SIL asking for an invite to bachelorette

[BroadwayHermione5]

This is something I can see my aunts doing.
FWIW most of the bachelorette parties of my friends and family have been wedding party and close friends only. Very rarely does it include mother’s and aunts.

Also? I’m sick of people inviting themselves everywhere and interjecting themselves into every aspects of weddings. It’s not your wedding and if you’re not paying for it then ****. One of my best friends had constant arguments with her family and it finally ended with “my (at the time soon to be) husband and I are paying for this. Shut up and deal with it or rsvp no. We will save more money in the end.” Shut a lot of her family up

 

[klacey1]

I don't know, OP. Maybe she heard somehow that you were invited and thought it was everyone from your generation. Yeah, asking about being invited is a little odd, I guess, but not outlandish.

 

[EACarlson]

I didn't think it was all that odd. A couple of my aunts and my grandmother went out for my wife's bachelorette party along with her mother, sister and a few friends. A great time was had by all, even my then 70 year old grandmother getting carded to get into the bar.

 

[Boopuff]

I've been included on a few bachelorette parties (my DD best friend had me and her mom at the party, My oldest DD had me come and now my youngest) I"m actually more of the designated driver and wrangler. As for my SIL I'm just letting the request just disappear! Thanks for the interesting viewpoints!

 

[Travel60]

Yeah, if you don't get an invited, then you are not invited. And asking about it is usually not a good thing, it will always be awkward, and rarily the answer will be 'oh oops, sorry I forgot about you.'

On the other hand, is it common for your family, or the world your SIL lives in that aunts are invited to the bachelorette?

Question as a non American, what's the difference between a bridal shower and a bachelorette?
Is it just two similar parties with different audiences who do not mix well, therefore there is a need for 2 parties?

Americans have figured out how to wring the most out of marriages. Bachelorette party is for bride, bridal party and maybe a couple of friends to party for a weekend. Bridal shower is party for friends (and friends of parents) to shower couple with gifts

 

[ronandannette]

I'm not really sure why her not being able to make it to the shower means she shouldn't want to be invited/included in anything else wedding related. Asking if aunts are invited is hardly bullying or pushing in. It was just a question.
Having said that a simple- no I'm sorry it's just the bridal party and a few close friends that are going. You weren't wrong, but really it's not a big deal to tell someone they aren't invited to the bachelorette party.
Seems like you want to create drama where there isn't any (at least according you what you posted).

Agree. She asked, you answered - no harm on anybody's part IMO.

 

[ronandannette]

I've been included on a few bachelorette parties (my DD best friend had me and her mom at the party, My oldest DD had me come and now my youngest) I"m actually more of the designated driver and wrangler. As for my SIL I'm just letting the request just disappear! Thanks for the interesting viewpoints!

I can't say that job would particularly appeal to me. I'd probably happily pass it along to my SIL. You're making a good choice - don't give it another thought and best wishes to everyone involved.

 

[mjkacmom]

Americans have died gured out how to wring the most out of marriages. Bachelorette party is for bride, bridal party and maybe a couple of friends to party for a weekend. Bridal shower is party for friends (and friends of parents) to shower couple with gifts

You forgot the bachelor party, which can range from a go-go bar anyone can attend (DH’s started there and went all weekend, his dad was there the first night) to a golfing weekend with the guys.

 

[HopperFan]

This always cracks me up because quite honestly, I would dearly love to get out of 90% of the invites I receive...so I can't even imagine trying to attend something I WASN'T invited to.

THIS^^^^^^

 

[kymom99]

My niece had a very modest but nice wedding. She was very frugal even though my sister would have paid about whatever she wanted, since she is their only daughter. She is just practical. For the bachelorette party, they planned dinner at their favorite Mexican restaurant and a night bar hopping. My sister and I were invited to the restaurant but not the bars, which was fine with me. I’m the only aunt she asked because I am not that much older than she is and we are pretty close. I would have never invited myself. It was her day.

 

[mumto3girls]

This always cracks me up because quite honestly, I would dearly love to get out of 90% of the invites I receive...so I can't even imagine trying to attend something I WASN'T invited to.

So much this. I certainly hope I’m not invited to any bachelorette parties for the next generation. DH’s nephews are mid-late 20’s so should be starting with weddings and all that go with them soon. I wasn’t much of a partier back in my day, but if I was invited I would feel like if they cared enough to ask I should care enough to suck it up and attend.

 

[Sinder]

Americans have figured out how to wring the most out of marriages. Bachelorette party is for bride, bridal party and maybe a couple of friends to party for a weekend. Bridal shower is party for friends (and friends of parents) to shower couple with gifts

I’m not sure what you mean by wring the most out of marriages, but I know after the last 2 years I’ll take any celebration with family and friends. If that means getting together 3 times to celebrate a wedding then great! Of course we are a family who enjoys getting together so its not about wringing anything out of a wedding, its about having a reason (or 2 or 3) to party together!

 

[Lilsia]

Americans have figured out how to wring the most out of marriages. Bachelorette party is for bride, bridal party and maybe a couple of friends to party for a weekend. Bridal shower is party for friends (and friends of parents) to shower couple with gifts

I don't know where you are from, but a lot of Countries have lengthy wedding rituals. In the Indian culture, weddings last for 3 days. In Morocco, weddings can last up to a week. In Poland, they start out early and the groom and his guests go to the bride's house to go get her and the wedding lasts late into the night and then continues the next day. So I wouldn't generalize the only America has elaborate weddings.

 

[Travel60]

I don't know where you are from, but a lot of Countries have lengthy wedding rituals. In the Indian culture, weddings last for 3 days. In Morocco, weddings can last up to a week. In Poland, they start out early and the groom and his guests go to the bride's house to go get her and the wedding lasts late into the night and then continues the next day. So I wouldn't generalize the only America has elaborate weddings.

Didn't say only Americans and didn't say I don't like it. Both my kids had the standard (for our area) 3-day wedding schedule....rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, after party,.... wedding day prepping, luncheon, ceremony, reception and morning after brunch. Fun, fun fun. What I was thinking about is the months-long celebrations of the engagement, bridesmaid luncheons, bachelorette and bachelor parties, one or more showers. Still fun, no complaint but certainly more complicated than back in the dark ages when I got married!

 

[mjkacmom]

Didn't say only Americans and didn't say I don't like it. Both my kids had the standard (for our area) 3-day wedding schedule....rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, after party,.... wedding day prepping, luncheon, ceremony, reception and morning after brunch. Fun, fun fun. What I was thinking about is the months-long celebrations of the engagement, bridesmaid luncheons, bachelorette and bachelor parties, one or more showers. Still fun, no complaint but certainly more complicated than back in the dark ages when I got married!

I got married 28 years ago, we had all of these things back then.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Back in the Stone Ae, when I got married (1987), bachelorette parties weren't a thing. It seems like they can be all over the place--a night of partying, a weekend trip to Las Vegas or a spa, whatever the bride might enjoy. When my niece got married last year, they had a weekend at a country cabin--my (bridesmaid) daughter sent me pictures of her and the maid of honor (her bestie cousin), hanging out on the "wild Saturday night"--in their jammies! It suited the bride, though, and I can see how a weekend of relaxing, in the midst of all the wedding bustle, might be the best thing going.

That said, I wouldn't have wanted to be invited, wouldn't have gone, and would likely have been asleep by 10pm if somehow forced to go. There's nothing wrong with a girl's weekend or including different generations. I think it's a little tacky to ask to be invited, though.

 

[disneychrista]

I think of the bachelorette as a party/get together, with the brides close friends. So not "aunties" are not invited.

 

[OKW8297]

Well, my mom wasn’t at mine, and I won’t be at my daughters’ if they have them. Maybe she thought that if mom was going aunts could go too? Both aren’t traditional.

This. I wouldn’t imagine that the Moms or aunts would go

 

[maxaroni]

My daughter in law opted for a spa day, bridal party and both moms. It was an awesome day, and was honored to be there to celebrate her day. She is not a big drinker, doesn’t like the bar scene and this was what she wanted. Point being, bachelorette parties seem to be whatever the bride is interested in.

Now my sons bachelor party was a day in NYC, bar hopping and finishing with a NY Rangers game. The bridal party and some close friends, no Dads. Not that either dad would want to be part of it. LOL

As far as wedding drama, there was plenty of it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't know where you are from, but a lot of Countries have lengthy wedding rituals. In the Indian culture, weddings last for 3 days. In Morocco, weddings can last up to a week. In Poland, they start out early and the groom and his guests go to the bride's house to go get her and the wedding lasts late into the night and then continues the next day. So I wouldn't generalize the only America has elaborate weddings.

Sister-in-law's boyfriend is Muslim. On Christmas Eve he went to his sister's wedding. That was like a 4 or 5 day event IIRC when all was said and done and not everyone was invited to each day's event. Lots of special dances and gatherings, etc.

Maybe it's just that it's more spread out but it's certainly not like we have a monopoly on multiple things that go into weddings.