Excuses to tell friend do not want to go Disney with them?

[mikeishere]

I travel alone because it is no fun for me unless I go at my own pace. I have specific things that I like to see, sometimes over and over. I really don't want to have to either adjust to what you want to do or have you adjust to what I want to do. I like to get up early and you don't. I like to eat (name a culinary choice) and I don't want to feel like I forced you to go along with my tastes. Or You know I like you and value our friendship, but there is no quicker way to ruin a friendship as much as joint travel to an entertainment venue with someone whose habits and likes are sometimes drastically different then my own. I much prefer to travel solo to a place like that. Use as many of those as you like.

Thankyou

 

[Genie+]

Yeah, I was going to say pointing at myself being too rigid or whatnot that doesn’t pair well for a trip like WDW together. Follow that immediately with other ideas that could be a good fit. Something shorter, more relaxing, less demanding, etc. There are friends I’d never join with for WDW but would love doing a long weekend beach trip or exploring a city together.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Be honest. “I don’t want to go with ANYONE. One of the best parts of vacation to me is doing what I want, when I want without worrying about another person.”

She may be able to figure out the dates you are going, but do not tell her where you are staying.

 

[DLgal]

Why do you even have to tell this friend about your travel plans? Newsflash: you don't. Keep your plans to yourself and simply tell this friend you will be out of town for a couple weeks, just before you leave. Or the day you leave. Whatever works.

 

[mikeishere]

Why do you even have to tell this friend about your travel plans? Newsflash: you don't. Keep your plans to yourself and simply tell this friend you will be out of town for a couple weeks, just before you leave. Or the day you leave. Whatever works.

I guess because we work together word soon get round what weeks I’m off and other people out of being nice and start conversations in the office ask what I doing when off from work. I feel if I say was going with a family member she’d maybe understand they’d take priority over her as she wants go Disney.

 

[DLgal]

I guess because we work together word soon get round what weeks I’m off and other people out of being nice and start conversations in the office ask what I doing when off from work. I feel if I say was going with a family member she’d maybe understand they’d take priority over her as she wants go Disney.

I get that, but it's also not any of your co workers business where you are going. Tell them when you get back. In the meantime, just say you are taking a trip with family. Leave the destination as a mystery.

 

[Lilsia]

There is absolutely no reason to give into her mental manipulations. You are not the bad friend. Don't make excuses, either don't tell her when you are going or just say that you have no plans to spend time with anyone while there. These type of people use bullying methods to get what they want, don't allow it.

 

[mikeishere]

I get that, but it's also not any of your co workers business where you are going. Tell them when you get back. In the meantime, just say you are taking a trip with family. Leave the destination as a mystery.

That’ll look bizarre not telling my coworkers where I’m going. I understand it’s non of their business but I’ll look bizarre just refusing to tell anyone if asked when they just being nice.

 

[mikeishere]

There is absolutely no reason to give into her mental manipulations. You are not the bad friend. Don't make excuses, either don't tell her when you are going or just say that you have no plans to spend time with anyone while there. These type of people use bullying methods to get what they want, don't allow it.

I not sure if she that type of person tbh

 

[gmi3804]

I'd tell her something like, "Our expectations from a Disney vacation are very different, and I like you too much as a friend to risk resentments between us if we disagree on what we want to do together. I really do enjoy my solo trips, and it would be a lot of money for both of us to spend to potentially be at odds with a traveling companion."

 

[DLgal]

That’ll look bizarre not telling my coworkers where I’m going. I understand it’s non of their business but I’ll look bizarre just refusing to tell anyone if asked when they just being nice.

Tell them privately then. You don't need to broadcast it to the whole office.

 

[goofyernmost]

Tell them privately then. You don't need to broadcast it to the whole office.

You must have never worked in an office environment.

 

[DLgal]

You must have never worked in an office environment.

Wrong on that. I worked in 4 different office environments before I became a SAHM. I took a WDW trip while working in every one and simply told people I was going to "Florida", but only even gave that level of detail to my closest coworkers.

 

[goofyernmost]

Wrong on that. I worked in 4 different office environments before I became a SAHM. I took a WDW trip while working in every one and simply told people I was going to "Florida", but only even gave that level of detail to my closest coworkers.

That was either before WDW became a big draw or when you said Florida people just assumed that was the place. I had delt with office situations for 40+ years and I know that if I wanted certain information to get out, all I had to do was whisper in someone's ear and an hour later the entire office knew about it. Maybe you worked in a CIA office where people were used to keeping secrets.

 

[DLgal]

That was either before WDW became a big draw or when you said Florida people just assumed that was the place. I had delt with office situations for 40+ years and I know that if I wanted certain information to get out, all I had to do was whisper in someone's ear and an hour later the entire office knew about it. Maybe you worked in a CIA office where people were used to keeping secrets.

Nope, this was in 1998-2004. I was literally planning a WDW Fairy Tale Wedding for a year at one of these jobs. No one really knew. I was only there working as a temp. They knew I was getting married. That was all. I am very private about my personal life in REAL life. Online no one knows me, so I will talk about everything.

 

[goofyernmost]

Wrong on that. I worked in 4 different office environments before I became a SAHM. I took a WDW trip while working in every one and simply told people I was going to "Florida", but only even gave that level of detail to my closest coworkers.

I guess you were lucky, but I see no problem with sharing where you are going anyway. People that ask to "go along with you" without being invited is the problem. If a real friend wanted to go they would have said something like... Gee I sure would like to go there sometime. Then you could invite if you wanted or just say... I'm sure you will get there sometime. They should be bright enough to know if you wanted them to go, you'd have asked them. If they are inconsiderate enough to put anyone in that position I see no reason to just say something diplomatic and not include them in the details. It really is simple without having to have a lot of drama.

 

[DLgal]

I guess you were lucky, but I see no problem with sharing where you are going anyway. People that ask to "go along with you" without being invited is the problem. If a real friend wanted to go they would have said something like... Gee I sure would like to go there sometime. Then you could invite if you wanted or just say... I'm sure you will get there sometime. They should be bright enough to know if you wanted them to go, you'd have asked them. If they are inconsiderate enough to put anyone in that position I see no reason to just say something diplomatic and not include them in the details. It really is simple without having to have a lot of drama.

That's just it, though. This person DOES work at OPs office and (maybe) has autism. I have 2 autistic sons. They can be very aloof and oblivious to social norms. It's not them being inconsiderate, it's simply that they think in a different way. What comes off as rude sometimes is just them being direct. They don't play social games. They say what they want, or think, sometimes bluntly. Often in a tone that others find off putting. There is no malice behind it.

When you work in an office, you have to be skilled at navigating all these nuances of interpersonal relationships. You often have to treat different people differently based on their personalities. If you just go around acting on the assumption that everyone thinks like you do, YOU will come off as inconsiderate. In THIS situation for OP, given this co workers personality, it makes sense to keep your plans low key and close to the vest. Best not to get into details when you know someone will take that as an invitation.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

There is absolutely no reason to give into her mental manipulations. You are not the bad friend. Don't make excuses, either don't tell her when you are going or just say that you have no plans to spend time with anyone while there. These type of people use bullying methods to get what they want, don't allow it.

Generally speaking people with autism aren't the manipulating type at least not in any way that people normally would think. I see absolutely no reason to go down that road with the situation the OP has given us and am not sure why you would

My autistic aunt is quite similar to the OP's friend. Ironically she actually has another autistic friend that is even worse than her constantly inserting herself into planning although generally not vacation it's usually shopping or going on a walk or something. There isn't any bullying going on in the traditional sense. Their brains tend to work differently than that.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think the main issue for the OP is going to be using honesty with limitation of understanding. You can be honest all day long with this person but will their brain actually process what that means.

Honesty IMO I think that it is the most realistic longer term route although not ideal. It would be one to likely have to reinforce again and again. I also don't think it would be good to mention that the OP won't vacation with anyone because that means in the vein of honesty the OP never could and that's probably not one they would want to commit to. It would be unkind to say that when truly the issue is not wanting to go with someone who has a different vacation style.

We invited our DISer friends to plan a Japan trip with us and at the moment one is interested but prefaced it with "I'd like to know what your plans are, what you are hoping to see and do so I can know if that matches up with what I would want to do and see" because they do want to go to Japan but that doesn't mean their interests align enough with ours to make it a joint trip. And I really appreciated that we had that conversation. We've done other vacations together and outtings so it's truly just about a particular destination and shared or not shared interests.

For the OP that may be a harder thing to get across for their friend but I would make it more about how they would tour, maybe make it about the trip being for herself to get away and explore and just keep reinforcing that if the topic (which it probably will) comes up again.

 

[AnnabelleTheTalkingTree]

What excuses do I give a friend for not wanting to go to Disney/ Florida with them? She’s not the type of person to accept me saying I’d rather go solo or with someone else and if I did say I’d rather go on my own she’d probably still book herself onto the same flight/hotel and weeks I’m going unless I lied and said I’m going with someone else.

I know I sound like an awful friend for not wanting to go with her but I think we would fall out and it would reck our friendship. She is consistently late, too chilled and slow paced to be fast paced and going from place to place in a theme park quickly and lacks organisation skills it would be like looking after a child for a week/2 weeks I would have to do all the work. I know your probs reading this and thinking why are we friends but I dunno strange things happen and we are like a double act as we are polar opposites. She has autism like some people in life do so the things I have mentioned above I know my friend can’t help and anything else in life as her friend I’m ok with but 2 weeks away in each others pockets maybe too much and stresses me just the thought of going to Disney with said friend. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, other people in my life have suggested telling them I’m going with someone else but then what about when I show photos at the end of the trip and just me in the photos? I feel I may have to lie to protect her feelings though? I’m from the uk so would be a big commitment to go on a 2 week vacation with a friend you not keen on going with anyway.

I wouldn’t be denying her a vacation incase anyone thinks I’m being cruel as she goes away a lot with a friend also.

Sorry for the long post does anyone have any suggestions or been in a similar situation that can help?

You're not a bad friend for not wanting to travel with her. I have lots of wonderful people in my life, but there are few I feel comfortable traveling with. It's not because they're bad people or I don't like them, and it doesn't make me a bad person either. Some of my very best friends and family are not people I'd really want to travel with, for various reasons including differing budgets, differing touring styles, differing travel expectations among other things. Interestingly, when I think about it, the people I AM happy to travel with have a few things in common: they are flexible, they do not expect to be together 100% of the time, they are generally good-natured and upbeat/positive even when things don't turn out perfectly.

I don't have perfect solution for you but I just don't want you thinking you're a bad friend because you would prefer not to travel with a particular person. You are allowed to plan your vacation the way you want to, and you're not obligated to invite someone just because they want to be invited. I know everyone is saying just be honest, and I agree with that mostly, but I can tell you care about your friend and you don't want to hurt them (which makes you a GOOD friend, btw). I do think you can be honest but also soften the blow a little. I would say something along the lines of, "I really planned this as a solo trip because I want to do this on my own. Going alone is the point for me. I appreciate your wanting to join me, but this is a trip just for me." And then next time you make travel plans, avoid sharing those plans with your friend unless you're amenable to them coming along.