your favourite joke.

[vicky1bfc]

As it say's in the title.im sure it's been done before but theres nothing like a good joke.


Post your fav.


Here's mine.


why does goofy wear 2 pairs of pants to play golf?







Incase he get's a hole in one.



Why are the dalmations not very good at hide and seek?






Because they always get spotted.



<taxi for one>

Can you tell that dd's have been playing there pal mickey all night.

 

[mrFDNY]

In the Garden of Eden God called Adam to him and said, "Now I shall teach you how to kiss." "Lord, what is kiss?" asked Adam. "I will show you," said God and taught him all he needed to know about kissing. Whereupon Adam went to Eve and kissed her. Then God called Adam back and said, "Now I shall teach you about intimacy." "Lord, what is Intimacy?" asked Adam. "I will show you," said God and taught him all he needed to know about intimacy. Adam then went to Eve, but came back almost immediately... "Lord," asked Adam, "what is headache?"

 

[diberry]

www.worldschoolphotographs.com

 

[Scottish_Maleficent]

Nice one Diana..........it had me fooled too!!!

Joke
Bob, a biker, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next
to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building
preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blond replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blond was very
upset and handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob
laughed, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and
so I knew he would jump."
The blond replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
He took the money ...
>

 

[Scottish_Maleficent]

Sorry...another 'blonde' joke

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the
size of my computer"

The surprised salesman replies: - "But madam, computers do not have
curtains!"

The blonde said: - "Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[diberry]

Both very good Cath!!! (I fell for the school photos one too!!!)

 

[Dimplenose]

A man is making his first parachute jump. His training has gone well, but as he falls from the plane he realises his parachute hasn't opened. He keeps calm and tries to open the reserve 'chute. This doesn't open either and now he's getting frantic. As he hurtles towards earth he is tugging and tugging at the cords to get either of the 'chutes open, but with no success.
He is still freefalling when he sees a young man shooting past him going up. The parachuting man calls out "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?".
The young man replies "Sorry, no. Do you know anything about gas cookers?"


Libby

 

[KayleeUK]

What do you call a Donkey with only 3 legs?

Wonkey Donkey LOL

Sorry...thats as good as it gets...

 

[Miffy2003]

I am rubbish at remembering jokes (the only ones I can think of are not appropriate to post here!!!) but these all made me LOL

 

[Netty]

ditto karen!
lol at the jokes on here!
diana, your joke got me, i really had thought you'd posted that, on this thread by mistake

 

[vicky1bfc]

I thought Diana had posted that on here by mistake.




Why do farmer's put bells on there cows???








Because their horns don't work.

 

[stal]

There is a new eye drop coming soon made by viagra, it doesn't do anything but makes you look hard

 

[jen_uk]

> Evening Classes for Men!

> Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will

> accept a maximum of eight participants

> The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

> DAY ONE

> HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

> Step by step guide with slide presentation

>
> TOILET ROLLS:

> DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?

> Roundtable discussion


> DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR

> Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)


> DISHES & SILVERWARE:

> DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

> Debate among a panel of experts.


> LOSS OF VIRILITY

> Losing the remote control to your significant other -

> Help line and support groups


> LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

> Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house

> upside down while screaming - Open forum

>

> DAY TWO

> EMPTY MILK CARTONS:

> DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

> Group discussion and role play

>

> HEALTH WATCH:

> BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

> PowerPoint presentation


> REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

> Real life testimonial from the one man who did

>
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE

> TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

> Driving simulation

>

> LIVING WITH ADULTS:

> BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER

> AND YOUR PARTNER

> Online class and role playing

>

> HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

> Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

>

> REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES &

> CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE

> Bring your calendar or PDA to class

>

>

> GETTING OVER IT:

> LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

> ***Individual counselors available

>

>

>

>

 

[vicky1bfc]

Why was goofy staring at the bottle of orange?





Because it said concentrate on the Lable.







They don't get any better....

 

[UKDEB]

What's white and goes up?





A stupid snowflake.








What's bit and spiky and goes 'ding dong' when you bash it?






A rubber cathedral.

 

[AlanUK]

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff???
.
.
.
.
Tequila (To Kill Her)

Always makes me laugh

 

[DisneyRGB]

A man walks into bar with a meat and potato pie on his head.

The bartender says "Why have you got a meat and potato pie on your head?"

The man replies "I always wear a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday".

"It's Tuesday" the bartender points out.

"Oh no" the man replies "I bet I look like a right idiot now"!!!

Well it made me laugh!

 

[Night-train]

Two men were hunting in the woods when, all of a sudden, one man had a heart attack. The other called 911. Someone answered, and he said, "You've gotta come help me. The guy I was hunting with had a heart attack."
The person said, "Well, you've gotta make sure that he is dead."

So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.
The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"