buteraa
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2008
Great report so far. I actually live not far from Machine Shed. In the summer they have tractor shows in the parking lot...sort of fun for the kids.One Chip, Two Chip, Red Chip, Blue Chip
Time to get this TR started.
But just before we begin...
A big Thank you!
to all of you who
took the time
to post your dessert recipes.
Hope everyone enjoys them!
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I feel the need...
The need for... driving...
Sorry, that's all I got.
If I feel the need for speed...
(got that out of my system
on the autobahn, thanks)
...then I'm gonna get a ticket.
Mind you the last time
I sped in the States,
I got out of it.
I suspect it would have been
too much paperwork.
I could be wrong.
I did lie quite convincingly
through my teeth, mind you.
"Miles per hour? I don't know.
I have kilometers.
That's divide by decimal six, right?"
Seeing his eyes glaze over
was strangely comforting.
But that was then,
this is now.
And it's time to go.
Apologies for the paucity of photos
in this update.
There'll be a few at the end.
I was kinda... moving... today.
You'll see...
(This will be my first
TR that I can say was
very moving.
Brings a tear to my eye.)
Before we begin,
some of you know,
and some of you don't.
But I collect poker chips
from Harley Davidson stores.
Each store has its own design.
I figured a road trip
might offer some opportunities
to increase my collection
(meager though it is... was.)
A rather dark Monday morning.
2:15am to be precise.
Eaaarrrrly.
But I have a flight to....
No. Wait. I don't.
But I do have a bit of driving
ahead of me.
Hence the early departure.
I was dressed, packed,
locked and loaded
and out of the house by 3:30am.
Look. You try to get moving
faster than that when you're
constantly distracted by a
nice warm bed calling out to you.
I hit the road and then got
in the car and drove on it.
Only people on the road at that
time were fools and idiots.
I'll let you guess which one I was.
No bonus points for saying "both".
I already know too many of you will.
Hour one.
Despite the early hour,
I had no trouble staying awake
(Stayin' awake, stayin' awake
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' awake, stayin' awake
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!)
sorry
I may have had the tunes
blaring as I drove.
That plus excitement
to start a new trip
is better than caffeine.
It takes an hour to get
to the Canada/US border.
And no matter how many times I go
or how honest I am...
It's always a little unnerving.
I mean you are completely
at the mercy of a person who
can seize you, your property
and your right to sing "Stayin' Alive".
Hmm... come to think of it,
considering my singing prowess...
That'd probably be classified
as a justifiable seizure.
Yes, my singing has been known
to bring on epileptic fits.
Or is that apoplectic?
Either or.
Bright flashing strobe lights
or me singing...
Trust me.
Pick the lights.
I rolled up to the window
where a rather imposing
man sat giving me the once over.
(Look. I'm Canadian.
Anyone with a gun is imposing.)
I suppose it would be flattering
except he made me feel
like a bug on the highway.
A squashed bug.
Okay, pkondz.
Look cool.
Keep your expression neutral.
Don't give him any reason
to decide that it's never too early
for a cavity search.
Did I mention his hands
looked awfully big?
"Passport." He demanded.
I handed it over, already opened
to my photo.
Passport photos.
The height of fashion photography, amIright?
Nothing can make you look more pasty
than a passport photo.
He glanced at my passport photo, winced.
"Where you from." He asked.
I've always considered that an odd question.
Look. You're holding my passport.
It's a Canadian passport...
I kept my face neutral...
If anything I made it neutral-er.
"Winnipeg." I answered.
"What do you do?"
I told him.
"Whose car is this?"
I told him it was mine.
Panic set in... Was it mine?
We registered it in Ruby's name
because she has a couple more
points on her licence.
(That accident was not my fault!)
Crap! I'm going to jail!
Neutral.... keep the expression neutral...
"How long will you be in the US?"
I told him that too...
And... I'm not 100% sure, really.
I think I know when I'm coming back,
but it's a road trip....
Maybe I'll stay an extra day somewhere?
I'm trying not to sweat.
Ever try not to sweat?
You can't!
You either do, or you don't!
You know what really makes
you sweat?
Trying not to sweat!!
Neutral! Neutral expression!
"Are you constipated? You look like you're constipated."
Dang it!!! That's not the look I was going for!!!!
He hands me back my passport.
"Have a nice day. Restroom around the corner."
Yes! Another successful foreign infiltration.
I could so be a spy.
Except for the whole "danger" part.
I cross into North Dakota.
The flattest land on Earth.
Flat Earthers consider it concave.
I was startled by a small dog.
It had jumped out of a car
stopped at the border.
And that dog was fast!
It took off like a shot,
heading west.
I watched it go for a long time,
owner in hot pursuit.
Hour two.
I drive straight south.
With nary a bend nor turn.
Super exciting.
I pass the bustling metropolis
of Grand Forks, ND.
Population 57,339.
I do not stop to increase their
numbers by .002%.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!!
The song is no longer helping.
More.... hindering.
I lapse into silence.
Passing dogs stop howling.
(or is that passed dogs?)
I couldn't hear the dog
that escaped at the border
of course.
Too far away.
I could still see it of course.
North Dakota is flat.
I stop at the much larger
metropolis of Fargo
(population 120,762)
for some gas and caffeine.
I don't particularly
want Coke this early,
but I don't particularly
want to fall asleep
while driving, either.
At this point I turn
south east and can
only see the escaped
dog in my mirror now.
Huh. Still running.
That pup has stamina.
Hour three
Still driving.
Still awake.
Hour four
Guess what!
Yep. Driving.
(Dog still running.
But the owner is
catching up.
Only a matter of time now.)
Hour five
I arrive at my first destination.
Viking Land Harley Davidson
in St. Cloud, Minnesota.
I wander around a bit,
checking out the bikes
and the shirts.
I don't always buy a T-shirt
when I stop at a store.
I will if I see one I really like,
and the likelihood goes up
if I see one I like and
it's at a more recognizable
store name.
Or the store name is cool.
What defines a cool store name?
Easy. If I think it is.
Simple enough.
I mean a shirt
from Bob's HD in
Nowheresville might not
get the same consideration
as say... Chicago.
Unless the design is cool.
Same definition for cool.
I do however, make it a point
to buy a poker chip
at every Harley store I visit.
That's the goal.
Poker chip in hand I leave and...
I can't see the dog.
There's actually some
definition to the country
around here.
Hour six
...45 minutes later I'm at
Zylstra HD in Elk River, MN.
Another poker chip in my pocket.
Time to head out.
Hour seven
The next hour takes me to Albertville,
where they have a fairly good sized
outlet mall.
I notice that the place seems
to have gone downhill a bit since
I was last here.
Not many people around and a few
stores missing, including one or two
that I was going to pop into.
The slumping Canadian dollar
has hit US northern shopping
centers pretty hard.
I remember a few years ago
when the Loonie was at par
with the US greenback.
I was at this same mall
and it was packed!
I overheard a clerk
mention to a co-worker
"Yes. I get it. The Canadian
dollar is the same as ours."
Obviously, several of my
fellow countrymen and women
had been sharing this "news"
with them, much to their
annoyance.
And yet.... the mall was
filled with shoppers.
Part of the decline
can also be contributed
to a newer outlet mall
located just a few minutes
from the Mall of America.
But still.... those clerks
may have been laid off
due to the lack of customers.
While I was embarrassed
on behalf of my fellow Canadians,
I'm betting they wouldn't mind
so much now if it got them their
jobs back.
One of the reasons I stopped here
was to buy a baseball hat
over at a store called Lids.
I wasn't really blown away
by what I found, but...
I needed a hat so I bought one.
It'll do.
Time to hit the road again.
Hour eight
I'm at Twin Cities North HD,
just outside Minneapolis.
Not only do I snag a poker chip,
but a much nicer hat too.
I'll return the ones from Lids
on the return drive.
I'm happy. Let's keep moving.
Hour nine
driving...
Hour ten
... takes me to Wisconsin
and Sport Motor HD
in Chippewa Falls.
Poker chip. Thanks.
No time for chit chat.
Gotta run.
Hour eleven
Driving.
Exciting TR so far, huh?
Hour twelve
Yep... riveting stuff.
But I do make a pit stop
at Reel Bros Dells HD.
In Wisconsin Dells.
I haven't been to this part
of the Dells before.
Very much a circus atmosphere.
Interesting.
Still... no time to dawdle.
Poker chip acquired...
it's time to drive.
I know. Shocking.
Hour thirteen
A quick stop at
Badger HD in Madison
(now HD of Madison)
and another poker chip.
Hour fourteen
Guess what!!!!
More driving.
Hour fifteen
I make it to Milwaukee,
but not quite to my
final destination yet.
Couple more stops to make
and time is growing short.
I take a wrong turn,
in a maze of spaghetti-like
over and under passes
which adds five or ten
minutes to the drive.
Because, you know,
I haven't done enough
of that today.
I get turned around and
make it to Milwaukee HD.
Poker chip.
Probably a T-shirt too.
Gotta run! The next place
is closing in just a few minutes!
I race off.
The next place closes
in twenty minutes.
I've got a twenty minute drive
ahead of me.
This is gonna be close!
I make it to the front door
of House of Harley Davidson
at one minute to the hour.
and... Yes! Still open.
Although it's obvious
they're getting ready to close.
I snag my last poker chip
of the day and leave so they
can close up.
Pretty sure I hear the <click!>
of the door locking behind
me as I leave.
My haul for the day:
After eight Harley stops,
I am done for the day.
Huh... Looking at them
like that and it doesn't
seem like a whole lot.
Felt like a lot.
Ah well.
Hour sixteen
Okay. Now eat!
I have to drive 30 minutes
back the way I came.
And it's all Mark's fault.
@Captain_Oblivious had
recommended a restaurant
here and, well...
I certainly didn't want to
insult him by not going.
I couldn't stop earlier,
because if I had, I would've
missed the last two shops.
Hence the backtracking to:
This better be good.
That's all I'm sayin'.
Thirty minutes back
the way I came...
grumble, grumble...
Thanks, Mark.
I parked the car
and wobbled over
to the restaurant.
I went inside and looked around.
Not busy, so no wait.
Which was a good thing.
If a little unnerving.
I usually say you can
gauge a good restaurant
by how busy it is.
Then again...
Monday...
A bit late...
I settled in, perused the menu
and ordered... well... I don't know.
I think I ordered the Roast Pork Loin*
*Winner of the Great Iowa Pork Cook Off.
but I'm not positive.
(I always wonder about these "winners".
"So how many places competed?"
"Just us, sir.")
I usually take notes of this
kind of stuff, but...
By now I was kinda
seeing double, so...
Note taking suffered
just a mite.
I do know I got the
"seasonal vegetables"
and garlic mashed spuds.
As well as a roll,
coleslaw, apple sauce
and... I'm pretty sure here,
The Shed's World Famous Baked Potato Soup.
I'd never heard of it,
but if they say it's "world famous",
who am I to argue!
Was it the "world's best"?
Nope.
It was pretty good, though.
Everything was pretty good.
Thanks, Mark!
Well... I can't speak for the
"seasonal veggies" since
I was too full to even taste them.
You really think I'm going to fill
up on veggies when there's
apple sauce???
I may not be the sharpest
lightbulb in a sack of hammers,
but I ain't crazy!
Well.... crazier.
Suitably sated,
I waddled back to the car.
Another 30 minutes of driving and...
Hour seventeen
I arrive at Country Inn & Suites,
Milwaukee Airport and check in.
Total elapsed time:
Seventeen hours.
Total distance: 900 miles.
You can drive that in
considerably less time
(Fourteen and a half hours)
if you don't stop
to eat or buy poker chips.
But... the journey
is the destination.
Oh. Hey @Captain_Oblivious ,
still think you drive as much
in one day as I do?
Just curious.
What's that?
No, this isn't my longest day.
Thanks for asking.
On the way to my room,
I pass this:
Not one, but two locks
on the garbage chute.
Plus a latch.
These people take their
trash very seriously, people!
"You wanna throw something away?
You're gonna have to get past this first!"
My room for the night:
Okay, so I started to settle in
before remembering to
take a room photo.
Sue me.
I was a little groggy by then.
Time to pass out.
Night, folks.
Today's route map:
I promise.
I'll have more interesting
things to talk about
for the next day.
Thanks for sticking around
for the world's most boring update.
I appreciate... uh... hello??
Hello????
Poop.
And... just out of curiosity...
(for anyone (anyone?) still reading)
Did you see it?
to the TR! 
