"A happy marriage is hard work" - agree or disagree?

[NHdisneylover]

This article popped up in my facebook feed today (my former minister posted it actually). It made me think of this thread.

http://www.businessinsider.com/last...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Reading it, I can totally see my husband's and my interactions as like "the masters" I think it's fascinating, and makes a lot of sense to me.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I see your point. Compromise isn't work for us though, probably because our jobs require so many quick decisions, that mindset is just part of our routine.

But the biggest thing after 32 years of marriage is , we pretty much want the same things right out of the gate. I can't tell you how many times we have had to made a decision and we both blurted out the same choice, word for word, at the same time. We just did a top to bottom remodel of our house, we must have made 200 decisions on paint, cabinets, appliances, fixtures, flooring, toilets, not a single dispute.

We each did bring ideas to the process, me wanting to get rid of carpet and put in laminate, and taking a wall out, my wife wanting specific materials, corian, for the bathroom and kitchen, and a specific microwave.

That may be why my husband and I consider marriage "easy." Why we very rarely argue. And why we never fight.

So often when we need to make a decision, we are already on the same page.

 

[-Hope-]

I've actually had this discussion with friends IRL multiple times and it's interesting. Some feel very strongly that it's hard work, others feel very strongly that it shouldn't be that hard. After a lot of discussions (usually revolving around coffee and/or wine) I've come to the conclusion that for me the hard work involved had to do with myself more than my marriage.

I didn't have good role models- even though my parents are still married they fought horribly (verbally, never physically) when I was a child and I actually wished they'd split up. I never saw compromise, only one of them eventually giving up and giving the other person their way, usually after a screaming match that involved threats of leaving and telling me to pack my things because we were leaving. I wanted to avoid this at all costs so I never spoke up in the beginning of my marriage. My husband didn't grow up in much better circumstances and he didn't speak up much either. We both went along with a lot of things that neither of us really wanted or cared about because we didn't want to rock the boat and we were miserable. It wasn't until I started seeing a therapist and working on being able to ask for what I want clearly and without demands or judgement that things began to improve. But it wasn't just my marriage that improved, all of my relationships, from personal to professional, improved.

All of that is my very long winded way of saying, a lot of the hard work people talk about, communication and compromise being the main ones, is actually work we do for ourselves and the marriage benefits from it. Once I learned these skills I didn't have modeled for me as a child my marriage became my peaceful place.

 

[Colleen27]

The day to day stuff is nothing. It's the big things that married couples go through that really test the strength of a marriage, at least that is my perspective. Some people may breeze through the big things without a second thought. I am just not one of those people. It takes effort.

For us it is just the opposite. The big challenges bring out an "us against the world" unity where we really complement one another's strengths. But we're almost always on the same page from the start about big things and serious situations. It is the little things we get bogged down in sometimes, all the endless compromises and frustrations over the day to day that can pile up after a while.

But the biggest thing after 32 years of marriage is , we pretty much want the same things right out of the gate. I can't tell you how many times we have had to made a decision and we both blurted out the same choice, word for word, at the same time. We just did a top to bottom remodel of our house, we must have made 200 decisions on paint, cabinets, appliances, fixtures, flooring, toilets, not a single dispute.

That's the sort of thing that DH & I have a hard time with,because we are so very different when it comes to things like taste in home décor, travel preferences, and other matters of personal preference. When it comes to the really big situations in life we have no problem getting on the same page but those lesser but not unimportant decisions are an exercise in constant negotiation and compromise.

 

[dzorn]

agree

 

[lauradis]

This article popped up in my facebook feed today (my former minister posted it actually). It made me think of this thread.

http://www.businessinsider.com/last...l&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Reading it, I can totally see my husband's and my interactions as like "the masters" I think it's fascinating, and makes a lot of sense to me.

This article wasn't anything new. Its just explains common sense and great reminder on how to treat your spouse with kindness.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.