Weddings

[mjkacmom]

The paying for the attire and the huge bridal parties are the strangest things to me.
And the rehearsal dinner.

Also the parents paying for the wedding is not really a thing here, I think. As people are older when they get married, they have been working for a few years, living together for a few years, joint bank accounts.

Oh, that reminds me: Registries!
As mentioned, most people lived together before getting married, therefore they most likely already have 2 of everything.
Giving money is the most common gift here. Then the bride & groom can spend it themselves on whatever they need.

People here tend to get married around 30. Registries are for the shower, because even though the couple is probably living together, or at least not living with their parents, they don’t have nice stuff. Wedding gifts are checks.

 

[mjkacmom]

If you don’t take out a second mortgage... LOL. Same goes for Long Island.

And NJ.

 

[mjkacmom]

Went to see 'Tony 'N Tina's Wedding' years ago with my sister. For those that don't know, it's an interactive show that takes place at a huge, tacky wedding reception. It was absolutely hilarious, mostly because being from South Philly I've been to MANY wedding receptions just like it. If I ever got married, I would think I'd be more elegant, but probably not. No way would my family and friends want a live band. Gotta be a DJ- and he has to play the Hokey Pokey, the Chicken Dance, and if we're not doing the Conga to Hot, Hot, Hot at the end of the night it was not a successful party.

The thing I always felt was tacky is the custom-I don't know if it's just my old neighborhood- of the bride going from table to table with a special purse that matches her dress collecting cards with money in them.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to a wedding, but those awkward tacky bags were popular. We had a cocktail reception at a historic mansion with no assigned seating because I didn’t want to spend the night going from table to table (had a receiving line at the church).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yeah there are some things on there I can relate

Not even that long ago I was talking about the cocktail hour issue on a different thread and the length of it

I don't understand the cake in the face thing either.

The wedding party attire well I know for my two bridesmaids and maid of honor including their shoes I paid for but I also went against one of the other things mentioned and did not want to have a large wedding party. I didn't know a huge amount of very close girls and I wasn't going to have a large wedding party just to have one filled with cousins just because.

While I don't have as much issue with a cash bar based on principle I def. didn't want my guests to have to deal with that or tips so the place we used you paid for the bartenders per hour, brought your own liquor (there was a package I think where they could supply it if you wanted) and pre-paid for tips.

 

[Karin1984]

People here tend to get married around 30. Registries are for the shower, because even though the couple is probably living together, or at least not living with their parents, they don’t have nice stuff. Wedding gifts are checks.

Because I'm curious, what is considered 'nice stuff' you would ask for on a registry? All I can think of is a fine china That's definitely not something people would want to have around here in NL.

 

[punkin]

I am actualy going to a wedding next month that I am sure I was invited to just to decline and send a However, this year, I am in desperate need of a party, so I decided to go. I'm sure I screwed up their guest calculations, but I will bring a very nice gift (and yes, it will cover our plates)

 

[mjkacmom]

Because I'm curious, what is considered 'nice stuff' you would ask for on a registry? All I can think of is a fine china That's definitely not something people would want to have around here in NL.

No one wants china anymore. Nice everyday dishes, silverware (I think mine was $200 back in the day), good knives, pots and pans (my favorite shower gift was my Le creuset Dutch oven). I lived on my own for 5 years with a combination of thrift store finds and dead aunt furnishings.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

People have weird hangups when it comes to weddings. At least on the Community Board.

My father-in-law's wife's nephew is getting married in October...I'm immensely happy she was not married to father-in-law when I got married. Whew her opinions are ones better left unsaid most of the time. And for her it's about appearances for the most part. She's got some hangups that would put even the CB to shame

 

[barkley]

No one wants china anymore.

i was at a charity store yesterday and saw boxes and boxes of china dinner plates being sold in bulk for pennies a piece-as shooting targets!

 

[Karin1984]

No one wants china anymore. Nice everyday dishes, silverware (I think mine was $200 back in the day), good knives, pots and pans (my favorite shower gift was my Le creuset Dutch oven). I lived on my own for 5 years with a combination of thrift store finds and dead aunt furnishings.

Yes, that's not really a thing here either. Most people will just go to IKEA or similar stores for those items. Good knives might be the most expensive thing from this list, but that's only for the people who are really into cooking.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, that's not really a thing here either. Most people will just go to IKEA or similar stores for those items. Good knives might be the most expensive thing from this list, but that's only for the people who are really into cooking.

I’m very into cooking, so I registered for good knives. I was given a block of cheap knives with no receipt. So I kept them and I’m still using them every day, 27 years later. One of theses days I’ll get my good knives...

 

[NotUrsula]

My family has been involved in the US wedding industry for about 40 years. What makes it interesting is that we are immigrants; my folks came from Ireland via the UK in the early 1950's.

Most American brides expect attendants to pay for their own clothing; that is why so many people complain about the high cost of serving in weddings. In the UK and Ireland the cost of these are usually covered by the bride. I can't tell you how shocked my mother was the first time she had a bride bring in a group of maids for a fitting and handed her the bill, only to be told that she needed to have separate ones.

Oh, and about the knives. It's actually one of those "luck" things that has been adopted as an etiquette custom: you are not supposed to ever gift knives because it will supposedly sever the good relationship between the giver and the recipient. If someone did gift you knives, you had to pay them a token amount in order to neutralize the bad luck aspect (some people used to put a penny inside the gift box, which was then given back to the giver once the box was opened.) Now that wedding registries are done by computer they end up on them all the time, but in the old days when you had to go to a store clerk to do the list, putting knives on it would simply be refused.

 

[kymom99]

Because I'm curious, what is considered 'nice stuff' you would ask for on a registry? All I can think of is a fine china That's definitely not something people would want to have around here in NL.

I’m guessing nicer towels and sheets, accent pieces to match decor. Nice serving pieces. Stuff like that.

 

[aprilgail]

The thing I always felt was tacky is the custom-I don't know if it's just my old neighborhood- of the bride going from table to table with a special purse that matches her dress collecting cards with money in them.

That one is tacky but not as tacky as hearing stories of a "dollar dance" where people pay to dance with the bride- or worse yet pinning the money to her. Sort of seems like a stripper getting paid for a lap dance to me- so tacky!

 

[aprilgail]

I don’t think we’ve had a good wedding etiquette thread since before covid.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/lizmrichar...5pAqnbarjxKNtsNWX6MfEbukT_bmvmwzFNWeihz5b9_4Q
Things Non-Americans find strange about American weddings.

Cash bars-<I> wouldn’t do it, but cash bars don’t bother me. I’m not a heavy drinker.

Smashing cake into spouse’s face. Nope nope nope nope nope.

Paying for wedding party’s attire-ExH and I did. Then again I only had a matron of honor and one other bridesmaid.

Garter toss-

I know you’ve got opinions. Let’s hear ‘em.

I am in American and I find all those things strange. Cash bar- tacky. Smashing cake in face just horrible, not funny at all. Never heard of paying for wedding partys attire, I have been in plenty of weddings and the damn dress and shoes always cost me well over 300.00. And Garter toss is just strange.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don’t think we’ve had a good wedding etiquette thread since before covid.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/lizmrichar...5pAqnbarjxKNtsNWX6MfEbukT_bmvmwzFNWeihz5b9_4Q
Things Non-Americans find strange about American weddings.

Cash bars-<I> wouldn’t do it, but cash bars don’t bother me. I’m not a heavy drinker.

Smashing cake into spouse’s face. Nope nope nope nope nope.

Paying for wedding party’s attire-ExH and I did. Then again I only had a matron of honor and one other bridesmaid.

Garter toss-

I know you’ve got opinions. Let’s hear ‘em.

You left off "covering your plate".

ETA: Not shockingly, looks like you got it "covered"!

 

[Kittyblue]

That one is tacky but not as tacky as hearing stories of a "dollar dance" where people pay to dance with the bride- or worse yet pinning the money to her. Sort of seems like a stripper getting paid for a lap dance to me- so tacky!

Yes! It’s like a G rated strip club . I was at one wedding where they did the money dance for the bride and groom. The groom was from out of town and so everyone wanted to dance with the bride but no one wanted to dance with the groom. They were actually begging women to go dance with him LOL. It’s very awkward to dance with a strange man, especially a newly married one, and tuck money in his jacket pocket.

 

[NotUrsula]

South Louisiana does the money dance thing, but they pin the cash on the veil with straight pins ... that kind of insures that no one will get handsy, LOL. (And most of the time the dance itself is a two-step; so you don't get that close.)

It's been years since it was considered normal for anyone other than a small child to only pin $1; normally the bride ends up with a LOT of cash dangling off that veil. Years ago I went to one wedding of a well-placed politician's daughter who ended up with over $20K on her veil by the end of the evening.

 

[RedAngie]

You left off "covering your plate".

ETA: Not shockingly, looks like you got it "covered"!

My comments in the first post were based solely on what was in the article. I was planning to mention other things too, including covering your plate, kids not invited, dollar dances, etc, but figured someone else was sure to mention them.

 

[ronandannette]

Because I'm curious, what is considered 'nice stuff' you would ask for on a registry? All I can think of is a fine china That's definitely not something people would want to have around here in NL.

Sorry to go OT, but I'm super-curious. Is entertaining at home and setting a elegant or festive table not a thing there? Granted, a lot of younger people here don't routinely accumulate a china pattern anymore but it's not unheard of.