I’ve always been a bit put off by adults who continue to take an allowance (monthly payments) from their parents. I’m also put off by parents who try to control their adult children. I figure I had 18 years to give them advice and ever increasing experience and now it’s time for them to take over control of their life, both choices and consequences.
DD is 20 and while we do pay the majority of her college costs she is responsible for everything else. She works and pays for her car payment, insurance, phone (she’s on our plan but pays is her portion each month), groceries (no dining plan, but her dorm room has a full kitchen), gas, personal expenses, clothes, fun money, etc. she also pays us 300 a month towards her schooling. That comes out to only 3,600 per year for school which I felt was fair. We pay all the rest of the tuition/fees/dorm. She’ll graduate debt free. She also pays for her extra activities like sorority and cheer team. She budgets very well. She has a checking and savings account and her own credit card that she pays off in full every month. She is blown away by other friends at school who are given everything and have no idea how to budget or plan. She’s also shocked by how many of the parents still try to tell their kids what they can and can’t do! Some that even force their kids into a particular major or career since it’s their money. Now while she’s home from school over the summer if I’m picking up take out for dinner I buy her some too and whenever we go out to eat together I pay. When we go on family trips I pay for the trip itself and she just pays for extras that she wants. I’m saving right now because when she graduates in 2 years we’re planning to do 4-5 weeeks in Europe just the 2 of us. I’ll be paying for that as her grad gift. She’s saving for her wardrobe for the trip
I don’t mind at all helping out with something from time to time or just doing something unexpected. When I help her move back into the dorm in a couple of weeks I’ll surprise her with a 150 giftcard to the grocery store to help her get set up for the beginning of the year. But giving monthly allowances or paying for her expenses is a hard no for me.