Did you help with your child's wedding? How much did you spend?

[Hikergirl]

The bride's family pays for the reception because they're the hosts. The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner because they're the hosts.

Those traditions came from somewhere.
If you want to host your daughter's wedding, go ahead.
I still think that is an antiquated tradition. A young woman and a young man getting married should host their own wedding IMO.

 

[Action City]

Yes, they booked the venue. We had no rehearsal dinner, but we did have a rehearsal, since the wedding was outside on the hill next to the venue, which was an outside (shelter) located next to the barn for the dance. We had to get up early in the morning and decorate. The only thing the grooms parents paid for, was their own clothes for the wedding, they had their own hotel room. My dd and her husband paid for the alcohol, their own rings, paid for the minister. I didn't find out till closer to the wedding, that the grooms parents were not contributing at all. This is why I said, with my next 3 getting married, we held a family meetings and discussed everything. I would never be told again I would be responsible for the entire wedding and the grooms parents would not contribute anything.

You weren't forced to contribute anything. You made a choice, just like the groom's parents did.

If I was forced to sit down with the other person's parents and told what we would be contributing, that would be the end of that meeting and bride and groom would be 100% on their own. It wouldn't matter if we were the parents of the bride or parents of the groom ~ the end result would be the same.

 

[luvsJack]

No, I had to send them a check for the deposit. Get this, we see the inlaws a lot. They are the nicest people too, which is so baffling.
Here is the place is St. Paul MN www.HopeGlenFarm.com in Cottage Grove, MN. I am pretty sure the total venue was almost $7,000, which pretty much just paid for the place and it got you the grounds for the day. They did supply tables and chairs. We had to rent or buy all the decorations, except the chandellier's.

Oh wow! That is just unreal to me. I would hope no o e decides to just book something on our dime or dd’s dime!

Including all those decorations really adds up. Can’t imiagine paying that much and still having to rent/buy all that!

 

[OhMari]

Did the bride & groom pick this venue? Or even check it out before it was booked? I can't imagine I would have reacted well to being told my wedding venue was booked but I had to pay & had no say so in the decision. Losing that deposit would have been a good lesson for the in laws. Hope they are not as interfering in the marriage.

The bride and groom lived in Omaha and the groom was from the area. His parents loved the venue. This was a total non-communication with us as parents. Being our first wedding of the 4 kids, we were bamboozled.

 

[cabanafrau]

We paid the traditional items for the Groom's family when our son got married. Flowers and the rehearsal dinner. $6,000 for flowers, $2,000 for the dinner. Dinner guests were more than just the traditional wedding party, but also their spouses and boyfriends/girlfrields and all out of town wedding guests, 30 people total.
I got off easy. The Wedding venue was $5,000, plus $80 per person for 75 people for dinner plus the open bar plus.....I don't want to know!

DD has already told us when she gets married, it will be small, it will be on a farm and my only expenses will be finger sandwiches and to rent two cows. She wants a cow at her wedding, and because cows get lonely, I'm going to have to rent two so they don't get lonely.

When DW and I got married, my MIL paid $500 for food and wine, and that was it. My mom paid for the rehearsal dinner, about $250 for our small group, and flowers which cost about $100 because the lady next door did flower arranging and her gift to us was doing the arranging, all my mom had to do was buy the actual flowers. My wife and I paid all other expenses. Oh, my mom did give us $2,500 towards our honeymoon.

$6,000 for flowers? That seems exorbitant.

We had a very small wedding, not much further than immediate families, and my parents picked up the tab for the dinner reception, cake, flowers and my dress. All in it was probably about $2,000. We have two daughters and will no doubt contribute financially, but as it stands now I don't see either one looking for a large, splashy event. Since neither one seems to be in a "forever" relationship at this point, it's kind of hard to tell how large it may be based on the grooms' families sizes/expectations.

 

[OhMari]

Oh wow! That is just unreal to me. I would hope no o e decides to just book something on our dime or dd’s dime!

Including all those decorations really adds up. Can’t imiagine paying that much and still having to rent/buy all that!

We sort of lucked out. I think the decor was around $600. But they had doors set up at the beginning of the walk way, and they fell over and hit someone in the head.
The decor lady was called and she felt so bad, that they were not properly placed, plus she sent a wedding coordinator there that didn't show up for anything and she ended up not cashing my check.
So that was great customer service. She does so many weddings in the St. Paul-Minneapolis area-that she ended up selling this business-it got to large for her to handle any longer.

 

[luvsJack]

The bride and groom lived in Omaha and the groom was from the area. His parents loved the venue. This was a total non-communication with us as parents. Being our first wedding of the 4 kids, we were bamboozled.

I imagine you were! I would be so shocked not sure how I would react! Lol.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

My parents paid for mine in its entirety and were happy to do so. Somewhere around $25,000 - this was in 1996.
It came up as my sister just got engaged at age 48 (first marriage for both) and they want to pay for themselves.
My mother and father want to pay too. Who knows what they will decide - but for 150 people it will probably come close to 40k.

 

[OhMari]

You weren't forced to contribute anything. You made a choice, just like the groom's parents did.

If I was forced to sit down with the other person's parents and told what we would be contributing, that would be the end of that meeting and bride and groom would be 100% on their own. It wouldn't matter if we were the parents of the bride or parents of the groom ~ the end result would be the same.

Yes, I totally agree and this is why with the next 3 weddings-plans and expectations were totally discussed before anyone paid a dime for anything. For the record-we gave each of our sons money for their wedding and we paid about the same amount of money for our other daughters wedding. She knew she did not want to spend so much money on a wedding and hers turned out beautiful.

 

[luvsJack]

You weren't forced to contribute anything. You made a choice, just like the groom's parents did.

If I was forced to sit down with the other person's parents and told what we would be contributing, that would be the end of that meeting and bride and groom would be 100% on their own. It wouldn't matter if we were the parents of the bride or parents of the groom ~ the end result would be the same.

Perhaps she means they would discuss what each side could contribute. Not tell anyone they have to do anything.

 

[Mermaid02]

The bride's family pays for the reception because they're the hosts. The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner because they're the hosts.

I don't understand why the parents are the hosts of weddings... these are adults... many times in their mid to late twenties with careers. My parents weren't the hosts of our wedding, we were.

 

[tvguy]

$6,000 for flowers? That seems exorbitant.
.

No argument there but apparently the normal range for Wedding flowers if $6,000 to $11,000, so at least I was on the low end of the range!

https://www.brides.com/story/how-much-do-wedding-flowers-cost-carmel-valley

 

[luvsJack]

I don't understand why the parents are the hosts of weddings... these are adults... many times in their mid to late twenties with careers. My parents weren't the hosts of our wedding, we were.

Because it’s up to the bride and groom and the parents and they all WANT the parents to be the hosts?

There is nothing wrong with you being the host to your wedding. But there isn’t anything wrong with the parents (one set or both) being the host either.

 

[nkereina]

To answer the OP's question, my parents graciously paid for our entire wedding. I'm in upstate NY, got married in 2016 at a state park and had our reception in a park lodge afterward. They spent about $18,000 on everything directly related to the wedding, not including things like their outfits, their hotel room, etc.

 

[cabanafrau]

No argument there but apparently the normal range for Wedding flowers if $6,000 to $11,000, so at least I was on the low end of the range!

https://www.brides.com/story/how-much-do-wedding-flowers-cost-carmel-valley

Sorry, but I'm calling shenanigans on the source for the average. I think $6,000 is quite expensive for a wedding dress, but at least at the end of the day you have the dress & can pass it down or even sell it. I just can't justify it on flowers, as much as I adore flowers.

 

[marthachick]

DS (26) is getting married next year. His DFiancee’s mother passed away when she was 14. So her father is the only one working. She has a sister still living at home. Her father is giving them about $2,000. DH & I will pay for rehearsal dinner and give them some money on the wedding itself. They will pay the remainder.

ETA: FDIL told me today that her Grandmother is going to help pay for the wedding also. She’s a bit outspoken so I hope she doesn’t try to take over.

 

[Mermaid02]

Because it’s up to the bride and groom and the parents and they all WANT the parents to be the hosts?

There is nothing wrong with you being the host to your wedding. But there isn’t anything wrong with the parents (one set or both) being the host either.

Absolutely if everyone is onboard. I hate to see parents overspend because it's "expected" or couples have a wedding that someone else wants because "they're the ones paying."

The EXPECTATION that the brides parents pay is a tradition that should be abandoned.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

$6,000 for flowers? That seems exorbitant.

We had a very small wedding, not much further than immediate families, and my parents picked up the tab for the dinner reception, cake, flowers and my dress. All in it was probably about $2,000. We have two daughters and will no doubt contribute financially, but as it stands now I don't see either one looking for a large, splashy event. Since neither one seems to be in a "forever" relationship at this point, it's kind of hard to tell how large it may be based on the grooms' families sizes/expectations.

Bingo. There is nothing saying you have to have a big extravagant wedding at an expensive venue. And I've never judged weddings by how extravagant they were. Been to some nice extravagant ones and some nice simple ones. Been to some boring extravagant ones and some boring simple ones. And even if it is big, there are ways to not have to take out a second mortgage to pay for it. It's something people should talk over with their daughter.

 

[Hikergirl]

Question for you guys who have or are going to pay for your dd's wedding.
Did/will you guys sit down together and plan a budget and work with within that?
Or was/will it be that your dd and her groom pick everything and then tell you what it cost and you just pay?
I am just curious because I see what some of these things cost and I can't imagine having a budget like $6K just for flowers, or my dd coming to me and saying I found the flowers I want and they are $6K and me writing a check.
What do you guys do, do you have a separate savings fund for a wedding, take out loans, dip into your retirement? Nobody has to answer since that is personal, I'm just thinking "out loud".

Dh and I have made saving for college and retirement a priority so there isn't really anything left over to pay for an expensive wedding.
I just dont know how parents do it these days with what weddings cost.

 

[mamamary]

One expense that we caught a break on was flowers. It just so happened that there was a big event the morning of our wedding in my church. When we booked that day they told us the church would be decorated with beautiful flowers. I have no idea what I would have spent on flowers for the church but I can remember that my bouquet alone was $350 - and that was in 1989.