Well that went better than I expected. With Nicholas. When they came home I opened the floor for discussion. How was the phone/pictures/texts going to be monitored? My response, from the adult, "I'll watch it". What does that mean?? You'll sit there and stare at it?? So I explained to both of them, more to Nicholas, that we have discussed it and that I feel that he is too young to have a phone, that he has no need for one, yada yada. These are my rules. In my house. So he can keep the phone, but it needs to stay at his dad's. As he gets older, becomes more responsible, matures, and has a need for it, then it can start coming here. Plus it was done without any discussion on my part. He's fine with it, because he said he expected me to keep it anyway. At least he says he is. This is how mature his dad was about it.....when I asked what kind of parental control features are on the phone he says "when it starts coming here then you'll find out." Translation - I have no flippin clue.
Also, let me apologize to anyone that I might have offended with my earlier post. If you have a child that is 10, or whatever age, and have gotten them a phone, I didn't mean to insult you. If that works for your family, that is great. It is just not something that I feel is appropriate for mine. And by no means did I intend to put you in the same parenting category as their dad!
ETA - after his dad left he and I sat and had a talk about parenting, and how it's a hard job, we have to say no, it's to keep you safe, blah blah blah. I think he really gets it, and I'm very proud of him for understanding my position.