Should I participate in FE or is it just drama?

[Disneytreasure]

Hi again! My family of eight is going on an upcoming cruise. It's our first one. I learned about FE and what it all is by researching online and then some family and I joined an FE group on FB. We joined the FB page that's specific for our cruise and then I joined another huge FE page. It has thousands of members. I like looking on it because it's been giving me a good idea on what others do and I have really seen a lot of cute ideas.

However, what I'm starting to see a lot of is people getting snippy with one another! Mostly it's about the price of gifts and such. People will say that they don't want dollar store gifts and some will say a lot of things they have to throw away because of customs or they just don't want it. Lots of parents are on there and are always chiming in on gifts, "I don't want my kid having a fidget spinner/glitter/that gift/whatever" and then I get incredibly snooty about it. And of course everyone has an opinions of handmade gifts, totes, sundae kits, and candy. Everyone claims that no one should spend more than $10-15 a cabin, but everyone seems to shame anything that is on the cheaper side.

Like I said, there's a lot of useful information and lots of creative individuals on there, but there's also a lot of bickering, snide comments, and drama! But it did make me reconsider whether or not I want to participate. Do people get that upset over gifts? Are handmade items really looked down upon? Are kids really that hard to buy for? What has been your experience?

Or am I reading too much into this FB group?

Thanks!

 

[Dug720]

I personally never had any desire to get involved with the whole "exchange" thing - I'm on vacation to have fun and relax, not run around the ship delivering gifts.

But I remember a couple of years ago on here there was someone bragging about how she kept a spreadsheet with who she got gifts from and what the people gave - and she held off until the last day to deliver hers...only to those whose gifts she deemed worthy of something in return.

IMHO it sounds like your group is more drama than it's worth - especially for something like a cruise vacation that should be fun and relaxing. (Though I don't blame people for not wanting those stupid spinners. Annoying pieces of junk!)

If you want your kids to have the FE experience, you can do your own family FE and just leave your own things in there for your kids.

 

[Disneytreasure]

I personally never had any desire to get involved with the whole "exchange" thing - I'm on vacation to have fun and relax, not run around the ship delivering gifts.

But I remember a couple of years ago on here there was someone bragging about how she kept a spreadsheet with who she got gifts from and what the people gave - and she held off until the last day to deliver hers...only to those whose gifts she deemed worthy of something in return.

IMHO it sounds like your group is more drama than it's worth - especially for something like a cruise vacation that should be fun and relaxing. (Though I don't blame people for not wanting those stupid spinners. Annoying pieces of junk!)

If you want your kids to have the FE experience, you can do your own family FE and just leave your own things in there for your kids.

thanks for your reply! My group cruise page seems nice and so far I don't have a problem with them. It's the FE gift page on FB that is giving me second thoughts. It has over 20k members, which is what worries me when it comes to pickiness and the drama. Still unsure but I agree with you; most go on a cruise to relax and have fun. It seems like a cute idea but the FE gift page is just making me rethink things.

 

[KristiMc]

When we did our first FE exchange in 2011 it was fun. Since then the whole thing has really gone over-the-top. I will not participate anymore. You can still be part of your cruise group to get to know everyone and take part in any meet-ups. That is how these groups should be run and then the FE should be a extra if you want to participate.

 

[sweetpee_1993]

What the whole FE has evolved into is pretty different from its origins. I also did FE our first few cruises and enjoyed it but stopped. Mainly I stopped to eliminate all the work & stress involved. Losing the drama was just the side-perk. The only FE I do now is when my group of friends cruises every Sept so it's fun to make them all little gifts. We self-organize and stick to just us. My kids are grown but if I did FE with them again it'd probably be me just giving them gifts. Surprises for my own family brings me the most joy. Maybe for your first cruise you can skip the group FE so you can focus on navigating your first cruise as a family. You can still do little presents for your family members for each day. It's just simpler when there's less to worry with.

 

[MaleficentRN]

If it's going to stress you out, don't do it. We do it because we enjoy delivering the gifts around the ship and seeing everyone's doors and holders. We give gifts we'd be happy to get and are delighted to find any gift in our holder. Some groups have alternative exchanges, such as magnets and Christmas ornaments. Would that make you feel more at ease? If your group does't have that, maybe you could organize such an exchange. It's all in good fun, even if some people get way over the top about it.

 

[lizabu]

My first cruise I did the FE and there were 25 staterooms and over 100 people on there. Delivering the gifts took a long time and I spent a lot of time and money. In the end we mostly received stickers and Halloween candy and I haven't much use for either so I swore off FE. I have an upcoming cruise and the lady organizing it did something amazing. She limited FE groups to only 10 rooms. And there are some family groups and some all adult groups. Well I thought I had swore off FE for good but I decided to sign up. I joined an all adult group because we are just 2 adults traveling. The manageable size of the groups has me excited to try again. They're also having an ornament exchange which is limited to only 5 staterooms and I signed up for that too. I think depending on how it's organized it can be either a good or bad experience. In these larger groups you're going to get people who have had good or poor experiences. Our first time we had someone hand us a FE gift as we were making our way to debark. And it was a scavenger hunt intended to be played on the ship. So I'm sure you can imagine how useful that was. There's going to be people who put more thought and effort in and those who don't and whether or not you enjoy it will probably depend on how invested you are. This time with the smaller group I feel like I won't have as much time invested so I don't really care whatever people give us. FE is going to be a personal decision.

 

[squirk]

Hi again! My family of eight is going on an upcoming cruise. It's our first one. I learned about FE and what it all is by researching online and then some family and I joined an FE group on FB. We joined the FB page that's specific for our cruise and then I joined another huge FE page. It has thousands of members. I like looking on it because it's been giving me a good idea on what others do and I have really seen a lot of cute ideas.

However, what I'm starting to see a lot of is people getting snippy with one another! Mostly it's about the price of gifts and such. People will say that they don't want dollar store gifts and some will say a lot of things they have to throw away because of customs or they just don't want it. Lots of parents are on there and are always chiming in on gifts, "I don't want my kid having a fidget spinner/glitter/that gift/whatever" and then I get incredibly snooty about it. And of course everyone has an opinions of handmade gifts, totes, sundae kits, and candy. Everyone claims that no one should spend more than $10-15 a cabin, but everyone seems to shame anything that is on the cheaper side.

Like I said, there's a lot of useful information and lots of creative individuals on there, but there's also a lot of bickering, snide comments, and drama! But it did make me reconsider whether or not I want to participate. Do people get that upset over gifts? Are handmade items really looked down upon? Are kids really that hard to buy for? What has been your experience?

Or am I reading too much into this FB group?

Thanks!

I personally never had any desire to get involved with the whole "exchange" thing - I'm on vacation to have fun and relax, not run around the ship delivering gifts.

But I remember a couple of years ago on here there was someone bragging about how she kept a spreadsheet with who she got gifts from and what the people gave - and she held off until the last day to deliver hers...only to those whose gifts she deemed worthy of something in return.

IMHO it sounds like your group is more drama than it's worth - especially for something like a cruise vacation that should be fun and relaxing. (Though I don't blame people for not wanting those stupid spinners. Annoying pieces of junk!)

If you want your kids to have the FE experience, you can do your own family FE and just leave your own things in there for your kids.

I have to agree with @Dug720 - I go on a cruise to relax and reconnect with my family, not to spend time and money buying/making/delivering tchotchkes to a bunch of strangers. I especially wouldn't do it for strangers who ***** and moan about the nature and quality of the gifts received.

 

[mandylovesdisney]

I personally never had any desire to get involved with the whole "exchange" thing - I'm on vacation to have fun and relax, not run around the ship delivering gifts.

But I remember a couple of years ago on here there was someone bragging about how she kept a spreadsheet with who she got gifts from and what the people gave - and she held off until the last day to deliver hers...only to those whose gifts she deemed worthy of something in return.

IMHO it sounds like your group is more drama than it's worth - especially for something like a cruise vacation that should be fun and relaxing. (Though I don't blame people for not wanting those stupid spinners. Annoying pieces of junk!)

If you want your kids to have the FE experience, you can do your own family FE and just leave your own things in there for your kids.

THIS!!! Yes!

OP - I signed up to do FE's on our first cruise and ended up stressing over it and spending WAY more money than I should have. I made ornaments. I think, if you want to do FE's, don't do it on your first cruise. Or, like Dug said... just do it within your family or travel group. This is actually what we do now. We cruise with a couple that we met on our first Disney cruise and every cruise after our first one, we have done FE's between our families. 1. It's more fun 2. You get better things b/c you know what each other likes. 3. A lot less stress.

EDIT: I cannot believe that woman kept a spreadsheet!! WOW....just wow.

 

[zmom]

I have always participated in the FE and have never had any issues like you describe- just lucky maybe? But DS(15) and I love doing them and I have received a lot of good memories over the years in the form of magnets, christmas ornaments, etc.

 

[Bettyscruise]

We participated in an FE exchange on our first cruise. Frankly it turned into something of a burden. Only 7 of the 10 families actually ended up there on board. The stuff we brought consumed an entire piece of luggage. A total of 55 people involved in our group was a lot work to make the gifts even somewhat personal. The time and money invested was more than I'd ever want to invest again. I'm sure some people enjoy it, but we will pass in the future.

If you do participate my advice is to keep your gifts simple but useful or souvenir worthy. Our favorite gifts received were Disney pins for our lanyards, for example.

 

[cyndyminnie]

We're about to take our second cruise but first time doing the FE. I'm traveling with a big group, 6 families, but not everyone wanted to do FE so 4 of us joined in on one from Facebook. I personally have had a lot of fun researching/shopping/making things and the kids have gotten into it too. For me, I enjoy trying to get something fun without breaking the bank. I've spent too much but not too, too much and that's my choice. I've enjoyed that experience so much I don't really care what we get in return, although I do hope the kids get stuff they like. I hope you have a good experience onboard (and I hope we do too).

 

[bumbershoot]

My group cruise page seems nice and so far I don't have a problem with them.

Then focus on them.

It's the FE gift page on FB that is giving me second thoughts. It has over 20k members, which is what worries me when it comes to pickiness and the drama

Rather than dropping the FE plans, you would lose all the drama if you dropped that FB page. Then you would be happy again. That page is what's causing you the problems.

(Said as someone who would never participate in FE but who gets that others enjoy it.)

 

[cheermom2four]

IMHO we did it our first two cruises. It was stressful because I was constantly worried if other families in our FE would like the gifts we put together. The 2nd cruise I spent wayyyyyyyy too much so I nixed the idea on this next cruise. We do however have an ornament exchange on our upcoming cruise and the ornament should depict where you are from (since it is a european cruise we noticed there were quite a few different countries people were from) and we did join this one. We also have a candy exchange since most europeans cant get some of our candies over in the US and definitely the US cant get some european candies very easily, so we did these as they are no brainers on what to get. FE gifts though I think we are done with. It was fun, but just too stressful on this momma.

 

[minorthr]

After our last cruise I swore I wasn't going to do it again. We spent way to much and got very little in return, we had several cabins not even give a gift. We just booked a last minute cruise and we went for doing a kids secret Mickey to a kids and adults. To a kids and adults secret Mickey and now a FE which I'm not happy about.

 

[undertheradar]

I honestly think that the FE is overblown. Some of the hangers are ridiculously too big, people complain about theft. This is one activity I wish DCL would ban. The DCL ships are very well decorated and then you have these tacky wall hangings throughout the ship.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

If you want your kids to have the FE experience, you can do your own family FE and just leave your own things in there for your kids.

I agree with this.

We've done FE on 2 cruises. The first one was great. The organizer was very laid back and the participants really stayed to the spirit of the exchange. No one complained and it seemed every gift was appreciated, no matter how small. Everyone was in it just to have fun. Then I signed up for one on a later cruise and almost immediately regretted it. Completely different vibe. Lots of drama. The leader was even wanting to assign people times to deliver their gifts. I just about quit, but followed through and didn't get nearly the same amount of enjoyment out of it. I don't anticipate participating in another group.

There seems to be a growing pressure to spend more and more on the gifts. As @sweetpee_1993 said, a lot of the FE groups have evolved quite far from what they were originally intended to be, and unfortunately that takes a lot of fun out of it. I am surprised that handmade gifts seem to be looked down on in your group. Some of my favorite FE gifts I've received have been the handmade items.

 

[cruisehopeful]

I've never done one. I have met people on board saying they had to pack an extra suitcase just for the FE gifts. It seems like a lot of people enjoy it, but I go on a cruise to relax and to enjoy time with whomever I am traveling with. I suppose I'd do the exchange if someone in my stateroom wanted to do it, but I doubt I'd take any of the gifts home. I just don't see why people who spend thousands on a Disney cruise need little trinkets gifted to them.

 

[Anchors Away 2016]

Hi again! My family of eight is going on an upcoming cruise. It's our first one. I learned about FE and what it all is by researching online and then some family and I joined an FE group on FB. We joined the FB page that's specific for our cruise and then I joined another huge FE page. It has thousands of members. I like looking on it because it's been giving me a good idea on what others do and I have really seen a lot of cute ideas.

However, what I'm starting to see a lot of is people getting snippy with one another! Mostly it's about the price of gifts and such. People will say that they don't want dollar store gifts and some will say a lot of things they have to throw away because of customs or they just don't want it. Lots of parents are on there and are always chiming in on gifts, "I don't want my kid having a fidget spinner/glitter/that gift/whatever" and then I get incredibly snooty about it. And of course everyone has an opinions of handmade gifts, totes, sundae kits, and candy. Everyone claims that no one should spend more than $10-15 a cabin, but everyone seems to shame anything that is on the cheaper side.

Like I said, there's a lot of useful information and lots of creative individuals on there, but there's also a lot of bickering, snide comments, and drama! But it did make me reconsider whether or not I want to participate. Do people get that upset over gifts? Are handmade items really looked down upon? Are kids really that hard to buy for? What has been your experience?

Or am I reading too much into this FB group?

Thanks!

The answer is inside you. It sounds like you like creativity, and maybe already have some ideas of something you would enjoy making.

DO THAT!

Pick a group that is a size you can happily manage. Make something that YOU feel is worthwhile. Enjoy the creative process. Enjoy the "reverse treasure hunt" of finding all the staterooms that are to receive your treasures. And whatever you get back on your own door is a bonus.

My sons do school plays, and I always tell them, "Leave the drama in Drama." Unless there are specific rules for the group you pick to join, don't even THINK about the drama. Just make something you feel good about. Some people may not keep it, that's fine. But some of them, who also like creativity, will love what you create.

 

[volfan1978]

I think FE might be more fun if it were done randomly rather than as an organized quid pro quo kind of thing. Anyone who wants to participate could put a hanger on their fish and then give to others without the expectation of return. Then if you get something it's a nice surprise, but if you don't then oh well maybe you made someone else's cruise that much better. Insert Kermit sipping tea meme here