Hi, I feel so sorry that you are going through this too. For me things got so out of hand with my dad. He got violent and wanted me and my mom dead. The police found an 8 inch screw driver hidden under his pillow.
The police became involved when he took his car and disappeared one night. I was beside myself with worry and to make matters worse my mom was in a nursing home/rehab because she broke her hip barely a month prior. The police visited my house for three consecutive nights and finally took him out of the house for observation.
He is in a nursing home now and doesn't even know who I am. He declined so fast. It was hard for me because the last words spoken between us was ,"Dad please come home. It's getting cold out here." To which he responded, "%itch!" In front of the whole neighborhood. I didn't hold it against him. I knew it was the AZ talking, not him.
I get it with the unable to dress, turn on a TV, leave all on the lights on in the house and the hot water faucet's running. I had to do a safety check every night. I know it is frustrating when they can't do something as simple as get dressed. Instead of telling him to do it himself I just helped. I explained what he did wrong but jokingly. It was like talking to a child.
I tried to put myself in my dad's place. He was a brilliant man: an electronics engineer. Imagine what went though his mind when the simplest thing was so hard to do if not impossible. It breaks my heart that I was the one who obtained guardianship because he couldn't make any decisions. I put him in that nursing home.
I understand that you MIL is still young and wants to have fun but she should really consider what's going on with her DH. I know that you need to get away sometime because the daily task of taking care of someone with AZ can be all consuming. My DH, me and my DD go on vacation in the fall every year. This year DH and I are hoping to sneak away but not without the help of my DD who has volunteered to stay at home and take care of her grandmother. Believe it or not my mom broke her hip for the second time in less than five months and is back at rehab, so she can't be left alone. I now have two parents in nursing homes.
The decision will have to be made soon as what to do, but for me placing dad somewhere where he would have around the clock care made sense. I feel rested now and I have no regrets. It was the right thing to do. I wish you and your family all the best. Take care.
Linda