Mail Delivery Person Comments on Packages

[cabanafrau]

I HATE that; it's so awkward to be polite and to signal that you have no interest in their conversation. Seriously, I'm there to be with my friends/family and not strike up conversations with randos in the line, ya know? However, it won't phase me, some people are just super chatty. I'm not so much with strangers.

That presumes someone cannot read social cues or speaks to every person they encounter. I think there are some folks capable of functioning within reasonable limits in public places.

I suppose if one becomes easily annoyed they might shy some rocks at the offenders if they've not exhausted their supply upon the rando children one comes across.

 

[kdonnel]

Based on this thread we are doomed as a society and should all be replaced by robots as soon as possible!

 

[amberpi]

That presumes someone cannot read social cues or speaks to every person they encounter. I think there are some folks capable of functioning within reasonable limits in public places.

I suppose if one becomes easily annoyed they might shy some rocks at the offenders if they've not exhausted their supply upon the rando children one comes across.

I keep plenty of rocks available for all ages...I'm a walking talking "get off my lawn" sort. Equal opportunity

Seriously, the chatty types don't bother me, but I also don't really engage. I'd never post or think about it much, but I do think lots of folks are FAR too familiar and nosey; or maybe because I grew up where everyone was in each other's business, and I'm just not that into small talk.

 

[Allison]

Oh goodness. It this really where we are in 2018 that making small talk about the number of packages is now offensive and hurts feelings??

Isn't it sad? Don't talk to anyone because they may not like small talk.

so basically, it comes down to realising that not everyone is ok with small talk, and that what some consider to be just chit chat, others find intrusive.

So, everybody move along in this world without interacting and ignoring each other?

Based on this thread we are doomed as a society and should all be replaced by robots as soon as possible!

Again, a sad state of affairs.

OP-I vote for overreacting. This is not an issue. There are things in life that are issues. This isn't one.

 

[morgan98]

Mail is a private subject in my opinion, that's why it's a federal offense to tamper with it or open someone elses without their permission (not that it is always prosecuted, but it is still illegal). And since the majority of personal, confidential, and PRIVATE correspondence comes through the mail, it, IMO, runs the line of professionalism and common courtesy for the person handling the mail to not comment on it. Just like how I would expect the lady at the grocery store not to have commented on the 2 pints of ice cream, chocolate bar, and boxes of feminine products I bought together at the same time last week I mean, it's not like she was being rude or anything...it's just chit-chat...but there is a line of decency and professional decorum that shouldn't be crossed, too.

Possible non-personal conversation starters (from a mailman/woman):

"Beautiful Day today!"
"Awww...you have such a sweet little puppy"
"Wish it would warm up a little!"
"Hi, how are you today?"
"Tell Bob I said hi!"

Personal conversation starters:

"Wow! You sure do have a lot of boxes delivered all the time!"
"What on earth do you buy?"
"I've been watching that rash on your neck lately and it looks worse today, maybe you should go see a doctor"
"your daughter is cute...how old is she?"

i'm in the Midwest, and I like for people to leave me alone and not comment on me or what I'm buying/having delivered, so yes, I completely agree that it's different depending on who you are and (possibly) where you live.

I'm not saying I would lose sleep over it, but the OP's mail person is not being very professional. If it were me, I would just smile and not answer, or give a one-word answer, but if she kept asking day after day without taking the hint, I would probably get a little snippy in my final response.

This is basically where I stand too. And as it relates to the original post, I guess I am the only one that thinks the delivery person really overstepped to mention it to the spouse. I think that the mail person comments on the volume of my packages to me while she is delivering them is very different (although I am not a fan of that either) than seeing my husband and feeling the need to mention the number of packages that have been delivered in a conversation with him. I do not think this is friendly conversation, this borders on stirring the pot. Unless you know the couple personally, I am not sure that is a completely innocent conversation starter.

And no, I do not hide purchases from my husband. But their job is to deliver the mail and various packages, not critique the volume or what is being delivered. I have nothing against some small talk, but this can go beyond it.

Also, I do not think it is a big deal if mentioned once or twice. But when it becomes multiple times and then starts with family members, it is not professional.

ETA: I do not mind discussing items with people at grocery stores or when out shopping in general. I find those type of encounters different than what happened in the original post.

 

[amberpi]

Oh good god! Do you just hate all conversation? From your posts in this thread, it seems like you dislike anyone engaging with you in general.

I know you weren't addressing me, but here's a different take.

I do the amount of small talk called for by society, but seriously every minute Joe whatever is trying to chat with me is a minute away from my family. I politely smile, nod, and acknowledge, but why is a stranger owned a single minute of my time more than what politeness requires?

 

[Hikergirl]

I can't imagine being in a public space with my purchases out in the open for all to see and then thinking it's rude for someone who can see that stuff, ask me about it. There is nothing private about what you are pushing in a wide open cart.
I was just shopping, met a woman in an aisle buying the same product as me and we had a nice conversation about the different brands. Saw her a few times in the store after that, smiled, saw her at the checkout and told her good bye and to take care.
I can't imagine thinking she was rude in any way because she asked me if I liked the brand I was grabbing off the shelf.
What a sad world we live in when we are seen as rude and intrusive for chit chatting about something as meaningless as grocery items.

 

[Turn the Page]

The OP has a legitimate gripe. Some people don't mind when others comment on things, other people do. I for one, used to HATE when people would state the obvious - "you must have gotten lot of sun over the weekend!" or "Looks like someone got a haircut!" One is annoying, small talk or not (yes, I KNOW I am sunburned. Believe me.) And the 2nd is seriously my own issue from my childhood when my mom always tried to play beauty shop on my sisters and I and we had to go to school the next day with our new creations (I looked like the boy on the cover of my 3rd grade reading book after one such haircut....totally embarrassing for a 8 year old girl!) I'm still scarred lol, and I hate when attention is brought to my hair. My own issue, I know, and I wouldn't expect people to *not* comment or be mad at them for it, but I really do suffer through the niceties of the conversation and wish the person hadn't said anything.

My dad was a mail carrier for 40 years and when he retired, one of his subdivisions threw him a surprise retirement "party" as he did his last route ever. They lined the streets and had balloons and cards and gifts for him as he went by. It was so sweet - they really became part of his "work family" over the years. I'm sure he small-talked with them often! But he also knew how to take a social cue, and he never commented on people's mail or packages because that is PRIVATE. And my current mail carrier is also the dad of one of DS18's friends/classmates since 5th grade, and we chit chat often about all kinds of things, but I'd be pretty embarrassed if he were to ever bring up the late notices I got from the village for my water bill! It is CLEARLY marked as late, and is bright yellow, so it's totally obvious. (I hate that bill...we only get them quarterly and I always think I have more time to pay!)

IMO, what you get in the mail is "off-limits" to be commented on by the carrier. I'll chit-chat all day, but I don't want to know what s/he thinks about my mail!

Totally agree with the bolded. DH manages a grocery store so I know everyone there but DS was a week overdue and the last 3 weeks or so before he was born every single time I went in there multiple people would say "haven't you had that baby yet?" The first few times I just sort of laughed it off but after awhile it got super annoying. I never did say anything like "Is my husband here? Then that should you the baby hasn't been born yet because he wouldn't be here if he had been" but I sure wanted to a time or two.

 

[mom2rtk]

The OP has a legitimate gripe. Some people don't mind when others comment on things, other people do. I for one, used to HATE when people would state the obvious - "you must have gotten lot of sun over the weekend!" or "Looks like someone got a haircut!" One is annoying, small talk or not (yes, I KNOW I am sunburned. Believe me.) And the 2nd is seriously my own issue from my childhood when my mom always tried to play beauty shop on my sisters and I and we had to go to school the next day with our new creations (I looked like the boy on the cover of my 3rd grade reading book after one such haircut....totally embarrassing for a 8 year old girl!) I'm still scarred lol, and I hate when attention is brought to my hair. My own issue, I know, and I wouldn't expect people to *not* comment or be mad at them for it, but I really do suffer through the niceties of the conversation and wish the person hadn't said anything.

My dad was a mail carrier for 40 years and when he retired, one of his subdivisions threw him a surprise retirement "party" as he did his last route ever. They lined the streets and had balloons and cards and gifts for him as he went by. It was so sweet - they really became part of his "work family" over the years. I'm sure he small-talked with them often! But he also knew how to take a social cue, and he never commented on people's mail or packages because that is PRIVATE. And my current mail carrier is also the dad of one of DS18's friends/classmates since 5th grade, and we chit chat often about all kinds of things, but I'd be pretty embarrassed if he were to ever bring up the late notices I got from the village for my water bill! It is CLEARLY marked as late, and is bright yellow, so it's totally obvious. (I hate that bill...we only get them quarterly and I always think I have more time to pay!)

IMO, what you get in the mail is "off-limits" to be commented on by the carrier. I'll chit-chat all day, but I don't want to know what s/he thinks about my mail!

I agree it's definitely off limits to discuss the contents of mail. But in the OPs case it was just a comment about the quantity, not the contents. From what she posted anyway.

 

[Oliviaxxx]

I know you weren't addressing me, but here's a different take.

I do the amount of small talk called for by society, but seriously every minute Joe whatever is trying to chat with me is a minute away from my family. I politely smile, nod, and acknowledge, but why is a stranger owned a single minute of my time more than what politeness requires?

No one is saying you need to spend 15 minutes talking with people. It takes nothing to be kind. Are we too in a hurry these days to be polite? If a 30 second quick convo throws off the time schedule for your whole day then I don't what to tell you. None of these comments were about people being too busy to talk it has just been people who don't want to talk.

 

[Hikergirl]

I understand not wanting to talk to people if you are in a hurry, or in a bad mood, or you just think their questions are annoying. We have all been there before, but that is our own personal problem. It really has nothing to do with the other person, it is our issue, it isn't them doing something wrong.

 

[jrmasm]

People seem to be overthinking this one, IMO.

That and really weird.

 

[Wubar]

I understand not wanting to talk to people if you are in a hurry, or in a bad mood, or you just think their questions are annoying. We have all been there before, but that is our own personal problem. It really has nothing to do with the other person, it is our issue, it isn't them doing something wrong.

This. Heaven forbid everyone walk around and not interact with anyone else because they might offend someone with a simple "Hello" or "How's your day going?".

While you and your family might not want to actively interact with society, you are interacting with society all the same. Screaming child, taking up too much space in the grocery aisle, wearing too much perfume/cologne, driving too fast/slow, etc etc.

What if a person needed help? Should they have to take the extra second to analyze the nearest people and determine if they might be offending them by asking them to call 911 or bothering them by asking to borrow their phone to make an emergency call?

 

[amberpi]

No one is saying you need to spend 15 minutes talking with people. It takes nothing to be kind. Are we too in a hurry these days to be polite? If a 30 second quick convo throws off the time schedule for your whole day then I don't what to tell you. None of these comments were about people being too busy to talk it has just been people who don't want to talk.

I agree and why I've said "be polite, and then be done" over and over. I would have never thought about the mail person talking about my packages and I would have most likely responded "oh no, no packages today, these are the worst days." What I get annoyed about are the people who just won't stop trying to engage when you're trying to talk to someone else like waiting in line. I think it's rude on their part. Like most things...it's about the middle road; some people just overstep. I was just putting out the other side of it. I'm going to smile and wave to anyone who does so to me; it's the chatty Kathy's that make me bat poop crazy.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I know you weren't addressing me, but here's a different take.

I do the amount of small talk called for by society, but seriously every minute Joe whatever is trying to chat with me is a minute away from my family. I politely smile, nod, and acknowledge, but why is a stranger owned a single minute of my time more than what politeness requires?

Your comment seems sad to me. Why can't people just be nice? It doesn't take but a second to respond and carry on.

I can't tell you how many times that I have smiled at someone in public and they quickly turn away. It takes zero of their precious time to smile back. What happened to a kind society?

 

[pearlieq]

For those who think it's creepy or rude for a salesclerk to ask your plans, what if a fellow shopper asks you if you've previously tried or used something in your shopping cart before? I know I've asked strangers a time or two about something I see that they're buying that I am considering that is a new item to me. I do ask politely and have never had anyone react badly.

I had a lovely encounter in Costco a couple of weeks ago asking a couple about a snack they'd picked up. It's tough to commit to a Costco-sized anything without knowing what you're in for! They were very pleasant and we had a few minutes of friendly chit-chat before we went on our way. It was a nice reminder that most people really are kind and willing to be helpful. It gave my day a little lift.

As for the OP, I'd find it mildly irritating that they're commenting on my deliveries. That topic really should be off-limits to maintain the illusion of privacy. That being said, it's about a 5/100 on my "annoying things in life" scale. I wouldn't escalate unless they started making specific comments about the content/sender of my packages.

 

[amberpi]

Your comment seems sad to me. Why can't people just be nice? It doesn't take but a second to respond and carry on.

I can't tell you how many times that I have smiled at someone in public and they quickly turn away. It takes zero of their precious time to smile back. What happened to a kind society?

Which is EXACTLY why "I do the amount of small talk called for by society." I include nodding, waving, etc. in that. Yes, we should be civil, and it takes 2 seconds to respond to the mailperson, but after the social pleasantries are fulfilled, move along, ya know?

 

[kaytieeldr]

I didn't have an issue either. I just thought it was very strange.

That's not the sentiment conveyed in your original or subsequent responses.

I thought it was rude that someone I don't even know would be reading my personal items and commenting on them. Asking who died and who's birthday it was. None of that was her business.

 

[Wendy31]

I'm a shy introvert w/ a bit of social anxiety, & I'm not a huge fan of small talk either. However, I really try to not let that affect how my world is colored, & I hope I come across as pleasant & sociable. While I may not prefer small talk, I do try to engage & return casual, small talk w/ people.

Most of the time, I think people are just trying to be pleasant & make connections & don't mean to come off as instrusive. (Of course, there's always going to be the random Nosy Nellie...)

I, along w/ a million other people, regularly get deliveries from Amazon & other places. Most of the time, our delivery people just leave our deliveries on our front porch, so I have no idea what they think about our packages. By the huffing & puffing she does & the frown on her face, I know our mail lady is not that happy when she has to get out of her mail truck to deliver a package, but she's never said anything to me.

Regarding the question "So what your plans for the rest of the day?" from relative strangers, I think people who regularly work w/ the public have been given instructions to be friendly & engaging & are probably given little "conservation starters" to try.

I get asked that question frequently by either the Publix cashier or the bagger - it's almost like they're reading from a script.

"Did you find everything you needed?"

"Is it still hot/rainy/cold outside?"

"So what are your plans for the afternoon/evening/weekend?"

And there are always the random comments on a few different items I'm purchasing - "I've never tried this. Is it good?" "Oh, it looks like someone is making 'smores!" "Is it Taco Night tonight?"

My hair stylist also always asks, "Do you have plans for today after you leave here?" And I'll usually say something like "No, not really...", & then she'll say, "Well, you & [DH's name] need to go out since your hair looks so good!"

A few days ago, I was getting my nails done, & the nail technician who was doing my nails asked me, "What do you have planned for today?" And, when I went to wash my hands after my nails were done, another nail technician who was standing near the sinks asked me, "Are you going back to work this afternoon?"

I was dressed in leggings & a t-shirt, so I'm not sure where he thought I worked. LOL!

But, again, I really just think they've been instructed to be friendly & engaging & make conservation, & they've been given a few different little "conversation starters" to help.

Employer: You need to engage w/ the customer. Be friendly.

Employee: But I don't know what to say.

Employer: Try asking them what their plans are for the day.

Like others have said, I hate to think we've gotten to a place where we're offended when people are just trying to be friendly & that we've forgotten how to socially communicate w/ one another.

That said, sometimes small talk can go too far sometimes & delve into the "nosy" category. I think that's where the person really needs to be good at reading social cues & knowing when to stop & be able to read the other person & realize, "Hey, this person isn't too much a fan of small talk & these questions."

And there have been a time or two where I've been purchasing a "naughty" card for DH, & I really wouldn't necessarily have wanted the cashier to be reading the card while I'm paying. LOL!

 

[smiths02]

I consider "What are you plans for this weekend?" pretty similar to "How are you?" Except asking about your plans could lead to a little more chit chat

I have a great cashier story. After I had my first son, I went to CVS to buy condoms and the cashier tells me I should get the economy pack instead because of some sale or coupon. I am an introvert and easily embarrassed, but I do love a bargain (I think I had a coupon for something else)....so I just went with it