Has anyone else had issues with their college kid not respecting the rules of your house? We don't have a lot of rules for the college kids. Once they hit college, there is no more curfew. Our rules are about honesty and courtesy. Don't lie to mom and dad about what you are doing and check in with us via text if you are going to be home super late or spend the night at a friend's house. DS21 has no issues with this. He tells us he's going to X's house. We'll get a text later saying I'll be home around 2:00 AM, or we left X's and went to Y's, or I had a few beers and am sleeping over at X's house - all of which are totally fine with us (even when he was just 18). He knows we'll worry if we wake up at 4:00 AM and he's not home, so he checks in. Common courtesy.
DD19 won't do it, and it's been a constant source of fighting this summer. She has left the house saying she's going to X's house, and then we hear nothing from her for 24-36 hours. Once time we tried texting her for several hours; she didn't respond. At that point we started calling her friends parents to make sure she was not hurt/kidnapped. The mom said she'd been at her house for two days with some other girls, and they were all currently asleep, so that's why she didn't text us back. How hard is it to shoot your parents a text to make sure they don't worry???? Last night she got home after being out for 30 hours. I finally texted her yesterday at mid day, she did text back that she'd be home soon. She came home at 1:00 AM. I was peeved at that point. All we ask is for a text. She just won't do it.
I wouldn't be so worried about all of this, but she's also been lying to us about where she goes and what she does. She accidentally outs herself and gets caught in the lie, otherwise we'd believe whatever she tells us. She also lied to her bosses at both her jobs on 4th of July. She told both places she was scheduled to work that she had a fever, so she could get out of work and party with her friends at the beach. She got caught in that lie by one of her bosses. So now he rarely puts her on the schedule. She went from working there 3 days a week to 1 day a week if that. I can't blame him either. I'd have done the same thing. With so little work, she's got even more time on her hand, which is not a good thing.
We only know 2 of her girlfriends and 1 of her guys friends that she's been hanging out with this summer. She won't let us meet them. It's not the same group she hung out with in HS, and some of them are not the best influence and don't have good home lives. She has them over to our house only when we are not here. Apparently that's what they do - congregate at whichever house has no parents at home. But the worst thing is that she's made some very risky decisions that could have had serious consequences for her future (NOT drinking/driving related thank goodness, I'm not going to share what they are). She didn't get caught in any of these (this time), so she thinks it's no big deal. DH said last month that he's really worried she's going to get hurt or get in trouble and ruin her life. I can't blame it all on her friends because she is the one making the choices, but I know they are encouraging her to choose badly. Part of the reason she's been lying is because she KNOWS we would not like what she's doing because it's risky, but she wants to do it anyway.
We've grounded her twice (for a combined total of 5 days) for the lying. Lying is not tolerated in our house. She claims she is an adult, and it is totally wrong to ground her. And she's been completely disrespectful about it. She may be 19, but she is totally dependent on us for everything - food, shelter, medical, phone, car, insurance, education. We told her that she can do whatever she wants, when she wants, with whom she wants when she is fully in charge of her own life. She says we are over the top; all her friends think so; none of their parents try to still parent or have rules for their 19 year old kids. I find that hard to believe.
DH and I think it might be better for her to stay up at school and get a job there next summer. She would be surrounded by more motivated kids on campus. But we'll see. Thanks for letting me vent.