Color me as one of those who would probably give my kids more "leash" at home than ANYWHERE else (including Disney). At home, I know exactly what's around them, and similarly, they know where/who they can call upon for help. There's nothing to really entice them otherwise - no pool or gameroom calling their name, nothing to "check out... just for a minute!" that they haven't already seen, LOL. As for vacation places, well, frankly, that's the VERY time I'm trying to spend WITH them, so chances are, I would be miffed if they decided they preferred to go their own way or just hang out in the room alone, LOL!
DH and I figure we have but a short time when these guys actually WANT to hang out with Mom and Dad- why rush past it? We have our senior years to traipse off to Disney "solo" - so for now, it's family time, whether ya like it or not!! That said, I think if my child were not feeling great or wanted to head back to the room to get a jump on the showers or grab a snack or wanted to go check the gift shop or sit at the bus stop ahead of us - I am fine with that so long as they know their way around and have a means to contact us. We often play a game w/ our boys where we let them decide how we get from point "A" to point "B". We watch their decision process and it's interesting to see how well they can navigate with no instruction for us, even in brand-new places. But even somewhere as familiar as WDW, I am WAY more comfy loosening reins at day than night - I don't think I'll be able to do THAT until they are at least 21, LOL! It's too darn hard to locate people amongst all the crowds, and who wants to spend their vacation trying to hunt someone down? The family that plays together, stays together... (and makes it to their ADR's on time!
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We have begun letting our "DSalmost13" and/or DS11 stay at home for short spurts of time (an hour or two at best). During those times, DH or I are never more than a 5 minute drive away, and we know adult neighbors are home. If DH and I want to go out, however, we still get a babysitter, but our babysitters are typically age 15 and up. Our DS12 has begun to balk about this, so we are usually sensitive to that and only plan such nights when he's off on a Scout camping trip or at a friend's for the night. I don't leave my sons in charge of their sister (age 7) because they simply aren't mature enough to realize the magnitude of that job. They do really well taking care of themselves, and I make sure to only leave them on their own when they are in a state best able to handle it, but adding someone else - an unpredictable, even less mature someone else - to their responsibilities would be too much. I guess it's also because I feel they're my kids - not my kids' kids - so it's my job to parent them. If anything happened, I'd have not only my guilt, but the guilt felt by my "kid left in charge" to reckon with. I'm just overprotective and control-freakish that way...
As I tell my DS11 when he tries to correct his sister or boss his brother - "Hey - that's MY job. If you would like the position of Mom, turn in your application, but I'm warning you - you have to assume the WHOLE job, not just the parts you want. Trust me- the pay isn't so hot and the fun can be grossly overrated at times!" Besides, I always hated it when my older sisters baby-sat me, so maybe that's part of my decision factor, too.
Kids don't always understand how the rules can "change" from kid to kid, either. We let DS12 stay home alone one day for a few hours because he had pink eye. We knew he was too self-conscious to go anywhere - he just wanted to lay on the couch. Very low risk. So DS11 says, "Ok, when do I get to stay home alone?" He looked at it as this HUGE event, a milestone in his life, and began planning all the "grand things" he would do if he were home alone - like, watching endless TV, play gamecube til his thumbs fell off, eating snacks, basically reveling in a house all to himself and without his sister in it, LOL. So along comes the day when he has a sprained ankle, and since the dr. appt is mid-morning, we let him stay home for 2 hours while DH and I go to work. Suddenly, it didn't seem like such a treat to DS, LOL, just more like a relief, like, ok, good, I don't have to climb the stairs at school, I can stay here til Mom comes to get me, give me some Tylenol and a pillow and can I take a nap?
ANYWAY - It's as everyone else before me has said: the decision on when/how long/where to give a child "freedom" depends on each and every child, in his / her own good time, based on the conditions laid before them, as assessed by the parents who raised them. What's right for gophers may well be too strict for some, too lenient for another, and heck, even AMONGST gophers, the rules can change from pup to pup!! :yes: