Help.....A mom trying to understand Instagram

[alldiz]

Hi,

My DD is 10 yrs old and she got an Ipod for xmas. Lots of her friends had instagram. She explained it as a facebook for kids. She set her things to privacy and stupidly I let her have it without doing some deep research.
One of her friends whose mom is more overprotective than me let her have it so I trusted it....ack.

So last night she did the right thing and came to me that she saw an "inappropriate" pic and reported it. I asked her how...she said she had a friend request and said no and the pics popped up because they were not blocked.

DD is coming home soon and I want to get some facts straight before I grill her. Here are my questions.

1. When u register for Instagram and put a correct birthday showing she was 10 yrs old.....can an account be made. I saw online NOW that your supposed to be 13.

2. If a friend makes a request to you.....can you just say no without there info come up...OR would you most likely hit on the name and see who it is and then see the pics.

3. Can someone in your own friend network share your pics.....meaning can one of her friends post her pics somewhere.

4. Anything else I should know

Also...not sure what to do.....my gut says cancel the whole thing....but I'm nervous to do that when she came to me and told me the truth and did the right thing by reporting it...I don't want her to stop telling me stuff thinking she will then get punished.

Help
Thanks
Kerri

 

[nugov2]

Here is what it says on privacy

How does privacy work?

We have adopted a follower model that means if you're "public" on Instagram, anyone can subscribe to follow your photos. We do, however, have a special private option. In this mode, a user can make sure he/she must approve all follow requests before they go through.

Who can see my photos?

All photos are public by default which means they are visible to anyone using Instagram or on the instagram.com website. If you choose to make your account private, then only people who follow you on Instagram will be able to see your photos.

Common Sense Media is my go to on anything I don't know about. I am pretty strict and like the detailed info they provide. They say a big no, no for a 10 year old. My oldest is 8 so I don't know what the norm is for 10yr olds though.

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/mobile-app-reviews/instagram

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/mobile-app-reviews/instagram/user-reviews

 

[Princess Row]

18 year old here who uses instagram a ton!

There is not friend requests there are followers. You pick who you want to follow and then they have the choice to follow you back.

I never had to put in my age so that's strange to me that it asked for an age.

I don't ever get inappropriate pictures on mine as I only follow friends and nothing ever comes up.

As for now you can only like the photos or comment on them so sharing isn't an option I believe. It is usually a kid friendly app if used correctly.

It is a Facebook with no status updates and only pictures.

Any other questions feel free to pm me.

 

[Desnik]

My DD is going to be 15 in two weeks and she uses Instagram all the time. I monitor it. I have one too. You can put blocks on it and stuff but honestly? I don't think a 10 year old should be on Instagram. Ditto that for Tumblr too.

 

[mfd25wife]

You might want to read this. I remember the uproar in December when they announced they could sell photos. I don't have an account and know a lot deleted theirs.

http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/technolog/why-you-should-make-instagram-private-saturday-1B7987618

 

[mnrose]

Per the terms of use, you must be 13 to use instagram. http://instagram.com/about/legal/terms/

There is NO way I would let a 10 year old use that service. Same goes for Facebook, etc. There is a reason they have those rules, IMO.

My kids, who turned 13 in November, were made to wait to get Facebook accounts. I have a very simple rule...if you have to lie to get your account, you can't have one. Period.

There is a world of difference between 13 and 10.

 

[alldiz]

Here is what it says on privacy

How does privacy work?

We have adopted a follower model that means if you're "public" on Instagram, anyone can subscribe to follow your photos. We do, however, have a special private option. In this mode, a user can make sure he/she must approve all follow requests before they go through.

Who can see my photos?

All photos are public by default which means they are visible to anyone using Instagram or on the instagram.com website. If you choose to make your account private, then only people who follow you on Instagram will be able to see your photos.

Common Sense Media is my go to on anything I don't know about. I am pretty strict and like the detailed info they provide. They say a big no, no for a 10 year old. My oldest is 8 so I don't know what the norm is for 10yr olds though.

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/mobile-app-reviews/instagram

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/mobile-app-reviews/instagram/user-reviews

Thanks so much for the links and the info. I use commonsense media for movies...don't know why I didn't think of that.

18 year old here who uses instagram a ton!

There is not friend requests there are followers. You pick who you want to follow and then they have the choice to follow you back.

I never had to put in my age so that's strange to me that it asked for an age.

I don't ever get inappropriate pictures on mine as I only follow friends and nothing ever comes up.

As for now you can only like the photos or comment on them so sharing isn't an option I believe. It is usually a kid friendly app if used correctly.

It is a Facebook with no status updates and only pictures.

Any other questions feel free to pm me.

I just "assumed" that because it says 13 and up that you had to put a birthdate in to join. Thanks for the info
Kerri

 

[alldiz]

My DD is going to be 15 in two weeks and she uses Instagram all the time. I monitor it. I have one too. You can put blocks on it and stuff but honestly? I don't think a 10 year old should be on Instagram. Ditto that for Tumblr too.

Per the terms of use, you must be 13 to use instagram. http://instagram.com/about/legal/terms/

There is NO way I would let a 10 year old use that service. Same goes for Facebook, etc. There is a reason they have those rules, IMO.

My kids, who turned 13 in November, were made to wait to get Facebook accounts. I have a very simple rule...if you have to lie to get your account, you can't have one. Period.

There is a world of difference between 13 and 10.

I have read enough.....deleting her account.
Thanks
I love this place
Kerri

 

[alldiz]

You might want to read this. I remember the uproar in December when they announced they could sell photos. I don't have an account and know a lot deleted theirs.

http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/technolog/why-you-should-make-instagram-private-saturday-1B7987618

gonna read this now thanks so much for the link
Kerri

 

[Desnik]

I have read enough.....deleting her account.
Thanks
I love this place
Kerri

I know! The DIS is my "go to" place for everything! Love it here!!

 

[Desnik]

You might want to read this. I remember the uproar in December when they announced they could sell photos. I don't have an account and know a lot deleted theirs.

http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/technolog/why-you-should-make-instagram-private-saturday-1B7987618

They didn't go through with it. As of right now you do own your own photos. They can't use them without your permission. They can ask to buy them from you if they or a 3rd party is interested.

 

[bellebud]

my dd13 uses Instagram a lot.

She says it's the way the kids communicate (like we adults do on facebook). They post a pic, maybe put a few words with it, and that's it. It's fast and to the point.

My dd does have her settings on private, so she has to approve followers.

Funny story... I was driving my kids & their friends somewhere, a deer ran into my car (I saw it coming and had plenty of time to slow down, but the deer still bumped my bumper). He ran off then (everything was fine with the deer and my car).

Anyway, unbeknownst to me (but no biggie), dd's friend took a pic w/ her phone from the back seat, wrote "just hit a deer", and w/in 2 minutes my cell phone rings. It's friends mom, asking if we're all ok. I'm like "how do you know??" Friends cousin in CT (we're in NY) saw the instagram pic right away, told her mom, mom calls other mom saying "X just hit a deer?", mom calls me. I was like "WOW! It really IS instant!"

Apparently facebook is just too slow for the kids, and too many words.

I'd let her keep the acct, and have her put it on private (if it's not already).

I love that she came to you for the inappropriate pic. Good job mom!

 

[mfd25wife]

They didn't go through with it. As of right now you do own your own photos. They can't use them without your permission. They can ask to buy them from you if they or a 3rd party is interested.

I'm pretty sure the link explains the changes they made after the uproar and what users should do now for privacy issues. It was posted 3 days ago so it's pretty up to date. Did you read the link?

 

[alldiz]

my dd13 uses Instagram a lot.

She says it's the way the kids communicate (like we adults do on facebook). They post a pic, maybe put a few words with it, and that's it. It's fast and to the point.

My dd does have her settings on private, so she has to approve followers.

Funny story... I was driving my kids & their friends somewhere, a deer ran into my car (I saw it coming and had plenty of time to slow down, but the deer still bumped my bumper). He ran off then (everything was fine with the deer and my car).

Anyway, unbeknownst to me (but no biggie), dd's friend took a pic w/ her phone from the back seat, wrote "just hit a deer", and w/in 2 minutes my cell phone rings. It's friends mom, asking if we're all ok. I'm like "how do you know??" Friends cousin in CT (we're in NY) saw the instagram pic right away, told her mom, mom calls other mom saying "X just hit a deer?", mom calls me. I was like "WOW! It really IS instant!"

Apparently facebook is just too slow for the kids, and too many words.

I'd let her keep the acct, and have her put it on private (if it's not already).

I love that she came to you for the inappropriate pic. Good job mom!

Wow thats funny....poor mom must have had a heart attack.

I'm very happy she came to me.....which is why I am sooo struggling to just shut it down....don't want her to get in her head she can't tell me stuff.

I'm in a bad spot now. It is my own fault.....I didn't research it. Had I known that it was 13 like facebook that would have been my easy out.
Really pissed at myself for being so stupid Insert my head under hammer
Kerri

 

[Desnik]

I'm pretty sure the link explains the changes they made after the uproar and what users should do now for privacy issues. It was posted 3 days ago so it's pretty up to date. Did you read the link?

No I didn't But I just did now. My post was going by reading the terms Instagram sent me in an email about the changes coming. No where did it say they can use the pictures. I wish I saved the darn email! Maybe I missread it!

 

[LongLiveDisney]

Glad you're deleting her account. I don't think a ten year old should be on that site. Then again, I don't think kids of any age should be on any social networking site, but that's a different story.

ETA: OP, you're the mom. If you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable with your daughter having an account, get rid of it. You're in charge!

 

[kimblebee]

My daughter has Facebook, twitter, tumblr, and Instagram. Thy are all set to private and I know the password to all of them. I told her I would randomly check them, and I DO. I ask questions about what I don't understand/like. She also has to ask before she friends anyone or accepts a friend on any of them. I keep on top of it, just in case. Granted, I don't check nearly as much as she thinks I do but she doesn't need to know that.

 

[bellebud]

Hi,

My DD is 10 yrs old and she got an Ipod for xmas. Lots of her friends had instagram. She explained it as a facebook for kids. She set her things to privacy and stupidly I let her have it without doing some deep research.
One of her friends whose mom is more overprotective than me let her have it so I trusted it....ack.

So last night she did the right thing and came to me that she saw an "inappropriate" pic and reported it. I asked her how...she said she had a friend request and said no and the pics popped up because they were not blocked.

DD is coming home soon and I want to get some facts straight before I grill her. Here are my questions.

1. When u register for Instagram and put a correct birthday showing she was 10 yrs old.....can an account be made. I saw online NOW that your supposed to be 13.

2. If a friend makes a request to you.....can you just say no without there info come up...OR would you most likely hit on the name and see who it is and then see the pics.

3. Can someone in your own friend network share your pics.....meaning can one of her friends post her pics somewhere.

4. Anything else I should know

Also...not sure what to do.....my gut says cancel the whole thing....but I'm nervous to do that when she came to me and told me the truth and did the right thing by reporting it...I don't want her to stop telling me stuff thinking she will then get punished.

Help
Thanks
Kerri

OP - I already answered, but wanted to add...

as I understand your post,

1) one of her friends is already on it, and this friend has a mom who checks things out, etc.

2) Your dd came to you about something she felt was inappropriate.

3) You can set her setting to private, and you can keep an eye on her acct.

I really don't see the harm in allowing her to have it. It's a great way for she and her friend to communicate, and both of you moms can monitor.

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

OP, I have girls who will be 11 next week. They have instagram and as do all of their friends except one (whose mother is one of my best friends).

Both DH and I are followers to their private accounts. I use their iPods to see what they post on their friends pictures.

The idea of social media isn't a comfortable one for many adults to use. Therefore, it might be a reason people are uncomfortable with kids using it.

I decided that it was a good idea on my part to allow it because I can teach them appropriate use and guide them through the dangers with any online activity. I am a high school teacher, and I know how different technology functions in the lives of kids now vs. ten years ago.


I agree that you are the mom, and you should follow your instinct. You know your daughter. I also think that your instinct can be driven by fear of the unknown.

I like making informed decisions guided by my instinct.

PS - Your daughters pics can be reposted by her followers bc the follower can take a screenshot of the pic.

 

[alldiz]

OP - I already answered, but wanted to add...

as I understand your post,

1) one of her friends is already on it, and this friend has a mom who checks things out, etc.

2) Your dd came to you about something she felt was inappropriate.

3) You can set her setting to private, and you can keep an eye on her acct.

I really don't see the harm in allowing her to have it. It's a great way for she and her friend to communicate, and both of you moms can monitor.

My main problem is she did all the right things and this still happened. She was set to private. She said she had a friend request.....this is where it gets fuzzy. She said that when she went to deny.....the pics of him came up because He was not private. I asked her if there was anyway to do things differently so that wouldn't happen again....and she said no.

OP, I have girls who will be 11 next week. They have instagram and as do all of their friends except one (whose mother is one of my best friends).

Both DH and I are followers to their private accounts. I use their iPods to see what they post on their friends pictures.

The idea of social media isn't a comfortable one for many adults to use. Therefore, it might be a reason people are uncomfortable with kids using it.

I decided that it was a good idea on my part to allow it because I can teach them appropriate use and guide them through the dangers with any online activity. I am a high school teacher, and I know how different technology functions in the lives of kids now vs. ten years ago.


I agree that you are the mom, and you should follow your instinct. You know your daughter. I also think that your instinct can be driven by fear of the unknown.

I like making informed decisions guided by my instinct.

PS - Your daughters pics can be reposted by her followers bc the follower can take a screenshot of the pic.

You are absolutely right that I am uncomfortable and I will add ignorant on the whole social media thing. Don't do facebook......so she came to me and "sold" me on how this is instagram is basically facebook for kids. Stupid me didn't research it even though I felt uncomfortable at the time...It was xmas day and I gave in to her begging without doing the proper research. Lesson learned for me for sure.
The thing that really scares me is she did everything right....set to private etc and this still happened....Maybe there is something I'm not getting about when friend request you. Is it possible to deny a friend request without their info coming up? I asked her if she clicked on the name to see who it was and she said no....but that is where its fuzzy cause I don't understand it and she said she would have to show me when it happens.

In my heart...I know this stuff can happen on there.....and there is a big difference between 10 and 13. Kid still believes in Santa.....Just don't want her to grow up too fast.
I just pray the kids at school arent mean and tease her that her account was deleted....Kids are can be sooo mean

Thanks
kerri