Who else is burnt out on hosting Thanksgiving?

[wide awake]

My sister and I have split Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for the past 24 years. Until recently whoever hosted cooked the whole thing and did the entire clean-up. This year she is hosting Thanksgiving but I'm bringing sweet potatoes and stuffing, and she'll bring a couple of sides for Christmas. I can't stand having other people help me with clean up, I like the way I do it and would rather just get it done after everyone leaves. I don't even want someone clearing the dishes. A well set table is part of the tradition for us so no disposable roasters, paper plates, etc... I'd be happy to go out or on vacation for both Thanksgiving and Christmas but we probably won't geet there for a couple more years.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This is me! I’m over most holidays & now enjoy quiet days with just my husband & myself. My adult son & daughter spend most holidays with their in-laws, which is fine with us. On Christmas & Mothers & Fathers Day, they start their days with the in-laws, then come here for dinner. No grandkids, so it’s all quiet & low key. I see my daughter regularly & we’re going to WDW with our son & DIL December 2nd. So I don’t worry that we won’t have Thanksgiving dinner together.

When I was growing up, holidays were huge, raucous days with a lot of extended family. In fact, Christmas lasted a week as we went to a different family member’s house every night between Christmas Eve & NY’s Day. As an adult, the major holidays were with my siblings & our families, mostly at my parents with everyone pitching in for food & clean up. I tried to do Thanksgiving at home when my kids were little. But my oldest sister had everyone else at her house so we finally started going there. Over the years, it got to be too chaotic for my tolerance. Her house is an old 40’s style with smaller rooms. I love all my siblings & their families dearly. But 30 + people at 3 different tables with 4 or 5 of us trying help sister to finish up the meal & clean up after had another sister & me saying “no more” more than once. The pandemic gave us a reason to finally just stay home. Two of my sisters now go to their kids homes. My oldest sister still hosts our brother & the other sisters family. She’d love it if the rest of us still came. But my husband & I are perfectly happy watching football at home with our own little meal.

This resonated a lot with me

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

A well set table is part of the tradition for us so no disposable roasters, paper plates, etc...

I find no actual difference in quality of the gathering if using disposable vs real plates between the places we go to for the holidays. Isn't one of the points of the holidays with family to have quality time?

 

[sam_gordon]

For you readers out there, I suggest John Grisham's "Skipping Christmas". https://www.amazon.com/Skipping-Christmas-Novel-John-Grisham/dp/0440422965. Probably available at your library also. It's a very short and humorous look at skipping all the "Holiday Festivities".

 

[soccerdad72]

For you readers out there, I suggest John Grisham's "Skipping Christmas". https://www.amazon.com/Skipping-Christmas-Novel-John-Grisham/dp/0440422965. Probably available at your library also. It's a very short and humorous look at skipping all the "Holiday Festivities".

Or be lazy and watch the movie adaptation - Christmas with the Kranks

 

[sam_gordon]

Or be lazy and watch the movie adaptation - Christmas with the Kranks

I had heard of the movie, but didn't know it was the same story.

 

[disneyseniors]

This is my 12th year hosting Thanksgiving, and needless to say, I'm burnt out. The amount of people that come have dwindled over the years. My sister hasn't come for Thanksgiving in a few years. She lives a 4 hour car ride away and is on call for her job a lot. DH's parents are both gone. It's only my family, SIL, and my neighbor, her DH and son. My parents house is too small.Why doesn't my neighbor ever host? She's from Costa Rica, and although she's an excellent cook with recipes from her country, she admits she's not that good with standard American food. My SIL works too much and is lucky if she gets any holiday off. I use to cook everything from scratch, this year I'm buying some of the food already made. I'm doing my bread rolls from scratch, only because I would NOT be forgiven otherwise . No, I'm not complaining, seriously. Sometimes I just miss the holiday meals my MIL would make, and the ones my other SIL did. She moved to Idaho several years ago and we only see her in the summer. Anyone else feel like me?

I agree that it gets to be a chore after a while, and 12 years is a lot of time!
I quit a few years ago and told my daughter and DIL that the holidays were now theirs to do. I would gladly make whatever they wanted me to contribute, but I was Done hosting. I have some health problems so it was getting harder and harder to do. My daughter does Christmas and my DIL does Thanksgiving, and I help out by making dressing and sweet potatoes for TG and whatever she needs for Christmas. She usually doesn't need anything at Christmas.

It is SO nice not to have to do it after all these years.
I would just announce to your neighbor and whatever family you have that you are done hosting and will gladly help out with dishes or dessert.
That was the best thing I have every done BTW, I am older now and it was getting to be too much, even though I enjoyed it during the earlier years.

 

[MrsPete]

Several thoughts for those who are burned out:

1. Cut back. Do you really need alllll the traditional side dishes? If sweet potatoes or mac-and-cheese are not favorites, let them go.
2. Host, but assign family members things to bring. Maybe you JUST do the turkey and have others bring the side dishes.
3. Buy things ready-to-serve. I saw pre-cooked turkeys at Walmart, for example. Don't know how good they were. I know Bojangles sells deep fried turkeys -- you have to pre-order.
4. Just say NO. My mother hosted for years and years, but a couple years ago she said she's DONE being the center of it all. She says she'll attend, and she'll bring side dishes, but she's not doing the turkey or ham any more. No one was mad.
5. Go out to eat. We did it one year, and we found it rather ... underwhelming, but some people enjoy it.

 

[Disneyland1084]

I agree that it gets to be a chore after a while, and 12 years is a lot of time!

I totally agree. The ONLY thing that would instantly get me back in the mood to host and do everything from scratch is if my dad's sisters and my cousins came. I would love to show off my cooking skills to them, only because my aunts worked so hard cooking all the holiday meals over the years. But one is in her upper 70's with health problems. The other one is 80 now, and doesn't like to travel on the holidays anymore. My cousins are all busy with their own families. It's kind of sad to think at this point the next reunion will be at a funeral.

 

[Disneyland1084]

Several thoughts for those who are burned out:

1. Cut back. Do you really need alllll the traditional side dishes? If sweet potatoes or mac-and-cheese are not favorites, let them go.
2. Host, but assign family members things to bring. Maybe you JUST do the turkey and have others bring the side dishes.
3. Buy things ready-to-serve. I saw pre-cooked turkeys at Walmart, for example. Don't know how good they were. I know Bojangles sells deep fried turkeys -- you have to pre-order.
4. Just say NO. My mother hosted for years and years, but a couple years ago she said she's DONE being the center of it all. She says she'll attend, and she'll bring side dishes, but she's not doing the turkey or ham any more. No one was mad.
5. Go out to eat. We did it one year, and we found it rather ... underwhelming, but some people enjoy it.

You're right. We did cut back a little this year. We've always done lasagna, but are skipping it this year. A couple dishes we bought already made. My parents are bringing the pies, which I use to do from scratch. My neighbor contributed money to cover the costs. It's all good.

 

[dvcgirl67]

You're right. We did cut back a little this year. We've always done lasagna, but are skipping it this year. A couple dishes we bought already made. My parents are bringing the pies, which I use to do from scratch. My neighbor contributed money to cover the costs. It's all good.

Are you Italian-American by chance? My husband's family did this for years and years (before I came on to the scene) until someone finally spoke up and said..."it's too much food!!". My sister also married an Italian American and his family still does this. It's a full Italian dinner....with antipasto and then lasagna. And then...a full freakin' turkey dinner! My sister hates it when they attend (every other year)....her husband and his three brothers all leave the first course and go off to nap like bears only to return to polish off a turkey dinner. The tradition will likely end when her MIL passes.....she's the little old Italian lady who eats like a bird, but insists on continuing the tradition.

 

[Boopuff]

We're the only ones with a big enough house to host any holiday. Years ago my mom and godmother gave up hosting and doing a big dinner with all the trimmings. So they started doing "heavy appetizers" this has carried over and now we just graze through the day. So much easier!

 

[DCLMP]

My mom passed away a few years ago. Since then I've really gotten into continuing her legacy of cooking on her favorite holiday. I actually really enjoy it. I made three pies from scratch today and all my sides are done also from scratch. I just have the turkey to pop in the oven tomorrow. I won't be doing anything on Christmas, but showing up since I'm flying in. My MIL and SIL will be taking care of everything.
I guess the answer to your question is no not yet.

 

[Disneyland1084]

Are you Italian-American by chance?

Yes I am. My grandparents were both Italian. Every Thanksgiving with them my grandma cooked a HUGE dinner with so many Italian sides. I miss her cooking. She died about 8 years ago, but the grandma I knew "died" over 20 years ago when she developed dementia. I haven't had her cooking since I was a teen. I'm in my 40's now.

 

[ronandannette]

Several thoughts for those who are burned out:

1. Cut back. Do you really need alllll the traditional side dishes? If sweet potatoes or mac-and-cheese are not favorites, let them go.
2. Host, but assign family members things to bring. Maybe you JUST do the turkey and have others bring the side dishes.
3. Buy things ready-to-serve. I saw pre-cooked turkeys at Walmart, for example. Don't know how good they were. I know Bojangles sells deep fried turkeys -- you have to pre-order.
4. Just say NO. My mother hosted for years and years, but a couple years ago she said she's DONE being the center of it all. She says she'll attend, and she'll bring side dishes, but she's not doing the turkey or ham any more. No one was mad.
5. Go out to eat. We did it one year, and we found it rather ... underwhelming, but some people enjoy it.

This is a classic and while I've never been sure whether it's real or just an urban myth, it is completely hilarious:

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152823115245791

 

[#1hoosierfan]

I have only “hosted” once, but I loved cooking the Thanksgiving meal. In 2020 I got the call from ds(then 11) school that he had been exposed to Covid. It was 2 days before Thanksgiving. Then you pretty much quarantined even for an exposure. I freaked out and cried for a few minutes and then went to the grocery for an entire Thanksgiving dinner. First time I have ever cooked a turkey. It was nice staying home and celebrating with our little family of four.

We go to my mom’s for Thanksgiving. She is 75 and loves doing it. I’m in no hurry to host because that will mean she is too sick to do it.

 

[mousefan73]

Here's the answer to the dishes... https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B085TG7YYZ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1. Also get disposable silverware.

SO much better than washing dishes for 15 people (plus all the prep & presentation ones).

If you have a dishwasher, this is pointless. IMO it's more a PIA dealing with all the extra garbage then. Plates and silverwear in the machine is so fast and easy. It's all that other crap that is a PIA, cooking utilisels, pots, pans, serving bowls etc....

but those do look nice for disposable... my DH would have a heart attack knowiing how many sets of dishes we have and then we buy disposables.

But shame on PP's guests who bail and dont help out... I dont expect guests to clean my kitchen but if I invite family over, then help clear the table and at least help fill one load

 

[sam_gordon]

If you have a dishwasher, this is pointless. IMO it's more a PIA dealing with all the extra garbage then. Plates and silverwear in the machine is so fast and easy. It's all that other crap that is a PIA, cooking utilisels, pots, pans, serving bowls etc....

but those do look nice for disposable... my DH would have a heart attack knowiing how many sets of dishes we have and then we buy disposables.

But shame on PP's guests who bail and dont help out... I dont expect guests to clean my kitchen but if I invite family over, then help clear the table and at least help fill one load

Except when your "nice" plates & silverware aren't dishwasher safe and/or you don't have enough of the dishwasher safe ones for everyone.

 

[tony67]

Except when your "nice" plates & silverware aren't dishwasher safe and/or you don't have enough of the dishwasher safe ones for everyone.

Yeah this is 90% of the reason I didn't keep the three sets of China I inherited

 

[Tgladden86]

I hosted my family last Saturday because I have work tonight and it took me two days to recover. Not hosting next year. My cousin and I are going to our local fire house to have it next year.