Shall I be honest with you?
Would that be considered: a first?
There was a point during my travels,
when I considered chucking
the whole TR and just not writing it.
Pbbft…
You were considering that before you left.
But your harem would revolt, and that wouldn’t be pretty.
(And before you start celebrating,
I am writing it. So you're stuck with me.)
More like you’re stuck with us.
The credit card fiasco
(remember that?)
Yep…
It caused some stress, but, well...
You'll see, later on in this update.
Tease!
Disney travel...
well, rumour has it...
that it can be pricey.
And I definitely had to go downtown.
I mean, if I didn't do that,
there wasn't much point in writing
this TR, now was there?
Cryptic…
I like it.
Oh, I suppose I still could...
But, it just adds to the flavour.
And the aro
uma
(trying to practice speaking Canadian)
clichés, platitudes and nonsequiturs?
One fringe benefit of going downtown
was that I was driving right past a
Cookies by George store.
If you don't know what that is,
or haven't tried them...
GET SOME.
That’d be quite the drive for a cookie.
They aren't just good.
They are the best cookies
on the planet.
Bar none.
But are they better then Zebra Domes?
In a cookie stupor.
Hay, you’re driving, we’re just all jumbled up in the back seat, here.
She looked at me as if I had a bug on my head.
At least that’s a slight step up from having lobsters crawling out of your ears.
(Just ask Ralph)
I quickly took Herbie the Wonder Beetle
off my head and put him in my pocket.
Yep…
a lobster in your pocket would have made for a rather different story.
It immediately became clear
that English was not her first language.
Thought y’all spoke Canadian up that’a way.
I don't know if I'd have the guts to
move somewhere where I couldn't
speak the language.
Or the skill set to get a job in one of their banks.
Wait... she said my card was here...
and then asked for my name?
hmmm.....
Yeah, that’s how I heard it as well.
Double hummm….
"When you lose it?" She asked.
While chasing moose and squirrel.
She came back.
"Card not here, darling."
Fixed it for ya’.
I’m also assuming her name was Natasha…
it just completes the picture so nicely.
"Oh." She said. "It won't get here 'til Friday."
Friday?
Losing ground quickly, here.
Moments later, I saw her striding triumphantly
across the lobby waving an envelope in her hand.
"It's here!" She cried out.
Well, bad things come in threes,
don't they?
I’ve been told that…
but really it’s just a function of when one starts and/or stops counting.
That evening, I spent my time cooking,
(Spaetzle, chicken schnitzel,
jaeger sauce and corn on the cob.
Mmmmmmm…
Now I need to make a trip out to the Waldhorn.
I didn't want to wind up in
Florida wearing long johns again.
Good choice.
But apparently, if you get up
at stupid o'clock,
not even the animals are dumb
enough to wake up.
Consider it a win.
By three o'clock, we were out
the door and in the car.
Yes. We.
Not only was Ruby letting me go by myself,
but she was getting up at the crack of OMG
to drive me.
Sainthood ensured.
I feel that if I can look like an ept dweeb,
my life would be complete.
We’ve all got a dream.
(Yours may stink, but still…)
I knew I'd be spending quite a bit
of time sitting on my brains today,
Truth!
I quickly darted forward,
elbowing an elderly lady in the ribs.
Ha! It stopped her in her tracks.
Her aged husband tried to keep their spot,
but a quick stomp on his instep
put a stop to that!
Um... when I become a senior citizen,
this behaviour is not encouraged.
Oh, I’d never do such.
But I know this gal by the name of Karma, and she’s a real…
the CN tower's there.
It's still the tallest free standing
structure in North America.
With “free standing” being the optimal part of the description.
With any luck, this early in the day,
there won't be much of a line at secu.....
Yep…
One mell of a hess
The first thing you do is
walk up to a kiosk and answer
questions like, "Are you a criminal?"
or "Are you a terrorist?"
or "Are you bringing a banana?"
Careful how you answer that last one…
Bananas really get them all worked up.
Almost as much as apples do, I’m told.
But this time! This time! Things will be different.
I plastered a friendly smile on my mug
and walked confidently forward.
Scowls work better on most Americans.
At least that’s my experience.
Since I was in no rush,
I sashayed along until I found my gate.
Should have done the Time Warp.
and no one
sits in the middle seat.
(They have little tables there instead.)
I’d just about consider paying for that upgrade.
Oh who am I kidding…
I can’t even afford the fair on any airline in the first place.
Oh. And notice the brand spanking new shoes?
That’s a joke, right?
New shoes… at WDW?
This is a public service announcement.
Do not, under any circumstances,
buy new shoes and not break them in
before going to Disneyworld.
That’s what I’m talking about here.
Just don’t do it!
There. Now you can tell the grandkids.
Who will roll their eyes.
They’ll do that regardless of the subject matter.
This will mark the beginning of
a 50/50, hit or miss endeavor
to photograph my food.
I can live with that.
Hopefully your life has more thrills.
Ruby's is filled with disappointment.
So is Tamara’s…
and probably that of every other married woman on the planet.
I see thunderstorm clouds
(Cumulonimbus, aka: CBs)
and that means rain.
Welcome to Florida.
The rest are just LPFs.
LPF?
That stands for Little Puffy Fu...uh.... Fluffers.
At least you didn’t see any BUFs coming directly toward you.
I noticed we were at Gate 13 again.
I’d consider this a good omen.
Glad to see my VIP transportation
service hasn't lapsed!
“I… hate you…”
Of course while it's all peachy keen
to be the first at the carousel of patience,
Is that “patience” or carousel of “penitence”?
I think I preferred traveling sans valise
like my last solo trip.
But since I was...
Oh. Right. I haven't told you about that yet.
Well, it'll make sense soon enough.
You must be bearing gifts.
You’re not Greek, are you?
when the bags started to come out,
mine wasn't first!!
I mean, what the heck is with that?!?!?
There’s that penitence part of it I was on about.
Do I not deserve to have my bag come first?
I ask you! Do I not deserve it?!?!?
Well…
Dang!
My airport dream is to be
the first bag out of the chute.
I thought it was to be an ept dweeb?
No! Wait! Let me rephrase that.
I don't want to be the first bag...
I want my bag to be first.
The other way around could be more exciting.
And this was just the beginning.
I did not have as good bus service
as I'd experienced the last two trips.
Welcome to the rest of our worlds.
I was seated... in air conditioning.
That's impotent.
Important.
In Florida in September it sure as heck is.
“Baby steps…”
Remember that fax I had
Touring Plans send for me?
Actually, yes.
I thought that was an interesting feature of the service.
And I didn’t know that faxing requests was still an option at the resorts.
See that very first window on the ground floor?
Yup!
The absolute closest room to the buses
and Melody Hall.
I crawled into bed and passed out without
even bothering to undress or unpack.
Tomorrow was another day.
Beg pardon?
Magic Kingdom has late EMH tonight!
Open 'til Midnight.
Let's go!!!!
That’s what I thought you said.
While a wait of seven minutes
is practically unheard of for pkondz…
But normal for most of us.
Contest
1. So... what'd I do before even going in?
The Hokey Pokey…
No?
How about: took pictures of the Fall decorations in front of the train station
2. I have an ADR... where is it?
Skipper Canteen
(Going out on a limb with that one)
3. What's the first ride I go on?
POTC
4. Considering my lack of sleep,
how late do I stay at MK?
10:30
5. Why is my wait for a bus 16 minutes?
Good Lord! Don’t see much chance in getting this one right; there are so many possibilities.
I’m going to go with either you’re at the wrong stop or Godzilla ate the first bus and you had to wait for the backup. Or maybe you were delayed by a parade of 742 ECVs…
You ran out of gas!
got a flat tire!
didn’t have change for cab fare!
lost your tux at the cleaners!
locked the keys in the car!
An old friend came in from out of town!
Someone stole your car!
There was an earthquake!
A terrible flood!
Locusts!
IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!
6. How many times was I asked for directions?
(It just happens to me.)
Twice (on this day anyway)
7. Dole whip. Yes or no? (as in did I have one.)
Of course!
8. Why yes, I do have FPs. Where to?
Haunted Mansion, 7DMT, Splash Mtn.
9. What wild animal do I encounter
back at the resort?
Squeak, Squeaker… Squeak Squeaken.
10. Who's your favourite TR writer?
Mark.
Oh, wait… that answer might could garner me double secret negative points, mightn’t it? …
I meant to say: Ponzie, of course!
Bonus:
(Back by popular demand)
Did you see it? Be vaguely specific.
You mean: The - dark - Friendly Skies?
My Big Fat Canadian Big Fat Canadian Bonus:
What is my total time spent waiting
for Disney Transportation?
234
(always make things divisible by 13 when given a chance)