I Just Wanted To Be Athletic - And Now, I Am! (comments welcome)

[inkkognito]

Whew! You certainly did achieve your goal! I admire your athleticism...I read through your journal and was tired just reading it, hee hee.

 

[PeterPan09]

Wow is right! You're a great role model for those of us just starting out on this journey. You're our living proof that it can be done!

 

[kimwim8]

Bumping you up, C. And to say

GOOD LUCK

in WDW this coming weekend!

Can't wait to hear all about it!

 

[princessbride6205]

Just wanted to wish you luck this weekend!
You've totally inspired me to start running (from seeing your posts in the BL thread), so now I'm finally checking out your journal.

 

[corinnak]

Wow! Thanks for all the comments, support and luck for the race this weekend! I feel a little badly, neglecting this journal as I have.

I just finished my "final dress rehearsal" after freaking out about the weather and buying a new LS shirt and tights yesterday because my others are all too swimmy to run in now. But in the middle of my run, I realized that, hey, I know how to run in cold weather. It's going to be OK. I need to err on the side of not being warm enough, because the mistake I ALWAYS make is wearing too much. I prefer to be a little cool on a run and I crank out a lot of heat, so this cold Florida weather is going to be OP-TI-MAL for me.

I have written some stuff over on my WW blog lately that I'm feeling pretty proud of. A lot of that internal junk-work. I think I'll x-post the most recent blog here, and also a link if anyone wants to see the picture in question or the rest of the thing:


Big Girl in a Small Body

Sometimes I feel like Alice In Wonderland on this journey, going from big to small, not really sure what size I REALLY am.

I have spent parts of my life as the big girl, the fat friend, the one who loves to eat and hates to think about it.

I have also spent parts of my life as a slim girl, a svelte bride, a woman who cares what she eats and loves to run, and also a girl who cares too much what she eats and worries those around her with how little it might be.

And it really does, for me, feel like two sides of a coin. I am either up, on my way up, down or on my way down. I'm not sure I've ever spent more than a few years at a weight I considered to be comfortably maintainable.

So here I am today, a fairly slim woman to all appearances, but the truth is, inside, I know I am still the much larger me that I was a year ago, five years ago. Eleven years ago after my first child was born. My brain still works the same way and given some stress, some disruption, some reason to not care anymore, I know what my natural tendencies are towards food, towards inertia.

Yesterday, I posted a picture of me from one year ago. It's a picture that, at the time, I was not especially proud of - my stomach looks doughy. My face looks round. My arms are big. The larger Corinna didn't really love herself as she was. But looking at that picture now, I DO love it. I love how happy I look. I love that I was with my teammates that day against all the odds. I even love the softness of my figure, in a way. Its different from where I am now, but now I look at that picture and I see the changes of the year to come. I see a woman on the cusp of a huge transformation.

And at the same time as I feel like a Big Girl in a Small Body right now, I see a Small Girl in that Big Body. I see myself in 3rd-6th grades, round and getting rounder as my family's emotional barometer. And I see a thousand other me's, and I want to take care of each one of them in just the way that each one needs. I want to go back and tell my 3rd grade self that it's not my fault and I shouldn't carry my parents' baggage. I want to tell my high school self - look, just take good care of your body. You can't be perfect - just be your own unique self - you are truly good enough. Be healthy and strong. And I could go on, but you get the idea. I can look back and see what I needed to hear each step along the way and I can say those things to myself now.

So if I have always been a big girl, wishing I were smaller or a smaller girl still feeling big inside, what size am I really supposed to be? I tell you, I don't know for sure, but I think I am supposed to be just about the size I am now. I feel good. I feel like my best self. I think when I get bigger, it is a physical manifestation of pain, worry or distress that I'm not dealing with in a healthy way. Which is one thing concerns me going forward - there will always be more problems. The challenge is to figure out how to live with them, deal with them, take care of them without wearing them around on my body. Can I do it? I think I can.


For the rest of my WW Blog:
http://community.weightwatchers.com/Blogs/UserBlog.aspx?blogid=1002335


And with that, I'm off to prepare for WDW Half Marathon 2010!!! I feel strong, healthy and ready to ROCK!

 

[kimwim8]

Rock it out, sista!!!

 

[smileyk8]

Corinna- i'm pretty sure you won't remember my posts all that time ago, but you were one of the first people I chatted to and actually inspired me to start the coach to 5k (or similar!) program. I just wanted to pop over to let you know I still see your posts and am so impressed- 35lb is tremendous and the princess half too!!!!! You have really done yourself and the WISH team proud.

 

[corinnak]

Kate! I definitely rememeber you from way back when! It's great to hear from you! Tracy mentioned you several times this weekend and, of course, I mention that I knew you from C25K. I'll be sure to post a race report over here - just as soon as the real world stops making me catch up to it. It's been fairly nonstop since I got home!!!

Thanks again for the note!

 

[smileyk8]

Aww I'm amazed you remember- and glad you had such an amazing trip. Tracy is such a wonderful person and I bet you had a brilliant time staying with her. It's a shame the meet was so little, i guess it's tricky to fit things into a Disney weekend! Looking forward to your report