Diane's Journal to a Happier/Healthier me...encouragement welcome!

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Amy...you are also so positive and know just the right things to say. I hope to one day meet you.

I was driving to work today and while I was sitting in my car I realized that for the first time in a really, really long time I felt good about myself. I think getting everything off my chest was so necessary, now if only my chest would have shrunk when I downloaded all my thoughts into words. I felt energized and ready to face and day, make good food choices and looked forward to my workout tonight.

Tim kicked my butt and I liked it. I needed it and I'm glad he keeps pushing me to get past my control issues. I have this fear of just letting it out, what will happen if I just go with it and don't hold myself back. I don't know how to do that yet.

I love tracking calories sweated off! I'm only part way into the month and I just love seeing that number increase.

 

[Goofydiane]

Almost halfway home on the calorie challenge!

Wow - did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy tonight? I was totally blown away at the end when Meredith realized it was George! (Hopefully I just didn't spoil it for anyone).

I stopped and saw my friend in the clinic yesterday and she has such a fight ahead of her that she hasn't accepted yet. Her dad called and gave her guilt for not getting out to go to her daughter's 3rd birthday celebration. This is the father that is a contributor to her current situation and it would put her right back into the same stress. I told her I thought it was a bad decision and that her daughter will never remember if she was at the party or not. She needs to focus on getting better so she can be around for birthdays 4,5,6,7...... I just don't think she is seeing it that way. I will be happy to support her if she asks for help, but she needs to be the one wanting to make a change.

I'm feeling better about where I am every day. It's a lot harder to put a resume together than I thought it would be. How do you hi-lite my entire career. The nice thing is, they always say the best time to look for a job is when you already have one.

I'm looking forward to working out again, I need to find a new passion to replace a passion for food and I hope that exercise will be it. I love how it makes me feel.

 

[Goofydiane]

My first week back at WW and I was down 8.4 lbs. I'm really happy for the loss, yet I remain very realistic that this was a first week back loss and each week is not going to be that easy. I'm going to have to work hard each and every day and make good decisions each and every day. If I don't make a good decision, then make the next one a good decision.

My friend checked herself out of the eating disorder clinic she was in on Friday because her dad (who's personality led to his wife's eating disorder) guilted her for not being there for her daughter's 3rd birthday. She didn't listen to her doctors or friends and checked out and went. Myself and a neighbor are watching the dog and house and when we went to throw away the dog stuff, right there in the trash was the cardboard packaging around a Diet Pepsi 12 pack. Right what she used to live on. She called today on the way home and said it was a terrible weekend, which means she slipped right back into everything she knows she needs to get away from. I so want her to get healthy, but I can't do it for her and I'm not going to enable her. If she wants this, she is going to have to work at it, just as hard as all of us work at our journey. I haven't heard from her all day, so I'm not sure if she came back to town or not.

I had lunch with my parents today and I think I've got the table services down for our trip in October. I don't do too much pre-trip planning, just ADRs at the appropriate time and aisle seats on the airplane. We are going to go to MNSSHP on 10/06 as well. that is going to be one of the surprises I get for her. I'm also going to look into have a bottle of wine or some type of wine gift basket delivered to the room as well.

Here are the choices:
Boma - Dinner
LeCellier - Lunch or Dinner
Rose & Crown - Lunch or Dinner
Teppen Edo - Dinner
Prime Time - Lunch or Dinner
Tusker House - Breakfast (might change to Boma Breakfast)
Raglan Road
Wispering Canyon Cafe - Lunch or Dinner
Spoodles - depending on the new menu.

Most will probably be dinner's, but early dinners because my mom is 73 and her and my dad normally eat dinner by 5:00pm.

Finally....I hate TV Cliffhangers....who died on Grey's Anatomy, who did Mike marry on Desperate Housewives, and all the other ones I haven't watched yet.

 

[Goofydiane]

A decent day today, not the best, not the worst. I was out visiting stores so I had to be off plan with bringing lunch. I just can't bring lunch with me on visits and leave it in the car. Not a lot of healthy choices at Food Avenue either. I had the Turkey Sandwich and it did ok.

I was tired during my run tonight, but I am getting back to liking jogging. I've got a goal to get to job 4.5 miles by the end of the year.

 

[Goofydiane]

Arghhhh! I need to learn how to make better food choices. I wish I could understand how I can bust my butt and do a 2 hour cardio workout and then blow those calories on crappy food!

 

[Goofydiane]

WooHoo! I made the challenge...next month it will be 20,000 calories. I so liked the calorie challenge instead of a time challenge. Always felt like I was pushing myself hard to increase the calorie count.

Still struggling with food and now a sore back, let's hope that doesn't last long!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Diane, it sounds like you are doing well and definitely back on track. Congrats on making the challenge! Such a shame about your friend, it hurts when someone we care about is self destructing. I hope she gets better soon and takes care of herself.

As for your ADR's, those look good! Although I will say unless you are wanting a character breakfast, go with Boma over Tusker House. Boma is amazing, I love that place for the food and just being at the AKL! But of course Donald Duck is hard to compete with!

Keep up your hard work, you are doing great and I am proud of you!

 

[Goofydiane]

Thanks Amy! I get on track for a little bit and then something seems to derail me, this time it was the darn kids in the neighborhood selling cookies. I need to just give them money in the future and tell them that I don't want the cookies!

I updated the calories challenge for June. 1 less day and 2,500 more calories. I'm game!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I think we can all relate to those bumps in the road and how they derail us. So don't feel bad or alone, it happens to the best of us!

I have been trying to do that with the cookie and candy sales around here. I want to support them, but I can't stay out of the goodies I buy!

How is Kirby doing??

 

[Goofydiane]

I feel so lost still. Weight loss for me is pyschological and I'm struggling with the pyschological lately. I wish I understood why my mind doesn't want me to succeed.

I had airline miles that were going to expire so I ordered a few magazines, one of them is Prevention. I really like this magazine, it's got good articles and tips. I took on a challenge from the July issue. Turn your walk into a run. I had Tim look it over and he thinks it is a great challenge. I just want to actually finish something that I start. I feel like I get these great ideas on things to do and I can stick with them for about 2 weeks then it seems it goes away. Even this journal, the going gets tough and I walk away from it. I get so upset with myself over these things; I just don't know how to be successful.

I told Tim on Saturday that we need to make sure that my work outs don't deter me from this 8 week program. I told him that I want to finish something I started and know that I can be successful - I don't know why, but I think if I can concur this Walk to Run, that it will be 1 big pychological hurdle in my journey. When the 8 weeks is done, it has you running for 30 minutes and I want to be able to do this, I want to be able to say that I accomplished something.

I'm going to really try and check in during this. Week 1 is pretty easy - MWF you run 1 minute, walk 3 minutes for 13 cycles. It increases from there. I can post the plan for anyone that is interested.

I wish I knew how to be strong mentally and get everything in order.

 

[Goofydiane]

Today was an ok day. I'm feeling so overwhelmed at work and I let that get to me in every other part of my life.

Tim and I had a great workout, he's gone for the next week so the struggle will be to stay on point for the time he is gone.

The good news, I made my June challenge (or I will with my morning walk tomorrow). July is the same challenge - 20,000 calories.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, good job making June challenge.

The pyschological aspect of weight loss is the hardest for all of us I think. Just hang in there and keep remembering how far you have come. Even if you don't lose one more pound, you have been so successful. Look at the exercise you have done, several years ago you probably couldn't have envisioned the challenges, workouts with Tim and yourself and setting a goal to begin running! When those sad, bad, dismal thoughts creep in, just replace them with pride because you have really earned it.

How is Kirby?

Hope work improves.

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy - you always know what to say to people. I wish I was able to do that. I don't focus on my accomplishments, I spend my time focusing on what still needs to be done.

This is a quick post, because it is way too early on a holiday weekend. Why am I up this early? ADR Day! I made more than I needed because it is way to early for me to know where I want to eat and hours aren't posted yet, so who knows what we will be doing each day. I will cancel the ones that I don't need as soon as hours are posted and I can figure it all out - or when I'm awake and can comprehend.

This trip is really for me mom too and I need to know more about Food & Wine events to ensure I've got dining set up correctly.

 

[Goofydiane]

Oh my gosh, week 2 of my 'turn your walk into a run' program and I don't care how hard this gets, I'm sticking with it. Today was run 3 minutes, walk 2 minutes, repeat 8 times! This was a lot tougher than I thought it would be. I kept lowering the speed on the treadmill, why did I think that I could run 3 minutes 8 times at 5.5 mph!

Wednesday is run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute and repeat 8 times.

Life is still extremely stress filled and I'm struggling with food and choices. I made good choices all day today. Woo Hoo! I'm also struggling with sleep, I'm just not getting any. I lay down to sleep and i start thinking about everything that I need to be doing and before I know it, it is 2:30am.

Tomorrow is Tim and we are focusing on strength training for a runner for the next 8 weeks. I've told him that I can't fail at this, I feel like if I stop this 8 week program, I'm giving up on myself - I need to finish something I started. I also feel like when I succeed at this 8 week program and run for 30 minutes without stopping that there is going to be nothing that I can't do, I keep seeing this 30 minutes like a big hill I am climbing and once I get to the top it is nothing but downhill from there.

Kirby is a hoot, he find the vent that has the AC coming through it and then lays on it, after about 30 minutes he gets up and runs around the house like a spaz for a about 5 minutes and then goes back and repeats the process. I need to get a camera and try and win $10,000 if that video show is still going on!

 

[Goofydiane]

another running day today. 3 min run, 1 min walk. Run was at 4.8 and the walk was at 2.0. I actually felt good after this was over. Legs tired, but spirit good. I was so proud of myself that I did the entire sequence today without stopping.

I just need to be able to sleep at night, still stuggling with that.

had a minor panic attack this morning with Disney online dining reservations! I made all my adrs last week and entered my resort reservation to link them and they said they were linked, but because I entered a different phone number they all unlinked. I went to retrieve them and couldn't find any of them! I have found them all so all is good again, it was just a really stressful morning!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, my beagle Benjamin used to do that same thing on the ac and heating vent. He liked to be comfy! Definitely catch that on video, Kirby could earn you some money!

I am really anxious to try that online ADR system for our March trip. Of course I still have months to go, but it will be interesting.

Good job sticking with the running. That is hard work but some serious fat burning, I bet the scale will go down!

I have been struggling with sleep issues for quite some time, it really takes it out of you doesn't it? I have gotten 8 hours, two nights in a row and its amazing how much better I feel. I hope you sleep better soon!

 

[Goofydiane]

wish I could sleep!

 

[DisDee]

Diane,I empathize with you on the sleep issues. 3 am is my wake-up time. Too bad we're not in the same time zone-we could Dis chat. I picked up a book on clearance at Borders-forget the title, but its about getting a good night's sleep. I'll let you know if I find any helpful hints.

There's nothing more frustrating than laying there tossing and turning, especially when you know you have to get up and go to work in a few hours. I got up on two nights this week and spent some time on the computer and tried to get "sleepy". I hope you find an answer, and if so, let me know what it is!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Diane, I hope things are going better with your sleep! I go thorugh stages when I have sleep issues, for awhile I was lucky to get three hours a night and I hated that. Some things that help me are eating a bowl of cereal about an hour before bed or warming up a little milk. I put in a packet of Splenda and a dash of nutmeg and its very soothing and good (and I sort of hate milk to be honest but I like this). It really helps me.

I miss you and hope things are going well!

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy and DisDee...thank you so much for hanging in there through these past few months. When I struggle, I go inward and really become so isolated from everything.

I starting to come out of it - I've been doing some searching and reading the past few months and have also started talking to people. I am working through some issues and in order to work to get better, the first step is admitting you have a problem. My problem is that I have a compulsive binge eating issue. there I've said it. The amounts of food I eat at times is scary and that is my biggest struggle. I hate myself for the amount of food I eat and then because I hate myself so much, I usually end up eating more. I'm not better, I need to learn how to not binge as much and to take those binge triggers and direct them elsewhere.

One thing will be journalling more and not just about the good, I need to write about the bad and the struggles to process it and learn from it.

The one thing I can celebrate is another month of my exercise challenge. I really like this 20,000 calorie challenge each month. It's down again for August. I'm doing an 8 week turn my walk into a run program and I have completed 5 weeks and am now running 10 minute stretches with 1 minute walk between them. Monday is 15 minutes with a 2 minute walk between them. The struggle is that I really don't like running, so I need to turn my thoughts around to a positive about running so I can make this work. I still feel that this 8 week program is a do or die for me with this journey. Thankfully today is a rest day.