grandparents (who live across the country). I got that. While my experience does not compare to the what the OP is going thru I will say this. The first year my brother was in college, my parents and I told a trip to WDW without him. My parents gave him the choice and he declined. His reasoning was this; I am in college I don't have time to take off from work, school commitments or even school. My parents talked to my brother and asked him if he minded if we still went. He didn't. The last true family vacation we did was the summer he entered his senior year of high school.

To the OP, I don't think you are a bad mom, I think you are a decent, respectful mom who is putting the family and your oldest child feelings ahead of everything but talk to your son. Just you, the father and the son, no younger siblings and explain to your son exactly what you wrote in your original post. I am sure you son will tell you to go on the cruise while he is in Hawaii.

Jennifer
 
Just because he's going to college does not mean you can't take any more family trips. There will be plenty of chances - and I did internships after every summer in college, including freshman year.

Amen! And even beyond! My sister and I are well pst college and our family still does trips together when we can!
 


If it were me I would go without him this time. He will be throughly enjoying himself elsewhere.
Maybe book a placeholder while onboard and he can look forward to the next time.
 
My personal opinion is to wait.

You said the trip to Hawaii is a graduation gift. That is very generous and fair. But, the cruise is not a gift for your other kids, it sounds like a family vacation. And, I assume they would be getting a nice graduation gift in a few years, so they would get both the family cruise and a future gift. It doesn't seem equitable. And, I would want to cruise with all my kids. Time goes too fast. Then you have girlfriends, wives and their own kids in the mix and it gets even harder to be with family.

That being said, life is not always fair. Just because I would wait doesn't mean you should. What do YOU want to do?

If you want to go, I would probably would see if you can re-structure the gift giving and gift him the car (or something else if you feel the need) and let him choose a vacation - you can pay for the cruise or pay for Hawaii. Maybe he could earn one with his own money?
 
We still take trips together, including my kids, but I get the whole "last trip as a family" thing, too. My parents had a rough time giving up the notion of our neat little nuclear family when I got married. Things change, and it's the older folks most likely to be sad about it.

I don't think you're a bad parent either way. One thing I am wondering is how your son even knows he CAN take two long trips? I assume he will have a summer job. Is it an extension of an after-school/weekend job he already has, so he can ask his boss now? or will he be looking for a purely summer position in the spring? I mostly worked summer-only positions heading into/during college, and I was hired with the understanding that I was covering for the full timers taking vacations. I doubt I would have gotten hired if I said I was going to be unable to work 2 weeks (or more) out of the 10-12 weeks I was being hired for. Two of the jobs were fine with a one-week prearranged trip to visit family (I didn't go to college anywhere near where I grew up); one job I only went on a long weekend trip, nothing else. It's something to consider before anyone has hurt feelings about what *should* be done.
 
I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said except as a dad of a high school senior, I'm preparing myself that our Alaska cruise next year will possibly be our last as a full family unit. I think it's great that he still wants to travel with the family. Any chance he could pay for his own airfare to Hawaii to help out with things a bit?
 
Only you can say what value your money has to you. Do you want to spend your money on the experience for him to enjoy time with friends, do you want to have the memory of all 5 of you on vacation, do you want to spend money on a car? Where is his money in all of this equation? Can he contribute so that you can obtain all three?

You need to prioritize what is most important for you. It's your money. Not his. What do YOU want to spend your money on, and years from now think it was a good investment? Family trip? Car? His plane ticket? Its up to you and how your value where your money goes.

If he wants to fly to HI I would help him figure out how to afford it and pay for himself. That would be my priority, as it is my money and therefore my investment. (This isn't a bad parent issue- as a parent it is given you have sacrificed much for your child- even in this conversation- you want him to have luxuries many teenagers never have.)

Some people value things, some people value experiences. 10 years from now, how will you feel that your money spent was best invested for YOU?
 
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graduated
I agree 100% with this. Your setting a precedent your other children will expect you to follow. If you can't afford to do the same for your other two kids when they graduate then you shouldn't do it now. I read about plenty of multi-generational family cruises on these boards. I really doubt this would be your last full family vacation if you don't want it to be.
 
I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said except as a dad of a high school senior, I'm preparing myself that our Alaska cruise next year will possibly be our last as a full family unit. I think it's great that he still wants to travel with the family. Any chance he could pay for his own airfare to Hawaii to help out with things a bit?

THIS. If you really can't afford to pay for both, perhaps he can help pay for his ticket to Hawaii? As the mother of a college student, I will say that we still take family trips but they are getting very tough to schedule. Between summer internships and time spent in college, we honestly don't have many weeks to choose from. Personally, I would want it to be a trip for the whole family because I treasure what little time we get to spend with our DD. But either way, whether you wait or go without him, you're not a bad parent. It's a very personal decision.
 
I don't think you're a bad parent either way. But as the parent of one who has graduated HS and is in college, if he wants to vacation with the family, I would absolutely encourage you to do whatever you can to make it happen. Those opportunities are so rare as they get older -- both their desire to come and their ability to come. I would jump at it and treasure it even if it meant a financial stretch.
 
I was really only looking at it like, he gets a trip, we should get a trip too.

^^^ this sounds petty. So are you saying if he "didnt" have a trip you could stretch your dollars to include him? The fact that he wants to go with you is reason enuf to wait. Why are you punishing him for his good fortune? If he goes with his friends, he gets dissed from his family trip. Not sure what chapter that is in the parenting guide. I must have missed it...
 
I guess it depends on the kid. My oldest child wants to see the world Antarctica, Africa, Isreal, Dubai, China Australia..nothing is off the table. If mom and dad will foot the bill I'm sure he'll be a willing participant. He's trying to talk me into Bejing in 2019. My thoughts on this. "How long is that flight? Is there anything to eat beside Chinese food?" My youngest will probably want go to WDW or sail on DCL.....well probably forever. Totally different kids. Will they ever want to do the same thing for a family vacation. I don't know, but I don't think I'll ever have trouble talking them into a trip if I'm paying.

I don't think your life with your kids ends when they go off to college. I took many trips with my parents until my dad died and my mom had a stroke a couple of years ago.
I hope I'm one of those grandparents that can take trips with my kids and grandkids.
 
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^^^ this sounds petty. So are you saying if he "didnt" have a trip you could stretch your dollars to include him? The fact that he wants to go with you is reason enuf to wait. Why are you punishing him for his good fortune? If he goes with his friends, he gets dissed from his family trip. Not sure what chapter that is in the parenting guide. I must have missed it...

OP says she is paying for her son's airfare to Hawaii. Just bc he *wants* to go on both trips doesn't mean his parents can afford to pay for him to!
 
OP says she is paying for her son's airfare to Hawaii. Just bc he *wants* to go on both trips doesn't mean his parents can afford to pay for him to!
Agreed. I think you have to do what's right for your family. Why worry about what a message board full of strangers think. Families and finances are all different. I would never ask parenting/family advice on these boards...not in a million years. Your going to get answers like she got from Racer X. I'm sure OP is looking for some validation of what she has already decided. My advice to OP is to go with your heart and not worry about what anyone else thinks.
 
OP says she is paying for her son's airfare to Hawaii. Just bc he *wants* to go on both trips doesn't mean his parents can afford to pay for him to!

Ok fair enuf, i glanced over that... but it is just airfare apparently, not the entire trip.
 

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