I need to vent- SOOO frustrated (MIL)

[DVC Jen]

Last year we invited my MIL to go to Vero with us after our 7 night disney cruise. We borrowed points to get a 2 bedroom, had arranged a flight for her. We were going to pick her up at the Melbourne airport and bring her down to Vero - then on the day we left we were going to take her back to the airport - wait with her till she left and then start our drive back to Texas.

This was not going to cost her a thing - we were totally pickign up the tab.

Then about 6 weeks before we were to leave she backed out. We lost the frequent flyer miles for her ticket. We didn't need a 2 bedroom at Vero so we used points we didn't need to. I was totally disgusted.

OK - my DH is on the phone with her RIGHT now. She is coming down for our DDs high school graduation the end of May. She knows we are leaving for WDW 4 days after DDs graduation. She is HINTING around about how she "always wanted to try WDW one more time before she goes".

We have our room booked (a studio) - we are short points for that because of last year and hand to borrow from 2008. I am not about to go into point debt for her again.

We really wanted to take her to Vero with us because she has major mobility issues and we knew we could rent a wheelchair or one of those motorized things for her. We were also only going to Vero for 5 nights which would have been perfect for her. - Not too long.

We are doing WDW for 11 nights - she won't do the rides, she will do nothing but complain about how much everything is. She will basically make us miserable there - even if we wanted to take her - (which we don't this year).

AAAUUURRRGGGHhhh .

I love her - but she is not a vety positive person - she will not be able to deal with the heat, getting around will be impossible. And after what she did last year - there is no way I am willing to put ourselves and our points out there like that again. I know she will back out again - but only at the last minute.

I am not looking for advice - definately not flames - i just really needed to vent... that's all.

 

[Chuck S]

Dearest Mom,

As you know, we are short of points because we were unable to change our 2 bedroom accomodation at Vero Beach last year, and are unable to book the size of accomodations that would truly be comfortable for 4 adults with our remaining points. A studio just wouldn't afford us room to store & charge a scooter for you. However, we would love to share WDW with you. Perhaps you could book yourself into POP Century or All Stars for a few nights during our trip, and we could make make plans to meet up with you at the parks to spend time together. Disney transport busses are wonderfully wheelchair and scooter adapted and Disney will provide you with round trip bus transport from Orlando airport.

The cost of the POP Century or All Stars resorts is appox. $100 per night, or if you would prefer to be nearer to us, DVC studios rent for approx. $300 per night.

Looking forward to seeing you in Florida. Be sure to let us know your travel dates.

All our love,

 

[mikron]

Sounds like you need this trip without your MIL, plan a shorter trip at another time. You could stay of site at some very nice hotels for a lot less money. Love is great , but it dosn't sound like you will love each other more after that trip. BEST OF LUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DO.

 

[starwood]

MILs =

 

[dianeschlicht]

I know Chuck was probably posting that tongue in cheek, but it's the truth, and something similar should be your response. She needs to know that her cancelation last year cost you something. Lots of folks think timeshares are "free" stays. Were you not able to get anything smaller than a 2 bedroom at 6 weeks out?

 

[castleri]

Dearest Mom,

As you know, we are short of points because we were unable to change our 2 bedroom accomodation at Vero Beach last year, and are unable to book the size of accomodations that would truly be comfortable for 4 adults with our remaining points. A studio just wouldn't afford us room to store & charge a scooter for you. However, we would love to share WDW with you. Perhaps you could book yourself into POP Century or All Stars for a few nights during our trip, and we could make make plans to meet up with you at the parks to spend time together. Disney transport busses are wonderfully wheelchair and scooter adapted and Disney will provide you with round trip bus transport from Orlando airport.

The cost of the POP Century or All Stars resorts is appox. $100 per night, or if you would prefer to be nearer to us, DVC studios rent for approx. $300 per night.Looking forward to seeing you in Florida. Be sure to let us know your travel dates.

All our love,

This is why DH and I will be at SSR in a studio this Sept. while the rest of our group will be at ASM . We had a 10 night trip in 2BR last Sept instead of the original 7 night suggested because I let family members talk me into it. Don't have enough points for a 2BR this year. We are not dealing with a MIL here but family members of other designations can be just as much a challenge at times.

Good luck and have a good trip.

 

[DVC Jen]

She pulled a wonderful one on us at Christmas too. She has spent quite a few holidays with us - and decided to stay home this past year even though we once again invited her.

3 days before christmas she was depressed and sad because "Christmas without children is just so depressing (now our DDs are 13 and 18)". She went on about this for at least half an hour - got all emotional and pulled at our heartstrings.
Well we found a flight for her and were willing to pay the last minute price if it would make the holidays special for her. Called her and said - Mom if you really do want to come we will fly you out - here is the flight information but we need to book it like NOW.

Her answer .... "Oh I don't know..."



She is 83 years old. We love her to bits - and help her out financially quite a bit (very limited income - and since she helped us so much when we were first starting out - it really does feel good to be able to help her when she needs it). We are more than willing to fly her here whenever she wants. She is always welcome. It is just her constant indecision and mind changing that makes us insane.

I realize she IS 83 and has health issues - Lord knows I try to be patient - but this today - just really rubbed me the wrong way.

 

[dvc at last !]

OUCH !

 

[JimMIA]

I guess my reaction would depend on why she backed out of the VB trip.

I'm assuming, from your OP, that there was no satisfactory reason. If that's the case, it sounds like one of those "Mess me up one time, shame on you; mess me up twice, shame on me" situations.

I think I would have let her know at the time that her cancellation cost you both points and frequent flyer miles.

Diane is absolutely right -- most folks think of a timeshare vacation as "no cost," when in fact it's not. I have a similar situation going on right now, with two groups of friends. One group wants to come down during our May trip and "might stop by to see you for a day or two." NOT. The other group is going to WDW for a conference and wants me to just come up and provide lodging, "...since you have the timeshare anyway." Both groups are good friends, but they just don't get it.

 

[makelab]

She pulled a wonderful one on us at Christmas too. She has spent quite a few holidays with us - and decided to stay home this past year even though we once again invited her.

3 days before christmas she was depressed and sad because "Christmas without children is just so depressing (now our DDs are 13 and 18)". She went on about this for at least half an hour - got all emotional and pulled at our heartstrings.
Well we found a flight for her and were willing to pay the last minute price if it would make the holidays special for her. Called her and said - Mom if you really do want to come we will fly you out - here is the flight information but we need to book it like NOW.

Her answer .... "Oh I don't know..."



She is 83 years old. We love her to bits - and help her out financially quite a bit (very limited income - and since she helped us so much when we were first starting out - it really does feel good to be able to help her when she needs it). We are more than willing to fly her here whenever she wants. She is always welcome. It is just her constant indecision and mind changing that makes us insane.

I realize she IS 83 and has health issues - Lord knows I try to be patient - but this today - just really rubbed me the wrong way.

are you my sister?

 

[wisbucky]

Boy this is a touchy subject when it comes to family and vacations. I have to totally agree with Chuck S and that is have her make her own lodging arrangments and such. We had something similiar happen. I had some feelings that someone might back out and therefore had them pay for the cost of the extra room in advance. We had a two bedroom rented and I basically charged them them the cost of what a studio would be to rent of the rent boards. I made it clear that backing out in less than 30 days was not an option to get money back. Sure as can be they backed out. After reading so many posts on these boards of similiar issues as you had, DH and I have decided that the headaches we could get from allowing family to stay for free with us is just not worth it.

Good luck in your decission.

 

[Dean]

Many of us have family stories. We invite family but try to keep it simple so that if some back out we have options. Generally we are successful in protecting ourselves and fortunately haven't had as aggravating problems as these. I do have a brother who backs out last minute and has trouble keeping commitments but we usually now either don't invite him or only do so when it makes no difference as to our plans.

As many can attest, it doesn't stop with the room and travel. It spills over to every aspect of the trip from rides, park times, dining options, etc. My brother referenced above did make the HH ocean front trip this year. He arrived at 1:30 in the AM (with me having to wait up on him) due to a combo of leaving late (2.5 hours), going an hour out of his way to do shopping he could have done anytime and spending 3 hours with the shopping. He only had two stated requirements, going out to dinner as a group once and paying a portion of the groceries plus any direct expenses. They are a family of 4 plus an infant. They went out to eat two days at lunch because they didn't like what was available. They planned an expensive dinner the night after our group dinner and then when we got to the restaurant to eat for the group dinner (Old Oyster Factory, they had the menu to look at all week), they were huddling then decided they wouldn't eat since it was so expensive (less than their Kobe steak house for 4 the next night). Plus they bought all type of junk food, toys and a new video camera during the trip.

 

[AKVCRVDVC]

 

[Chuck S]

I know Chuck was probably posting that tongue in cheek, ...

True, at least partly tongue in cheek. As most of you know I travel a lot with my 82yo Mom, who is in a wheelchair for the parks. Mom isn't the problem. But other relatives have been. Our policy...if you cancel for anything short of an emergency, you aren't invited again, ever.

 

[corinnak]

We had a family trip where....things might have been smoother if someone HAD backed out. The sleeping arrangements were a total mess, and essentially caused me to declare (quietly for now) that if relatives want to join us again in the future, they will need, with rare exception, to procure their own accomodations for the duration.

Travel with family is such a charged blend of affection and frustration. We always hope for more of the affection and less of the frustration, but usually have a good bit of both.

Well, Jen, I hope you are having some good catharsis - it sounds like you are a very good daughter-in-law. It also sounds like you are really looking forward to some fun with your daughter this trip. Good luck navigating the treacherous waters of familial wishes these coming months!

 

[Mom B]

I don't blame you for being frustrated! It's totally understandable. We have taken my mom to WDW on 2 of our trips and thought about bringing her back this last time but it was quite similar...she has Parkinson's and just can't keep up with the walking in the parks at all anymore, plus if we left her in the room while we went to the parks without her, I'd worry all day about whether she wandered off and got lost or not! I agree, a "Vero only" trip would work much better (and I think we may do that in the next year or two) but if it's not in your plans for this year, then just (pardon in I'm being blunt but) TOO BAD! You can't do everything for everyone. I went through many pangs of guilt in our situation, but in the end sanity won out. It was worth it all to hear my brother say "why would you feel guilty about that?" I knew I liked him (sometimes) for a reason!

 

[Boston5602]

Ok I just bought last year ..... Twice now I've had friend or family change minds on me about going or when they could make it. So I've used most of my points for next year , thats ok too.

I believe part of the problem was stated by others, they know its a timeshare and think of DVC that way. Well I'm going to accommodate those thoughts in the future.

Friend- " ohh lets go to Disney "

Friend -Hey you have DVC want to go in ____________ ( fill in the month )


Me " yeah its a timeshare , I only have it the 31st week and its a studio . Sorry we can't make this work! "

 

[BroganMc]

I think I empathize with both sides of this. The OP and her MIL. It's a pain when you are the one making travel plans and have to deal with last minute changes. Heck, the travel planner always seems to get all the aggravation and very little recognition. It's one of those thankless jobs like parenthood. You do it because deep down you want to share your experiences with others.

But on the other hand, as someone who's dealt with disability for 20+ years, I'm familiar with last minute changes and cancellations. You hate to be excluded, but then sometimes your body just doesn't like letting you go anywhere. Pretty much anytime the the weather is iffy (cold, snow, ice), my ability to travel becomes equally iffy. I never really know how my body is going to be until I get out of bed. (With rheumatoid arthritis you can literally go to bed just fine and wake up bedridden from an inflamed joint.) Older folks tend to be even more fragile and feel a lot less brave. It's easier to withdraw into hermitage than step out that door.

I've burned a few bridges in my years with cancellations so I'm more forgiving with others. It also helps that I don't overextend my resources when I make an offer. Nothing makes you resent your own kindness than giving away what you need. I.e. we may like to give the shirt off our backs, that is until we get cold.

 

[rie'smom]

I've given my brother and his family 4 nights in a 1 bd BWV standard view room. Because I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they back out at the last minute,I made sure to overlap our vacations. We check in at RPR ont he 31at,the day our WDW trip ends for 3 days and they check in to RPR on May 31,3 days before their WDW trip begins. This way if they do back out,hopefully BWV would allow me to use the days and then I won't lose the pts.

 

[castleri]

I've given my brother and his family 4 nights in a 1 bd BWV standard view room. Because I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they back out at the last minute,I made sure to overlap our vacations. We check in at RPR ont he 31at,the day our WDW trip ends for 3 days and they check in to RPR on May 31,3 days before their WDW trip begins. This way if they do back out,hopefully BWV would allow me to use the days and then I won't lose the pts.

As long as you change the names on the reservation prior to the check in date you should have no problem. I would hope he wouldn't wait that long to back out.