Was I the jerk here?

[Dan Murphy]

Amazing the entitlement some people have. Not a jerk at all.

 

[brockash]

I would totally have asked, because the experience doesn't get that much worse or better for them to move. The OP can of course say no, and I would accepted it if he said it in a normal way. But if he said it like the OP wrote, yes, I would be annoyed. I would think "Jeez, it's just a question".

I do not think he's a jerk, but I do not think it's entitlement to ask a question. It's only entitlement if they went to theater staff and told the OP to move.

Hmmmm...I definitely think asking implies that you think it's reasonable to inconvenience someone else (even if only by them physically getting up and moving) so that you're more comfortable even though you didn't take any measures to ensure that comfort and didn't take personal accountability for your own preferences is an entitled attitude. Everyone is different, but like I said I would never think about asking someone to move in a theater simply. so my party could sit together and I certainly hope my kids wouldn't either.

 

[brockash]

Is it, though? What is the big deal with asking? If the answer is no then move on. Now, if you act all huffy about being denied, that seems to me to be where an entitled attitude shows up. Common courtesy all around is a good place to start—ask nicely, decline nicely. Move on without nasty comments on either side.

But you're lacking common courtesy when you're interrupting another groups experience to ask a favor of them. We can all agree to disagree, but in my world just asking is really rude and entitled. Why should my comfort that I didn't plan for be any concern of strangers in a theater.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I felt like I was justified in not moving out of the seats we had been in for the last 20 minutes. "First come, first serve " is one of the bedrocks our society is built on, IYAM. So what say you, DISboard? Was I a jerk in this instance?

No. They were the rude ones because their request obviously made you uncomfortable. They were late, and should have come in expecting to take whatever seats were still available.

Now if it was a huge theater, and moving down a couple of seats was going to leave me still vaguely in the center, I might very well have shifted without them asking. (But if it was a tiny theater, and it was going to put me on the edge of the screen, I probably wouldn't have.)

Having them ask, though, would have left me flustered and not enjoying the movie - whether I moved (and resented it) or didn't move (and felt guilty).

 

[AustinTink]

Sorry if you were just being hyperbolic but that right there is pretty jerky.

So be it. It's not my fault they are ill-prepared in this faux scenario. If they want six seats together then they need to show up 30 minutes prior.

 

[AustinTink]

Having them ask, though, would have left me flustered and not enjoying the movie - whether I moved (and resented it) or didn't move (and felt guilty).

This is the crux of the matter for me. I would have felt the same way. As I said earlier, I would not have even made eye contact with them. They are clearly the jerks.

 

[ronandannette]

So be it. It's not my fault they are ill-prepared in this faux scenario. If they want six seats together then they need to show up 30 minutes prior.

That part is just fine; nothing at all wrong with that attitude. It's the idea of refusing to acknowledge someone standing there speaking to you that is, well, just unnecessarily rude.

 

[AustinTink]

That part is just fine; nothing at all wrong with that attitude. It's the idea of refusing to acknowledge someone standing there speaking to you that is, well, just unnecessarily rude.

They're being rude by interrupting the movie and/or previews I paid for and arrived early to watch just to ask me to move so they can take the seats I arrived early to occupy. So, they are the ones being unnecessarily rude in this scenario which never happened to me in real life and is entirely theoretical.

 

[Jennasis]

Not a jerk BUT its stuff like that that has made us avoid movie theaters since well before the pandemic. I would have been afraid to say NO for fear of being attacked by the asker.

 

[AustinTink]

I remember one time my sister and I were at Disneyland and we wanted to see the night time parade. So we camped out a good hour or so beforehand and grabbed a spot right on the curb on Main Street. I brought a blanket for us to sit on and we waited. At the VERY last second, a family with three kids squeezes past the crowd behind us and tries to shove their kids in front of us. We stopped them from doing so and we had to take the blanket off the ground because the parents tried to pull the blanket out from under us so their kids could sit on it too. Was I rude to block three kids' view of the parade? Sure. But we made the effort to grab a spot early and that was what we wanted to spend our park time doing.

This happens to us every time we go to Disneyland. If it's just one kid and the parents ask nicely I give in. But the ones you describe who try to push and pull their way in front of us will never win. The thing is my kid was little once too and I would never have asked something like this. The entitlement at Disneyland, move theaters and everywhere else is just rampant.

 

[AustinTink]

I would have been afraid to say NO for fear of being attacked by the asker.

This is something we think of a lot here in Texas. You never know who is packing. So we take ourselves out of the equation entirely and only go to reserved seating theaters.

 

[Smugpugmug]

This happens to us every time we go to Disneyland. If it's just one kid and the parents ask nicely I give in. But the ones you describe who try to push and pull their way in front of us will never win. The thing is my kid was little once too and I would never have asked something like this. The entitlement at Disneyland, move theaters and everywhere else is just rampant.

I feel like I'm a meanie because I don't let any kids go in front of me. We chose to use our park time to camp out a parade spot and I don't want to reward bad behavior. We did the same camping out for Fantasmic and recently Harmonious in Epcot and parents attempted to shove their kids in front of us during both shows. At Harmonious we had the front row and we waited a while for it, so we had very low tolerance for it. The entitlement I see at Disney parks especially drives me insane. I'm so happy every theater near me has assigned seats so I don't have to deal with what OP was describing. Makes the whole process so much easier.

 

[Donald Duck Family]

Ok I'm one that believes deeply in common courtesy. The world is just a better place to be when we treat each other nicely. Having said that...

At the movies the other day to see the new Top Gun (loved it, the original is one of my all time favorites). We are "get to the theater early so we can sit where we want" people. Hate sitting toward the front or way off to the side. So we did, got the seats we wanted about halfway up in the center of the screen. There were 3 of us. Theater was only about 3/4 full so there happened to be 3 empty seats on each side of us.

So a group of 6 comes in pretty last minute, toward the end of the trailers. They ask us to scoot down 3 seats so they can have 6 together. I say "no, these are the seats we like, we're going to stay here". The guy stands there looking at us for an awkward amount of time as if to say "Seriously?". Finally he rolls his eyes and says "whatever, let's go" in a very annoyed tone.

I felt like I was justified in not moving out of the seats we had been in for the last 20 minutes. "First come, first serve " is one of the bedrocks our society is built on, IYAM. So what say you, DISboard? Was I a jerk in this instance?

You were not a jerk. I'm like you in that I get to the theater early enough to pick the seats I want to sit in. If the trailers were already almost over, then the other party was late. I am at the theater as much for the trailers as I am for the movie so if I am being asked to move my enjoyment is being interrupted. I just got back from a 5:30 showing of Jurassic World. That means that the trailers started playing at 5:30. If people had arrived after that time they are in no position to be asking others to move. I'm already settled in by that time enjoying the show with my snacks. Luckily there were only a handful of other people in the theater so we were all spaced out where we wanted to be.

Our theater also has assigned seating and I love that.

 

[Donald Duck Family]

I get it, and don't think you were wrong for taking the stance you did. I just think this is one of those "karma" type of things. There's not really much of a downside for you (IMO, you may disagree of course) by moving, and the upside is you help out your fellow man (ever so slightly).

I do NOT think airplane seating is the same situation as the theater. IMO, there are definite benefits to certain seats. Sitting in a window or aisle is definitely more beneficial (IMO) than a middle seat. Sitting in the front of the plane is more beneficial than sitting in the back of the plane.

To be honest, there is a downside to moving and the only benefit to their fellow man is to enable entitled behavior.

In my opinion this is the same situation as airplane seating. I choose my seats on a plane for very specific reasons and I choose my seats at a movie for very specific reasons. There definitely are benefits to seats in the theater, maybe not to some people, but that doesn't mean that others don't see benefits.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Not a jerk BUT its stuff like that that has made us avoid movie theaters since well before the pandemic. I would have been afraid to say NO for fear of being attacked by the asker.

I like being able to pick reserved seats when possible. We were able to do that when we saw Maverick.

 

[Donald Duck Family]

I don't think you were a jerk, but I would have just moved. Personally, I never would ask someone to move, but if someone asked me and it didn't alter my experience, I'd move. Why make things harder on people? Not feeling the same way doesn't make you a jerk.

I mean everyone is just assuming that the group was late because of poor planning or whatever but it could have been any number of reasons. Maybe someone got a flat or there was an accident on the interstate or traffic or they've never been there before and left in plenty of time but got lost. These types of things happen too. I know I've run late to my share of functions, sometimes because of something within my control, and sometimes because of something completely outside of my control.

If moving didn't alter my experience, I would not have hesitated.

Being late may have been out of their control, but they were still late.

 

[TheDailyMoo]

Having them ask, though, would have left me flustered and not enjoying the movie - whether I moved (and resented it) or didn't move (and felt guilty).

This resonates with me bc this is exactly what would've happened to me. I probably would've begrudgingly moved and then fumed about it for at least the first half hour. If I was to say no I would've imagined them staring at me the whole time ( I definitely would've seen where they sat and hoped it was far enough away lol). But at the same time if it was just me and let's say one other person and it was a matter of asking someone to shift one seat where the rest of the theater was full...I see no entitlement in that at all.

 

[emmybee]

Talk of parades and whatnot brings to mind how nice people can be when I didn't even ask. I've been to parades or WOC on more than one occasion w/ my kid, and people often offered to let her up front. They would even ask me to move ahead. Sometimes I would let the kiddo move up, but I myself never did. I'm short, but if I want a good view, I'll pay for it. Believe me, I have paid often and plenty. However, I completely agree that people should not shove their kids in front of other people who took the time to show up early. Too bad, so sad. If it's that important to you, either take the time to show up early or pay for it.

My personal inclination in the movie theater scenario would have been to move. After a reread, I don't think OP said anything jerky. Although I would have deferred to my husband's decision on that, if I'm being honest. In which case, we probably would have stayed put He can be kind of a jerk

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

Naaa, seriously it is their own darn fault for not getting there early

 

[slo]

I’m showing up late to this poll and didn’t read everything…..

The only way I would say you were being unreasonable is if small kids were going to be separated from the adults. Outside of that, no reason for you to move - people don’t talk during a movie, so getting separated isn’t the end of the world.

The movie theater by us makes you pick your seats before you buy your ticket, so that way your seats are assigned and there’s no issues like yours - it’s good and bad at the same time.