Parenting advice

[Lilacs4Me]

I KNOW! He gets away from us for a couple of minutes, usually when one of is bathing and the other is cooking. But it's awesome you can follow your kids so well. Another failure on my part.

Don't worry about the snarky comments. f I paid *that* much attention to my kids when they were that age, I would have never gotten anything done. We set boundaries and watched them, of course, but we had an open floor plan when they were toddlers...they would be in sight of me while I was cooking and cleaning, and there was still ample opportunity for them to hide things if they wanted to. No way was I the type of parent to hover and follow my kids around 24/7!

To answer the question, we didn't have a hider but actually had a "finder" in DD when she was little...that girl knew where EVERYTHING was, from lost keys to her little brother's sippy cup - all we had to do was ask her where it was and she would know exactly where to find it.

Which is why we didn't believe her AT ALL when she was about 11 and mad at me one morning. I was trying to leave for work and my cell phone was missing. I knew the last place I saw it was in the bathroom we shared with her, but it was not in there. She "claimed" she had no idea even though she went in there after me. I knew she was lying because she ALWAYS knew where everything in the house was. Turns out I was right...she hid it on the side of the vanity between the sink and tub because she was mad. That little scheme got her grounded for a week AND she had to clean the bathroom which I think bothered her more than being grounded lol!

Another time that year, she got mad at DH and hid his key-less entry fob in the cup holder drop-down in the backseat and pushed it back up, then got out of the car at school. He panicked because once he shut off the car he would need to fob to turn it back on. He was pretty sure it was IN the car somewhere because the warning dings didn't go off, but with a 45 minute commute, he couldn't take the chance. I had to go up to the school and pull her out of class to come out to the car and find it for us because DH was so livid that he couldn't even talk to her. Boy did she get in trouble for that one!!

So, even with our best parenting intentions and watchfulness, kids have a way of doing what they want anyway. Someone will always be there to tell you you should have/could have done it better. Ignore them. Toddler and apparently 6th grade girls have almost no impulse-control, as we learned the hard way.

ETA: As for the hiding, even 2 year olds know how to follow rules. Set them, tell him no and it's not funny when you catch him hiding something, and otherwise discourage it. I never really played games with my kids in order for them to follow the rules; I found that setting clear expectations and following through worked better. Clearly not perfect lol based on the above, but kids are not perfect either, so as long as you can get them to be respectful and kind and honest the majority of the time, you can work with the rest as it comes.

 

[amberpi]

I've been reading this thread off and on for the last couple of days, but haven't had a lot of advice to offer since that was never a problem I had to deal with with my own kids. The responses have been interesting. Of course no two parents will ever deal with any one thing in the exact same way, so you have to find your own way. It must be difficult coming into parenting as a step parent without ever having kids before, so I can feel for you.

It's been trial by fire for sure, and I learn every day, but I could not love these kids, nor their dad anymore than I do, so I'll keep trying and learning.

 

[amberpi]

So, even with our best parenting intentions and watchfulness, kids have a way of doing what they want anyway. Someone will always be there to tell you you should have/could have done it better. Ignore them. Toddler and apparently 6th grade girls have almost no impulse-control, as we learned the hard way.

Thank you for reminding me of this. And your daughter being a "finder" sounds awesome. I'm the finder in this house. The rest of them, while darling, are the worst lookers. DH included!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I find it interesting that some of the parents here followed their 3 year olds around 24/7. It seems rather unbelievable to me. My son used to hide my house keys, crackers, and the remote control in my VCR.

 

[NHdisneylover]

It's mostly morning that he seems to do this, and that's of course, also our craziest time; I'm going to try to wrangle him to the dining room (open to the kitchen) table this morning and see how it goes. I've not got all the right answers, but I'm trying so hard to improve.

Oh my gosh---I SO do NOT miss getting everyone up and out in the mornings with little kids. It can be so stressful, and as you say, crazy. If you do even a bit of googling, I think you will find this is a tough time for many families and there is a lot of info out there about how to help things go smoother. If you are not sick of advice yet (I ramble, I know)--here are some ideas:

It is all about ROUTINE and preperation. Try to figure out a good system, then stick with it every weekday with the kids---it might take a few weeks (especially since they go back and forth to their mom's) so it becomes more automatic. Things I would recomend:

Do as much as you reasonably can the night before. Baths, backpacks packed, etc. If there is stuff to go to Mom's and one of you is driving in the morning, maybe put it IN the car/trunk the night before (if he cannot find it, he cannot hide it----yes he needs to be taught not to as well, but morning is not the time for that battle if you have an easy work around).

Breakfast should be simple/fast (I notice you mentioned him hiding things while you cook---saving cooking a hot breakfast for the weekends). Bagles, cereal, instant oatmeal, yogurt, fruit and the like are your weekday morning friends.

You adults need to adjust your routines when the kids are there----in most families I think at least one parent gets up early enough to shower and dress BEFORE the kids are up (or someone showers the night before)---I notice you also mention that your stepson hides things while you are bathing. This might mean getting up an hour or earlier than you do when the kids aren't there---which stinks. Then again, you get times they are not there to sleep in, that's something many of us do not have while in the little kid years!

The kids should have clothes they can dress themselves in (can the 3 year old botton those shirts?) and that need little to no adult work (like ironing)---better if most things mix and match well together and you can just tell then somehting like "today is a long sleeves and pants day" and let them choose and dress themselves (savse you work and also gives them some control over their lives).

Also, I notice you post a lot about what YOU do and should do for the kids in the mornings. If I recall correctly both you and your DH work, right? He should be just as invovled as you are. I hope


c

 

[DisneyHardin]

I find it interesting that some of the parents here followed their 3 year olds around 24/7. It seems rather unbelievable to me. My son used to hide my house keys, crackers, and the remote control in my VCR.

We all know that no one has their eyes on their child 24/7. Things like this just give other posters a chance to Mommy Shame and brag about how wonderful of parents they are.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I find it interesting that some of the parents here followed their 3 year olds around 24/7. It seems rather unbelievable to me. My son used to hide my house keys, crackers, and the remote control in my VCR.

No kidding, I was pretty surprised by those replies. My kid is significantly younger than @amberpi’s and he would have plenty of opportunities to stuff a leotard behind the toilet. His environment is safe, I’m never more that a few steps away, but I’m certainly not standing over him staring at him every second of the day. Sometimes I *gasp* step into the next room or close the door when I use the bathroom!

 

[mjkacmom]

No kidding, I was pretty surprised by those replies. My kid is significantly younger than @amberpi’s and he would have plenty of opportunities to stuff a leotard behind the toilet. His environment is safe, I’m never more that a few steps away, but I’m certainly not standing over him staring at him every second of the day. Sometimes I *gasp* step into the next room or close the door when I use the bathroom!

August 14 2003 around 4 pm, I went upstairs to get my 8 month old twins out of their cribs, they were up from their afternoon nap. I don’t know what happened first, but there was a power outage. Oh great. I have one in each arm coming down the stairs, and there is my 2 year old with her face and arms covered in marker. No power, 2 babies who need bottles, husband won’t be home for hours, and this one needs a bath. I’m sure I told my 5 and 7 year olds to keep an eye on her for the 5 minutes I was upstairs. This is one of the memories I didn’t bock out, but made a mental note of a really crappy moment in parenting (I have many, but I think I blocked many more). We had no power for 48 hours and it was HOT!

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

No kidding, I was pretty surprised by those replies. My kid is significantly younger than @amberpi’s and he would have plenty of opportunities to stuff a leotard behind the toilet. His environment is safe, I’m never more that a few steps away, but I’m certainly not standing over him staring at him every second of the day. Sometimes I *gasp* step into the next room or close the door when I use the bathroom!

My first born was an escape artist. Once, when he was two, I happened to glance out the window and see him charging barefoot and in his diaper down a busy street.

When my kids were three they were wearing shirts that I had to button up myself.

 

[dish rag]

I find it interesting that some of the parents here followed their 3 year olds around 24/7. It seems rather unbelievable to me. My son used to hide my house keys, crackers, and the remote control in my VCR.

Young mothers, that's what they do. The child can't learn to think, reason or figure things out on their own.

 

[dish rag]

It's been trial by fire for sure, and I learn every day, but I could not love these kids, nor their dad anymore than I do, so I'll keep trying and learning.

You will be fine. Being a step parent is one of the hardest tasks in life. Often thankless often under a microscope. No matter how hard you try there will be those who are never going to have a kind word or cut you a break. Don't try to be perfect and keep laughing. Time goes fast.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Young mothers, that's what they do. The child can't learn to think, reason or figure things out on their own.

They follow their kids 24/7? Nah.

 

[mjkacmom]

My first born was an escape artist. Once, when he was two, I happened to glance out the window and see him charging barefoot and in his diaper down a busy street.

When my kids were three they were wearing shirts that I had to button up myself.

My last born escaped the house at 1 1/2 wearing pajamas and no shoes, and walked several blocks to our friends’ house and rang the doorbell, we didn’t even know he was gone until they brought him back (door alarms were installed the next day - OMG this one put us through the paces).

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

My last born escaped the house at 1 1/2 wearing pajamas and no shoes, and walked several blocks to our friends’ house and rang the doorbell, we didn’t even know he was gone until they brought him back (door alarms were installed the next day - OMG this one put us through the paces).

LOL. I'm not telling my worst parenting stories. But I love that one.

 

[Southernmiss]

Yep. My 3rd son (we had 3 boys in 5 years then their sister by year 7) was riding his tricycle down our busy neighborhood street in only his diaper at age 2 before I knew he got out. Face palm. Deadbolts locked at all times after that.

He was our quiet one, but sneaky. I would lose him in the house to find that he had just fallen asleep somewhere dead in his tracks, hallways, climbing the stairs, under beds.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yep. My 3rd son (we had 3 boys in 5 years then their sister by year 7) was riding his tricycle down our busy neighborhood street in only his diaper at age 2 before I knew he got out. Face palm. Deadbolts locked at all times after that.

He was our quiet one, but sneaky. I would lose him in the house to find that he had just fallen asleep somewhere dead in his tracks, hallways, climbing the stairs, under beds.

My friend has twins plus one, one day she couldn’t find one of the twins, they were toddlers at the time. Called the police, he was found sleeping under a bed.

 

[amberpi]

You will be fine. Being a step parent is one of the hardest tasks in life. Often thankless often under a microscope. No matter how hard you try there will be those who are never going to have a kind word or cut you a break. Don't try to be perfect and keep laughing. Time goes fast.

Ty for this. I just cried. I try so hard to do right be these kids. Nothing will make me stop!

 

[cinnaminny]

I was seeing my MIL for brunch and pumpkin patch, and she's super critical so yep, I sure did iron his clothes and made sure my DH had extra starch. Anything that is above reproach is worth the effort...usually. I make enough mistakes as it is despite trying my absolute hardest

Damn! I think you need a spinoff for this issue lol She sounds like a real pill

 

[cinnaminny]

My youngest son liked to hide things down the heating/AC vents. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Eventually he stopped. He was a real stinker too, so I feel for ya. lol

 

[Lilacs4Me]

They follow their kids 24/7? Nah.

I actually do know one set of parents that do this - they will tag team so that their DD is hovered over every second. I offered to put a barrier up in front of my stairs when they visited when she was about 2, and they said no thank you because they won't let her near the stairs anyway. And they didn't....one of them literally followed her around my house every second the entire 48 hours they were there. And they did the same thing at home...no baby gates or childproofing because they were never more than a few feet from her. It was a little insane. But they are letting up a little...she is now 4 and actually was in a different room, playing with her cousins for a few minutes before her mother found her, the last time we saw them.

These are the ONLY two parents I have ever seen do this, in person at least. The rest of us schmucks install a gate here and there, put up valuables for a few years, throw some outlet covers on and hope for the best.