Debt Dumpers - 2017

[Alexle2007]

Paid the mortgage the other day and we now officially owe less than $100K on the house. Yes, plenty left to go and our payoff date is not for another 9 1/2 years but still, it was exciting to see.

That’s awesome! We just hit the under $300k mark with 10 years to go. When the rates were super low 5 years ago, we jumped to a 15 year loan at 2.625% and wow has that made a difference. Our tax deduction has significantly been reduced but that is ok as I watch the loan go down much faster. We’ll probably still have a small amount left when we go to sell in hopefully 7 years when DS goes off to college and we follow him someplace warmer. But we’re ok with that since we will still a large payout based on the value of our house. We’ll pay cash for a new home and use the rest to fund DS’s tuition so he won’t need loans. Right now, he wants to go to Stanford

 

[DLgal]

I am lurking a bit when I get time. The first two weeks were rough. Breastfeeding didn't go as well as I had hoped. Asha became pretty dehydrated around day 3 and we ended up in the ER. We have been to many pediatrician and lactation consultant appointments over the past several weeks, which has been really time consuming and draining. We ended up having to supplement with formula and I am pretty much exclusively pumping now since Asha doesn't latch well and when she latches, she doesn't feed well. We have almost eliminated the formula supplementation and transitioned to breast milk, though supply is still a bit of an issue that I am working on. That is also very time consuming and draining.

Otherwise, Asha is very good and has been gaining weight like a champ. She is so amazingly adorable and I love her to bits. DH is amazing with her and helps so much. DH went back to work last Monday and my mom went home last Thursday, so I was home with the baby on my own for two days last week and will be on my own for two days this week as well. My mom stayed for two weeks, which was both helpful and stressful at the same time since she is a very picky eater and was playing "Dr. Google" with the breastfeeding issues.

My MIL arrives on Wednesday. I am hoping that she will be helpful, but I am worried that she is going cause stress as well, since she has a lot of strong ideas about what we should be doing with the baby and what I should be eating. I like Indian food, but I don't want to eat Indian food 24/7, so I am worried about that. Also, my appetite has been pretty low in general, which surprises me since everyone says that with breastfeeding, you feel hungry all the time. MIL is probably going to try to over feed me and that will really make me freak out for sure.

I have been finding it hard to break away and just get time to read disboard. Everything seems to take forever and I just don't have time to myself much at all at this point. My friend said things get better after 6 weeks. We will see. I wouldn't trade her for anything, but I do hope things start to feel a bit easier soon.

And, for your enjoyment, another Asha picture from a newborn photo shoot we did on October 22 (the last day of really nice weather).

View attachment 280393

My first had issues breastfeeding as well. I exclusively pumped for 3 months and threw in the towel due to exhaustion and supply issues (nothing worked to increase it, I only produced about 16-20oz per day no matter what I did...and my second child did end up being a BF champ, but my supply was low with him too so I had to formula supplement with him). I wanted to tell you that if I could go back to when my first was born and do those first 12 weeks over again, I would not have kept up the pumping for so long. It really ruined those first months being SO tired and tied to a pump seemingly all the time. I had to bottle feed and pump which meant spending twice as long on "feeding" as I necessary. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I mean, I did have a breakdown where I literally cried all day one day because I was so tired and frustrated with the breast milk supply issues. My husband and I decided it was time to let it go and formula feed exclusively. It was the best decision I have ever made. I was able to sleep, finally, and I was happier and more capable mom to my baby. I enjoyed motherhood so much more at that point. Some babies (and some mom's) are not cut out for BF and that is OK. I commend your commitment to pumping, but remember to keep perspective and know that formula isn't a bad option at all. In fact, my older son is healthier than his brother, who continued to nurse until he was one. He's smarter too. Genetics will determine how your baby develops. Whether she drinks breast milk or formula won't matter in the long run.

Also, I sense some potential postpartum depression signs in your writing. The lack of appetite is concerning as is some of the thoughts you have shared. Please take care of yourself and do NOT be afraid to tell your relatives what YOU need. This time is not about making everyone else happy. Having visitors staying overnight this soon after having a baby can be both a blessing and a curse. I suggest you put your MIL to work. Have her cook what YOU would like to eat, let her watch the baby and bottle feed her so you can SLEEP. Ask her to do some cleaning for you. Do not let her become a burden to you!

 

[Ngwira]

My first had issues breastfeeding as well. I exclusively pumped for 3 months and threw in the towel due to exhaustion and supply issues (nothing worked to increase it, I only produced about 16-20oz per day no matter what I did...and my second child did end up being a BF champ, but my supply was low with him too so I had to formula supplement with him). I wanted to tell you that if I could go back to when my first was born and do those first 12 weeks over again, I would not have kept up the pumping for so long. It really ruined those first months being SO tired and tied to a pump seemingly all the time. I had to bottle feed and pump which meant spending twice as long on "feeding" as I necessary. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I mean, I did have a breakdown where I literally cried all day one day because I was so tired and frustrated with the breast milk supply issues. My husband and I decided it was time to let it go and formula feed exclusively. It was the best decision I have ever made. I was able to sleep, finally, and I was happier and more capable mom to my baby. I enjoyed motherhood so much more at that point. Some babies (and some mom's) are not cut out for BF and that is OK. I commend your commitment to pumping, but remember to keep perspective and know that formula isn't a bad option at all. In fact, my older son is healthier than his brother, who continued to nurse until he was one. He's smarter too. Genetics will determine how your baby develops. Whether she drinks breast milk or formula won't matter in the long run.

Also, I sense some potential postpartum depression signs in your writing. The lack of appetite is concerning as is some of the thoughts you have shared. Please take care of yourself and do NOT be afraid to tell your relatives what YOU need. This time is not about making everyone else happy. Having visitors staying overnight this soon after having a baby can be both a blessing and a curse. I suggest you put your MIL to work. Have her cook what YOU would like to eat, let her watch the baby and bottle feed her so you can SLEEP. Ask her to do some cleaning for you. Do not let her become a burden to you!

Wow, aint that the truth. My formula fed daughter is much better academically than the daughter I nursed exclusively for 14 months.

 

[DisneyMandC]

Had a couple of nice money-saving things pop up over the last week:

I received my new Chase Freedom card which will give me a $175 back after I spend $500 (already done as I had one big bill to put on it). This card also has the quarterly 5% categories. It's Wal-Mart right now, which we rarely shop it, but I will definitely be using it next year for the rotating gas/groceries/etc. categories.

I went to the allergist yesterday as I've been having a lot of allergy problems lately. I have a pretty severe dust mite allergy to the point where at least once I week I am basically incapacitated from sneezing and sniffling and coughing for a couple hours and am left totally exhausted afterwards. It's been better controlled in the past, but lately has been really bad. My allergist thinks I built up an immunity to medication, so she switched me to something else to try and said if I don't see results from that, we'll go ahead and start shots. I called my insurance to find out the cost of shots and was delighted to find out they are 100% covered! People often ask me why I don't go on my employer's insurance, which is somewhat cheaper and not bad coverage either. However, my husband's coverage is so good that I rarely pay for anything (no cost for my visit yesterday either). We learned the value of good health insurance when my father in law was in the hospital last year, so I will continue to stay on my husband's plan.

The best news of all was just getting a new quote for homeowner's insurance. I've talked her before about how our home is hard to cover since it's a log home and that freaks insurers out (like vinyl siding wouldn't melt just as fast as the wood would go up in flames ). We had homeowner's through Progressive and my rate jumped over $250 this year due to "claims in our area." I was mad, but hadn't taken the initiative to call around yet. Well, our new mortgage payment came out for the first time this morning, which I was NOT pleased (jumped $45). I called Liberty Mutual and got a rate for $500 a year cheaper with better coverage! Sign me up! So long, Progressive!

 

[DisneyMandC]

I forgot to add the one thing that will not be moneysaving, but sounds like something I really dropped the ball on. While reviewing my quote with the insurance agent, he took a look at my auto insurance rates as well. He told me there was no way that he could beat my current rate with Geico, but that my liability coverage was waaaay too low. Apparently I was at what he described as "renter's rates" and I needed to up my liability coverage now that I was a homeowner. I have only been at $50k/$100k, and he recommended I look at more like $100k/$250k to cover the value of my home were anything to happen and I was sued. I just talked to another coworker who confirmed this as well.

Thoughts? No one ever mentioned this to me before, but it makes sense to me since someone could place a lien on my home if I were sued for an auto accident.

 

[DLgal]

I forgot to add the one thing that will not be moneysaving, but sounds like something I really dropped the ball on. While reviewing my quote with the insurance agent, he took a look at my auto insurance rates as well. He told me there was no way that he could beat my current rate with Geico, but that my liability coverage was waaaay too low. Apparently I was at what he described as "renter's rates" and I needed to up my liability coverage now that I was a homeowner. I have only been at $50k/$100k, and he recommended I look at more like $100k/$250k to cover the value of my home were anything to happen and I was sued. I just talked to another coworker who confirmed this as well.

Thoughts? No one ever mentioned this to me before, but it makes sense to me since someone could place a lien on my home if I were sued for an auto accident.

Yep, agree. Up your coverage as high as you can go. We don't own a house. I have our Auto insurance comprehensive liability set at $1 million per accident. You can also damage someone else's property in an accident...so keep that in mind. We live in a very high cost of living area where people routinely drive Maseratis, Bentleys, Ferraris, etc. Most of our neighbors have Tesla's and high end European sports cars. I cringe to think what would happen if we were responsible for totaling one or several of those in an accident, not to mention the medical bills. We Max out the coverage amounts in every category. We only pay $160/month for our two cars. WELL worth it.

 

[DisneyMandC]

Yep, agree. Up your coverage as high as you can go. We don't own a house. I have our Auto insurance comprehensive liability set at $1 million per accident. You can also damage someone else's property in an accident...so keep that in mind. We live in a very high cost of living area where people routinely drive Maseratis, Bentleys, Ferraris, etc. Most of our neighbors have Tesla's and high end European sports cars. I cringe to think what would happen if we were responsible for totaling one or several of those in an accident, not to mention the medical bills. We Max out the coverage amounts in every category. We only pay $160/month for our two cars. WELL worth it.

Yikes! We aren't in a very high cost of living area. We do a lot of out of state driving and highway driving though. I am definitely going to bump it to at least 100/250. I have some (very, very brief) experience in insurance law and personal injury lawsuits in our area and at least know our jury verdicts don't usually go too high on car accidents! Of course, you never know what could happen or where an accident could occur. I'm definitely going to check with Geico about upping our rates.

 

[Ngwira]

I forgot to add the one thing that will not be moneysaving, but sounds like something I really dropped the ball on. While reviewing my quote with the insurance agent, he took a look at my auto insurance rates as well. He told me there was no way that he could beat my current rate with Geico, but that my liability coverage was waaaay too low. Apparently I was at what he described as "renter's rates" and I needed to up my liability coverage now that I was a homeowner. I have only been at $50k/$100k, and he recommended I look at more like $100k/$250k to cover the value of my home were anything to happen and I was sued. I just talked to another coworker who confirmed this as well.

Thoughts? No one ever mentioned this to me before, but it makes sense to me since someone could place a lien on my home if I were sued for an auto accident.

You could increase your auto coverage or look into an "umbrella" policy which would cover you in case you were sued for any reason.

 

[DisneyMandC]

You could increase your auto coverage or look into an "umbrella" policy which would cover you in case you were sued for any reason.

He mentioned this as well. Any benefit to this as opposed to upping car insurance coverage? Could I still keep my car insurance law and possibly even remove comprehensive at some point and keep an umbrella policy?

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

My first had issues breastfeeding as well. I exclusively pumped for 3 months and threw in the towel due to exhaustion and supply issues (nothing worked to increase it, I only produced about 16-20oz per day no matter what I did...and my second child did end up being a BF champ, but my supply was low with him too so I had to formula supplement with him). I wanted to tell you that if I could go back to when my first was born and do those first 12 weeks over again, I would not have kept up the pumping for so long. It really ruined those first months being SO tired and tied to a pump seemingly all the time. I had to bottle feed and pump which meant spending twice as long on "feeding" as I necessary. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I mean, I did have a breakdown where I literally cried all day one day because I was so tired and frustrated with the breast milk supply issues. My husband and I decided it was time to let it go and formula feed exclusively. It was the best decision I have ever made. I was able to sleep, finally, and I was happier and more capable mom to my baby. I enjoyed motherhood so much more at that point. Some babies (and some mom's) are not cut out for BF and that is OK. I commend your commitment to pumping, but remember to keep perspective and know that formula isn't a bad option at all. In fact, my older son is healthier than his brother, who continued to nurse until he was one. He's smarter too. Genetics will determine how your baby develops. Whether she drinks breast milk or formula won't matter in the long run.

Also, I sense some potential postpartum depression signs in your writing. The lack of appetite is concerning as is some of the thoughts you have shared. Please take care of yourself and do NOT be afraid to tell your relatives what YOU need. This time is not about making everyone else happy. Having visitors staying overnight this soon after having a baby can be both a blessing and a curse. I suggest you put your MIL to work. Have her cook what YOU would like to eat, let her watch the baby and bottle feed her so you can SLEEP. Ask her to do some cleaning for you. Do not let her become a burden to you!

I think everyone has to do what works for themselves, especially regarding feeding your baby. I have been on medication to help increase my milk supply for a little over a week now. I am pretty happy to say that it definitely has helped. We are at the point where I can pump enough to keep up with demand. I was told that your supply increases over the first 6-8 weeks. We are at week 3, so I am still optimistic that it will continue to increase as I have also started a more consistent pumping schedule than before. I don't mind pumping, honestly. I have a portable pump with a hands free bra and can do it anywhere in the house, which allows me to read, use the computer, watch tv, etc. For now, I plan to continue, but I reserve the right to chance course if I find it isn't working out for me. Definitely nothing wrong with formula feeding and we might consider that option in the future depending on how things progress.

As for my MIL, well that is a whole other story. MIL and FIL arrived on Wednesday, with FIL going back to Toronto on Friday and MIL staying until Nov. 20. Well, they both left yesterday. From the moment they arrived, they were highly critical of me and DH. They basically came and started taking over the house. It didn't even feel to me like I was at my own home, but rather was a visitor here. They basically told me, in so many words and actions, that I am a bad mom and that I don't know what I am doing. MIL said I have "issues" and that I don't deserve her son. And a bunch of other hurtful things. I was proud of myself because even though she was completely mean, I said nothing in return and stayed mostly calm (a few tears were shed).

They were also making DD completely fussy. She often will 'cry' for a few seconds (literally 5-10 seconds) and then calm down on her own, so I usually don't get up to comfort her until she is crying for a bit longer than that. Any sound from her and my in-laws would jump up to hold her or bounce her or touch her. This was part of me being a terrible mom, because I didn't jump up to comfort DD at the slightest grunt or whimper. She was so terribly fussy and didn't sleep at all the entire morning yesterday. Considering that babies her age sleep 16+ hours per day, I knew this was going to be a problem. So I told them that I needed to go and pick up some items from Carter's for her and that I would be going with the baby. This allowed her time to sleep in her car seat and calm down. So between making me crazy and making the baby crazy, DH called his parents while I was out and asked them to respect our boundaries and to do as I asked and not pick up the baby every second she made a noise. MIL took really great offense to DH's request and basically told him that she was just going to leave. And DH told her that was fine. So once I got back from our trip to Carter's, they got in their car and headed back to Toronto.

I have no idea what this is going to mean in the long run for our relationship, but I feel really happy to know that DH had my back on this. He didn't think that I was over reacting, but actually was really surprised by how his parents were treating me. I thought he would be upset over the situation, but everything has calmed down again here and feels back to normal. DH took a vacation day today and we have spent it just chilling out.

I don't think that I have postpartum depression. I had a bout with depression in college, so I know what it feels like to be depressed and that is not how I feel at all. I have started feeling more like myself over the past week or so and my appetite has also started to pick up again, which has helped calm a lot of my fears. I think having overnight guests is just not the right thing for me right now. I need to feel in control of my environment and my time, so it is probably for the best that MIL went home. DH and I agreed that next time we have a baby, he will take a longer vacation (maybe a month) and there will be no overnight guests. I know lots of people would love help from their relatives, but it honestly didn't feel helpful to us.

 

[DisneyMandC]

I think everyone has to do what works for themselves, especially regarding feeding your baby. I have been on medication to help increase my milk supply for a little over a week now. I am pretty happy to say that it definitely has helped. We are at the point where I can pump enough to keep up with demand. I was told that your supply increases over the first 6-8 weeks. We are at week 3, so I am still optimistic that it will continue to increase as I have also started a more consistent pumping schedule than before. I don't mind pumping, honestly. I have a portable pump with a hands free bra and can do it anywhere in the house, which allows me to read, use the computer, watch tv, etc. For now, I plan to continue, but I reserve the right to chance course if I find it isn't working out for me. Definitely nothing wrong with formula feeding and we might consider that option in the future depending on how things progress.

As for my MIL, well that is a whole other story. MIL and FIL arrived on Wednesday, with FIL going back to Toronto on Friday and MIL staying until Nov. 20. Well, they both left yesterday. From the moment they arrived, they were highly critical of me and DH. They basically came and started taking over the house. It didn't even feel to me like I was at my own home, but rather was a visitor here. They basically told me, in so many words and actions, that I am a bad mom and that I don't know what I am doing. MIL said I have "issues" and that I don't deserve her son. And a bunch of other hurtful things. I was proud of myself because even though she was completely mean, I said nothing in return and stayed mostly calm (a few tears were shed).

They were also making DD completely fussy. She often will 'cry' for a few seconds (literally 5-10 seconds) and then calm down on her own, so I usually don't get up to comfort her until she is crying for a bit longer than that. Any sound from her and my in-laws would jump up to hold her or bounce her or touch her. This was part of me being a terrible mom, because I didn't jump up to comfort DD at the slightest grunt or whimper. She was so terribly fussy and didn't sleep at all the entire morning yesterday. Considering that babies her age sleep 16+ hours per day, I knew this was going to be a problem. So I told them that I needed to go and pick up some items from Carter's for her and that I would be going with the baby. This allowed her time to sleep in her car seat and calm down. So between making me crazy and making the baby crazy, DH called his parents while I was out and asked them to respect our boundaries and to do as I asked and not pick up the baby every second she made a noise. MIL took really great offense to DH's request and basically told him that she was just going to leave. And DH told her that was fine. So once I got back from our trip to Carter's, they got in their car and headed back to Toronto.

I have no idea what this is going to mean in the long run for our relationship, but I feel really happy to know that DH had my back on this. He didn't think that I was over reacting, but actually was really surprised by how his parents were treating me. I thought he would be upset over the situation, but everything has calmed down again here and feels back to normal. DH took a vacation day today and we have spent it just chilling out.

I don't think that I have postpartum depression. I had a bout with depression in college, so I know what it feels like to be depressed and that is not how I feel at all. I have started feeling more like myself over the past week or so and my appetite has also started to pick up again, which has helped calm a lot of my fears. I think having overnight guests is just not the right thing for me right now. I need to feel in control of my environment and my time, so it is probably for the best that MIL went home. DH and I agreed that next time we have a baby, he will take a longer vacation (maybe a month) and there will be no overnight guests. I know lots of people would love help from their relatives, but it honestly didn't feel helpful to us.

YIKES. Wow. So glad you were able to stay strong and that your DH had your back! Good for both of you and it sounds like everything is falling into place now. I have heard from many of my friends that having parents stay with them after they've given birth has either been a total blessing or a total burden. I hope things continue to progress well for you all!

By the way, did you end up doing your Winnie the Pooh nursery? I don't know why that just popped into my head, but I just thought about it and was curious

 

[Nettlelondon]

Glad you DH had your back. "Space invaders" are often well meaning but not always helpful - and unlike the early video game shooting them is generally not considered ideal .

You have just been through a major mental & physical trauma so it isn't surprising you haven't been feeling quite yourself. Hopefully things will just keep improving.

I hope DH can fix things with his parents in time, but next visit maybe a nearby hotel / motel might be a better option, giving everyone the space they need.

Make sure you get enough rest and just enjoy the time.

 

[piccolopat]

I forgot to add the one thing that will not be moneysaving, but sounds like something I really dropped the ball on. While reviewing my quote with the insurance agent, he took a look at my auto insurance rates as well. He told me there was no way that he could beat my current rate with Geico, but that my liability coverage was waaaay too low. Apparently I was at what he described as "renter's rates" and I needed to up my liability coverage now that I was a homeowner. I have only been at $50k/$100k, and he recommended I look at more like $100k/$250k to cover the value of my home were anything to happen and I was sued. I just talked to another coworker who confirmed this as well.

Thoughts? No one ever mentioned this to me before, but it makes sense to me since someone could place a lien on my home if I were sued for an auto accident.

Keep in mind that if you are sued and end up responsible for more than your liability limits, your home is still at risk. You might also consider buying an umbrella policy.

 

[piccolopat]

He mentioned this as well. Any benefit to this as opposed to upping car insurance coverage? Could I still keep my car insurance law and possibly even remove comprehensive at some point and keep an umbrella policy?

Most companies will require certain limits on the underlying auto and homeowners before they will write an umbrella policy. You might not find a company willing to write an umbrella with the low auto limits that you had. Comprehensive (and collision) are not mandatory coverages unless you financed your car and the lender requires it. However before dropping those coverages, you should consider what you would do in the event your car was stolen, damaged or even totaled.

 

[Eureka]

I think everyone has to do what works for themselves, especially regarding feeding your baby. I have been on medication to help increase my milk supply for a little over a week now. I am pretty happy to say that it definitely has helped. We are at the point where I can pump enough to keep up with demand. I was told that your supply increases over the first 6-8 weeks. We are at week 3, so I am still optimistic that it will continue to increase as I have also started a more consistent pumping schedule than before. I don't mind pumping, honestly. I have a portable pump with a hands free bra and can do it anywhere in the house, which allows me to read, use the computer, watch tv, etc. For now, I plan to continue, but I reserve the right to chance course if I find it isn't working out for me. Definitely nothing wrong with formula feeding and we might consider that option in the future depending on how things progress.

As for my MIL, well that is a whole other story. MIL and FIL arrived on Wednesday, with FIL going back to Toronto on Friday and MIL staying until Nov. 20. Well, they both left yesterday. From the moment they arrived, they were highly critical of me and DH. They basically came and started taking over the house. It didn't even feel to me like I was at my own home, but rather was a visitor here. They basically told me, in so many words and actions, that I am a bad mom and that I don't know what I am doing. MIL said I have "issues" and that I don't deserve her son. And a bunch of other hurtful things. I was proud of myself because even though she was completely mean, I said nothing in return and stayed mostly calm (a few tears were shed).

They were also making DD completely fussy. She often will 'cry' for a few seconds (literally 5-10 seconds) and then calm down on her own, so I usually don't get up to comfort her until she is crying for a bit longer than that. Any sound from her and my in-laws would jump up to hold her or bounce her or touch her. This was part of me being a terrible mom, because I didn't jump up to comfort DD at the slightest grunt or whimper. She was so terribly fussy and didn't sleep at all the entire morning yesterday. Considering that babies her age sleep 16+ hours per day, I knew this was going to be a problem. So I told them that I needed to go and pick up some items from Carter's for her and that I would be going with the baby. This allowed her time to sleep in her car seat and calm down. So between making me crazy and making the baby crazy, DH called his parents while I was out and asked them to respect our boundaries and to do as I asked and not pick up the baby every second she made a noise. MIL took really great offense to DH's request and basically told him that she was just going to leave. And DH told her that was fine. So once I got back from our trip to Carter's, they got in their car and headed back to Toronto.

I have no idea what this is going to mean in the long run for our relationship, but I feel really happy to know that DH had my back on this. He didn't think that I was over reacting, but actually was really surprised by how his parents were treating me. I thought he would be upset over the situation, but everything has calmed down again here and feels back to normal. DH took a vacation day today and we have spent it just chilling out.

I don't think that I have postpartum depression. I had a bout with depression in college, so I know what it feels like to be depressed and that is not how I feel at all. I have started feeling more like myself over the past week or so and my appetite has also started to pick up again, which has helped calm a lot of my fears. I think having overnight guests is just not the right thing for me right now. I need to feel in control of my environment and my time, so it is probably for the best that MIL went home. DH and I agreed that next time we have a baby, he will take a longer vacation (maybe a month) and there will be no overnight guests. I know lots of people would love help from their relatives, but it honestly didn't feel helpful to us.

Having a baby is often the first time parents realize that their (adult) kids have boundaries they need to respect. We had issues with my parents when my kids were tiny and it was stressful for awhile but then it was fine and we have had a great relationship with them for the past 10+ years. I think as hard as it was, they had to hear it and hopefully will realize if they want a relationship, they need to change. Did they literally come for one day and then left??

 

[Gr8t Fan]

I think everyone has to do what works for themselves, especially regarding feeding your baby. I have been on medication to help increase my milk supply for a little over a week now. I am pretty happy to say that it definitely has helped. We are at the point where I can pump enough to keep up with demand. I was told that your supply increases over the first 6-8 weeks. We are at week 3, so I am still optimistic that it will continue to increase as I have also started a more consistent pumping schedule than before. I don't mind pumping, honestly. I have a portable pump with a hands free bra and can do it anywhere in the house, which allows me to read, use the computer, watch tv, etc. For now, I plan to continue, but I reserve the right to chance course if I find it isn't working out for me. Definitely nothing wrong with formula feeding and we might consider that option in the future depending on how things progress.

As for my MIL, well that is a whole other story. MIL and FIL arrived on Wednesday, with FIL going back to Toronto on Friday and MIL staying until Nov. 20. Well, they both left yesterday. From the moment they arrived, they were highly critical of me and DH. They basically came and started taking over the house. It didn't even feel to me like I was at my own home, but rather was a visitor here. They basically told me, in so many words and actions, that I am a bad mom and that I don't know what I am doing. MIL said I have "issues" and that I don't deserve her son. And a bunch of other hurtful things. I was proud of myself because even though she was completely mean, I said nothing in return and stayed mostly calm (a few tears were shed).

They were also making DD completely fussy. She often will 'cry' for a few seconds (literally 5-10 seconds) and then calm down on her own, so I usually don't get up to comfort her until she is crying for a bit longer than that. Any sound from her and my in-laws would jump up to hold her or bounce her or touch her. This was part of me being a terrible mom, because I didn't jump up to comfort DD at the slightest grunt or whimper. She was so terribly fussy and didn't sleep at all the entire morning yesterday. Considering that babies her age sleep 16+ hours per day, I knew this was going to be a problem. So I told them that I needed to go and pick up some items from Carter's for her and that I would be going with the baby. This allowed her time to sleep in her car seat and calm down. So between making me crazy and making the baby crazy, DH called his parents while I was out and asked them to respect our boundaries and to do as I asked and not pick up the baby every second she made a noise. MIL took really great offense to DH's request and basically told him that she was just going to leave. And DH told her that was fine. So once I got back from our trip to Carter's, they got in their car and headed back to Toronto.

I have no idea what this is going to mean in the long run for our relationship, but I feel really happy to know that DH had my back on this. He didn't think that I was over reacting, but actually was really surprised by how his parents were treating me. I thought he would be upset over the situation, but everything has calmed down again here and feels back to normal. DH took a vacation day today and we have spent it just chilling out.

I don't think that I have postpartum depression. I had a bout with depression in college, so I know what it feels like to be depressed and that is not how I feel at all. I have started feeling more like myself over the past week or so and my appetite has also started to pick up again, which has helped calm a lot of my fears. I think having overnight guests is just not the right thing for me right now. I need to feel in control of my environment and my time, so it is probably for the best that MIL went home. DH and I agreed that next time we have a baby, he will take a longer vacation (maybe a month) and there will be no overnight guests. I know lots of people would love help from their relatives, but it honestly didn't feel helpful to us.

So glad that your DH backed you on this. That is the best way to deal with a situation like this. My MIL is a pot stirrer and DH let her know long before we were married that he would not engage her and would not tolerate her behavior. She still tries to stir things up every once in awhile, but we don't get riled up and eventually she gives up.

Hopefully things will sort themselves out with your inlaws. Most grandparents learn to tow the line in order to see their grandchildren.

Glad the breastfeeding issues seem to be resolving.

 

[seb65]

I really lurk a lot, and I apologize, but I go on here in spurts. BUT, I have paid off my student loan this year. I have one credit card left to pay off, and it is getting really close. After that is paid off, I'm going to increases payments to the car. Of course, kids' activities and growth spurts get in the way often We had a huge storm on Monday. Our fence went over, but luckily we had the cash in the bank to pay for it.

 

[DLgal]

I think everyone has to do what works for themselves, especially regarding feeding your baby. I have been on medication to help increase my milk supply for a little over a week now. I am pretty happy to say that it definitely has helped. We are at the point where I can pump enough to keep up with demand. I was told that your supply increases over the first 6-8 weeks. We are at week 3, so I am still optimistic that it will continue to increase as I have also started a more consistent pumping schedule than before. I don't mind pumping, honestly. I have a portable pump with a hands free bra and can do it anywhere in the house, which allows me to read, use the computer, watch tv, etc. For now, I plan to continue, but I reserve the right to chance course if I find it isn't working out for me. Definitely nothing wrong with formula feeding and we might consider that option in the future depending on how things progress.

As for my MIL, well that is a whole other story. MIL and FIL arrived on Wednesday, with FIL going back to Toronto on Friday and MIL staying until Nov. 20. Well, they both left yesterday. From the moment they arrived, they were highly critical of me and DH. They basically came and started taking over the house. It didn't even feel to me like I was at my own home, but rather was a visitor here. They basically told me, in so many words and actions, that I am a bad mom and that I don't know what I am doing. MIL said I have "issues" and that I don't deserve her son. And a bunch of other hurtful things. I was proud of myself because even though she was completely mean, I said nothing in return and stayed mostly calm (a few tears were shed).

They were also making DD completely fussy. She often will 'cry' for a few seconds (literally 5-10 seconds) and then calm down on her own, so I usually don't get up to comfort her until she is crying for a bit longer than that. Any sound from her and my in-laws would jump up to hold her or bounce her or touch her. This was part of me being a terrible mom, because I didn't jump up to comfort DD at the slightest grunt or whimper. She was so terribly fussy and didn't sleep at all the entire morning yesterday. Considering that babies her age sleep 16+ hours per day, I knew this was going to be a problem. So I told them that I needed to go and pick up some items from Carter's for her and that I would be going with the baby. This allowed her time to sleep in her car seat and calm down. So between making me crazy and making the baby crazy, DH called his parents while I was out and asked them to respect our boundaries and to do as I asked and not pick up the baby every second she made a noise. MIL took really great offense to DH's request and basically told him that she was just going to leave. And DH told her that was fine. So once I got back from our trip to Carter's, they got in their car and headed back to Toronto.

I have no idea what this is going to mean in the long run for our relationship, but I feel really happy to know that DH had my back on this. He didn't think that I was over reacting, but actually was really surprised by how his parents were treating me. I thought he would be upset over the situation, but everything has calmed down again here and feels back to normal. DH took a vacation day today and we have spent it just chilling out.

I don't think that I have postpartum depression. I had a bout with depression in college, so I know what it feels like to be depressed and that is not how I feel at all. I have started feeling more like myself over the past week or so and my appetite has also started to pick up again, which has helped calm a lot of my fears. I think having overnight guests is just not the right thing for me right now. I need to feel in control of my environment and my time, so it is probably for the best that MIL went home. DH and I agreed that next time we have a baby, he will take a longer vacation (maybe a month) and there will be no overnight guests. I know lots of people would love help from their relatives, but it honestly didn't feel helpful to us.

Sounds like you have things under control and GOOD FOR YOU AND DH standing up for yourselves! I'm sorry your mother in law was so terrible to you. This happens a lot when babies come. I'm sure it's a cultural thing and I know that Indian families have very specific ways they traditionally handle the postpartum mother and new baby. However, you know your baby best and need to do what feels right for your little family. Happy to hear your husband had your back. At least you know he is in your corner and that is super important in the long run.

One day at a time. That's the key to getting through the first few months with a newborn.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

Having a baby is often the first time parents realize that their (adult) kids have boundaries they need to respect. We had issues with my parents when my kids were tiny and it was stressful for awhile but then it was fine and we have had a great relationship with them for the past 10+ years. I think as hard as it was, they had to hear it and hopefully will realize if they want a relationship, they need to change. Did they literally come for one day and then left??

Yes, they were here just a little over 24 hours.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

So glad that your DH backed you on this. That is the best way to deal with a situation like this. My MIL is a pot stirrer and DH let her know long before we were married that he would not engage her and would not tolerate her behavior. She still tries to stir things up every once in awhile, but we don't get riled up and eventually she gives up.

Hopefully things will sort themselves out with your inlaws. Most grandparents learn to tow the line in order to see their grandchildren.

Glad the breastfeeding issues seem to be resolving.

Honestly, I can deal with anything as long as DH and I are tackling it as a team. Knowing that he has by back now, during a conflict with his own parents, makes me confident that he has my back no matter what might happen.

DH says his parents are the grudge holding types. He called his mom today and she said that he should act as though they were dead. That really shocked me that she would say such a thing. I would assumed that they would eventually let this go and want a relationship with their granddaughter, but who knows.