What do you wish your parents did differently (in your childhood)

[DaleFan]

My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. I wish they had told me a little more about financial planning. My DH and I got married when we were 18 and 20. I had no clue about interest rates or retirement planning. I don't remember ever talking about those things when I was still at home. We got married, combined our incomes, and thought we were rich!! It took a while to figure out we weren't, and a Sears charge card is not a good thing!

 

[discnewbie]

Like many of you have said, my parents did the best they could.

The one thing I would change about my mother is her bitterness after my parents divorced. There was no abuse/cheating (she told me EVERYTHING about my parents' marriage, from her point of view, and if he'd done that I would know). I wish she hadn't told me intimate details about them. That's the sort of thing a child should never ever know about a parent.

She was really jealous of my dad. She often would tell us that we loved him more than her, and would put him down to us, saying he was lazy because he owned and managed a farm (and was the stay at home parent to us as well, since the time of me being 3 months old). She still tries to do this sometimes. There were times I thought of leaving her house and living with my dad. We'd complain to him about her, but not much, because in contrast to my mom, he would always say that she loved us, and that moms are more important than dads.

I'm determined that if my DH and I ever separate, I will emulate my dad in this regard. All her negativity accomplished was driving us away from her.

 

[Pakey]

Of course, I'm old and my memory has faded but the only thing I can think of that I wish my parents had done differently was to not smoke. Other than that, they were/are great parents. They spent a ton of time with us, taught us to be strong and independent. I never felt anything but love and respect from them. They are in their 80s now and still going strong (and they both quit smoking after we were grown).

My children are grown now (youngest will be 31 soon) and I did a lot more wrong than my parents did. We worked too much and to make up for the lack of time spent with them, we lavished expensive toys/vacations/cars/etc on them.

We have a good relationship with all 3 sons and our daughters in law (at least I hope so--after years here I almost believe everyone hates their in laws) but I wish I'd been more invested in their daily lives when they were younger.

 

[onelilspark]

My Mom traveled a lot when I was younger and my Dad worked late. So it meant we were the last ones picked up at day care, or there was a babysitter picking us up until my Dad got home on the days my Mom was traveling.

I have a similar job to my Mom's now and I travel a lot. My husband and I have already discussed that when/if we have kids, I'll move to a job where I can be home more. It might mean a pay cut, but we'd rather I be home.

Now, because my parents worked so hard, I learned the value of a good work ethic. We were also able to take great family vacations that allowed me to see a lot of the world and learn about other cultures. The time we spent together was quality time, just not a huge quantity. It also meant that I was able to graduate from college debt free, so I was able to buy a house at 23 and I gained a sense of independence because I didn't always rely on them. So looking back, while I wish they were there more, I was never deprived of love and there are a lot of good things I learned because of the way I grew up. I'm okay with that now, but some of my teenage years were a little rough. Now I'm super close with my family despite the distance.

But...if I have kids, I want to be home for them. I never want to miss a choral concert or a basketball game. I never want them to be the last kids picked up.

 

[bapcap]

I too, agree with most everyone else, my childhood wasn't perfect, but it was horrible either. My mother is Italian and very controling and when dad passed away, my sister was 13 and I was 15, and from then on, mom was totally in control. Sure, there are things she did that I wish could have been different, but from my sister's perception, childhood was horrendous(sp). She is now 55 and there are times lately that I want to ask her what household did you grow up in because some of the things you tell others honestly did not happen! She's told my kids that she was beaten as a child and she will "dance" when mom passes away...who tells someone something like this!! She seems to think mom and step-dad have lots of money because they live a comfortable life and I know that she thinks they should just "give" her money whenever she mentions she can't afford something. The joke around the family is that if she goes with us out to eat or shopping, she will only have $2.00 in her wallet. She used to pull that one with me a lot until I told her one day I can make a stop at the ATM at her bank and she can get more $$ She also complains that mom is always "telling her what to do"...I told her to grow up, that's what a parent does. Sadly, she raised her daughter to have the same attitude about mom, money, and responsibilites.
I, on the other hand, have no major baggage from my childhood and love my mom and step-dad!!

 

[luvsJack]

I wish they had not felt they had to work such long hours. They owned a business and were there from early morning to late night. We lived more than comfortably but I didn't have the time with them.

I am happy though that because of their working hard then, later in life they were able to spend time with me and my sons (Dad died when dd was a baby) and spend the time with them with them that they couldn't spend with me.

 

[richmond282]

I love my parents and I think they did a great job raising me, my brother and sister. I don't think by any means think my parents are perfect and there were some things I would (and do) do differently.

For instance, we never "believed" in Santa. Don't get me wrong, we got plenty of nice things for Christmas and I have wonderful memories of our Christmas mornings. However, I just don't think any harm would have been done if the jolly guy in the red suit was in the picture. In elementary school, I wasn't allowed to go to the portion of the Christmas party where Santa stopped by. I had to sit in the library. Funny thing was Santa came by the library and gave me a candy cane anyway. Don't tell my parents! lol!

We also didn't celebrate Halloween. We went to fall festivals at church and carnivals at school, but no trick or treating or dressing up. I understood their reasoning behind it and I don't judge them or hold it against them, but we do allow our daughter to Trick or treat and dress up. I will confess that I went trick or treating for the first time ever in my life this year. It was tons of fun.

I don't think these things made me a better or worse person. I don't think they changed me morally or ethically one way or the other. I just disagree and choose to raise my child a bit differently.

 

[mrsklamc]

Had a brain about money. Both of them just refused to deal with the reality of what they could and could not afford- and still do.

 

[mrsklamc]

Oh- and I wish my mom had not been such a hypochondriac about me (if you can be a hypochondriac about another person.) One of the prime suspects in my thyroid cancer is too many head/chest x-rays as a child. Plus it was just annoying.

 

[Eeyore98]

Oh- and I wish my mom had not been such a hypochondriac about me (if you can be a hypochondriac about another person.) One of the prime suspects in my thyroid cancer is too many head/chest x-rays as a child. Plus it was just annoying.

It's absolutely possibly to be a hypochondriac about another person. When taken to extremes, this is its own psychiatric disorder. (Not saying that's what happened in your case, of course, just that it exists.)

 

[Kitty 34]

I wish my parents had recognized my low self esteem (as a teen) and worked and motivated me accordingly.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

More routine and structure. LOTS more routine and structure.

There are other things--but with those 2 things, it would have made childhood more stable for me.

Money management would have been good as well. But my childhood was much better than mom's childhood in that regard...so while we were "broke" and constantly "scraping", we were by no means poor. It was a step up even though there were some things along the way that I was not privy to.

 

[kimmar067]

....where do I begin? I wished they had just let me be a kid. From the age of about 10 or 11, as the oldest of 4, everything was pretty much on MY shoulders....my dad wasn't the best one as far as financial and emotional security, so my mom had to, many times, be both the mom and dad, which forced ME to practially raise my younger brothers and sister - I had to clean the house, do the laundry, prepare the meals, and just keep an eye on the younger ones; basically, GROW UP FAST! It really robbed me of my childhood...that's probably why I sometimes act so silly now and then.....okay, well, most of the time....

 

[DisneyLoverUSA]

I wish they wouldn't have resorted to spanking. It made me fear my father, and it completely screwed up my brother. They also tried to discipline us exactly the same way, and while simple things worked for me, they set my brother back.

I'm definitely not one of those people who says "I survived being spanked, and my kids will too!"

ETA***This is just me and my situation, I am not condemning all spanking in every situation everywhere.

I wish my parents had not spanked me either because it made me dislike my mother and fear my father. I dreaded him being home because I knew if my mom gave him the word that I needed a spanking that I was going to get my hind end paddled with a wooden paddle. It was demeaning.

I think there are certain children who do need spankings. I have seen them. Little terrors who won't mind or be reasoned with in other manners. They need a good old fashioned whooping. Those kinds of holy terrors DO NEED TO BE SCARED of someone or they won't stop terrorizing everyone in their life.

But most children can be reasoned with with other means of discipline like removing privileges and time outs, etc.

I have only spanked one of my youngest children one time and it was because he intentionally threw a very large stick/board right at his sister's head and hurt her pretty bad. She cried for about an hour. I made sure he was hurt also and made sure to make him cry so he can see what it feels like to be hurt by someone ON PURPOSE. It worked. He never hit or hurt her ever again.

I don't remember my mom ever telling me she loved me until I was grown. I don't remember hugs when I was a kid. I made sure to do things differently with my kids. I am not overly affectionate myself so I have to remember to hug them every once in awhile and remind them I love them.

 

[macraven]

i have raised my 4 boys just the opposite of how my brothers i and were raised.

i had a very good idea of how to do that, based on what i went through as a young child growing up to adulthood/age 18.

my parents were not very nice people and regretted having a family.
i went to foster care when i was 4 and did have a limited childhood for a shortime.

as an adult, my family i have now is everything.
it is so nice to have a normal life style with my sons and husband.

 

[Gigi22]

I wish my mother had not decided to make me her confidante at the grand old age of 13. She waited until my grandma (my dad's mom, and my best friend in the world) passed away before giving me chapter and verse on my dad's infidelities--both real and imagined--and continued to do so several times a week, every week, until I went away to college. It was horrible. I couldn't wait to get away from her.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I was extraordinarily blessed with a wonderful childhood, and for that my parents sacrificed. My father was the CEO of a major global corporation and he sacrificed time away from us to ensure that we never wanted for anything. We were not spoiled per se (and I had many friends who were), but looking back, my childhood was insanely luxurious. My mother was a college professor who gave up her career to stay home with the six of us and give us a wonderful upbringing. They loved each other so much, and I remember them kissing frequently, holding hands always, going out to social events a lot, but I also know they made us, the children, the priority. Then my mother got sick far too young and died far too young and no amount of money in the world could cure her and therefore nothing could buy my dad more time with his best friend. While we were also robbed of her, at least we had our childhoods with her. They never got their "golden years".

So, I wish they'd spent more time together.

 

[DeaverTex]

I'm certain my folks did what they thought was best, and I do have some fond memories of my childhood.

That said, I wish that they hadn't adopted the lecture as their preferred method of communication. Whether they were saying "No", or imposing a punishment of some sort, or just trying to impart some adult wisdom, it always involved a tag-team lecture that could last for hours. My Dad asked me, a few years back, why I never asked them for anything. He didn't believe me when I told him that it wasn't worth being told -- for hours -- that I was being silly (his input) and ungrateful (my Mom's angle). I wish they'd have just said "No", or swatted my butt and gotten it over with.

I wish that my Mom hadn't been a passive-aggressive, distrustful person.

And I wish that my Dad hadn't felt called on to make divest any notions, plans, or dreams that he decided weren't practical. Let's just say that diplomacy was and is NOT his strong suit.

I do wonder what my son will say about me in another 40 years.

 

[aprilgail2]

I always wished my mom was not a stay at home mom and would have went out and worked. I still look back thinking that she should have been at least out there working part time instead of staying home. I always remember coming home from school just wishing that I could go home to an empty house and have a half hour of just quiet alone time without having anyone home in the house but I never got that since she was always there!

 

[kimmar067]

i have raised my 4 boys just the opposite of how my brothers i and were raised.

i had a very good idea of how to do that, based on what i went through as a young child growing up to adulthood/age 18.

my parents were not very nice people and regretted having a family.
i went to foster care when i was 4 and did have a limited childhood for a shortime.

as an adult, my family i have now is everything.
it is so nice to have a normal life style with my sons and husband.

....off-topic, but WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, GURL-FREN??!?!?!?