PSA - Have a Family Word

[RUDisney]

I heard a security expert on the radio mention about a scam and she suggested that everyone have a family word that only the family knows so everyone would know if they were being scammed or if a family member was in trouble.

My DMom passed away in early April. The day we planned her funeral, I told my DDad that we needed to come up with a family word in case someone tries to perpetrate the scam on us.

The day after her obituary was posted on the funeral home's website, someone called my DDad, purporting to be my nephew, saying that he was in an accident, near his college. He'd hit a pregnant woman after he'd been drinking and he had an open container in his car. He was arrested... please don't tell his mom... she will kill him. He was driving a friend's car. He said that his attorney would call soon. When the "attorney" called, he didn't have a local number to the "accident", but a Florida area code. He told DDad that he was from a national law firm and the phone system must have picked up a Florida number. He asked DDad if he'd be the financially responsible party and DDad told him he didn't know. DDad told him that what concerned him was that his grandson hadn't given him the family word. The "attorney" immediately hung up. DDad called me in a panic, wondering if he did the right thing.

We now really have a family word. I suggest you create one that is known only by your immediate family to help your family members to not fall for this scam.

At this point, a second person tried to scam him with another scam, pretending to be a bank. DDad is no longer "allowed" to answer calls from numbers he doesn't know. I told him that any legitimate person that he knows will leave a message. He is happy to do this so this doesn't happen again.

Some people are awful, especially when someone is dealing with the death of a spouse.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

It is so disgusting and sad that anyone would prey on the elderly. It’s a good idea to have a family word, I’ll have to do this with the elderly in my family.

 

[Meriweather]

We had a family word since my kids were little (over 40 years ago).

 

[BrianL]

We had a family word since my kids were little (over 40 years ago).

Yeah, it was the ubiquitous if "a stranger had to pick you up from school because your parents were held up and couldn't get there" word. That's no getting in a car unless they know that word. We do still use that word too for our security systems, etc.

 

[mmouse37]

OP, that exact scam happened to someone we know a few years ago. Their granddaughter hit a pregnant woman with her car, someone would be calling to handle it, the subsequent phone calls saying $10,000 would fix it. Unfortunately, grandma fell for it. The attorney's "representative" had the nerve to come right to their front door to collect the money and had even more nerve to call back later to say that the lady and her unborn child had died so more money would be needed to fix it. Luckily, in the meantime, the woman's adult daughter came home and when the mom told her what happened she was so upset that her mom didn't just call the granddaughter's cell phone to check it out. Scammers are good at what they do unfortunately. They didn't get the extra money but the family was out $10K.

 

[tvguy]

Another thing to consider, not having an obituary. My dad passed in 1967 and when my mom passed away in 2013 I found his hand written final wishes which included the notation "no publicity, no obituary, just opens you up for trouble". I do remember my mom having to call the Sheriff after a series of phone calls from someone asking for my dad, the final one the person said "don't lie to me, he has been dead for years". No sure where they got our phone number.....as it was unlisted.....or knew my dad had been dead for years without any publicity......but bad people find ways clearly.
My mom had the same wish. She was in a care home the last year of her life and she didn't want anyone to know that either.....although a few people did. The first many in the neighborhood knew that she passed was when I put her house up for sale.

 

[SteveH]

We did this with our kids a few years ago. It's an easy solution. Funny thing was the idea came from the Bourne Ultimatum movie.

 

[tasha99]

We had a family word back when my kids were in school. I wonder if everyone remembers it . . .

 

[NannyBeBe]

My daughters are 41 years old and we still know our family word. When my daughter moved out of state, we created code words -- one if everything is OK and one to tell me she is in trouble.

 

[wdwfan51]

This is a great idea. My mom almost fell for the granddaughter call about drinking and having an accident. Well actually she did fall for it. Luckily my husband and I were visiting and overheard the call. She was ready to run out to the bank to get the money. We said the call was a fake but she was so upset she wouldn’t believe us. I contacted said granddaughter so my mom could talk with her to confirm it was all a lie. I imagine if we weren’t there she may have paid them.
They were quite slick. The girl on the phone said she broke her nose in the accident-that’s why she sounded funny. The “attorney” told her to tell the bank she was taking out the cash to pay for home remodeling so the bank wouldn’t question her. I assume they got some of the info they seemed to know off of social media. They even knew to say don’t tell Dad (her mom had passed). Scammers seem to be everywhere now.

 

[RUDisney]

Another person called DDad yesterday... on DMom's cell phone to try to scam him.

We had another LONG talk about scammers, in other words, thieves, and that DDad needs to ignore calls from unknown numbers. He is ready to cancel DMom's phone, so that will eliminate one ingress for scammers. He is doing that today.

We had a long talk about AI and folks getting access to his voice to pretend to be him. I think that hit home for him. I reminded him that these scammers can't scam him if he doesn't answer the phone.

We shall see how long this lasts... until he answers the phone again.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I heard a security expert on the radio mention about a scam and she suggested that everyone have a family word that only the family knows so everyone would know if they were being scammed or if a family member was in trouble.

My DMom passed away in early April. The day we planned her funeral, I told my DDad that we needed to come up with a family word in case someone tries to perpetrate the scam on us.

The day after her obituary was posted on the funeral home's website, someone called my DDad, purporting to be my nephew, saying that he was in an accident, near his college. He'd hit a pregnant woman after he'd been drinking and he had an open container in his car. He was arrested... please don't tell his mom... she will kill him. He was driving a friend's car. He said that his attorney would call soon. When the "attorney" called, he didn't have a local number to the "accident", but a Florida area code. He told DDad that he was from a national law firm and the phone system must have picked up a Florida number. He asked DDad if he'd be the financially responsible party and DDad told him he didn't know. DDad told him that what concerned him was that his grandson hadn't given him the family word. The "attorney" immediately hung up. DDad called me in a panic, wondering if he did the right thing.

We now really have a family word. I suggest you create one that is known only by your immediate family to help your family members to not fall for this scam.

At this point, a second person tried to scam him with another scam, pretending to be a bank. DDad is no longer "allowed" to answer calls from numbers he doesn't know. I told him that any legitimate person that he knows will leave a message. He is happy to do this so this doesn't happen again.

Some people are awful, especially when someone is dealing with the death of a spouse.

Similar happened to my aunt last month although we didn’t connect the story to her husband’s recent death and perhaps that’s needed. Call from the jail from my “cousin”with the same pregnant victim story. Secondary call to “lawyer” who would arrange bail which cousin needed to pay directly into his inmate account. Lawyer said this needed to happen ASAP as the weekend was coming and he’d be stuck in jail until Monday. Fortunately, my aunt called me as she was running to the bank and I stopped her; some of the details didn’t make sense to me.

Long convoluted story cut short, no money sent and my cousin was fine as was the imaginary pregnant victim. My aunt swears she spoke to my cousin and we think AI technology might have been employed thus the idea of a password is excellent.
Scammers are moving past the “Grandma, I’m in jail send money!” story which I’ve always found sad on so many levels but that’s exactly how scammers operate- emotional wringing.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Yep, we've had a family word since the kids were little. (It's a very obscure vegetable that no one would use in normal conversation.) It's burned into all of our subconsciousnesses (?) .

 

[Travel60]

Wow, I'm shocked at how many people say this has happened!

I usually don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the caller or unless I am waiting on return call from someone. Maybe I should because I do enjoy playing with these people when I'm bored.

I wonder if anyone remembers our code word from childhood.....

 

[wenrob]

We have had a family code word since my kids were little. Very obscure. We also have an “emergency emoji.” If that is used I will drop everything immediately and come to you, no questions asked. I’m kind of wondering if my DH and older DD remember/know them. We’ll have to have a refresher.

Another person called DDad yesterday... on DMom's cell phone to try to scam him.

We had another LONG talk about scammers, in other words, thieves, and that DDad needs to ignore calls from unknown numbers. He is ready to cancel DMom's phone, so that will eliminate one ingress for scammers. He is doing that today.

We had a long talk about AI and folks getting access to his voice to pretend to be him. I think that hit home for him. I reminded him that these scammers can't scam him if he doesn't answer the phone.

We shall see how long this lasts... until he answers the phone again.

Is he using a cellphone or a landline? On my iPhone I have it set up to not even ring if it’s an unknown caller. To use this you need to be meticulous about your contacts though so they can get through. My DH doesn’t use it because of on-site contractors but our cell company provides a spam filter and he uses that. It still rings but will flash in big letters “spam risk.” If he’s using a cell I’d lock it down with one of these if you can.

Don’t forget about texts, they’re being used more and more everyday for scams. My younger DD got one from a “radiologist” office to “click the link to pay her bill” and because she did have X-rays in the ER and had been to three separate doctors she almost fell for it. Like I told her, if you owe money you’ll get a bill and statement.

 

[RUDisney]

We have had a family code word since my kids were little. Very obscure. We also have an “emergency emoji.” If that is used I will drop everything immediately and come to you, no questions asked. I’m kind of wondering if my DH and older DD remember/know them. We’ll have to have a refresher.

Is he using a cellphone or a landline? On my iPhone I have it set up to not even ring if it’s an unknown caller. To use this you need to be meticulous about your contacts though so they can get through. My DH doesn’t use it because of on-site contractors but our cell company provides a spam filter and he uses that. It still rings but will flash in big letters “spam risk.” If he’s using a cell I’d lock it down with one of these if you can.

Don’t forget about texts, they’re being used more and more everyday for scams. My younger DD got one from a “radiologist” office to “click the link to pay her bill” and because she did have X-rays in the ER and had been to three separate doctors she almost fell for it. Like I told her, if you owe money you’ll get a bill and statement.

I had thought about a blocker, but he has next to no phone numbers listed in his phone. I taught him how to add numbers as real ones come to him. I don't want to block his doctors' calls.

He and I will have to talk about texts. He doesn't text much. I just got him comfortable with texting his Wordle scores to our "Wordlers" text group instead of texting us individually.

It's a hill we're climbing.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I usually don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the caller or unless I am waiting on return call from someone

This is how I generally avoid talking to scammers but it doesn’t always work. For instance, SS and the IRS do not call from a specific area code or exchange so if expecting a call from either you are picking the phone up “blind”. Medical calls are difficult to screen as well.

 

[wenrob]

I had thought about a blocker, but he has next to no phone numbers listed in his phone. I taught him how to add numbers as real ones come to him. I don't want to block his doctors' calls.

He and I will have to talk about texts. He doesn't text much. I just got him comfortable with texting his Wordle scores to our "Wordlers" text group instead of texting us individually.

It's a hill we're climbing.

My family teases me about my contacts because I have *everything* in there, including Walmart, Disneyland, the little Mom and Pop shop up the road. If you’ve been to an office or someone has done a service at our home it’s in there. I can understand how hard it would be to start from the ground up though. I’m glad your dad has you to look out for him.

This is how I generally avoid talking to scammers but it doesn’t always work. For instance, SS and the IRS do not call from a specific area code or exchange so if expecting a call from either you are picking the phone up “blind”. Medical calls are difficult to screen as well.

If I’m expecting a call and I don’t know the number it will be coming from I’ll turn the blocker off. I’m assuming you would be expecting a return call from IRS or SS because otherwise those are numbers I wouldn’t answer or respond to at all.

 

[robinb]

I'm not religious and don't believe in heaven or hell, but I'll make an exception for scammers like these. A nice, fiery place for eternity will do the trick.

 

[NotUrsula]

They would be very disappointed if they tried that in our family; no one has that kind of money lying around, and all the kids know it --if you really hit the pregnant woman, you're just going to have to do time.

(That's a joke, btw; of course we would get legal representation if one of our kids was accused of a crime, but *we* would be hiring the attorney, not dealing with some unknown person over the phone.)