Time Limit on Extreme Picky Eating? Does It Ever Go Away?

[Colleen27]

Ah, I'm very new to this parenting game, and my husband and I are terrible tyrants, but we just don't give his small children those kind of choices. Yes, we'll have mac and cheese along with whatever else we're having, but if we're having scallops for dinner, so are the children. At 19 I know it's far too late to enforce such a policy, but seriously, what is this young lady going to do at cocktail parties, while dating, or if she had to entertain clients?

Either she'll find ways around social situations that call for eating, find things she is willing to eat, or try new things for the sake of fitting in.

Two of my three kids went through some oddly picky stages - at one point my youngest would eat sushi but not chicken nuggets, because she had issues with breading - but they were things that popped up and were outgrown and the list of problematic foods was relatively short and changed over time. We've always had a "one bite" rule but never pushed beyond that, and always offered an alternative (even if it was only a sandwich or canned soup) if I was fixing something that was a known dislike at the time. None of the three are what I'd consider picky eaters now (at 9, 16, & 20). I think usually the degree and duration of pickiness the OP describes does tend to indicate some sort of sensory issue or other underlying cause, rather than just a matter of preference, and is harder to overcome based on parenting or even individual determination.

 

[amberpi]

Just make sure that in the winter, all shorts and sundresses disappear from their rooms.

I will do that; great advice! We've actually tried to get rid of the #$^& rainboots a few times and glad we had them still available to fish out of the donation bag. Sometimes the boy child just looks like a homeless person at school and gets a bunch of skinned knees from wearing bad footwear...nothing says you're parenting right like a kid with shorts, a short sleeved shirt, as appropriate for the weather...and rainboots. And god, those kids feet smell like their father's. It ain't pretty.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I will do that; great advice! We've actually tried to get rid of the #$^& rainboots a few times and glad we had them still available to fish out of the donation bag. Sometimes the boy child just looks like a homeless person at school and gets a bunch of skinned knees from wearing bad footwear...nothing says you're parenting right like a kid with shorts, a short sleeved shirt, as appropriate for the weather...and rainboots. And god, those kids feet smell like their father's. It ain't pretty.

My friend's twins both went through a rainboot phase around age 3 - it had to do with being able to put them on by themselves (as opposed to their sneakers). Could that be why he loves them so much?

 

[4kids4karen]

I was probably in my early 30's the first time I had a salad. I only like iceberg lettuce. I can't eat the darker green lettuce.

 

[Nayan]

My son is one of those adventurous eaters and the only thing that comes to mind that he won't eat is brussels sprouts. I never forced him to eat anything, but the rule was he had to try something new once and he loves just about everything, even snails!

Growing up I was miserable due to having texture issues, allergies and parent's who couldn't cook well. They didn't believe in having those issues and I was forced to eat things that either made me sick (eggs and milk) or things I really hated (stringy meat, certain vegetables). My dad's favorite thing was peas and since he was the cook, we had them every night along with rice, his other favorite (no joke, his friends used to buy him big bags of rice as holiday gifts!). I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I 'cleaned my plate', so many nights were spent sleeping at the table because I refused to eat the peas. Haven't touched them in over 30 years. I won't eat pot roast, brisket or any other stringy meats, turkey or pork due to the texture. It wasn't until I was out on my own and got allergy-tested that not only was I allergic to milk and eggs, but also cherries and all kinds of berries.

 

[amberpi]

My friend's twins both went through a rainboot phase around age 3 - it had to do with being able to put them on by themselves (as opposed to their sneakers). Could that be why he loves them so much?

He can put on a number of his shoes. He says his rain boots give him superpowers. Really, they make him walk like a drunk or I’d let him wear them every day!

 

[amberpi]

It sounds to me like you're doing a great job loving & taking care of your step kids. I'm impressed by your recent transformation. Love will do that. Good for you.

Thank you. That just gave me the feels. It’s hard and it’s worth it. I had no idea before. I’m trying. I just want the best for these kids.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Mine did (no really, he did ) for a while, anyway. I was home with him full-time in the early years. I did a ton of adventurous cooking and had a great love for the celebrity chef shows on the early advent of the Food Network. As a pre-schooler he could chat about things like "flavour profiles" and which dishes belonged to what types of ethnic cuisines. He was very accepting of all types of food, despite having a very modest appetite. He was always an incredibly small kid; short and underweight all his life but I was very pleased with his diverse and healthy diet and seemingly so was he. One of my sweetest memories is of a family cruise when he was about 9 - it was a major treat for him to be able to peruse the menu and order several different dishes to try during each course. It caught the attention of the maitre'd who came over one night to help him read the names of some of the dishes and had a great discussion with him.

Then...he went to high school. He had a part-time job and plenty of spending money, as well as the freedom to come and go from campus as he pleased. Within months he developed a raging junk food habit that rapidly changed his palate. He started gaining weight for the first time in his life and he liked that. By the end of his grade 10 year he was pretty much existing on pizza, McDonald's, chips, movie popcorn, chocolate bars and Red Bull. (Before anyone asks, no, this type of food wasn't ever forbidden to him before. We ate our share of take-out and snacks were pretty much always around in moderation.)

Now at 21, he'd rather have a bowl of sugary-crap cereal than sit down to a home-cooked meal. He's still always up for something exotic or upscale when we go out - if we're paying, of course. But on a day to day basis his eating habits have gone right to heck and it makes me a little sad.

My DS12 does which is awesome, he’ll try ANYTHING at least once. Like Netts, on cruises we’ll eat in the dining room and he’ll order different foods to try. We haven’t used a kids menu for years, thankfully.

Only two of you??? I don't know whether to be impressed or disappointed

My kids have always been pretty good eaters too... But you know how these threads usually go.

 

[QueenIsabella]

Just a warning on the food thing--pickiness can come and go--or at least change, so that the same kid who eats PB&J every single day might switch it up and just eat mac and cheese and grapes, or some other combination. Mine all have food likes and dislikes, and if I catered to all four, we'd have three dishes that I could make. One thing that helps in our house is dips and sauces--not gravies so much, but ranch dressing, ketchup, or barbecue sauce. My oldest has a very varied palate now--college was a huge help with that--but she never liked meat much, at all. I constantly worried about her protein intake, since she was a runner and a dancer. Well, life goes on--now she's a pescatarian, and is very mindful of what she consumes. Yet, she's also very adventurous. When she's here, I try to prepare meals to a certain point, then set aside a portion of non-meat foods for her (i.e., spaghetti sauce before I add meatballs).

I've already warned DS12, especially, that when we're in Europe, I expect him to gracefully and politely try a new food each day. If bangers and mash is a British tradition, at least give it a taste.

As to the clothes thing--it might help to pick out outfits for the week. They have those hanger things for the closet for the different days of the week. If the unicorn dress was selected for Tuesday, well, Tuesday it is. My kids were never big clothes issue kids, but I never cared much, so long as the basics were covered. Some days it was very obvious that they dressed themselves, but it was only school, NBD.

If the rainboots are such a problem, I would probably take the kid to get light-up sneakers. Lots of superpowers there, and they stay on better.

 

[holden]

I thought my older DD would be the more adventurous eater, but I think the younger one actually is. They are both moderately picky, but they also branch out and try new things. They don’t always like them, but they try. They mostly try new things outside of home (at a restaurant, festival, etc).

 

[jevs]

Only two of you??? I don't know whether to be impressed or disappointed

My kids have always been pretty good eaters too... But you know how these threads usually go.

It’s a bit strange as DS12 is quite conservative and reserved usually, the other two are more adventurous.

 

[bjscheel]

DH and I are pretty basic eaters, we don't feel that everything needs a sauce or a ton of seasoning like restaurants seem to think. But we eat a decent variety of regular food. DD19 eats a lot more different things than any of us. DD16 is pretty limited. It is frustrating for meal prep but I do understand. If I were made to eat cantaloupe or something with black pepper all over it I would be gagging. (Side note: cantaloupe is maybe the only thing DD16 eats that I don't. She asked me to try it and the smell and texture just about did me in.)

DD16 gets flak from her friends so I try to be understanding yet still encourage her to try things. We've talked about how at college she could use the buffet style of the dining hall to try things without having to commit to a whole meal of it. She said she'd send me pictures of trying new stuff. Yet on a college visit when we went to a buffet restaurant she just couldn't bring herself to get anything new.

I had a niece that sounds like the OP's. At Christmas dinner she'd have a roll and a pickle. She begged for Subway a lot. She also had heart and fainting issues (which may have been a result of her diet). At some point in college or grad school, I noticed her palate expanding. Now she is deeply involved in a health food/diet plan business and is eating all kinds of vegetables and good stuff. And no more heart problems or fainting.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

I haven’t read the full thread, but my first thought was sensory issues around food taste, texture, or consistency.

 

[SC Minnie]

I have a coworker in his 50's that is still a very picky eater. He eats pretzels, orange soda, pepsi, plain french fries, a steak with no seasoning, and macaroni mixed with scrambled eggs. That pretty much the extent of his diet. If the team goes out for lunch he'll go but won't eat (he might each french fries if they are plain).

 

[adelaster]

You would definitely classify my 12yo son as "picky" but his pickiness is due to sensory issues combined w/ a reluctance to try anything new...both of which stem from him being on the autistic spectrum.

I grew up in a house where you ate everything mom put on your plate. It usually didn't bother me much since I eat most things, but I remember my sister sitting at the table for hours trying to eat her detested peas. I swore when I had kids, I would never put them through that and I'm glad since we didn't know about my son being on the spectrum until he was 6yo. Trying foods is always encouraged, but never forced...and I'm good w/ that.

Too late to help her now, but I struggled with peas until I learned to swallow them whole, one by one, holding my nose. Worked like a charm.

I like them fine now, but am still very particular about textures, smells, and tastes. I had to get to a place outside of my family to feel safe trying new because of that "clean your plate" mentality. One of my grandmothers would even check the trashcans. I don't think homes like that encourage adventurous eating. I know I react poorly to some things, so fear of wasting food, insulting the provider, and having an embarrassing public reaction like gagging are all thing that held me back. Now I enjoy trying new things when I want to and when the right opportunity arises.

Sounds like you're a great mom!

 

[NotUrsula]

Personally, I'd buy the kid a pair of rain boots that actually fit; kid's rain boots are pretty cheap.

About the foot odor, tip from the mom of a figure skater: Tea Tree Oil/rice bags. Get yourself some little cloth pouches (or thin socks) and fill them with raw rice (if drawstring, sew/glue across the top so the rice won't leak out.) Buy a bottle of pure Tea Tree Oil (Amazon sells a large size!) and then dribble the oil onto the bag until the rice is uniformly slightly damp. It will smell pretty strong. Put the bags in the boots each night when they are stored, and add more oil when the smell of it begins to fade away. (You can also use silica gel beads instead of rice; it's a bit more effective, but a bit more expensive.)

Tea Tree oil is an antifungal disinfectant; used regularly, it will kill the bacteria that cause the smell. (Tea Tree wipes are good to carry in your bag if it's so bad that you can't let them take their shoes off without knocking people out. You can wipe down their feet and then put the wipes in the shoes to neutralize the odor.)

 

[disykat]

I'll comment on the rainboot debate that has cropped up. IMO, Amber, you are doing the exact right thing trying to encourage your child away from the rainboots. Having taught young children I've seen many for whom rain boots are an issue and get them into trouble. Sure, many kids wear them with no issues. Others don't. You know your child. I'll commend any parent for knowing when their particular child doesn't do well with a certain kind of footwear and taking steps to deal with it rather than letting them flail around and possibly get into trouble for behaviors that could otherwise be avoided.

 

[Seahorse17]

I find that sad. 74 and there are so many wonderful things that you have deprived yourself of experiencing. I have a grandson like you... won't eat a salad, only chicken strips, mac & cheese, occasionally a small piece of steak, only mash potatoes, won't drink water unless it is directly from a bottle, but, will drink soda. Anything sweet is far game. Mexican... Taco's only. Italian... spaghetti and meat balls but doesn't like hamburger (same thing). I ask him which life he intends to enjoy.

All of us have certain foods that we won't eat, but, we can acknowledge that they probably are good. Things like clams, oysters, certain seafood that we have some bad memory of. For me that has always been Salmon. But, I know why, when I was small my mother used to make Salmon wiggle with canned salmon. Back then they kept the small spinal bones in and they were crunchy but edible, they tell me. After I bit into a few of those, I decided that I no longer would eat Salmon. I even know that a good Salmon Fillet is not what my mother was serving and it probably is quite good, but, nope, not gonna do it. However, I have never refused something without trying it. Everything from head cheese, to blood sausage, to frog legs to pigs ears. Maybe never ate them again, but, I at least gave them a try.

 

[Seahorse17]

It is no fun being a picky eater. I am envious of people that can go anywhere to eat and like all kinds of food. I just can't get the food passed my nose. I just look at the food and say I don't think so. Same with beer or mixed drinks. Never tasted it. Just not interested. Now Coke is a different story.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Just checking in to see how many DIS kids have exceptional diets and discerning palates

My DS has always been very adventurous with food. As a toddler, he would order the most unusual sounding thing on the menu. He considered it a challenge. My only contribution to that was also having an adventurous palate. It wasn't anything we did as parents. That was just the way he was.